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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>5 Year Old Working Parents. Parents Believing Dck
Logged Out 06:29 AM 05-15-2012
I just logged out because some of my families are on here. I have a 5 yr old dck that throws daily fits at drop off, complains at home about how much she doesn't want to come here, that the other kids are mean and single her out, that I make them go outside and nap (horrible me), and that they are basically miserable here.
Truth is the minute the door shuts after drop off the tears dry up and they are playing fine. First one to nap and is actually the ring leader of the tattling, "you're not my friend", "don't play with so and so".
Parents are uber, uber protective and feel like their kid could do no wrong. That everyone is picking on them and that I need to make concessions to make them more happy here. I explained that rules are in place to keep kids safe and that to bend any rule for one kid leads to chaos and I need to consider the group.
Now I feel like dcm is getting passive agressive with communication and believes 100% of dck's descriptions of what happens here. It's so frustrating.
I've tried talking to dck to see why they are telling things that aren't true to dcps, I've tried to ignore the behavior and not play into it with dcm but it's so hard.
I'm at a loss.
What would you do??
Truth is the minute the door shuts after drop off the tears dry up and they are playing fine. First one to nap and is actually the ring leader of the tattling, "you're not my friend", "don't play with so and so".
Parents are uber, uber protective and feel like their kid could do no wrong. That everyone is picking on them and that I need to make concessions to make them more happy here. I explained that rules are in place to keep kids safe and that to bend any rule for one kid leads to chaos and I need to consider the group.
Now I feel like dcm is getting passive agressive with communication and believes 100% of dck's descriptions of what happens here. It's so frustrating.
I've tried talking to dck to see why they are telling things that aren't true to dcps, I've tried to ignore the behavior and not play into it with dcm but it's so hard.
I'm at a loss.
What would you do??
Blackcat31 06:49 AM 05-15-2012
Honestly IME, when it gets to that point and there is no longer that level of trust going on, it is probably time to part ways. I honestly see no resolution to this situation as the parents are ALWAYS going to believe their child and once the child figures out she has the capability of manipulating her parents in that way, she is going to continue to do so.
You can reassure them all you want and even go so far as to show some sort of proof that their child is happy, having fun and being treated exactly as the other kids and they are still going to believe her complaints. It will blossom and grow into a way to get more attention and will get worse LONG before it ever gets better.
If I were in your shoes, I would probably let them go with the explanation that you are simply unable to do "special" for one child who "playing" the adults in her life.....well, I'd probably say that I felt there was no trust anymore and that I could not work with that kind of relationship.
You can reassure them all you want and even go so far as to show some sort of proof that their child is happy, having fun and being treated exactly as the other kids and they are still going to believe her complaints. It will blossom and grow into a way to get more attention and will get worse LONG before it ever gets better.
If I were in your shoes, I would probably let them go with the explanation that you are simply unable to do "special" for one child who "playing" the adults in her life.....well, I'd probably say that I felt there was no trust anymore and that I could not work with that kind of relationship.
sharlan 06:53 AM 05-15-2012
From past experience, I would let this child go ASAP. I will no longer care for a child who lies or makes up stories.
SunshineMama 06:59 AM 05-15-2012
Kids are VERY smart- unfortunately, a lot of parents don't realize how smart their little ones can be yet, and don't realize that their little precious may be manipulating them.
Sometimes my older kidss throw fits at drop off and act like this is the worst place in the world. As soon as the parents leave they are having a blast.
What I do whenever that happens, is text pics of the kids to the parents throughout the day. The parents can see their kids having a good time.
I especially do this whenever the kids make drop off horrible for the parents. One time, I literally snapped a pic of them laughing and playing before the mom even pulled out of the driveway (they screamed and carried on horribly when the mom was here). She text me back, "LOL- little stinkers!" It makes the parents feel better to see the kids are happy, even though we know they are.
Sometimes my older kidss throw fits at drop off and act like this is the worst place in the world. As soon as the parents leave they are having a blast.
What I do whenever that happens, is text pics of the kids to the parents throughout the day. The parents can see their kids having a good time.
I especially do this whenever the kids make drop off horrible for the parents. One time, I literally snapped a pic of them laughing and playing before the mom even pulled out of the driveway (they screamed and carried on horribly when the mom was here). She text me back, "LOL- little stinkers!" It makes the parents feel better to see the kids are happy, even though we know they are.
Originally Posted by Logged Out:
I just logged out because some of my families are on here. I have a 5 yr old dck that throws daily fits at drop off, complains at home about how much she doesn't want to come here, that the other kids are mean and single her out, that I make them go outside and nap (horrible me), and that they are basically miserable here.
Truth is the minute the door shuts after drop off the tears dry up and they are playing fine. First one to nap and is actually the ring leader of the tattling, "you're not my friend", "don't play with so and so".
Parents are uber, uber protective and feel like their kid could do no wrong. That everyone is picking on them and that I need to make concessions to make them more happy here. I explained that rules are in place to keep kids safe and that to bend any rule for one kid leads to chaos and I need to consider the group.
Now I feel like dcm is getting passive agressive with communication and believes 100% of dck's descriptions of what happens here. It's so frustrating.
I've tried talking to dck to see why they are telling things that aren't true to dcps, I've tried to ignore the behavior and not play into it with dcm but it's so hard.
I'm at a loss.
What would you do??
I just logged out because some of my families are on here. I have a 5 yr old dck that throws daily fits at drop off, complains at home about how much she doesn't want to come here, that the other kids are mean and single her out, that I make them go outside and nap (horrible me), and that they are basically miserable here.
Truth is the minute the door shuts after drop off the tears dry up and they are playing fine. First one to nap and is actually the ring leader of the tattling, "you're not my friend", "don't play with so and so".
Parents are uber, uber protective and feel like their kid could do no wrong. That everyone is picking on them and that I need to make concessions to make them more happy here. I explained that rules are in place to keep kids safe and that to bend any rule for one kid leads to chaos and I need to consider the group.
Now I feel like dcm is getting passive agressive with communication and believes 100% of dck's descriptions of what happens here. It's so frustrating.
I've tried talking to dck to see why they are telling things that aren't true to dcps, I've tried to ignore the behavior and not play into it with dcm but it's so hard.
I'm at a loss.
What would you do??
Crystal 08:29 AM 05-15-2012
At the next passive-aggressive action, I would simply tell Mom, "If you feel my program is not meeting the needs of your child or family, perhaps you should find something that is more suitable for you"
That usually stops them dead in their tracks.
That usually stops them dead in their tracks.
lil angels 08:32 AM 05-15-2012
That was my thought to I will take pics and send them to that makes everyone a lot happier!
SunshineMama 08:43 AM 05-15-2012
Originally Posted by lil angels:
That was my thought to I will take pics and send them to that makes everyone a lot happier!
That works for me. All of my parents now know that their kids are "playing them," because I send them the proof. That was my thought to I will take pics and send them to that makes everyone a lot happier!
daycare 08:48 AM 05-15-2012
It sounds like the child gets a reaction out of the parents and is doing it for their attention.
I would say exactly what Crystal said and leave it at that. If it still continues after you have said those words, then I would have no choice but to term.
I also think that if the parents felt that you were that bad, they would not continue to send their child to you everyday.
I had a 3 year old telling lies and I called her out in front of the parents. She told the truth and the parents dropped it.....maybe calling her out in front of the parents would help too? Just another suggestion
I would say exactly what Crystal said and leave it at that. If it still continues after you have said those words, then I would have no choice but to term.
I also think that if the parents felt that you were that bad, they would not continue to send their child to you everyday.
I had a 3 year old telling lies and I called her out in front of the parents. She told the truth and the parents dropped it.....maybe calling her out in front of the parents would help too? Just another suggestion
youretooloud 08:56 AM 05-15-2012
Once the relationship has been damaged, there's very little chance of repairing it.
When this happens (it happens to all of us) the family is already looking for other care. So, you are probably going to lose these kids anyway... and there's a good chance that they will try to take some of the other kids with them.
It might be hard to do it (financially) but, it might be time to let them go. They can look for a home daycare that doesn't need to/want to follow any rules. Or, they can try a center that will make exceptions for the older kids. But, they aren't happy at your house, you aren't happy with the accusations and attitude. So, I think it's time to end the relationship before they do.
Just say "they aren't happy here, and I'm not comfortable with the situation anymore....I just feel like I am unable to meet their needs at this time".
When this happens (it happens to all of us) the family is already looking for other care. So, you are probably going to lose these kids anyway... and there's a good chance that they will try to take some of the other kids with them.
It might be hard to do it (financially) but, it might be time to let them go. They can look for a home daycare that doesn't need to/want to follow any rules. Or, they can try a center that will make exceptions for the older kids. But, they aren't happy at your house, you aren't happy with the accusations and attitude. So, I think it's time to end the relationship before they do.
Just say "they aren't happy here, and I'm not comfortable with the situation anymore....I just feel like I am unable to meet their needs at this time".
youretooloud 08:59 AM 05-15-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
At the next passive-aggressive action, I would simply tell Mom, "If you feel my program is not meeting the needs of your child or family, perhaps you should find something that is more suitable for you"
That usually stops them dead in their tracks.
But, if I had a teacher, or coach or anybody with my kids say this to me, I'd immediately start looking. I would take that as a "I really don't like your kids any better than they like me". At the next passive-aggressive action, I would simply tell Mom, "If you feel my program is not meeting the needs of your child or family, perhaps you should find something that is more suitable for you"
That usually stops them dead in their tracks.
So, if the OP doesn't want to lose the kids, they need to work out a compromise. But, I do think it's too late for that at this point. I think they are probably already looking.
MarinaVanessa 09:00 AM 05-15-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
At the next passive-aggressive action, I would simply tell Mom, "If you feel my program is not meeting the needs of your child or family, perhaps you should find something that is more suitable for you"
That usually stops them dead in their tracks.
I would go this route and leave it up to her. If she's serious DCM will find a different DC, if she's just venting and wants to be nitpicky then she'll think twice about it. At the next passive-aggressive action, I would simply tell Mom, "If you feel my program is not meeting the needs of your child or family, perhaps you should find something that is more suitable for you"
That usually stops them dead in their tracks.
DCK is probably just looking for some attention from DCM, that or it sounds like maybe this child is outgrowing your DC? I catch my DCK's young (usually at 6mo-1yo) and then release them at age 5. I've made some exceptions but really for my own sanity. My DD is 7yo and in 1st grade so when a DCF asked if their 1st grader DD could join their DCB in my DC I agreed to give it a shot. Both DCG and my DD are about the same age and they get along very well even though they go to different schools so it workes out. Otherwise I say no to kids over 5yo. They're too demanding in my opinion and it's harder for me to keep them occupied.
cheerfuldom 09:09 AM 05-15-2012
I'm sorry but I would term to (unless she will be gone shortly for school?). I would say "Jane, I feel that you are no longer happy with how I run my daycare program and think it is best for you to have a chance to find a place where you feel more comfortable. With that in mind, the last date of care will be....."
countrymom 11:02 AM 05-15-2012
sounds like she has outgrown your daycare and program. Some has posted before about writing a letter when a child has outgrown the program. This is the safest way out, this will make mom think that her child is smart and will look elsewhere for care. Do it this way. But i would term.
LittleD 11:40 AM 05-15-2012
Terming always comes up, but before you do, give the parents a real eye opener (and also reaffirm you are the one telling the truth)
Video tape her. Set up a web cam on a laptop, home recorder, cell phone down by your side. Start recording before she steps foot in the door, turn it off a few minutes after it shows her playing. And just record her behavior through the day. You may want to do some editing so you just show the meat of the problems, or you can sit down with the parents and show them it all (sitting down with them allows you to see their reaction and make sure they actually watch it)
Video tape her. Set up a web cam on a laptop, home recorder, cell phone down by your side. Start recording before she steps foot in the door, turn it off a few minutes after it shows her playing. And just record her behavior through the day. You may want to do some editing so you just show the meat of the problems, or you can sit down with the parents and show them it all (sitting down with them allows you to see their reaction and make sure they actually watch it)
Crystal 12:16 PM 05-15-2012
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
But, if I had a teacher, or coach or anybody with my kids say this to me, I'd immediately start looking. I would take that as a "I really don't like your kids any better than they like me".
So, if the OP doesn't want to lose the kids, they need to work out a compromise. But, I do think it's too late for that at this point. I think they are probably already looking.
Well, I can tell you I have said it a total of two times in 15 years and both times it was said to moms who were simply trying to manipulate me in to doing things their way. When I said those words, it was like magic.....they realized I was SERIOUS, they KNEW they had quality care, they just WANTED more. When they realized they weren't going to get more by being passive-aggressive, insulting or rude they quit doing it and ended up staying with me for years, AND treated me very well. This was very early on in my career, and those were the most liberating words I ever said.....once I had the courage to do that, there was no looking back and I have had FABULOUS, RESPECTFUL parents ever since. But, if I had a teacher, or coach or anybody with my kids say this to me, I'd immediately start looking. I would take that as a "I really don't like your kids any better than they like me".
So, if the OP doesn't want to lose the kids, they need to work out a compromise. But, I do think it's too late for that at this point. I think they are probably already looking.
BTW....I wouldn't have said it and wouldn't say it now if I wasn't prepared for them to leave. And, if they left, I'd be fine with it, because I'll be damned if I am going to allow people to treat me with such disdain, especially in my own home.
Christian Mother 02:21 PM 05-15-2012
Originally Posted by LittleD:
Terming always comes up, but before you do, give the parents a real eye opener (and also reaffirm you are the one telling the truth)
Video tape her. Set up a web cam on a laptop, home recorder, cell phone down by your side. Start recording before she steps foot in the door, turn it off a few minutes after it shows her playing. And just record her behavior through the day. You may want to do some editing so you just show the meat of the problems, or you can sit down with the parents and show them it all (sitting down with them allows you to see their reaction and make sure they actually watch it)
This totally! Terming always comes up, but before you do, give the parents a real eye opener (and also reaffirm you are the one telling the truth)
Video tape her. Set up a web cam on a laptop, home recorder, cell phone down by your side. Start recording before she steps foot in the door, turn it off a few minutes after it shows her playing. And just record her behavior through the day. You may want to do some editing so you just show the meat of the problems, or you can sit down with the parents and show them it all (sitting down with them allows you to see their reaction and make sure they actually watch it)
I think I would try this and if they still want to take dcg's side then ...bye bye!