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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Is it Common For Parents to Vacation Without Children?
nannyde 07:39 AM 07-31-2010
Originally Posted by professionalmom:
Was this thread about:

parents who have children in daycare every week then take vacations without their children? Yes.

parents who take an occassional date night? No.

parents who take vacations when there is already an at-home parent? No.

parents who take vacations without their older children (over 5)? No. Now, I inferred this based on the fact that this is a daycare website discussing daycare issues and it's reasonable to infer that most of the posts are regarding children in daycare which is typically the under age 5 group.

parents who do not take "family vacations" anymore? Yes.


Did anyone in this thread say:

that parents HAVE to be with their children 24/7 in order to be considered to be "good" parents or to not be "bad" parents? No.

parents who put their children in daycare (whether by choice or necessity) are "bad"? No.

that parents never need a break? No. Quite the opposite. BOTH sides have stated this on numerous occasions, yet one side IGNORES the other side stating this.

Let's stay on topic, ladies! And let's stop putting words in each others' mouths. And when we talk about some parents who do things that we view as harmful to the children (especially if the children are crying to us about it), don't take it personal against YOU. We usually have a particular client in mind that has caused us to be concerned. It's not about "parent-bashing", it's about our concern for the children. And that's a concern that comes from months and years of loving these children during the most wonderful time of their lives, teaching them, holding them, hugging them, kissing their booboos, and drying their tears. It's our sadness that we are actually spending more time and attention on SOME of these kids than their own parents do and the kids cry to us and confide in us, and we see the sadness in the eyes of those too young to talk. We ache for them. And we just wish that those types of self-absorbed parents would just look for once moment in the eyes of their children and see the love and yearning that the child has just to spend a day with mom or dad. It's not too much for a child to ask for and it's not too much for us to wish and hope for. After all, most of us went into this business because we have a deep love for children and that spurs us on in our quest to speak for these little, innocent, precious children.

And if we, sometimes, get a little too passionate, it's out of our deep love for these children and our passion to see them grow into the very best people they can possibly be.
I think another take away from this discussion is that providers are not responsibe for picking less desirable day care parents if their day care parents choose to not spend available personal time with their kids during hours the kid is in day care. Nothing that we DO shows us the parents who will and the ones who won't.

Nobody suggested that people don't need a break now and then and that there are some life situations where it is better for the kid to be in day care than with the parents. Life is messy and there are some situations (like dental care, OB care, going to court etc.) where it is not good to take the kid.

Some of us have been blessed with really attunded day care parents who DO spend their personal time with their kid. They keep them with them when they have time off and maybe once/twice a year decide to have a me day. Those parents DO exist BUT they are rare and the hopes of filling your day care with them is slim. The ability to KNOW this trait when you are interviewing a newbie parent who is in the throes of caring for a newborn for the first time is silly and rediculous notion. It's not possible. Nobody can predict how the parents will be with their kid once the kid and their outside home life gets harder.

There SHOULD be a national concern about hours kids are in care and we SHOULD be discussing the importance of daily AWAKE quantity time between parent and child. We should promote that having time off of their regular day care routine is critically important to each child regardless of how wonderful their child care is.

The original poster asked if parents are taking vacations with their kids nowadys. The answer to that IME is that it is becoming less and less in this society. I think if you polled providers that had ten or more years of experience and asked them if they see this trend changing from years past I think you would get a whopping overwhelming response that it has. I think if you asked seasoned providers if the amount of time children are in care when parents aren't working has increased dramatically in the last five years I think the whopping answer would be yes. I think if you asked seasoned providers if the amount of face time, awake time daily that parents have with their kids has diminished dramatically in the last ten years I think you would get the same response.

It's not ALL parents. There are parents out there who are superengaged and do work but devote their time resources to their kid. There are also a large percentage of SAHM's who do it EVERY day. We can't take them out of the equation because they do it all the time.

Our job is to tell the TRUTH of what we see and try to figure out if it is an isolated trend that we just see in our business or if it's a societal change that IS causing harm to kids and disenfranchising families. Our job is to disect WHY it is happening and what in our society is promoting it. This thread has been a gold mine of answers to those kinds of questions.
Former Teacher 08:28 AM 07-31-2010
Without reading the whole thread here is my take: I agree that not alot parents don't spend enough of time with their children. When you have dc's that are open 12 + hours, parents feel they have to get their money's worth. Gosh I remember one father who would drop his children off at 7:30 a.m. everyday and he would SIT around the corner at the stop sign until 6:29 p.m. so he would pull in the driveway right at 6:30. One time he pulled in at 6:32 p.m.(we caught him just about daily for several MONTHS) and I charged him a late fee. I later found out his car wouldn't start. Whether or not it didn't start at the stop sign or somewhere else I don't know that. However he didn't wait at the stop sign again and he would pick up the kids at a decent time. Would it tick me off that he would do that? OH YES! But, there was nothing we/I could do because he was paying for a service.

I think the situation boils down to money. Getting their money's worth. I have said before, the younger the child, the longer they are in care.

Yes it should upset that we as providers have to watch the child(ren) while mom gets her workout in, or dad is sleeping, or grandma wants to go shopping. However like the previous poster said its none of our business. We are getting paid to do a service regardless.

It kinda irks me when I read on this forum from providers that say that they only watch children for parents working/contracted hours. Yet when a parent gets off of work early or has a day off and the child is still in care, the providers get upset. YOU ARE BEING PAID FOR A SERVICE THAT YOU ARE PROVIDING. If you are being paid weekly (some cases monthly) and Johnny's mom has taken a day off and brings Johnny to dc, why are you getting upset? YOU ARE BEING PAID. Regardless of whether or not the child is there.

Do you have a right to be upset? Yes absolutely! Children need a day off too. Children need to spend time with their parents. I totally get that and agree. Coming from someone who is infertile, it INFURATES me when I would see a child in dc for 10-12 hours esp. an infant, and mom and dad are at home watching tv. I am not talking about once a week or once in a blue moon. I am talking about every single day! If you aren't going to spend time with your child, don't make them.

On flip side, I agree with the previous poster that said as long as we get paid its none of our business. It really isn't. We are providing a service. If we let our PERSONAL feelings and beliefs in the picture, we are in the wrong business.
Former Teacher 09:01 AM 07-31-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
You are using this board to advertise your business. When you advertise your business you put words in the advertisements that will draw CUSTOMERS.

You have a nice body of ads here and anyone interested in hiring you will surely hear what you want them to hear. It sells to parents and maybe even to businesses that may consider paying you for services.

It doesn't sell to seasoned providers but then again seasoned providers aren't your customers.

You don't fool me and I am guessing I'm not alone.
Again without reading the whole thread, aren't all the providers here that list their sites and BLOGS!, advertising? I seem to remember a thread asking people to list their site.

Crystal, I love their style. You don't fool me. I don't care if I am in minority, which I know I am not. You have displayed nothing short of professionalism. So what if your advertising yourself? No one in business is going to get anywhere with their mouth shut.
nannyde 01:40 PM 07-31-2010
Originally Posted by Former Teacher:
Without reading the whole thread here is my take: I agree that not alot parents don't spend enough of time with their children. When you have dc's that are open 12 + hours, parents feel they have to get their money's worth. Gosh I remember one father who would drop his children off at 7:30 a.m. everyday and he would SIT around the corner at the stop sign until 6:29 p.m. so he would pull in the driveway right at 6:30. One time he pulled in at 6:32 p.m.(we caught him just about daily for several MONTHS) and I charged him a late fee. I later found out his car wouldn't start. Whether or not it didn't start at the stop sign or somewhere else I don't know that. However he didn't wait at the stop sign again and he would pick up the kids at a decent time. Would it tick me off that he would do that? OH YES! But, there was nothing we/I could do because he was paying for a service.

I think the situation boils down to money. Getting their money's worth. I have said before, the younger the child, the longer they are in care.

Yes it should upset that we as providers have to watch the child(ren) while mom gets her workout in, or dad is sleeping, or grandma wants to go shopping. However like the previous poster said its none of our business. We are getting paid to do a service regardless.

It kinda irks me when I read on this forum from providers that say that they only watch children for parents working/contracted hours. Yet when a parent gets off of work early or has a day off and the child is still in care, the providers get upset. YOU ARE BEING PAID FOR A SERVICE THAT YOU ARE PROVIDING. If you are being paid weekly (some cases monthly) and Johnny's mom has taken a day off and brings Johnny to dc, why are you getting upset? YOU ARE BEING PAID. Regardless of whether or not the child is there.

Do you have a right to be upset? Yes absolutely! Children need a day off too. Children need to spend time with their parents. I totally get that and agree. Coming from someone who is infertile, it INFURATES me when I would see a child in dc for 10-12 hours esp. an infant, and mom and dad are at home watching tv. I am not talking about once a week or once in a blue moon. I am talking about every single day! If you aren't going to spend time with your child, don't make them.

On flip side, I agree with the previous poster that said as long as we get paid its none of our business. It really isn't. We are providing a service. If we let our PERSONAL feelings and beliefs in the picture, we are in the wrong business.
I don't know if it's as cut and dry as "it's none of your business you are getting paid". It's kind of a circle jerk. As Crystal pointed out regarding kids with behavioral problems, " They're the children whose Mom's and Dad's take personal days off and don't spend one extra minute of that time off with their children."

Not having a substantial amount of face time with your kid does affect their overall behavior and their abilitly to tolerate time away from the family. There are consequences to the kid and to those caring for the kid.

I have one part of my system that really helps in this area. I noticed really early on in my career that parents who picked up earlier were easier to work for and their kids were easier to take care of. I didn't have as many issues in general with the families if the parent had a substantial amount of TIME with their kid.

I decided to base my rates on a max number of nine hours per day and have a much lower rate for kids that leave early in the afternoon. I put the minimum rate I can take for the slot at the three p.m. departure time. I have a lot of my clients start out at three p.m. pick ups when their kids are babies. The kids get a lot of awake time with their parents when they are really little.

As the parent moves up the ladder in their job they start asking for later hours which costs them a lot more. They don't do that unless they really have to do it to advance in their jobs. The money issue keeps them from wanting longer hours or later hours. When "getting their monies worth" translates into more face time with their kid it's a win win for everyone.

In the end if you charge for all days regardless of attendence you are going to have this with many, most, or all of your clients. You have to figure out a way to deal with it.
Crystal 05:09 PM 07-31-2010
Originally Posted by Former Teacher:
Again without reading the whole thread, aren't all the providers here that list their sites and BLOGS!, advertising? I seem to remember a thread asking people to list their site.

Crystal, I love their style. You don't fool me. I don't care if I am in minority, which I know I am not. You have displayed nothing short of professionalism. So what if your advertising yourself? No one in business is going to get anywhere with their mouth shut.
Thank you. likewise
Janet 12:46 PM 08-02-2010
I leave town for a week and all heck breaks loose! LOL, just kidding!

OK, here's my opinion from a business person stance. I think that parents can go on vacation without their kiddo's as long as they are making sure that they have care for their kids while they are on vacation. I have no problem providing daycare for the child's regular schedule, but the parents have to make sure that they have all of their ducks in a row with making sure that the child is dropped off and picked up for the same scheduled time at my house. No exceptions and I don't provide vacation overnight type care. I did it once when I first began, but never again.

My personal opinion is a different one. I wouldn't go on a vacation without my daughter unless I was in the habit of giving her as much of my time and attention as humanly possible. It wouldn't feel right for me. We went to Mexico last year and the year before and took our daughter with us. The only time that she is away from us is when she goes on vacation and visits her grandparents. That's not us unloading her on the family. That is them wanting to take her and her wanting to go. Other than that, we spent our wedding night in a hotel and we spent one night in a hotel on our 10th wedding anniversary. Other than that, she is always with us for any type of vacation or outing that we make. I have also made 2 trips to Kentucky without her because they were trips for my nephew's funeral (I went alone) and I left her with my friends when my mother was in the hospital because I knew that she wouldn't make it. My husband and I were there for a week and it was totally miserable. Wild horses couldn't have made me bring her to endure all of that.

Sadly, parents often time will justify not taking their children on vacations because they need "us time" for the sake of their marriages. I think that is a cop out. I'm sorry, but I do. If a couple has to resort to taking vacations with just the 2 of them then I'd say that their marriages might be needing something more than a week-long vacation to Mexico. Also, I see the look in the eyes of the kids who know that their parents are on a vacation without them and I know that there's nothing that I can say or do to make the child feel better. I'm prepared to have people flame me for my opinion, so everyone can go ahead and do their worst! I just think that it's kind of sad for the kids who have parents that take vacation without them. Kids know. I never say anything to the parents about my personal opinions because I know that it's not my business to be judgy with them for their choice to go on vacations without their child. I stay professional.

I have a family that takes between 3 and 6 vacations a year without their daughter. The vacations are all between 4 days and 10 days. Their daughter wants to go with them to Mexico but they don't take her. She wants to go on trips with them, but they always send her to her grandparents house and she doesn't like it at all. She's almost 4 years old now and she doesn't like that they get to go to places that she doesn't get to go. She also spends a lot of time at my house so that her mom can get things done without her around. My daughter babysits on the weekends at least 2 times a month for this dcg so that her parents can have a "date night".

To everyone who is reading or who has posted. This is not the same as a couple who takes a trip together for a special occasion or a couple who goes on a trip and leave their baby with the grandparents because a vacation with an infant isn't really much of a romantic vacation. I get it that parents like to be together and to have time alone, but taking almost every vacation without the child/ren and hiring a sitter on a regular basis so that the parents can have a "date night" is not cool. I take measures to try to encourage parents to not leave their kids with me when they are on vacation without their kids. I don't charge for their vacation time and I don't make them pay for mine either. I figure that at least if they know that they don't have to pay for daycare, then they may be inclined to at least send their kids to the grandparents house for some extra TLC.

Sorry if I offended anyone, but I'm just giving my opinion.
nannyde 01:16 PM 08-02-2010
Originally Posted by Janet:
I have a family that takes between 3 and 6 vacations a year without their daughter. The vacations are all between 4 days and 10 days. Their daughter wants to go with them to Mexico but they don't take her. She wants to go on trips with them, but they always send her to her grandparents house and she doesn't like it at all. She's almost 4 years old now and she doesn't like that they get to go to places that she doesn't get to go.
Janet,

Could you tell when you interviewed this family they that were going to behave like this?
emosks 01:26 PM 08-02-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Janet,

Could you tell when you interviewed this family they that were going to behave like this?

Crystal 01:56 PM 08-02-2010
Originally Posted by emosks:
lol!!!!!!!!!!!! :d
Former Teacher 02:38 PM 08-02-2010
Originally Posted by emosks:
thanks for the laugh!
nannyde 03:39 PM 08-02-2010
Originally Posted by emosks:
I'm really interested in the idea that this can be interviewed out or revealed in the initial interview time. I'm particularly interested in if one can tell when they are receiving infants.

It sounds like Janet has had this child for a while. I'm interested in knowing if the parents indicated this future behavior when she first met them.

Being in the business for many years, having many friends who are veteran child care providers, and having the pleasure of participating on child care boards that span the continent for twelve years... this is an issue that comes up over and over. If you read the archives of this board, ivillage, childfun, Judy's board, etc. you will see this issue come ups almost as much as the "to nap or not to nap" issue comes up. It's one of the most predominant themes in child care message boards and IME and IRL.

I'm interested in knowing if experienced providers are able to get a pulse on this future parent behavior especially when taking on infants. I've never read or heard of anyone claiming they were able to.

What I'm specifically intersted in is being able to tell or assess during the interview process whether or not a parent will spend the vast majority of their "personal time" with their child. This means if the parents keep their kids with them when they are off of work for vacation time, personal time, and when they are off for sick time. Parents who keep their kids with them when they do not need child care for working hours.

I've had varying degrees of parents who do not use child care unless they are working. Only one of them I could tell this would most likely be the case. That parent lost an infant a year before her child in care was born. I was pretty certain she would not use care when she was off and I was right. That has been the only situation where I had a pretty good idea it would be that way.

Other than that I can't tell when I'm interviewing how the parent is going to "hold up" once the care of the child, the amount of power the child has in the home, and their balancing work/home becomes markedly higher.
QualiTcare 05:00 PM 08-02-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I'm really interested in the idea that this can be interviewed out or revealed in the initial interview time. I'm particularly interested in if one can tell when they are receiving infants.

It sounds like Janet has had this child for a while. I'm interested in knowing if the parents indicated this future behavior when she first met them.

Being in the business for many years, having many friends who are veteran child care providers, and having the pleasure of participating on child care boards that span the continent for twelve years... this is an issue that comes up over and over. If you read the archives of this board, ivillage, childfun, Judy's board, etc. you will see this issue come ups almost as much as the "to nap or not to nap" issue comes up. It's one of the most predominant themes in child care message boards and IME and IRL.

I'm interested in knowing if experienced providers are able to get a pulse on this future parent behavior especially when taking on infants. I've never read or heard of anyone claiming they were able to.

What I'm specifically intersted in is being able to tell or assess during the interview process whether or not a parent will spend the vast majority of their "personal time" with their child. This means if the parents keep their kids with them when they are off of work for vacation time, personal time, and when they are off for sick time. Parents who keep their kids with them when they do not need child care for working hours.

I've had varying degrees of parents who do not use child care unless they are working. Only one of them I could tell this would most likely be the case. That parent lost an infant a year before her child in care was born. I was pretty certain she would not use care when she was off and I was right. That has been the only situation where I had a pretty good idea it would be that way.

Other than that I can't tell when I'm interviewing how the parent is going to "hold up" once the care of the child, the amount of power the child has in the home, and their balancing work/home becomes markedly higher.
nanny,

i do remember questioning you about being able to "interview out" children's behavior when JenNJ (?) had a behavior problem with a child. you seemed pretty confident in being able to predict the future through your interview process - and it does sound like a process. i don't understand how you're able to interview out all of these potential problems, but you don't see how someone else can.
Crystal 05:15 PM 08-02-2010
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
nanny,

i do remember questioning you about being able to "interview out" children's behavior when JenNJ (?) had a behavior problem with a child. you seemed pretty confident in being able to predict the future through your interview process - and it does sound like a process. i don't understand how you're able to interview out all of these potential problems, but you don't see how someone else can.
Thank you for that. I was recalling the EXACT same conversation...but unlike others here I refuse to waste my time actually searching for that post to stir up drama
nannyde 05:36 PM 08-02-2010
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
nanny,

i do remember questioning you about being able to "interview out" children's behavior when JenNJ (?) had a behavior problem with a child. you seemed pretty confident in being able to predict the future through your interview process - and it does sound like a process. i don't understand how you're able to interview out all of these potential problems, but you don't see how someone else can.
Oh I can tell if a kid is going to be violent. I can smell that a mile away. I don't have to worry about that with infants because if I raise them they are not violent as toddlers or preschoolers. The last time I had a hit or a bite in my home was 16 years ago. I have NEVER been hit or bit in my entire career.

Picking parents who spend their personal time WITH their children? Nope I can't pick that. I'm not talking about parents who take TWENTY FOUR days a year of me time. They would be easy to pick.
nannyde 05:49 PM 08-02-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Thank you for that. I was recalling the EXACT same conversation...but unlike others here I refuse to waste my time actually searching for that post to stir up drama
Drama?

Why can't we have a discussion about parents spending time OFF with their kids? How is that dramatic? You call it drama because you led everyone to believe that you had an ability to pick clients that don't do this then follow with an example of a CURRENT parent that spends a month a year of ME time while her kid is in care.

Even though I'm certain from your posts that you do care for kids whoose parents use your services on their personal time, it did lead me to wonder if there are any providers out there that are able to identify this during the interview process... I'm espcially intersted in this in the interview process with parents of newborns.

Obviously you can't help but I'm interested in if any other providers have had this experience and if so, they would share it with us.
DanceMom 04:55 AM 08-04-2010
All of my parents do it - every single one of them - if they have a day off they send their kids here. EVERY single day they have off...not here and there...EVERY ONE OF THEM. I know when I worked outside of the home I would drive a million mph to get to my daughters daycare to pick her up - when I had a day off she didnt go, when I got off early I went straight to pick her up..

I actually gave the families all a freek week to use for their own vacation days at home with their kids - they couldnt use it for sick time or anything other than spending time with their children.
Janet 11:05 AM 08-04-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Janet,

Could you tell when you interviewed this family they that were going to behave like this?
I couldn't have ever imagined that these parents would have been this way in the interview. It's virtually impossible to learn everything about the parents and the child in an interview. Interviewing parents have their game faces on and I think that there is a honeymoon period before a provider gets to see what the parents are really like.
nannyde 12:08 PM 08-04-2010
Originally Posted by Heather:
All of my parents do it - every single one of them - if they have a day off they send their kids here. EVERY single day they have off...not here and there...EVERY ONE OF THEM. I know when I worked outside of the home I would drive a million mph to get to my daughters daycare to pick her up - when I had a day off she didnt go, when I got off early I went straight to pick her up..

I actually gave the families all a freek week to use for their own vacation days at home with their kids - they couldnt use it for sick time or anything other than spending time with their children.
Gosh Heather it sounds like you don't know how to pick them either.
Crystal 12:30 PM 08-04-2010
Okay, I decide to be petty, like you, and go back and search your posts....your own words:

I'm fortunate enough that I can be quite picky about who I take and can interview out a lot of the potential issues in parenting or lack thereof. I've been doing this for a long time.

AND

I did not say that SHE should have spotted this in the first interview. I'm saying that "I" would have spotted this in the interview. I have done child care for 31 years. By now... I better be able to spot this.

I didn't challenge you when YOU made these comments.....just because you disagree with me about what can and cannot be "interviewed out" doesn't mean you need to drag it out for days on end.....and AGAIN, FTR, I NEVER said you can "interview out" a parent who would leave their child in daycare while they are on vacation.

You REALLY need to get a life....
Crystal 12:59 PM 08-04-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
FYI...one of the reasons why I do not have families like what has been mentioned, is becasue I simply refuse to enroll a family when it is clearly obvious that a parent is so self-involved that they will "neglect" their children so that can have or do whatever they want. I actually sent a parent away during an interview one time and told her I am sorry but I will not be able to work with you. It was awkward, but I KNOW I avoided alot of drama by doing it.

I interview potential clients, just as they interview me. I have become a very good judge of character over the years and I simply will not enroll a family who does not have close to the same philosophy of care as I do. Not exactly the same, because I am willing to see things from others perespectives, but pretty close or the daycare relationship would be stressful and I am not going to add stress to my day.
I quoted myself here (my original post about interviews) so you can all see that I did not say you can interview out a parent who would leave their kid at daycare while they take a week long vacation.I never said I have never had an issue with a parent because I can "interview out" everything. I SAID I interview them, as well as they do me, and I enroll families with CLOSE to the SAME PHILOSOPHY as me, and that I wouldn't enroll a family when it is CLEARLY evident that they are so self-involved that they may neglect their children so that they can have or do whatever they want.

Who said something here about making a mountain out of a molehill? cuz that is clearly what nannyde has done.
judytrickett 02:36 PM 08-04-2010
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I quoted myself here (my original post about interviews) so you can all see that I did not say you can interview out a parent who would leave their kid at daycare while they take a week long vacation.I never said I have never had an issue with a parent because I can "interview out" everything. I SAID I interview them, as well as they do me, and I enroll families with CLOSE to the SAME PHILOSOPHY as me, and that I wouldn't enroll a family when it is CLEARLY evident that they are so self-involved that they may neglect their children so that they can have or do whatever they want.

Who said something here about making a mountain out of a molehill? cuz that is clearly what nannyde has done.
Sigh......

Crystal. When you make statements like......

Originally Posted by :
I simply refuse to enroll a family when it is clearly obvious that a parent is so self-involved that they will "neglect" their children so that can have or do whatever they want.
......it implies that you DO, in fact, have some secret, savvy system of detecting what a parent will do for the BETTERMENT of their child down the road. You imply that you are better than other providers. You imply to new providers that they are doing it wrong.

There are providers who come here for advice and counsel. It does no one any good to tell only half the facts. To claim that you only have perfect, golden families is not truthful. Sure, you might have some perfect, golden families - we all do. But there are always those that fall short of the mark. New providers need to know that they are not alone in their struggles and conflicts within daycare. They need to feel supported and have their situation recognized - not told they are doing something wrong - that they are missing out on the secret detection system. Good Lord. If every parent a provider had EVER had is Golden then that provider is either lacking in realism or has very low standards.

When parents come to interview they are always on their very best behaviour. If you, like I, claim to be interviewing THEM for acceptance into care then YOU know that the parents come in and say all the right things. Not once, in all the years of providing care have I had a parent sit in an interview and claim that yes, in a year's time they will be glad to dump off their child on non work days. Never happened. In fact, I would prefer that they DID say that - at least they would be honest and have a shred of realism.

When parents interview I honestly think that they DO believe what they say; that they can't stand the thought of not being able to stay home with their child. That they want to spend every second they can with their child. They are genuine in these statements. But, experience has told me, and many, many, other providers that the longer a child is in care the more comfortable parents become with leaving their child in daycare on non work days. I can not tell you how often a parent has dropped off on a "work" day in yoga pants and a pony tail with not a word as to the fact they are having a "ME" day.

Daycare evolves. Parents start out on the first day in tears as they leave their child. Two weeks later they are saying quick good-byes. Two months later they are going to the gym between work and pick up. Six months later they are bringing the child to care and taking a "Me" day. A year later they are taking entire weeks off and still bringing their child.

I love my job. There are some really, really great aspects to being a daycare provider. Really great. That's the truth. But it's not the whole truth. The other side of the truth is that sometimes there are really, really ****ty parents out there. And the other half of that truth is that sometimes you get down right angry and sad FOR a child who has just spent day 5 of his parents' vacation time in daycare. THAT'S the truth.

Let's start telling the WHOLE truth. Not just the warm fuzzy truth. Let's start allowing other providers who are having a bad day or pissed off because a child's parent is having their 24th "Me" day the benefit of not feeling alone. Not feeling like "the only one". Let's embrace them and let them know that yep, sometimes daycare sucks and we understand.

Let's NOT make them feel "less than". Let's not make them feel like they are missing something (an interview technique) that does not exist. That does not foster support for other providers. The world has enough negative provider sterotypes.

How about we start talking the WHOLE truth?

There are plenty of women on here who are not afraid to admit that they love their jobs but that they also really dislike certain aspects. I think Nannyde does a good job at balancing that. I give her kudos for having the gonads to at least say what she thinks.

If you think it acceptable for a parent to take 24 "ME" days a year while their child is in your care then fine. That's your take on it. If it doesn't bother YOU then it doesn't bother YOU. Whatever. You are entitled to that belief. But please, do NOT imply that you have the ability to weed out those people in an interview; because that IS what you said whether it be those exact words or not.
Crystal 02:53 PM 08-04-2010

Janet 03:53 PM 08-04-2010
Originally Posted by judytrickett:
Sigh......

Crystal. When you make statements like......



......it implies that you DO, in fact, have some secret, savvy system of detecting what a parent will do for the BETTERMENT of their child down the road. You imply that you are better than other providers. You imply to new providers that they are doing it wrong.

There are providers who come here for advice and counsel. It does no one any good to tell only half the facts. To claim that you only have perfect, golden families is not truthful. Sure, you might have some perfect, golden families - we all do. But there are always those that fall short of the mark. New providers need to know that they are not alone in their struggles and conflicts within daycare. They need to feel supported and have their situation recognized - not told they are doing something wrong - that they are missing out on the secret detection system. Good Lord. If every parent a provider had EVER had is Golden then that provider is either lacking in realism or has very low standards.

When parents come to interview they are always on their very best behaviour. If you, like I, claim to be interviewing THEM for acceptance into care then YOU know that the parents come in and say all the right things. Not once, in all the years of providing care have I had a parent sit in an interview and claim that yes, in a year's time they will be glad to dump off their child on non work days. Never happened. In fact, I would prefer that they DID say that - at least they would be honest and have a shred of realism.

When parents interview I honestly think that they DO believe what they say; that they can't stand the thought of not being able to stay home with their child. That they want to spend every second they can with their child. They are genuine in these statements. But, experience has told me, and many, many, other providers that the longer a child is in care the more comfortable parents become with leaving their child in daycare on non work days. I can not tell you how often a parent has dropped off on a "work" day in yoga pants and a pony tail with not a word as to the fact they are having a "ME" day.

Daycare evolves. Parents start out on the first day in tears as they leave their child. Two weeks later they are saying quick good-byes. Two months later they are going to the gym between work and pick up. Six months later they are bringing the child to care and taking a "Me" day. A year later they are taking entire weeks off and still bringing their child.

I love my job. There are some really, really great aspects to being a daycare provider. Really great. That's the truth. But it's not the whole truth. The other side of the truth is that sometimes there are really, really ****ty parents out there. And the other half of that truth is that sometimes you get down right angry and sad FOR a child who has just spent day 5 of his parents' vacation time in daycare. THAT'S the truth.

Let's start telling the WHOLE truth. Not just the warm fuzzy truth. Let's start allowing other providers who are having a bad day or pissed off because a child's parent is having their 24th "Me" day the benefit of not feeling alone. Not feeling like "the only one". Let's embrace them and let them know that yep, sometimes daycare sucks and we understand.

Let's NOT make them feel "less than". Let's not make them feel like they are missing something (an interview technique) that does not exist. That does not foster support for other providers. The world has enough negative provider sterotypes.

How about we start talking the WHOLE truth?

There are plenty of women on here who are not afraid to admit that they love their jobs but that they also really dislike certain aspects. I think Nannyde does a good job at balancing that. I give her kudos for having the gonads to at least say what she thinks.

If you think it acceptable for a parent to take 24 "ME" days a year while their child is in your care then fine. That's your take on it. If it doesn't bother YOU then it doesn't bother YOU. Whatever. You are entitled to that belief. But please, do NOT imply that you have the ability to weed out those people in an interview; because that IS what you said whether it be those exact words or not.

This is exactly right. I absolutely love my job, and I consider myself lucky to be able to have the profession that I wanted to have. I've been doing it for about 6 years in my home and I worked in centers before that and I've done a ton of interviews and I still learn from them. I treat them all as an opportunity to be sharper when it comes to picking up on the subtle things that I used to overlook when I first began.

I'm glad that this forum exists because it gives us a place to ask questions and also a place to commiserate when we have poop-lousy days. I'm glad that the new providers have a place to ask questions and get advice. I am always glad when I can answer a question or give advice on something that I've been through before just to help a provider to not fall into the same hole that I used to fall in. Experience is definitely a kick-butt teacher!!!

Crystal, I know that you mean well when you answer questions from new providers or any other questions from any of us. I am only speaking for myself when I say this but sometimes your responses make me feel like you think that some of us are bumbling idiots. That may not be your intention, but it's what I take from your responses.
nannyde 06:12 PM 08-04-2010
Originally Posted by Janet:
This is exactly right. I absolutely love my job, and I consider myself lucky to be able to have the profession that I wanted to have. I've been doing it for about 6 years in my home and I worked in centers before that and I've done a ton of interviews and I still learn from them. I treat them all as an opportunity to be sharper when it comes to picking up on the subtle things that I used to overlook when I first began.

I'm glad that this forum exists because it gives us a place to ask questions and also a place to commiserate when we have poop-lousy days. I'm glad that the new providers have a place to ask questions and get advice. I am always glad when I can answer a question or give advice on something that I've been through before just to help a provider to not fall into the same hole that I used to fall in. Experience is definitely a kick-butt teacher!!!

Crystal, I know that you mean well when you answer questions from new providers or any other questions from any of us. I am only speaking for myself when I say this but sometimes your responses make me feel like you think that some of us are bumbling idiots. That may not be your intention, but it's what I take from your responses.
Janet,

Was there anything in your interviewing with the parents that take all the vacations without the four year old that would have indicated that they would do this? Anything you can remember?

That's A LOT of time away from the kid and I just wondered if you had a clue it would go down like that.
Janet 07:03 AM 08-05-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Janet,

Was there anything in your interviewing with the parents that take all the vacations without the four year old that would have indicated that they would do this? Anything you can remember?

That's A LOT of time away from the kid and I just wondered if you had a clue it would go down like that.
At the interview, I had no clue that this would happen. The parents were always talking about how they wanted to spend all the time that they could with their baby and the mom cried at drop off on her 1st day. I had absolutely no idea that they would be outsourcing as much parenting as they do now!!!
DanceMom 07:29 AM 08-05-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Gosh Heather it sounds like you don't know how to pick them either.
Was this a joke ?
Michael 10:14 PM 08-05-2010
This thread has gone way off topic. I am closing it.
Tags:daycare dumpers, long hours in care, non-working parents, time in care, time off, vacation, vacation without children, violent
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