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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Am I Heartless?
MsMe 05:36 AM 04-13-2012
I feel like a bad person but I am annoyed none the less.
My Mother (my partner) got a call last night from an old friend who was asking for drop-in daycare for her granddaughter 3 days next week. This is a baby 3 or 4mo old.
Grandma's (Dad's mom) brother is in the hospital and not doing well. I don't think the baby is in daycare at all....they must want to spend time with the Uncle? But only on Tues, Thurs, Fri? I don't think this Gma does any of the childcare (she lives over an hour away) so I am confussed...
And here is why I am annoyed....."I can't pay much so I'll need a good deal"
I am not a heartless person, really I am not, but you don't have $90.00 between ALL of you to pay for daycare for one week of the childs life? You had a child ON purpose and and don't have ANY savings? I know it is an expense... I know someone is in the hosptial....but I really feel that they SHOULD pay full price...not ask for a 'really good deal' with out me offering.
I am also annoyed the Mom and Dad didn't call for daycare themselves but rather had Gma call my Mom at home late at night. I grew up with the Dad and the Mom I went to High School with...they also live next door to me and I see them often.
My Mother (my partner) got a call last night from an old friend who was asking for drop-in daycare for her granddaughter 3 days next week. This is a baby 3 or 4mo old.
Grandma's (Dad's mom) brother is in the hospital and not doing well. I don't think the baby is in daycare at all....they must want to spend time with the Uncle? But only on Tues, Thurs, Fri? I don't think this Gma does any of the childcare (she lives over an hour away) so I am confussed...
And here is why I am annoyed....."I can't pay much so I'll need a good deal"
I am not a heartless person, really I am not, but you don't have $90.00 between ALL of you to pay for daycare for one week of the childs life? You had a child ON purpose and and don't have ANY savings? I know it is an expense... I know someone is in the hosptial....but I really feel that they SHOULD pay full price...not ask for a 'really good deal' with out me offering.
I am also annoyed the Mom and Dad didn't call for daycare themselves but rather had Gma call my Mom at home late at night. I grew up with the Dad and the Mom I went to High School with...they also live next door to me and I see them often.
Kaddidle Care 05:41 AM 04-13-2012
Everyone is on the Poverty bandwagon. They are usually the folks that get their nails done once a week, hair done professionally every 6 weeks and shop at the mall frequently.
It's not that they don't "have" it's that they don't "want to pay".
That statement about not having much money translates to - it's a relative and they're hoping you'll do it for free.
Yeah... good luck with that.
It's not that they don't "have" it's that they don't "want to pay".
That statement about not having much money translates to - it's a relative and they're hoping you'll do it for free.
Yeah... good luck with that.
MsMe 05:47 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
It's not that they don't "have" it's that they don't "want to pay".
It's not that they don't "have" it's that they don't "want to pay".
This exactly!!! I know $90.00 isn't fun....but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have to pay it!!!!
p.s $90.00 is a deal the drop in for a baby should be $120.00.
The daycare is my Mothers "extra" money and she is forever trying to give it away. Not me this is my only income and I depend on all of it.
Plus this is a little baby....not a 3yr old that is just going to blend into the program for a few days.
EntropyControlSpecialist 05:48 AM 04-13-2012
I would not do it.
LittleD 05:56 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
Everyone is on the Poverty bandwagon. They are usually the folks that get their nails done once a week, hair done professionally every 6 weeks and shop at the mall frequently.
It's not that they don't "have" it's that they don't "want to pay".
That statement about not having much money translates to - it's a relative and they're hoping you'll do it for free.
Yeah... good luck with that.
Oh that's my cousin!! Nails done, hair done AND bought a new SUV, buys her 8 yr old a laptop and ipod for Christmas, but is soooooooo broke! That drives me nuts when people are like that! I don't feel sorry for them at all when they say they can't pay their heat bill in the winter!Everyone is on the Poverty bandwagon. They are usually the folks that get their nails done once a week, hair done professionally every 6 weeks and shop at the mall frequently.
It's not that they don't "have" it's that they don't "want to pay".
That statement about not having much money translates to - it's a relative and they're hoping you'll do it for free.
Yeah... good luck with that.
countrymom 06:07 AM 04-13-2012
I wouldn't do it, I can see the chaos coming already. For the sake of the other children, don't do it. the whole story doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't mom and dad take a day off from work and they all work together and come up with a plan. and usually babies sleep alot, why wouldn't they bring the baby to the hospital with them. Hmm, something smells stinky here.
Blackcat31 06:10 AM 04-13-2012
I would NOT do it!!
You are a business not a family friend doing someone a favor. If they had the grandmother call your mother it ws because they were playing the "friend" card knowing that they could use that relationship to get special.
If your mom feels badly, then she should offer to watch the child on her own time as a favor to the grandmother but as far as coming to daycare, they need to pay regular rates or don't ask for the service.
Could you imagine pulling up to the gas station and saying "fill it up but give me a deal because I can't afford much."
I mean, who can afford stuff now days? I would be really offended that they even asked at all. 
You are a business not a family friend doing someone a favor. If they had the grandmother call your mother it ws because they were playing the "friend" card knowing that they could use that relationship to get special.
If your mom feels badly, then she should offer to watch the child on her own time as a favor to the grandmother but as far as coming to daycare, they need to pay regular rates or don't ask for the service.
Could you imagine pulling up to the gas station and saying "fill it up but give me a deal because I can't afford much."
I mean, who can afford stuff now days? I would be really offended that they even asked at all.
MsMe 06:18 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I would NOT do it!!
You are a business not a family friend doing someone a favor. If they had the grandmother call your mother it ws because they were playing the "friend" card knowing that they could use that relationship to get special.
If your mom feels badly, then she should offer to watch the child on her own time as a favor to the grandmother but as far as coming to daycare, they need to pay regular rates or don't ask for the service.
Could you imagine pulling up to the gas station and saying "fill it up but give me a deal because I can't afford much." I mean, who can afford stuff now days? I would be really offended that they even asked at all.
I am very offened that they asked. Thank you ladies for your opinions.I would NOT do it!!
You are a business not a family friend doing someone a favor. If they had the grandmother call your mother it ws because they were playing the "friend" card knowing that they could use that relationship to get special.
If your mom feels badly, then she should offer to watch the child on her own time as a favor to the grandmother but as far as coming to daycare, they need to pay regular rates or don't ask for the service.
Could you imagine pulling up to the gas station and saying "fill it up but give me a deal because I can't afford much."
I mean, who can afford stuff now days? I would be really offended that they even asked at all.
MrsB 06:25 AM 04-13-2012
Ugggh, a 3/4 month old as a drop in, especially one that isnt normally in care. Sounds like a scheduling disaster!
By the way my drop in rate for infants is $50 per day. So tell them $120 is a great deal!
Remember, if you do it for them this time, they will think they get it like that every time.
I would be totally annoyed too!
By the way my drop in rate for infants is $50 per day. So tell them $120 is a great deal!
Remember, if you do it for them this time, they will think they get it like that every time.
I would be totally annoyed too!
MsMe 06:30 AM 04-13-2012
Another problem with this situation is : It isn't 100% my call. My Mom gets just as much say as I do.
We work opposite of eachother and bc I am taking off an extra day this week....the baby will only be here one of my days. She offered that what they do pay will be 'mine', but that really isn't the point in my book. I agree if we do it this time it will only snowball.
We work opposite of eachother and bc I am taking off an extra day this week....the baby will only be here one of my days. She offered that what they do pay will be 'mine', but that really isn't the point in my book. I agree if we do it this time it will only snowball.
MrsB 06:36 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by MsMe:
Another problem with this situation is : It isn't 100% my call. My Mom gets just as much say as I do.
We work opposite of eachother and bc I am taking off an extra day this week....the baby will only be here one of my days. She offered that what they do pay will be 'mine', but that really isn't the point in my book. I agree if we do it this time it will only snowball.
Does make the situation really "sticky".Another problem with this situation is : It isn't 100% my call. My Mom gets just as much say as I do.
We work opposite of eachother and bc I am taking off an extra day this week....the baby will only be here one of my days. She offered that what they do pay will be 'mine', but that really isn't the point in my book. I agree if we do it this time it will only snowball.
Can you maybe say to your mom that she needs to fully explain to them, that $90 for this week is okay, but any other drop in care in the future needs to be the $40 per day, no exceptions?
MsMe 06:43 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by MrsB:
Does make the situation really "sticky".
Can you maybe say to your mom that she needs to fully explain to them, that $90 for this week is okay, but any other drop in care in the future needs to be the $40 per day, no exceptions?
offering care @ $90 is what I think a deal would be. I didn't talk to them, but My Mother wants to just let them pay "what they can"Does make the situation really "sticky".
Can you maybe say to your mom that she needs to fully explain to them, that $90 for this week is okay, but any other drop in care in the future needs to be the $40 per day, no exceptions?
MrsB 07:23 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by MsMe:
offering care @ $90 is what I think a deal would be. I didn't talk to them, but My Mother wants to just let them pay "what they can"
Oh Geez! I never do what you think you can? What people think they can pay is always different than what they really can. Kind of like the banks, there bank loan amount that they think you can afford is always alot higher than what you really can. Now look at where the country is because everybody borrowed what the bank said they could afford, but turns out they couldn't.offering care @ $90 is what I think a deal would be. I didn't talk to them, but My Mother wants to just let them pay "what they can"
I know that doesnt help you much with an answer.
Is it possible that you could talk to them and say to them, that your normal rate is $120 for those three days, have them discuss it and see what they think it is they can afford, and then you can get back to them on if you can afford to provide care for the price they can afford?
Creek 08:10 AM 04-13-2012
The way I see it is that a spot is a spot. I don't really care who you are, you are all still paying the exact same. I am not too sure why people think this is acceptable to ask for a deal like that.
That would be like me going up to an employee and saying... I'm only going to pay you 50% of your salary this week, sound good? Great!
That would be like me going up to an employee and saying... I'm only going to pay you 50% of your salary this week, sound good? Great!
DCBlessings27 08:42 AM 04-13-2012
I don't think you're heartless. I think the $90 would be fair if it should really be $120.
I'm over doing special for parents. I get so fed up sometimes. I have some former parents who brought the younger sib of the dcb I used to watch. They couldn't qualify for subsidy, so I said I'd work with them. I am letting them pay me $20 less a week than my normal and way less than my actual infant rate bc he's almost out of the infant age category. However, they eat out ALL the time. It annoys me how I am losing so much per month while they spend so much by eating out all the time.
Sorry, I shouldn't be judging them. Just a little rant.
I'm over doing special for parents. I get so fed up sometimes. I have some former parents who brought the younger sib of the dcb I used to watch. They couldn't qualify for subsidy, so I said I'd work with them. I am letting them pay me $20 less a week than my normal and way less than my actual infant rate bc he's almost out of the infant age category. However, they eat out ALL the time. It annoys me how I am losing so much per month while they spend so much by eating out all the time.
Sorry, I shouldn't be judging them. Just a little rant.
daycare 08:43 AM 04-13-2012
no not heatless at all....#1 lesson I have learned from this site. Don't let their problems become your problems.
Just as they have financial obligations to their own family you do too.
Just as they have financial obligations to their own family you do too.
cheerfuldom 09:04 AM 04-13-2012
I would stick with the regular price. If your mom wants to offer a discount, she should take the hit on her paycheck or front the difference herself, problem solved.
mema 09:08 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by MsMe:
Another problem with this situation is : It isn't 100% my call. My Mom gets just as much say as I do.
We work opposite of eachother and bc I am taking off an extra day this week....the baby will only be here one of my days. She offered that what they do pay will be 'mine', but that really isn't the point in my book. I agree if we do it this time it will only snowball.
Another problem with this situation is : It isn't 100% my call. My Mom gets just as much say as I do.
We work opposite of eachother and bc I am taking off an extra day this week....the baby will only be here one of my days. She offered that what they do pay will be 'mine', but that really isn't the point in my book. I agree if we do it this time it will only snowball.
So if the baby will be there only 1 of your days, that means your mom is off that day right? Then she can watch the baby 2 days at daycare and 1 day at her place. What a stinky situation that you'll probably have no say in
Good luck. Maybe your mom will decide it's not a good idea-one can always hope.
MsMe 09:14 AM 04-13-2012
Good idea mema! but I doubt that would happen 
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts....I feel better knowing I am not alone. My Mom did make be feel really heartless last night when I told her I dodn't have any problem doing it but that they needed to pay and I didn't feel sorry for them (in referance to $$ not he family member in the hospital)
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts....I feel better knowing I am not alone. My Mom did make be feel really heartless last night when I told her I dodn't have any problem doing it but that they needed to pay and I didn't feel sorry for them (in referance to $$ not he family member in the hospital)
MizzCheryl 09:15 AM 04-13-2012
That is why they asked your mom. Thinking she would be a softy and do it for nothing. $90.00 is what I would charge. BUT I would not keep a 4 month old for just a week. Only take babies full time.
My3cents 09:30 AM 04-13-2012
Originally Posted by MrsB:
Oh Geez! I never do what you think you can? What people think they can pay is always different than what they really can. Kind of like the banks, there bank loan amount that they think you can afford is always alot higher than what you really can. Now look at where the country is because everybody borrowed what the bank said they could afford, but turns out they couldn't.
I know that doesnt help you much with an answer.
Is it possible that you could talk to them and say to them, that your normal rate is $120 for those three days, have them discuss it and see what they think it is they can afford, and then you can get back to them on if you can afford to provide care for the price they can afford?
Oh Geez! I never do what you think you can? What people think they can pay is always different than what they really can. Kind of like the banks, there bank loan amount that they think you can afford is always alot higher than what you really can. Now look at where the country is because everybody borrowed what the bank said they could afford, but turns out they couldn't.
I know that doesnt help you much with an answer.
Is it possible that you could talk to them and say to them, that your normal rate is $120 for those three days, have them discuss it and see what they think it is they can afford, and then you can get back to them on if you can afford to provide care for the price they can afford?
no way- then they become your boss. You set the rate and it should be what everyone else pays- wrong to do for one and not the rest- parents talk. Friend or not. You only have so many spaces. I like the person that said have your mom take a hit on whatever they can't afford- that will open up your mom's eyes. You need to talk with your mom and explain you are a business. Your income depends on the daycare, it is not extra for you.
Another thing having a baby come part time like that is going to bring you more hassles then it is worth. Never will be able to get on the a schedule do to mix days coming and not routine. It will be hard for you.
If this is a one time thing for a week, then I would consider it but have your mom know it is a one time thing. Working with your mom you both need to be on the same page that your a business and how you agree to work things. These people knew how to pull on just the right heart strings- don't fall for it.
AmyLeigh 01:06 PM 04-13-2012
Here's an idea....
Your mom pays you for the discounted rate of $90, and then the family can reimburse her whatever they can afford. You get paid what you are asking, and your mom can help out the friends. Just warn her that this may become a regular occurance if she keeps giving "special".
Your mom pays you for the discounted rate of $90, and then the family can reimburse her whatever they can afford. You get paid what you are asking, and your mom can help out the friends. Just warn her that this may become a regular occurance if she keeps giving "special".
Christian Mother 01:23 PM 04-13-2012
I agree w/Amy...
These people really asked your mother to care for their child..with the exception that you also work there but they didn't go and get your approval they got your mothers...so the responsibility needs to be completely taken by your mother. You can tell her that "No, I am sorry but that these people didn't ask for my help they asked for yours". If they had simply called you and you where able to judge for your self the situation you might of felt a little better about it. You could of had the chance in telling them that,..hey I don't mind caring for little but I charge drop in care of $30 bc that is what I am worth. You could go in further about the care that is needed for a tiny 3/4 mo. old. They need quiet a bit of care...2 or 3 hr feedings. regular diaper changes...and on top of that you have other children around you also needing you. It is a hard job to do....I would put this all back on your mom bc it sounds like she is already ok with it.
These people really asked your mother to care for their child..with the exception that you also work there but they didn't go and get your approval they got your mothers...so the responsibility needs to be completely taken by your mother. You can tell her that "No, I am sorry but that these people didn't ask for my help they asked for yours". If they had simply called you and you where able to judge for your self the situation you might of felt a little better about it. You could of had the chance in telling them that,..hey I don't mind caring for little but I charge drop in care of $30 bc that is what I am worth. You could go in further about the care that is needed for a tiny 3/4 mo. old. They need quiet a bit of care...2 or 3 hr feedings. regular diaper changes...and on top of that you have other children around you also needing you. It is a hard job to do....I would put this all back on your mom bc it sounds like she is already ok with it.
MsMe 01:48 PM 04-13-2012
All good ideas!!
I was just talking to a local provider friend (she is never strict a bout money and clomplains constantly about not getting paid) she said, "Well, I would probably be willing to help them out."
MY resonse was (and I think this is hwat you ladies are say too) is that I AM willing to help them out. I WILL watch the baby...I just don't understand why I shouldn't be paid (I even go as far as to expect full price).
Me helping out is watchign the baby....wanting to be paid for it is not me "not helping out"
What is this world coming to?
Just this week I finished paying off (with added interest) $40,000 in student loans to a college I never graduated from, but that didn't make me think I didn't owe every dime of the money. Yes, I hated sending over 40% of my income each month for something I had nothing to show for..
PAY YOUR BILLS PEOPLE!!!
I was just talking to a local provider friend (she is never strict a bout money and clomplains constantly about not getting paid) she said, "Well, I would probably be willing to help them out."
MY resonse was (and I think this is hwat you ladies are say too) is that I AM willing to help them out. I WILL watch the baby...I just don't understand why I shouldn't be paid (I even go as far as to expect full price
).Me helping out is watchign the baby....wanting to be paid for it is not me "not helping out"
What is this world coming to?
Just this week I finished paying off (with added interest) $40,000 in student loans to a college I never graduated from, but that didn't make me think I didn't owe every dime of the money. Yes, I hated sending over 40% of my income each month for something I had nothing to show for..
PAY YOUR BILLS PEOPLE!!!
MsMe 12:20 PM 04-19-2012
Update.
We never heard anymore from the family friend about watchin gher grandaughter. Tuesday came and they never showed up (not that I wanted her to, with no information)
Mom just got a text from the grandma. "Baby Mom started a new job Tues, Thurs, Friday. What kid of good deal can you give me?"
So they want a spot every week not just bc Uncle is sick (so that clears up why the uncle in the hospital story didn't add up.)
I think it so rude that they don't call the daycare phone, basicly assume we have a spot no question, and they we will offer a 'good deal'
I do have spots open (+2ys and full time only) and am not in a place right now to give ANYONE a good deal.
Thankfully my Mom agrees and said even though it will be hard she will tell her we can't take the baby.
We never heard anymore from the family friend about watchin gher grandaughter. Tuesday came and they never showed up (not that I wanted her to, with no information)
Mom just got a text from the grandma. "Baby Mom started a new job Tues, Thurs, Friday. What kid of good deal can you give me?"
So they want a spot every week not just bc Uncle is sick (so that clears up why the uncle in the hospital story didn't add up.)
I think it so rude that they don't call the daycare phone, basicly assume we have a spot no question, and they we will offer a 'good deal'
I do have spots open (+2ys and full time only) and am not in a place right now to give ANYONE a good deal.
Thankfully my Mom agrees and said even though it will be hard she will tell her we can't take the baby.
mema 12:25 PM 04-19-2012
Awesome! Glad she agrees!
MarinaVanessa 01:16 PM 04-19-2012
Originally Posted by MsMe:
Thankfully my Mom agrees and said even though it will be hard she will tell her we can't take the baby.
Funny ... did your mom get on board when she realized that they really wanted a deal "all of the time" vs "one time" deal? In either case I'm glad that she's agreeing with you. I could have understood if you had decided to "help out" by receiving the $90 and having your mom collect "what they could afford" as others suggested but only if it was going to be for a short period of time. Wow ... I can't believe some people aren't build with a filter.Thankfully my Mom agrees and said even though it will be hard she will tell her we can't take the baby.
MsMe 01:48 PM 04-19-2012
Yes, even she knows we don't have the wiggle room right now to be offereing anyone a deal...no matter how long they have been a friend. It was also no question bc we do not have an under 2 opening right now (we have an expecting mom.)