Hello everyone. I work as a director in a school-age daycare that caters to children ages 5-11. I have about 28-30 kids on a busy day, and I have one co-worker. I am posting here because I am desperate for help. I have a 3rd grade boy who is deeply troubled. He is defiant, sometimes aggressive, disruptive, manipulative, and makes my shifts at work a living hell. I go home exhausted every single day. This is saying a lot because I have past extensive experience working with kids with behavior issues/special needs and was successful.

From the minute I pick the kids up at school, he refuses to walk in line with us, runs ahead down the street, enters the room and starts running around and crawling on furniture. (While everyone else washes their hands, gets snack etc.) We have a structured, daily routine and he does not participate AT ALL. He runs wild from 3pm until he gets picked up at 6. I have done everything in my power to gain some sense of control over his behavior (time outs, losing outside time, earning positive behavior points to earn prizes, having one on one conversations with him, EVERYTHING.) I am at a complete loss. The minute his Mom shows up, he acts like an angel. He tells her complete LIES about his day. (I.e. If he goes up to a child and shoves them for no reason, he lies to his Mom and says the child was being mean to him. Not the case. I see everything that goes on. He terrorizes people without any reason.)

He kicks blocks over, does zero homework, throws food, has pooped on our bathroom floor (I can't prove it since I didn't see it with my own eyes but I know it was him because he was the only child in the bathroom,) screams at me and other children, throws things across the room, sharpens plastic spoons into knives, the list goes on.

I have spoken to Mom, his teacher, and Mom just nods her head and provides no support. I've basically given up trying to talk to her. His teacher just ignores him in class and does her best but has no advice for me.

I feel 100% alone. I'm tired and sometimes wish I could just stay home from work. He makes the environment in our daycare so hostile I have kids come up to me and beg me to kick him out. (Unfortunately, I have a boss who is higher than me, so I do not have the power to kick a child out unless they run away or physically assault another child more than just shoving.) My boss doesn't seem to understand the gravity of the problem so i've been documenting this child's behavior in a notebook.

His new thing is he has started throwing huge, 30 minute tantrums-crying and screaming for no reason. I have parents arriving to pick up their children and I know it unsettles them, but I just cannot get him to calm down.

What should I do? Should I try to talk to his Mom again? Does anyone have any magic tips that might help me connect with this child? I have tried many, many times to ask him questions and get to know him but he has no interests or hobbies. He makes no effort to connect with me, as many of the other children do. I'm frustrated and worn out.

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