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Old 01-20-2010, 10:52 AM
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tenderhearts tenderhearts is online now
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Default Any Suggestions? - Pushy, Bossy, Teases Others

I have a dcb that is almost 4, he has been with me since he was an infant. The last year he has become a little difficult. He is pushy, bossy, always has to speak over everyone, teases others and copies what everyone else does, so if I say Johnny please don't throw the car he will turn around and do it, and when I talk to him I feel like nothing I say gets through to him. I put him in time outs and it just doesn't seem to help or improve, within minutes he's back to it. He's more worried about what the others are doing either to join in or to be just bossy. When he's not playing nice I have him sit alone and do a puzzle alone or read or something quiet, usually he doesn't want to do anything though but watch and try to talk to the others. He tells the others to get away from him. I feel like I don't know what else to try so I was wondering if you have any other suggestions. I've talked to mom and she does care and she talks to him and it works for a day or two so any suggestions would be great
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:21 AM
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The only thing I can really say is consistency. Let him see that you are serious. Be loving but firm. Say it really hurts my feelings that aren't being nice and kind. The other kids aren't going to want to be your friend if you don't start being nice and kind. Give examples. And just keep using your training methods of separating him from the other kids if he can't be nice! Most importantly be consistent!
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:26 AM
laundryduchess@yahoo.com laundryduchess@yahoo.com is offline
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I have a similar problem. My freshly turned 4 yr girl will do ANYTHING for my attention. If someone gives me high five, she has to drop what she is doing, and give me high five. If someone gets in trouble,.. she does the same thing within moments to get in trouble. If someone is telling me a story,.. she barges in and tries to start a story or interrupts and hogs my attention. Ive began ignoring the interruptions, focusing only on the original child. Today 3 times when there was a parent here she acted out to get my attention. Ive tried giving her attention one on one,.. and it doesnt help. She wants to be the center all the time. Im at my wits end. any ideas?
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:30 AM
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thanks its so frustrating. I know for a fact though it's not my attention he's trying to get, it's the other kids, 2 boys in particular, one because he is younger than he is and then a 5 yr old boy I have. I just don't know what else to try and I get frustrated because it doesn't seem like he really hears what I'm saying to him. sorry you're experiencing it too.
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:33 AM
laundryduchess@yahoo.com laundryduchess@yahoo.com is offline
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well at least were not alone,..lol. =-) I love my job but sometimes it is not fun. lol
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:37 AM
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Has anything major happened at home over the last year that might be contributing to his behavior? Any changes in the kids that you care for, anyone new or did a good buddy of his leave and he's reacting?

Stay firm with discipline. Maybe add a reward system. Giving him choices of things he can do might help also. Sounds like he wants to be in control, but isn't sure how to do it appropriately. Giving him a special job would give him some control over something and teach some responsibility. I use to do a special smiley face sticker using address labels. I printed a smiley face from clip art on each sticker. At pm snack time, I would pick a child who was eating nicely and have them tell me something good that happened that day. I would write it on the label and let them put it on themselves, pretty much where ever they wanted (sometimes the kids would hide it on themselves and the parents would have to try to find it). It was a great way to reinforce good behavior and reflect on the day. It was also a great way for parent and child to communicate about the day and praise the good behavior.
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:45 AM
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thankyou for the great idea. Nothing has happened that I know of at home, now when he was younger his parents split up for about a year but now they are married. His mom does seem like she is controlling though. All the kids I have been with me for at least 3-4 yrs, my newest started in March. I did a reward chart for about 3 months which worked really well but after about 2 months the kids got bored with it, it wasnt exciting anymore. I pick a line leader /helper each day which they like that, but this particular boy prefers not to really help me because it takes away his time playing and being bossy with the kids. I do give a sticker or a "goodie" like an m&m if I see they are sharing and plaing nicely, it works well with the others but not him so much he could really care less. I do stick with the discipline but I feel like he's always getting in trouble. thanks again for the suggestions
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:23 PM
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Stay consistent! You mentioned you just don't feel like he hears you, well, speak directly to him. Away from his friends. Give his straight commands, "I told you not to throw the toy. What did I say?" Make him repeat it back to you. "Did you throw the toy?, when you do things that I tell you not to do, that is wrong. Is it wrong? And when you do wrong things, it makes me feel bad, and because I want you to do what's right you have to go sit in timeout for throwing the toy. Why are you sitting in timeout?" Make him talk to you. After timeout ask, "Why were you in timeout? Are you going to throw the toys? What will happen if you throw the toys?" and repeat and repeat everytime he acts out. If it's that he's not being kind and telling others to leave him alone, talk to him. He is old enough to learn consequences and you need to try your best to stick with them. If he's being a copycat explain to him that his friends will not like that and like I said, make it speak it back to you, and he won't have friends, and you are not going to make the other kids be friends with him if he's not friendly.

Good luck.
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:39 PM
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thanks mindy, I have done that until I'm blue in the face. Repeatedly over and over. I ask him to repeat it and he usually can not, I've tried when he goes into his time out and he is usually upset because he's going in timeout so then I have waited until after timeout to ask him why he was in timeout and he usually can not repeat it, not even close. I have done and do all of that, I have to take him totally away from the other kids where he can't see them, he can't look at me at all to talk with him. Hopefully just being consistant will work, I know he some what hears me because he will tell his mom or dad what he has done wrong but only if it's fairly recent.
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Old 01-21-2010, 01:11 PM
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I was wondering being consistent I do especially when he's not being nice but if it's reminders like asking him to put away his toys which he has to be asked 3 or 4 times because he can't focus on that he is so worried about what everyone else is doing would you give him time outs or just keep reminding him he needs to follow directions? I just feel I'm constantly on him and I feel bad but then he just doesn't seem to listen or get it? At home he's an only child and I know especially dad lets him get away with some things, like yesterday he was running and yelling very loud up and down my entry way I told him 3 times inside voice and no running, dad just laughs and says oh he didn't get that out all day? I was mad because he didn't enforce what I was telling him, I said you know running and yelling gets you time out so I don't know if next time I should just say something like I don't think dad wants to sit here while you have a time out but the boy tests me I'm sure cuz his dad is here.
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Old 01-22-2010, 06:54 AM
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Do you have him look you in the eyes when you're telling him what he did wrong? Once I started insisting they look me in the eyes - or, if that's difficult for them, tell them to look at my nose - I noticed they were able to repeat back what I'd said to them much better. Just a thought

Sounds like 4 is a challenging age for all kids. I'm having issues with my own 4-5yos as well.
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Old 01-22-2010, 08:38 AM
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thanks Amanda, I do try to have him look me in the eyes but he can't even when I take him away from him being able to see the other kids. He still can't and if he does for only 1/2 a second, usually during when I'm talking he'll hear something going on in the other room and interrupt me. I hope it gets better, non of my other 4 yr olds are this way, hopefully he gets better.
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Old 01-22-2010, 08:50 AM
laundryduchess@yahoo.com laundryduchess@yahoo.com is offline
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I make them look at me, if they turn away I start over,... if it takes 30 minutes then it takes 30 minutes,.. but next time it will only take 28. =-)
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Old 01-22-2010, 08:59 AM
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I'll try that, usually if he can't tell me then I wait until after his timeout hoping that he'll respond better but I just figured he just can't do it, but I'll try that. thanks
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Old 01-22-2010, 09:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laundryduchess@yahoo.com View Post
I make them look at me, if they turn away I start over,... if it takes 30 minutes then it takes 30 minutes,.. but next time it will only take 28. =-)
I do this same thing. Have the children look at me, while I am telling them, what is wrong, and then have the children apologize , then time outs.
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Old 02-01-2010, 05:42 PM
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Default Hope this helps

Quote:
Originally Posted by tenderhearts View Post
thanks its so frustrating. I know for a fact though it's not my attention he's trying to get, it's the other kids, 2 boys in particular, one because he is younger than he is and then a 5 yr old boy i have. I just don't know what else to try and i get frustrated because it doesn't seem like he really hears what i'm saying to him. Sorry you're experiencing it too.
i just started a daycare and i love it i have just received a four yr old boy whom has been into four daycares this is his fifth one and let me tell u the parents have told me everything i have also called the other daycares they gave me permission to call them and let me tell u this child does not do good with authority he loves to not listen but his father called on his first day and said how is he doing i said great he said to me are u for real do u have the write child mine i laughed i did not say much until he came to pick him up i then showed him the problem i gave him choices not just choices but used that word in there and along with my hand jester as one choice or number two choice and it worked like a charm i do not know if u tried that or not but i stand by it .ok here is one i said to him he was giving me a fit when his father came in about putting his shoes on before he had gotten his shoes his father ask him if he would like to go get a slurpie today he was excited and said yes so any way he would not put on his shoes on well then i said to him bud u have a choice [choice number one and held up a hand and pointed to it is u can put on ur shoes and go get a slurpie with dad or choice number 2 or not put on shoes and not get a slurpie i said now u tell me what choice it is tht u want to pick he always goes for the first one lol this is a suggestion it might work just try it good luck
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