Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Redirecting constant mundane comments
Hunni Bee 12:07 PM 10-24-2016
This isn't a super big deal, I have to deal with all day and it's slightly annoying.
I have a DCB, almost 5. He's a little anxiety-prone and nit-picky, and he gives tiny reports to me on insignificant things almost constantly. Some of it is tattling, but he's really not trying to get anyone in trouble. But he has to be acknowledged each time or he just repeats them til I do. They also come in the form of questions.
"He's not lining up."
"There's paper on the floor."
"You're not holding the book straight."
"You didn't zip his jacket all the way."
"Why is she not coloring her frog green?" Etc etc etc...
I try to engage him as less as possible while still acknowledging him "OK thanks" "Not your business" "Take care of you"...but he still feels the need to do this in almost every situation. Any other way to curb this?
I have a DCB, almost 5. He's a little anxiety-prone and nit-picky, and he gives tiny reports to me on insignificant things almost constantly. Some of it is tattling, but he's really not trying to get anyone in trouble. But he has to be acknowledged each time or he just repeats them til I do. They also come in the form of questions.
"He's not lining up."
"There's paper on the floor."
"You're not holding the book straight."
"You didn't zip his jacket all the way."
"Why is she not coloring her frog green?" Etc etc etc...
I try to engage him as less as possible while still acknowledging him "OK thanks" "Not your business" "Take care of you"...but he still feels the need to do this in almost every situation. Any other way to curb this?
Controlled Chaos 12:23 PM 10-24-2016
I think maybe repeat it back to him and move on. Have you tried that?
"I am not holding the book straight"
"I did not zip it up"
etc.
No judgement, just factual acknowledgement. If he was saying it in a more tattling way I would probably redirect without acknowledging, but I don't know... I'm not very helpful. It would bug me too
"I am not holding the book straight"
"I did not zip it up"
etc.
No judgement, just factual acknowledgement. If he was saying it in a more tattling way I would probably redirect without acknowledging, but I don't know... I'm not very helpful. It would bug me too
BrynleeJean 12:48 PM 10-24-2016
Oh boy do I hear you..
I had a DCB who was just like this and I'd love to say I had the answer but I don't. He would talk to me more than the kids, and almost not ever talk to his other friends here so I'd say "hm you know who would love to hear that? Your friend right there." Or if he was doing anything at all resembling tattling I'd bring out the tattle bear for a week or so and remind him that he should tell all his tattles to the bear, Mr Bear really wants to hear them but I only want to know if he or his friends are hurt or in danger.
I think he just likes the attention and adult interaction. He went to school so I don't have him anymore except holidays and it's the same. Took a lot of patients.
And mine didn't understand this but maybe yours will, i knew he just wanted to talk. They were big nothing comments all the time, so I said "we can sit and talk together during blah blah time (maybe lunch or snack) but these times are for you to play with and talk to your friends that's very important.)
I had a DCB who was just like this and I'd love to say I had the answer but I don't. He would talk to me more than the kids, and almost not ever talk to his other friends here so I'd say "hm you know who would love to hear that? Your friend right there." Or if he was doing anything at all resembling tattling I'd bring out the tattle bear for a week or so and remind him that he should tell all his tattles to the bear, Mr Bear really wants to hear them but I only want to know if he or his friends are hurt or in danger.
I think he just likes the attention and adult interaction. He went to school so I don't have him anymore except holidays and it's the same. Took a lot of patients.
And mine didn't understand this but maybe yours will, i knew he just wanted to talk. They were big nothing comments all the time, so I said "we can sit and talk together during blah blah time (maybe lunch or snack) but these times are for you to play with and talk to your friends that's very important.)
Snowmom 12:57 PM 10-24-2016
Originally Posted by BrynleeJean:
Oh boy do I hear you..
I had a DCB who was just like this and I'd love to say I had the answer but I don't. He would talk to me more than the kids, and almost not ever talk to his other friends here so I'd say "hm you know who would love to hear that? Your friend right there." Or if he was doing anything at all resembling tattling I'd bring out the tattle bear for a week or so and remind him that he should tell all his tattles to the bear, Mr Bear really wants to hear them but I only want to know if he or his friends are hurt or in danger.
I think he just likes the attention and adult interaction. He went to school so I don't have him anymore except holidays and it's the same. Took a lot of patients.
And mine didn't understand this but maybe yours will, i knew he just wanted to talk. They were big nothing comments all the time, so I said "we can sit and talk together during blah blah time (maybe lunch or snack) but these times are for you to play with and talk to your friends that's very important.)
I love the bear idea.Oh boy do I hear you..
I had a DCB who was just like this and I'd love to say I had the answer but I don't. He would talk to me more than the kids, and almost not ever talk to his other friends here so I'd say "hm you know who would love to hear that? Your friend right there." Or if he was doing anything at all resembling tattling I'd bring out the tattle bear for a week or so and remind him that he should tell all his tattles to the bear, Mr Bear really wants to hear them but I only want to know if he or his friends are hurt or in danger.
I think he just likes the attention and adult interaction. He went to school so I don't have him anymore except holidays and it's the same. Took a lot of patients.
And mine didn't understand this but maybe yours will, i knew he just wanted to talk. They were big nothing comments all the time, so I said "we can sit and talk together during blah blah time (maybe lunch or snack) but these times are for you to play with and talk to your friends that's very important.)
I used to do something similar with a picture we had on the wall. We nicknamed it "the president". When someone tattled, I'd point and say "go tell the president".
They eventually get bored with tattling to the wall.
Blackcat31 01:17 PM 10-24-2016
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
This isn't a super big deal, I have to deal with all day and it's slightly annoying.
I have a DCB, almost 5. He's a little anxiety-prone and nit-picky, and he gives tiny reports to me on insignificant things almost constantly. Some of it is tattling, but he's really not trying to get anyone in trouble. But he has to be acknowledged each time or he just repeats them til I do. They also come in the form of questions.
"He's not lining up."
"There's paper on the floor."
"You're not holding the book straight."
"You didn't zip his jacket all the way."
"Why is she not coloring her frog green?" Etc etc etc...
I try to engage him as less as possible while still acknowledging him "OK thanks" "Not your business" "Take care of you"...but he still feels the need to do this in almost every situation. Any other way to curb this?
I see this as an opportunity to take advantage of a teachable moment. You mentioned anxiety... my own child was very similar.. had to have order or things caused him distress. This isn't a super big deal, I have to deal with all day and it's slightly annoying.
I have a DCB, almost 5. He's a little anxiety-prone and nit-picky, and he gives tiny reports to me on insignificant things almost constantly. Some of it is tattling, but he's really not trying to get anyone in trouble. But he has to be acknowledged each time or he just repeats them til I do. They also come in the form of questions.
"He's not lining up."
"There's paper on the floor."
"You're not holding the book straight."
"You didn't zip his jacket all the way."
"Why is she not coloring her frog green?" Etc etc etc...
I try to engage him as less as possible while still acknowledging him "OK thanks" "Not your business" "Take care of you"...but he still feels the need to do this in almost every situation. Any other way to curb this?
I would take the opportunity to talk with him about why those things he points out bother him and/or why they shouldn't be a big deal. If you could teach him to "lighten up"/"let things go"/"be a little flexible" it will greatly benefit him later in life should he be burden with being anxious his whole life.
"He's not lining up."
"It's okay, you don't need to worry. I'll take care of who lines up and who doesn't"
He is probably trying to be helpful or he could possibly have a bit of OCD with his anxiety and when someone or something doesn't line up or fit correctly it is often times a physical reaction or a feeling of losing "order".... validate his statement and give him permission to not worry about it....let him know it will be taken care of.
"There's paper on the floor."
"Sometimes that happens but don't worry, we'll clean up again later and if we still miss picking it up the teachers will clean the room after everyone goes home today."
or
"Thank you Billy. You could pick it up and put it where it belongs if you'd like"
"You're not holding the book straight."
"It doesn't have to be straight for me to read it and for you to see it."
"You didn't zip his jacket all the way."
"I know but he doesn't like his jacket zipped all the way. But thank you for being concerned about Johnny"
"Why is she not coloring her frog green?"
"Not all frogs are green. She is free to color things in any color she wishes, just as you are free to choose what colors you like best."
I think it's fairly easy to help a child with this type of anxiety feel validated and to teach them that things don't have to be precise all the time or be perfect. It's okay when some things are left up to personal choice or preference and it's okay to have things disorderly once in while as they will get taken care of but knowing when to make a big deal out of something verses knowing when to just leave it work itself out or just be, is a hard thing for kids to learn and with kids that have anxiety it's not only an external struggle but an internal one as well.
Bookworm 08:41 PM 10-24-2016
Originally Posted by BrynleeJean:
Oh boy do I hear you..
I had a DCB who was just like this and I'd love to say I had the answer but I don't. He would talk to me more than the kids, and almost not ever talk to his other friends here so I'd say "hm you know who would love to hear that? Your friend right there." Or if he was doing anything at all resembling tattling I'd bring out the tattle bear for a week or so and remind him that he should tell all his tattles to the bear, Mr Bear really wants to hear them but I only want to know if he or his friends are hurt or in danger.
I think he just likes the attention and adult interaction. He went to school so I don't have him anymore except holidays and it's the same. Took a lot of patients.
And mine didn't understand this but maybe yours will, i knew he just wanted to talk. They were big nothing comments all the time, so I said "we can sit and talk together during blah blah time (maybe lunch or snack) but these times are for you to play with and talk to your friends that's very important.)
I have a 2.5 yr old that does the same thing. He spends about half of the day making those type of comments. He does it because he wants adult attention. He will play with the other DCKs for about 10 min and then he's right back over to us. Oh boy do I hear you..
I had a DCB who was just like this and I'd love to say I had the answer but I don't. He would talk to me more than the kids, and almost not ever talk to his other friends here so I'd say "hm you know who would love to hear that? Your friend right there." Or if he was doing anything at all resembling tattling I'd bring out the tattle bear for a week or so and remind him that he should tell all his tattles to the bear, Mr Bear really wants to hear them but I only want to know if he or his friends are hurt or in danger.
I think he just likes the attention and adult interaction. He went to school so I don't have him anymore except holidays and it's the same. Took a lot of patients.
And mine didn't understand this but maybe yours will, i knew he just wanted to talk. They were big nothing comments all the time, so I said "we can sit and talk together during blah blah time (maybe lunch or snack) but these times are for you to play with and talk to your friends that's very important.)
My go to response is "I'm sorry" and then continue whatever I was doing.
catinthebox 02:02 AM 10-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I see this as an opportunity to take advantage of a teachable moment. You mentioned anxiety... my own child was very similar.. had to have order or things caused him distress.
I would take the opportunity to talk with him about why those things he points out bother him and/or why they shouldn't be a big deal. If you could teach him to "lighten up"/"let things go"/"be a little flexible" it will greatly benefit him later in life should he be burden with being anxious his whole life.
"He's not lining up."
"It's okay, you don't need to worry. I'll take care of who lines up and who doesn't"
He is probably trying to be helpful or he could possibly have a bit of OCD with his anxiety and when someone or something doesn't line up or fit correctly it is often times a physical reaction or a feeling of losing "order".... validate his statement and give him permission to not worry about it....let him know it will be taken care of.
"There's paper on the floor."
"Sometimes that happens but don't worry, we'll clean up again later and if we still miss picking it up the teachers will clean the room after everyone goes home today."
or
"Thank you Billy. You could pick it up and put it where it belongs if you'd like"
"You're not holding the book straight."
"It doesn't have to be straight for me to read it and for you to see it."
"You didn't zip his jacket all the way."
"I know but he doesn't like his jacket zipped all the way. But thank you for being concerned about Johnny"
"Why is she not coloring her frog green?"
"Not all frogs are green. She is free to color things in any color she wishes, just as you are free to choose what colors you like best."
I think it's fairly easy to help a child with this type of anxiety feel validated and to teach them that things don't have to be precise all the time or be perfect. It's okay when some things are left up to personal choice or preference and it's okay to have things disorderly once in while as they will get taken care of but knowing when to make a big deal out of something verses knowing when to just leave it work itself out or just be, is a hard thing for kids to learn and with kids that have anxiety it's not only an external struggle but an internal one as well.
I also do this too!I see this as an opportunity to take advantage of a teachable moment. You mentioned anxiety... my own child was very similar.. had to have order or things caused him distress.
I would take the opportunity to talk with him about why those things he points out bother him and/or why they shouldn't be a big deal. If you could teach him to "lighten up"/"let things go"/"be a little flexible" it will greatly benefit him later in life should he be burden with being anxious his whole life.
"He's not lining up."
"It's okay, you don't need to worry. I'll take care of who lines up and who doesn't"
He is probably trying to be helpful or he could possibly have a bit of OCD with his anxiety and when someone or something doesn't line up or fit correctly it is often times a physical reaction or a feeling of losing "order".... validate his statement and give him permission to not worry about it....let him know it will be taken care of.
"There's paper on the floor."
"Sometimes that happens but don't worry, we'll clean up again later and if we still miss picking it up the teachers will clean the room after everyone goes home today."
or
"Thank you Billy. You could pick it up and put it where it belongs if you'd like"
"You're not holding the book straight."
"It doesn't have to be straight for me to read it and for you to see it."
"You didn't zip his jacket all the way."
"I know but he doesn't like his jacket zipped all the way. But thank you for being concerned about Johnny"
"Why is she not coloring her frog green?"
"Not all frogs are green. She is free to color things in any color she wishes, just as you are free to choose what colors you like best."
I think it's fairly easy to help a child with this type of anxiety feel validated and to teach them that things don't have to be precise all the time or be perfect. It's okay when some things are left up to personal choice or preference and it's okay to have things disorderly once in while as they will get taken care of but knowing when to make a big deal out of something verses knowing when to just leave it work itself out or just be, is a hard thing for kids to learn and with kids that have anxiety it's not only an external struggle but an internal one as well.
! its pretty funny when they tell on each other because they think people are copying them in rock/paper/scissors. I like playing them in rock/paper/scissors where i basically copy their moves and they get all excited!
saying " no way, its like he knows what we are thinking" then i realized that i had created little monsters where they would asked if i knew what they were thinking...
Josiegirl 02:57 AM 10-25-2016
I pretty much do as BC does. IF I have the time at the moment.
For tattling it's different. I'll ask them if anybody is getting hurt or could get hurt, or tell them it's between the other kids that are involved, also I'll tell them they don't need to tell me and that I'll find out on my own. If they just seem to be the type to continuously rat each other out, I'll tell them to go talk to the mirror.
Each child is different as is each situation and the time you can allow for it at the moment.
For tattling it's different. I'll ask them if anybody is getting hurt or could get hurt, or tell them it's between the other kids that are involved, also I'll tell them they don't need to tell me and that I'll find out on my own. If they just seem to be the type to continuously rat each other out, I'll tell them to go talk to the mirror.
Each child is different as is each situation and the time you can allow for it at the moment.
Heart12 06:50 AM 10-25-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I see this as an opportunity to take advantage of a teachable moment. You mentioned anxiety... my own child was very similar.. had to have order or things caused him distress.
I would take the opportunity to talk with him about why those things he points out bother him and/or why they shouldn't be a big deal. If you could teach him to "lighten up"/"let things go"/"be a little flexible" it will greatly benefit him later in life should he be burden with being anxious his whole life.
"He's not lining up."
"It's okay, you don't need to worry. I'll take care of who lines up and who doesn't"
He is probably trying to be helpful or he could possibly have a bit of OCD with his anxiety and when someone or something doesn't line up or fit correctly it is often times a physical reaction or a feeling of losing "order".... validate his statement and give him permission to not worry about it....let him know it will be taken care of.
"There's paper on the floor."
"Sometimes that happens but don't worry, we'll clean up again later and if we still miss picking it up the teachers will clean the room after everyone goes home today."
or
"Thank you Billy. You could pick it up and put it where it belongs if you'd like"
"You're not holding the book straight."
"It doesn't have to be straight for me to read it and for you to see it."
"You didn't zip his jacket all the way."
"I know but he doesn't like his jacket zipped all the way. But thank you for being concerned about Johnny"
"Why is she not coloring her frog green?"
"Not all frogs are green. She is free to color things in any color she wishes, just as you are free to choose what colors you like best."
I think it's fairly easy to help a child with this type of anxiety feel validated and to teach them that things don't have to be precise all the time or be perfect. It's okay when some things are left up to personal choice or preference and it's okay to have things disorderly once in while as they will get taken care of but knowing when to make a big deal out of something verses knowing when to just leave it work itself out or just be, is a hard thing for kids to learn and with kids that have anxiety it's not only an external struggle but an internal one as well.
My own child can be like this sometimes & this is exactly how I normally respond!I see this as an opportunity to take advantage of a teachable moment. You mentioned anxiety... my own child was very similar.. had to have order or things caused him distress.
I would take the opportunity to talk with him about why those things he points out bother him and/or why they shouldn't be a big deal. If you could teach him to "lighten up"/"let things go"/"be a little flexible" it will greatly benefit him later in life should he be burden with being anxious his whole life.
"He's not lining up."
"It's okay, you don't need to worry. I'll take care of who lines up and who doesn't"
He is probably trying to be helpful or he could possibly have a bit of OCD with his anxiety and when someone or something doesn't line up or fit correctly it is often times a physical reaction or a feeling of losing "order".... validate his statement and give him permission to not worry about it....let him know it will be taken care of.
"There's paper on the floor."
"Sometimes that happens but don't worry, we'll clean up again later and if we still miss picking it up the teachers will clean the room after everyone goes home today."
or
"Thank you Billy. You could pick it up and put it where it belongs if you'd like"
"You're not holding the book straight."
"It doesn't have to be straight for me to read it and for you to see it."
"You didn't zip his jacket all the way."
"I know but he doesn't like his jacket zipped all the way. But thank you for being concerned about Johnny"
"Why is she not coloring her frog green?"
"Not all frogs are green. She is free to color things in any color she wishes, just as you are free to choose what colors you like best."
I think it's fairly easy to help a child with this type of anxiety feel validated and to teach them that things don't have to be precise all the time or be perfect. It's okay when some things are left up to personal choice or preference and it's okay to have things disorderly once in while as they will get taken care of but knowing when to make a big deal out of something verses knowing when to just leave it work itself out or just be, is a hard thing for kids to learn and with kids that have anxiety it's not only an external struggle but an internal one as well.