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  #1  
Old 10-16-2007, 10:13 AM
Toni
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Unhappy What Are The Signs Of An Infants Sexual Abuse?

I hope that you respond to this. I am a single mother, who of course has to put my son in day care. I am already a little, well alot paranoid of day....care As I worked at one that I had my child in and chose to quit and remove my child, as they had too many children, I believe to take care of and were a little wore out. Now I have been with a home daycare, which I did not want to do. He seems to enjoy it there...........but there are many questionable things, which I try to blow off because not all people raise kids the same. And I am the mother and all the better treat them as I do....blah...blah...yes have taken that into acct. But my child since going to this woman, the last 2 months, has bucked and been crazy about me changing his diaper.....every time! Never before, but at my previous job at daycare children do want to get away and off the changing table and such. But not like this, I try to put Desitin on and he freaks.And now he looks as if he has open skinon his inner anus. Can this be from new foods tried, am I insane/too paranoid/or what? What are the signs of an infants sexual abuse? And how....if needed do I request a surprise visit from the state or have an investigation done. As she is state certified daycare and foster parent home. Please respond.

Last edited by Michael; 10-16-2007 at 10:18 AM.
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  #2  
Old 10-16-2007, 10:15 AM
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Exclamation What are the signs of an infants sexual abuse?

In our opinion you need to immediately take your son to his pediatrician. Since there seems to be both physical and emotional issues involved we strongly suggest you consult a professional. Always trust your instincts.

Last edited by Michael; 10-16-2007 at 10:18 AM.
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  #3  
Old 11-16-2007, 07:38 AM
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Unhappy sounds like sexual abuse possibility

it'sounds like he may have been molested and since he's a minor then he go straight to the doctor immediatly please do so for the sake of the child. it's very important.
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  #4  
Old 04-12-2008, 07:54 AM
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Angry signs of molestation.

I am having trouble believing that you have even wasted as much time as it would take to write your message. I would have had him checked out at first inkling!!!
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  #5  
Old 07-21-2008, 08:29 PM
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Yes, the pediatrician needs to be informed and there are forsensic tests that can be done to look for damage. I have seen where if a child cannot talk they show signs like "humping" things. A good sign for an older child if deficating themselves. I have seen this all the way up into pre teens. I have also seen children (all children get curious so I am not talking about looking and feeling) do things to other children that they would only know if they seen it or if this act was done to them. Just go with your gut and most likely it is right. God blessed us with motherly instinct for a reason.
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  #6  
Old 07-22-2008, 06:34 PM
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Default Infant abuse

Your child's safety IS your responsibilty--if you have ANY reason to believe their is sexual abuse you need to take him/her to a doctor. Nothing more needs to be said-just do it. Noone needs to know you went-if there is signs, your doctor will call authorities for you. THEN YOU TAKE ACTION w/ them-and get this monster out of care. YOU are the child's mother-he/she LOOKS UP TO YOU for help. I sure hope this is just a stage your child is going through.
GOOD LUCK
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  #7  
Old 07-14-2010, 03:08 PM
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Default i understand

i have been going through the same thing. when i talk to family they say i'm over reacting and that there is nothing wrong with my son. but there has been times when his stool has been runny, and it smelled like sperm to me. he has anal fissures, but everyone says its from the acid in his stool.

my son is in a church based daycare, but i guess that doesn't mean much nowadays. all the employees act really strange like they are hiding something. and at one time i thought they weren't feeding him correctly.

i feel like there is nothing i can do because who's going to believe me. my own family tells me that i'm over reacting.

so you are not alone, i've been going crazy doing research on possible illnesses, taking him to the doctor, and trying not to punch out the workers at the daycare.

but, i don't know what to do. this daycare has been around for thirty years. look how long it took for people to catch those priests.

i felt alone until i read your post.
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  #8  
Old 07-15-2010, 03:58 AM
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Please get both of these children to a hospital or doctor right away.
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  #9  
Old 07-15-2010, 07:32 AM
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I'm happy to hear this is probably trolls. I was seriously disturbed by this thread.
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  #10  
Old 07-15-2010, 11:14 AM
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Jen, these posts were totally disturbing and most likely the result of trolls.
I'm new to forums -- how can you tell if it's a troll (which, I take it, is just someone out to annoy people online, right?)?

Also, does anyone know of some good websites that describe the signs to look for in infant/toddler sexual abuse? I once watched a child that was exhibiting "questionable" behaviour, but thought it may be completely innocent. Two other moms who had watched this child on a casual basis also noticed the behaviour and were concerned about it. Nothing came of it, but it would be nice to know the signs in case it came up again.
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  #11  
Old 07-15-2010, 12:11 PM
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Usually they are unregistered and making emotionally charged claims...the sort of stuff that would get us going. When that didn't work, add a few unregistered responses to get the conversation going.

In this case...there were several immediate responses that were all unregistered with the final one being completely over the top. Who smells seman in thier kids diaper and doesn't immediately to the doctor and the police, but instead keeps sending the child back.

If it sounds totally crazy, it probably is. Isn't it sad that people don't have anything better to do with their time?
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  #12  
Old 07-15-2010, 01:27 PM
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It was posted in 10-16-2007 when the forum started. It could be true or not true but the responses are valuable "searchable" content. We monitor each post.
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  #13  
Old 06-11-2011, 08:47 AM
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Default Abuse in infants

It is very hard and disturbing to think any child could possibly be put through this. I myself have a daughter nearly 3 - that at first you have doubts and think not my child...she is over-reacting...this is something very serious and it is very hard to openly discuss. shame on the people that judge anyone who reaches out for any type of guidance.
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  #14  
Old 06-12-2011, 11:23 AM
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I, too, found this thread bothersome & disturbing. If you all believe it is a troll, is there any way to "lock" this thread so that no more posts are added to it. Perhaps, Michael, you could add something to the first and last post so that all who "stumble" upon it will not go through any unnecessary reading.
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  #15  
Old 10-12-2011, 01:41 AM
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Default I get it BUT.....

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I am having trouble believing that you have even wasted as much time as it would take to write your message. I would have had him checked out at first inkling!!!

At least this mother is reaching out and asking questions. All people are different. She shouldn't be made out to feel stupid or inadequate because she is asking questions before jumping in the car to the doctor...this is her way of handling it and even though you or I may have handled it different, she is doing fine because she is being proactive. I think when people make comments like this it discourages people from reporting and possibly checking on suspicions because they feel they may be judged for not doing something "in the RIGHT order" or "fast enough"....and so on. So good job for asking questions and hopefully this situation turns out for the better. I encourage all to use online, community, family, and any other resources available to gain knowledge and know how on what to do in these kind of situations.
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  #16  
Old 11-08-2011, 07:31 AM
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As a mom who's daughters WERE abused (by a family member), I can empathise with this mom's concern. I didn't know how to read the signs and the abuse of my girls went on for a long time. I don't think the first mommy is a troll, because of the way she asked her question - not sure about the second one (why is she still going to that daycare-she should move her child immediately!) Abuse is a subject that needs to be discussed. Not all who bring it up are "trolls". I appreciate these answers I think they are very helpful.
(I didn't sign in - not because Im a troll - im just in a hurry )
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  #17  
Old 11-09-2011, 11:19 AM
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i have been going through the same thing. when i talk to family they say i'm over reacting and that there is nothing wrong with my son. but there has been times when his stool has been runny, and it smelled like sperm to me. he has anal fissures, but everyone says its from the acid in his stool.

my son is in a church based daycare, but i guess that doesn't mean much nowadays. all the employees act really strange like they are hiding something. and at one time i thought they weren't feeding him correctly.

i feel like there is nothing i can do because who's going to believe me. my own family tells me that i'm over reacting.

so you are not alone, i've been going crazy doing research on possible illnesses, taking him to the doctor, and trying not to punch out the workers at the daycare.

but, i don't know what to do. this daycare has been around for thirty years. look how long it took for people to catch those priests.

i felt alone until i read your post.
You need to take your child to the doctor, and take him out of that day care. I know some people act differently in uncharted territory, and you probably just want help and advice, but if it were me, and my family said i was over reacting, i'd take him to the doctor anyways. This isn't a funny subject, it happens alot, and is a serious problem. I think, for the sake of your child, you'd take him immediately. if there isnt anything wrong, and he just has a little hiccup of a health problem with his stool, then no one needs to know. but its better be make sure then be sorry.. and do you want them doing that to other kids?

Also, if they arent feeding your kid right, wouldnt you take him out of that daycare regardless? this just doesnt make sense to me.. /:
Call the doctor if you're real. if not, its very immature, upsetting, and disturbing you'd post something like this.
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  #18  
Old 01-11-2012, 12:09 AM
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Default own concerns

I have a yr and a half yr old daughter her father was arrested for sexually molesting his cousin and had been having our daughter overnights. She never adjusted to him she will fight me changing her clothes and diaper she has an extreme attachment to me to where i cant leave her. She has night terrors and seems miserable all the time she can be happy playing then break down over nothing. Im afraid that maybe something has happened to her and would like to know what professionals or anyone thinks should be done

Last edited by Michael; 01-11-2012 at 08:54 PM.
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  #19  
Old 01-11-2012, 05:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I have a yr and a half yr old daughter her father was arrested for sexually molesting his cousin and had been having our daughter overnights. She never adjusted to him she will fight me changing her clothes and diaper she has an extreme attachment to me to where i cant leave her she has night terrors and seems miserable all the time she can be happy playing then break down over nothing. Im afraid that maybe something has happened to her and would like to know what proffessionals or anyone thinks should be done
Do not allow your daughter to go anywhere with him. If he calls the police, so be it.

File a custody petition immediately, and tell them what you see. Keep a diary. If he has a record of molesting children (especially family members), no judge will agree to your daughter staying overnight with him.

Take her to the doctor. They can examine her to see if any evidence of her being molested is present.

Do these things now.
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  #20  
Old 09-07-2012, 11:45 PM
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Default question I'm not sure about something

My 2 year old toddler said to me last week "don't hurt my pee pee" I was shocked and could not believe that she said this. Also in the past few weeks she has been complaining that her pee pee hurts. Tonight after my boy friend left she said that Aaaaa bites her pull up and when I asked her if he ever put his hand down her pullup she showed me by putting her hand down there. Earlier tonight when he was here I was sitting in the chair and he and her were on the couch - wrestling as he always does with her. I have been feeling increasingly uncomfortable with their wrestling/play. At one point tonight she was under a blanket and his hands were under the blanket but I could not confirm that he was trying to touch her. Something is wrong and I am just not sure what is going on. Perhaps it's nothing but my gut is uncomfortable with him and would like some advice. Other things I have noticed include he is always saying to her...you can't do it...you're not doing it right...I stopped him from saying to her...you can't listen. He also is insisting that I discipline her by saying things like she should not be telling me no or aren't you going to do something she she refuses to eat her food and talks back when she does not get her way. I feel me punishing her is forming an alliance between him and her and I won't be encouraging it. Any advice?

Last edited by Blackcat31; 09-10-2012 at 02:15 PM. Reason: removed identifying info
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  #21  
Old 09-08-2012, 06:14 AM
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Charlotte - you are not qualified to determine whether your child has been molested or not. Asking her leading questions (such as asking her if he ever put his hand down her pull up) could just confuse her so please don't.

If you think your boyfriend is abusing her why do you allow him around her for another second??? Why haven't you had her in to see a doctor????

I have two kids, divorced their father and had to re-enter the dating scene for a time. I will NEVER understand the thought process some women have when they allow their children to be around a man that makes them uncomfortable, or who's actions with the children seem off.

You're her MOTHER. Tell the guy he's out and get her in to a hospital for a forensic evaluation TODAY.

It is YOUR JOB to PROTECT YOUR CHILD.
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  #22  
Old 09-10-2012, 10:17 AM
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Today you call your hotline and ask for advise. I would then call your dr and tell them and ask to be seen today If they can not get her in call and go into your health dept.

first step is to see it they see any signs. 2nd step is break off the relationship until it can be proven nothing has happened. Then in the future no man should be under the covers with your dd . no one should bite a childs pull up If he has not crossed the line he is showing all the signs of setting the stage.


Let me put it this way. If you let him be around your child and it is happening you can be charged also .You are suspicious so you could be suspected of knowing it was happening. They could take her away from you until it is proven you did not know anything.
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  #23  
Old 09-10-2012, 11:54 AM
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Default Appreciate Advice

Thanks for the advice. I have scheduled a dr. appointment for her tomorrow and I have not seen him or will we be around him again until I am satisfied that nothing happened. In addition, if nothing has happened I still want to have a heart to heart with him to discuss my suspicions and concerns.

I really appreciate the advice and it did give me some courage to investigate this further.

Thanks Cherylgirl
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  #24  
Old 10-31-2012, 12:06 PM
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Default I Donít Know What to Do, React, Or Anything In This Matter

My problem has to do similarly with the previous posts, the night before yesterday i got home extremely tired I am a fulltime student and go to school from ten am to seven everyday and what worse that day I was up and about since about seven in the morning, I know that to many of you that might not be so hard but when I hardly get any sleep. Cut to the chase. Monday night I fell asleep and left my son with his father we've been together for two years marriage and five years together period. So he was taking care of him while I was asleep; to be honest I knocked out. The next day my son he is a year and four months, to be honest he woke up in a very I guess irritable mood he wouldn't really be himself he was just kind of there and well his dad changed his diaper and his little butthole was very irritated, we live in a very small trailer home its and rv and well I was in the room and he was changing him in the living room which is in plain view from the bedroom area, from ther I could see he was very irritated and I told my husband and he just kind of blew it off when he usually asks for the desitin creamm to put on him but he blew me off. So the day went on and well my son didn't really eat, he usually wants to eat everything he sees you eating but he didn't want to eat at all not even his bottle. I know that when he is in the middle of a growth sprout he usually won't eat but I don't know if I'm panicking or what but, im scared that all the factors put together point at something way worse. My mother took him to a lady that used to be a nurse and she said there may be signs of him being molested but my mom doesn't like my husband and I'm worried that she's making it up in a way, also my husband was in prison and now he is on probation and well I'm scared to take my son to the doctor and just get him in trouble for an overeaction to a diaper rash:/ I mean I love my son and I don't want anything to happen to him but what can I do? How am I supposed to react? Please help me I don't know what I am supposed to do in a way I'm scared for my husband but mostly I'm worried about my sons wellbeing. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

Last edited by Michael; 10-31-2012 at 12:47 PM.
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  #25  
Old 10-31-2012, 12:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KeremBella View Post
My problem has to do similarly with the previous posts, the night before yesterday i got home extremely tired I am a fulltime student and go to school from ten am to seven everyday and what worse that day I was up and about since about seven in the morning, I know that to many of you that might not be so hard but when I hardly get any sleep.

Cut to the chase. Monday night I fell asleep and left my son with his father we've been together for two years marriage and five years together period. So he was taking care of him while I was asleep; to be honest I knocked out. The next day my son he is a year and four months, to be honest he woke up in a very I guess irritable mood he wouldn't really be himself he was just kind of there and well his dad changed his diaper and his little butthole was very irritated, we live in a very small trailer home its and rv and well I was in the room and he was changing him in the living room which is in plain view from the bedroom area, from ther I could see he was very irritated and I told my husband and he just kind of blew it off when he usually asks for the desitin creamm to put on him but he blew me off. So the day went on and well my son didn't really eat, he usually wants to eat everything he sees you eating but he didn't want to eat at all not even his bottle. I know that when he is in the middle of a growth sprout he usually won't eat but I don't know if I'm panicking or what but, im scared that all the factors put together point at something way worse. My mother took him to a lady that used to be a nurse and she said there may be signs of him being molested but my mom doesn't like my husband and I'm worried that she's making it up in a way, also my husband was in prison and now he is on probation and well I'm scared to take my son to the doctor and just get him in trouble for an overeaction to a diaper rash:/ I mean I love my son and I don't want anything to happen to him but what can I do? How am I supposed to react? Please help me I don't know what I am supposed to do in a way I'm scared for my husband but mostly I'm worried about my sons wellbeing. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
Stop making excuses for your husband and take your child to the doctor immediatly. A doctor is not going to get your husband in trouble for diaper rash. If abuse is going on, your doctor can examine and make that determination. Doing nothing is the worst thing to do. Do it NOW.
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Last edited by Michael; 10-31-2012 at 12:48 PM.
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Old 10-31-2012, 12:52 PM
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You dont have to say "OH Doctor, I think my son is being molested by his father".

You say "My son has a rash and he is not acting like himself-not eating, etc. Please look him over".

There are lots of reasons for these symptoms. Unless you witnessed something or your husband's prison record has something to do with molesting children, I would not jump to conclusions, but I would take my child to the doctor.
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Old 10-31-2012, 03:40 PM
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If in doubt, get it checked out.

My son had yeast diaper rash as a baby and often had a irritated, red bottom that made him irritable, listless, and unwilling to eat. I can imagine the little guy was just miserable and unable to fully express himself. We took him to the doctor, got him some nice diaper cream and added Yo Baby to his diet. He was much better!

I am NOT dismissing your concerns and I encourage you to follow your heart; I just think, in this day in age, we allow our minds to go to very dark places because we hear sooo many horror stories. Yes, monsters DO exist but I think we are all entirely too quick to cry "abuse!" I'm a pediatric nurse, child care provider, and licensed therapeutic foster parent. I have seen some lives get really messed up over premature accusations.

Get little man checked out but please proceed with caution. Relationships can be ruined by innuendo and conjecture.
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Old 01-19-2013, 01:24 PM
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I have a 16mo old child. I often worry if they are being molested. A family member of mine sometimes watches my baby. This family member was molested as a child. They seem overly engaged in getting my child to stay with them. They have bought a ton of toys for them (as my child is the only) grandchild and often buy clothes and otherthings as well and go out of their was to pick my child up or keep them for extended periods of time. Two times after I went to pick her up the diaper area was red and the genitals were a little swollen. My child often has yeast rashes and it is not uncommon but a child that this family member previously watched was molested and is no longer allowed at their house. So, I took my child to the after hours pediatric clinic they looked everything over and sent us home. Happened when I picked my child up and there was just a spec of blood in the diaper. We went to a children's hospital ER and the looked over everything, had us talk to a social worker and sent us home. I've had the PCP look over everything as well and on all ends everything is "fine" but I just don't feel like it is. Two times in a row I have found a tiny spec of blood in the diaper. I feel like I'm crazy for suspecting this but I have had them checked out several times at 4 seperate health care facilities. This person would be devastated if I no longer allowed them to keep my child but I just have a hint of doubt still. What should I do? I am not a troll, I just prefer to remain anonymous.Also, my child seems to prefer one of these family members over their partner who is there when my child is as well on occasion.
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Old 04-11-2013, 11:18 AM
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Default I must say something:

There have been no postings here since January so I don't know if my writing here will be seen, however I'm going to write anyway, maybe just because I need to....for sanity purposes.

I have three children, ages 30, 31 & 35. I am still haunted by suspecting....still being horrified at the possibility my oldest daughter was molested by her grandfather and I DID NOTHING. Feel free to call me a "troll" here, but I am a 59 yr. old woman who is still doing research because of this!! I believe it's possible these "trolls" you suspect are terrified people, scared to come forward, needing to be heard, poor communication skills....yes, it could be a troll, but err on the "belief" side, knowing something is wrong with the "troll" & even he may need empathy.

Parents, I beg of you to act on your gut feelings, or you may be "me" someday, still worrying, watching the longterm symptoms that convince me I WAS correct. 35 years of self-torture for sitting back and doing nothing!! I have tears running down my face this moment because I was "hogtied" in a dysfunctional family. I would've been thrown out of the family & my child taken from me & destroyed back in 1979 for acting on this. I believed I had no choice. The story is too long, but parents, I beg of you to ACT. "City Moms" please watch just one N. Geo. film on the female animal's vicious protection of her offspring. Being paranoid is our JOB.

I could write about my story all day, but here are things I saw and did nothing about: total obsession with the baby/toddler, psychologically "blind" & non-believing spouse.....constant "checking" and changing of the diaper, constant touching and holding, putting hands under child's clothes in playfulness....constant seduction of child with cookies, goodies & toys so child would sit on their lap, follow them, "love" them the most....constant taking the child off somewhere to "show them something" or "play a game." Literal "playing house" with Grandpa! These people even kept a crib in their bedroom and insisted the baby slept there when we visited....AND I ALLOWED IT! Red vulva after being in their home too long which I blamed on sugar-overload, orgasmal masturbation as a toddler. Hyperactivity to the point of "crazed." She'd run from Grandpa crazily when she got old enough to know she could. She grew to be precocious with males at a very young age, found exposing herself to her siblings (siblings were not "special" to the grandparents) she was found under a bush on top of the neighbor boy, humping him. I had to supervise her like a hawk until college. I was seen as "the one with the problem."

They literally "bought" my child & owned my husbands mind....I would try to talk to my husband and I was fingered as a troublemaking "B." I am an educated woman! I went to counseling! I was raised in a good family with normal boundaries and could not articulate what I was seeing because I'd never seen it before!!!!! I insisted we became "religious" to guard the family! I was STUPID! It was 1979.....I still believed in the happy family, women kowtowing to their husbands, Betty Crocker. I could not "say out loud" what I was seeing....I did not know how. Now the girl is 35, not married, very immature, promiscuous since college, has an alcohol problem, had to have cervix surgery due to disease & informed she will most likely never hold a pregancy....this was soon followed by a miscarriage after having sex with a young man she'd met the very same day. She came running to mama & I still cry. She is educated & has a good job, owns her own home, yet today is "in love" with a 40-some man who lives with his parents and works for a city garbage service...he has teeth gone.

It breaks my heart. Mothers, wake up and act, or you will be 60 years old, still crying and reading daycare forums.......
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  #30  
Old 04-11-2013, 11:43 AM
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There have been no postings here since January so I don't know if my writing here will be seen, however I'm going to write anyway, maybe just because I need to....for sanity purposes.

I have three children, ages 30, 31 & 35. I am still haunted by suspecting....still being horrified at the possibility my oldest daughter was molested by her grandfather and I DID NOTHING. Feel free to call me a "troll" here, but I am a 59 yr. old woman who is still doing research because of this!! I believe it's possible these "trolls" you suspect are terrified people, scared to come forward, needing to be heard, poor communication skills....yes, it could be a troll, but err on the "belief" side, knowing something is wrong with the "troll" & even he may need empathy.

Parents, I beg of you to act on your gut feelings, or you may be "me" someday, still worrying, watching the longterm symptoms that convince me I WAS correct. 35 years of self-torture for sitting back and doing nothing!! I have tears running down my face this moment because I was "hogtied" in a dysfunctional family. I would've been thrown out of the family & my child taken from me & destroyed back in 1979 for acting on this. I believed I had no choice. The story is too long, but parents, I beg of you to ACT. "City Moms" please watch just one N. Geo. film on the female animal's vicious protection of her offspring. Being paranoid is our JOB.

I could write about my story all day, but here are things I saw and did nothing about: total obsession with the baby/toddler, psychologically "blind" & non-believing spouse.....constant "checking" and changing of the diaper, constant touching and holding, putting hands under child's clothes in playfulness....constant seduction of child with cookies, goodies & toys so child would sit on their lap, follow them, "love" them the most....constant taking the child off somewhere to "show them something" or "play a game." Literal "playing house" with Grandpa! These people even kept a crib in their bedroom and insisted the baby slept there when we visited....AND I ALLOWED IT! Red vulva after being in their home too long which I blamed on sugar-overload, orgasmal masturbation as a toddler. Hyperactivity to the point of "crazed." She'd run from Grandpa crazily when she got old enough to know she could. She grew to be precocious with males at a very young age, found exposing herself to her siblings (siblings were not "special" to the grandparents) she was found under a bush on top of the neighbor boy, humping him. I had to supervise her like a hawk until college. I was seen as "the one with the problem."

They literally "bought" my child & owned my husbands mind....I would try to talk to my husband and I was fingered as a troublemaking "B." I am an educated woman! I went to counseling! I was raised in a good family with normal boundaries and could not articulate what I was seeing because I'd never seen it before!!!!! I insisted we became "religious" to guard the family! I was STUPID! It was 1979.....I still believed in the happy family, women kowtowing to their husbands, Betty Crocker. I could not "say out loud" what I was seeing....I did not know how. Now the girl is 35, not married, very immature, promiscuous since college, has an alcohol problem, had to have cervix surgery due to disease & informed she will most likely never hold a pregancy....this was soon followed by a miscarriage after having sex with a young man she'd met the very same day. She came running to mama & I still cry. She is educated & has a good job, owns her own home, yet today is "in love" with a 40-some man who lives with his parents and works for a city garbage service...he has teeth gone.

It breaks my heart. Mothers, wake up and act, or you will be 60 years old, still crying and reading daycare forums.......
Your story is seen, mama. This is a very active forum, just not a very active post. I'm so, so sorry for what you and your daughter have gone through, went through. It certainly sounds to me like something was going on, and you know in your heart that something was. Have you ever sought counseling for either yourself or your daughter, or both? Have you ever talked to your daughter? I recommend you do both--seek counseling, and talk to her.

The way your husband and family treated you was wrong, and I"m very, very sorry. Thank you for having the courage to share your story.
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:18 PM
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
Your story is seen, mama. This is a very active forum, just not a very active post. I'm so, so sorry for what you and your daughter have gone through, went through. It certainly sounds to me like something was going on, and you know in your heart that something was. Have you ever sought counseling for either yourself or your daughter, or both? Have you ever talked to your daughter? I recommend you do both--seek counseling, and talk to her.

The way your husband and family treated you was wrong, and I"m very, very sorry. Thank you for having the courage to share your story.
I second this ^

Have you spoken to your daughter about what happened to her? Maybe she feels something is wrong and is seeking to find out what it is.
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:44 PM
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Lightbulb Answer to Silver Sabre

Aaah, I was afraid no one would be here.

Yes, I went to good counseling off and on for years, got my husband to go a few times.....yet he denied, incapable of looking....he couldn't see anything about anything in fact. He had grown up with a terrible purple elephant in the living room which I saw clearer as the years dragged on. I stayed because I HAD to and am glad I did. I became a vicious woman....but it was necessary.

I never let the subject die. In 1999, they came to our home & I flipped out...I could not be the "identified patient" any longer. I told them to get out and never come back, yet did not address the abuse. It was volcanic, ugly, terrible, but it had to be done. Our priest agreed later it had to be done, yet it had been my husband's job. I've never seen them again nor been in their presence. My husband stood with me yet still wouldn't accept reality. He has seen them maybe 5 times since. Finally, when they were out of our space and our children left the nest, my husband saw the elephant and it was hard. He went to counseling on his own. He admitted & realized the elephant was sex/incest/pretty facade in his family. He has never confronted them & the counselor said that's ok. We live states-away from all his relatives. What's sad is these are successful people! I talked with our daughter several times, even interrogated her as a pre-schooler....she could only say at age 22 that she had a creepy, "run!" feeling in Grandpa's presence & couldn't explain why. After my husband's epiphany, he went to her, talked & apologized. She cannot handle it. She called me a couple of years ago (drunk) and yelled at me to never ever bring it up again, that it is the past and does not affect her anymore. So, now we sit and watch her act out, unable to see...refusing to look. Her home is decorated circa 1980, even containing items from their home. Psychologically stuck. She even got her degree in psychology in what I believe was subconscious effort to deal with it.

Daycare providers, teachers, neighbors, alert family members & even Wal-Mart shoppers: "stop, look and listen." It's everywhere. TV has "legalized" sexualization of our kids, let alone the asleep adults. Thank you for letting me tell a bit of my story. Love your children, never let them out of your "sight".....gnaw on a fencepost for food if you have to to keep them safe.

Thank you.

Last edited by Michael; 04-11-2013 at 02:19 PM.
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  #33  
Old 04-11-2013, 02:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Aaah, I was afraid no one would be here.

Yes, I went to good counseling off and on for years, got my husband to go a few times.....yet he denied, incapable of looking....he couldn't see anything about anything in fact. He had grown up with a terrible purple elephant in the living room which I saw clearer as the years dragged on. I stayed because I HAD to and am glad I did. I became a vicious woman....but it was necessary.

I never let the subject die. In 1999, they came to our home & I flipped out...I could not be the "identified patient" any longer. I told them to get out and never come back, yet did not address the abuse. It was volcanic, ugly, terrible, but it had to be done. Our priest agreed later it had to be done, yet it had been my husband's job. I've never seen them again nor been in their presence. My husband stood with me yet still wouldn't accept reality. He has seen them maybe 5 times since. Finally, when they were out of our space and our children left the nest, my husband saw the elephant and it was hard. He went to counseling on his own. He admitted & realized the elephant was sex/incest/pretty facade in his family. He has never confronted them & the counselor said that's ok. We live states-away from all his relatives. What's sad is these are successful people! I talked with our daughter several times, even interrogated her as a pre-schooler....she could only say at age 22 that she had a creepy, "run!" feeling in Grandpa's presence & couldn't explain why. After my husband's epiphany, he went to her, talked & apologized. She cannot handle it. She called me a couple of years ago (drunk) and yelled at me to never ever bring it up again, that it is the past and does not affect her anymore. So, now we sit and watch her act out, unable to see...refusing to look. Her home is decorated circa 1980, even containing items from their home. Psychologically stuck. She even got her degree in psychology in what I believe was subconscious effort to deal with it.

Daycare providers, teachers, neighbors, alert family members & even Wal-Mart shoppers: "stop, look and listen." It's everywhere. TV has "legalized" sexualization of our kids, let alone the asleep adults. Thank you for letting me tell a bit of my story. Love your children, never let them out of your "sight".....gnaw on a fencepost for food if you have to to keep them safe.

Thank you.
Thanks for sharing.
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  #34  
Old 04-12-2013, 08:29 AM
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Default Be Paranoid!

Take your child to his doctor IMMEDIATELY. tell them what you suspect and ask for a thorough exam.

If you do not trust your provider, then do not take your child back. Take a leave of absence from work or bring in a trusted family member or friend who can provide care in your home until this is resolved.

With that said, constipation, a change in diet, developmental changes and other factors could all be responsible for your son's new aversion to diapering. Constipation could cause rectal or anal bleeding and tearing, and only a medical professional can help determine if that is the cause or if there is reason for suspicion.

At the heart of it though, you must protect your child no matter what. If I ever even suspected my child was being hurt at a daycare, I would remove him first and ask questions later. Never take your child somewhere you are not comfortable with! There may be nothing bad happening to your son, and I dearly hope that is the case, but your fear and suspicion should not be dismissed.

If your child's doctor feels there is cause for concern, immediately report it to the police and licensing agency and let them do their job. Take pictures if necessary of your child's bottom and document everything you can remember.

If, however, you discover there has been no foul play, consider finding a trusted person you have known a long time to care for your child going forward, which may help ease your fears. Also consider seeing a professional to see if there is a healthy way for you to deal with your anxiety so you don't feel consumed or ruled by it. That is of course if it turns out nothing is amiss.

But please never hesitate or dismiss your instincts as a mom! Always have your child checked at his pediatrician ANY time you are unsure.
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Old 04-18-2013, 08:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Charlotte View Post
My 2 year old toddler said to me last week "don't hurt my pee pee" I was shocked and could not believe that she said this. Also in the past few weeks she has been complaining that her pee pee hurts. Tonight after my boy friend left she said that Aaaaa bites her pull up and when I asked her if he ever put his hand down her pullup she showed me by putting her hand down there. Earlier tonight when he was here I was sitting in the chair and he and her were on the couch - wrestling as he always does with her. I have been feeling increasingly uncomfortable with their wrestling/play. At one point tonight she was under a blanket and his hands were under the blanket but I could not confirm that he was trying to touch her. Something is wrong and I am just not sure what is going on. Perhaps it's nothing but my gut is uncomfortable with him and would like some advice. Other things I have noticed include he is always saying to her...you can't do it...you're not doing it right...I stopped him from saying to her...you can't listen. He also is insisting that I discipline her by saying things like she should not be telling me no or aren't you going to do something she she refuses to eat her food and talks back when she does not get her way. I feel me punishing her is forming an alliance between him and her and I won't be encouraging it. Any advice?
All you have to do is ask yourself who do you love more you daughter or your bf? Personally if I had any small suspicion that he was doing that I would dump him. I would also remind him that she is YOUR daughter (I am assuming he is not her bio father) and YOU will be the one in charge of her discipline and if he doesn't like it he can take a hike! My cousin tells all her bfs straight up from the beginning that her son has a dad and that even if things did get serious between them that they are not responsible for punishing her son (other then minor guidance when it comes to safety).
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  #36  
Old 04-25-2013, 08:30 AM
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Unhappy My son's behavior has changed drastically!

I recently put my son in a daycare center. Its a center for 16 month olds up to kindnergaten. The center staff are working with potty training the childen. Well my 2 year old doesn't want me to change his poopy pullups, he doesn't want me to wash him up. He complains when I try to change him,telling me no and stop. He fights when I try to change his clothes. I talked to the childcare centers staff that care for him but they said they haven't noticed any difference, he's fine with them changeing him. ( but I mean really they could just be wolves in sheeps clothing)I took him to his pediatrician yestersay and she told me to take him out of there. She did a check up but she said that there wouldn't really be anything that they would find if he was being abused. But she told me to tqake him out of there. She also said I could take him to childrens hospital; they would take photo's do an examination, and send child protection services and the police to the childcare center. They would then conduct a lengthy investigation that may not lead to anything because the toddlers in the room do not talk well enough to explain what go's on there. I feel bad because my child got to know the other children there and I liked the facility, but I couldn't overlook the change in my sons behavior.
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Old 04-25-2013, 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by theconcerned View Post
I recently put my son in a daycare center. Its a center for 16 month olds up to kindnergaten. The center staff are working with potty training the childen. Well my 2 year old doesn't want me to change his poopy pullups, he doesn't want me to wash him up. He complains when I try to change him,telling me no and stop. He fights when I try to change his clothes. I talked to the childcare centers staff that care for him but they said they haven't noticed any difference, he's fine with them changeing him. ( but I mean really they could just be wolves in sheeps clothing)I took him to his pediatrician yestersay and she told me to take him out of there. She did a check up but she said that there wouldn't really be anything that they would find if he was being abused. But she told me to tqake him out of there. She also said I could take him to childrens hospital; they would take photo's do an examination, and send child protection services and the police to the childcare center. They would then conduct a lengthy investigation that may not lead to anything because the toddlers in the room do not talk well enough to explain what go's on there. I feel bad because my child got to know the other children there and I liked the facility, but I couldn't overlook the change in my sons behavior.
If your child's doctor suspects abuse from the provider then your doctor is the one who needs to report it. Doctors are mandated reporters which means they are obligated by law to report suspected child abuse and neglect (physical, sexual, emotional, medical, etc.). It's not right for them to put it off and place the responsibility on the childrens hospital.

With that said, you have to do what you feel is right. If your intuition is telling you that your child is being abused, then you should go with that. It doesn't matter if it's happening or not, IMHO.

I don't know if your child is being abused by the childcare provider, but keeping your child there until you're for sure doesn't seem like the right answer. KWIM?
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  #38  
Old 04-24-2014, 11:56 AM
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Default I don't know

Well I don't know what to do. My son is 3 months old almost 4 months old. His father has a past of sexually abusing children about 4 years ago. He was a daycare worker at his church and abused three children a 4 year old girl, a 7 year old girl, and an 18 month old baby boy. He says that he has changed his ways and his record was expunged. he claims that since he got saved he won't ever do that again but recently my son absolutely hates him. My son loves everyone, he is usually the happiest baby in the world and now almost 4 months old I have never heard him really scream until recently. It is only with his father. His father has visits twice a week and they are in our home, and loosely supervised because we didn't think that he would dare do anything in our home. But the last 3 visits my son screams his head off as soon as he sees his father. There seems to be no physical signs but it doesn't make sense I have never seen my son act like this. as soon as he is in my arms he instantly stops crying and starts this talk as if he is trying to tell me something, but the instant I hand him back to his father he is livid, and its been consistent every visit as off a couple weeks ago. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to find out if anything is going on. I don't think there is any physical signs that I can see, and I don't even know how he would do anything in our home. I don't know what to do, or if there is any way I could expose him if he were doing something, I don't want this to keep on going on and I want to stop this as soon as possible. any ideas please?
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  #39  
Old 08-17-2016, 01:54 PM
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https://www.acep.org/Clinical---Prac...al-Abuse-Exam/
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  #40  
Old 08-18-2016, 09:44 PM
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Silly Songs Silly Songs is online now
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Parents, moms, please. If you are having anyone in your life who has been accused of abuse, or has admitted abusing a child, get away. Do not believe them that they have changed. Most sexual abusers do not stop !! Ask someone you trust to let you stay on the couch or something until you can find shelter for your child and yourself ! Report any suspicions to someone and keep your child safe !! Your child/ children should be your FIRST responsibility ! If someone strikes you or your child, get them out of your home/ get out of their home immediately ! You need to keep your children safe!!
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  #41  
Old 08-19-2016, 06:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Silly Songs View Post
Parents, moms, please. If you are having anyone in your life who has been accused of abuse, or has admitted abusing a child, get away. Do not believe them that they have changed. Most sexual abusers do not stop !! Ask someone you trust to let you stay on the couch or something until you can find shelter for your child and yourself ! Report any suspicions to someone and keep your child safe !! Your child/ children should be your FIRST responsibility ! If someone strikes you or your child, get them out of your home/ get out of their home immediately ! You need to keep your children safe!!
This is an old thread, but that can't be said often enough, especially the bolded part. In the majority of cases, it's who they are.
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Old 05-06-2017, 03:57 PM
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Default Have a bad gut feeling

My newborn son was taking away from me he is a month old. He currently in a foster home, I have no idea how many kids are in the home what the age range is, or if there is a foster father. I have yet to meet the foster mother, I will be meeting her Monday at the doctors. My biggest fear is that he will get sexually abused, him not being able to talk will make him easy target. The last 2 times I have seen him/ changed him his button has been red looks like diaper rash. I just have this God awful feeling, last Saturday he went to hospital due to diarrhea. I don't know what to do. When I go to doctors Monday I will make damn sure I ask, but am scared doctor won't be able to tell just by looking good like so many other cases physicians are unable to tell. I don't know what to I'm freaking out! I feel so helpless, I don't know what I would do if I found out....help me please. I don't know who to turn to or what to do.
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  #43  
Old 05-08-2017, 12:20 PM
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Why was he removed from your care? Why the concern so specifically about sexual abuse?

Parents are more likely to abuse a child than a caregiver. I was a foster parent for years, and there are background checks and invasive home visits.
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  #44  
Old 05-15-2017, 05:59 PM
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Default Daughter trigger all red flags of abuse

She is autistic high functioning she has regressed to how she was when she was around 2 certain ppl . From birth to age 7 (she hasnt seen these ppl for 4 yrs until recently) ex bed wetting the cartoons she watched back then etc She acts like shes 4 and has numorous aggressive outbursts attacks me obsesive laughing for no reason. The list goes on and on. i filed a report with cys 3 weeks ago and her Tss filed 2 weeks ago and havent heard anything. Have app with victim services thiursday. Ok two questions would they be able to tell phsyically if she was abused and should i take her to our pcp or a gyno? thank you for any advice
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Old 08-11-2017, 01:57 AM
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Unhappy I think my boyfriend is molesting our 3yr old son but I haven't caught him in the act

My boyfriend (I'll call him Bob) and I have been together for five years and I love him deeply but I'm thinking about leaving him for the safety of our son. I personally think my boyfriend (Bob) was molested as a child but he totally denies it every time I bring it up. I even asked his mom and she denied it too. His father past away when my bf was 14. Bob is very quiet and shy. I'm the opposite, bubbly and outgoing. We make the perfect couple but I feel like I'm living a lie because I'm no longer happy and attracted to him. I think my boyfriend is molesting our 3yr son(I'll call my son Henry). I started to noticed Bob's strange behaviors when our son Henry was 8months. Bob constantly wanted to sit Henry on his lap. He places Henry directly on top of both thighs. I would understand if it was one. He wouldn't do anything strange when Henry is sitting on him but I just get bad vibes from it. I only started to notice when he would get hard after our son would get off of him. Till this very moment it's still happening and his explanation is he can't control it and does not know why it happens. I have never ever seen any physical signs of abuse but in my heart and gut I know something is going on. This feeling has never gone away since 2.5 yr ago. Henry would act very weird when I would return to the room after him and our son Henry was left alone. He acts uncomfortable and strange but tries to play it off. Whenever they are left alone I just get a weird and unease vibe. I want to leave him but I have been trying to look for proof and it's 2017 still no proof. Well tonight might be my proof and I've decided to leave him. So I got home unexpectedly around 10pm and Bob was sitting with our son in the couch, with a shirt and just boxers. He was hard onces again(when Bob is hard, he lifts his penis upward so it's not noticeable but I know the trick and noticed it). I was heated and did not speak to him for the entire night. I just grabbed our son and we fell asleep on the couch. I woke up around 2am to find Henry butt naked (no bottom on just his shirt) on the floor and Bob with no shirt just his boxers. He was covered with a blanket and our son was not. I have been asking God for proof or to catch him for years and nothing but I felt like tonight was enough proof. I can't do this anymore because I can not trust to leave Henry alone with his own father Bob. I stopped him from bathing his son,(by just always doing it and voiding him to do it), I don't feel comfortable when they are left alone, and I feel like I have to sleep with my son under my arms because I'm afraid he would go in his room to touch him. I'm not sure what type of molestation he's doing but there's no physical signs but my gut is telling me something is going on. I did addressed Bob tonight and he denied it of course. I have confronted him several times with my suspicions and he denies and dismissed them like I'm just going crazy and it's all in my head. I know something happened but didn't see it. I have also asked and talked to my son "if daddy ever touched you there" and he says no but he's young so he doesn't know. It really break my heart to end this but I can not continue to live in fear. My son safety comes first and can't continue to sit and wait for proof. I don't want to be 60yr and live with this regret. I'm scared no one will believe me. We are high school sweet heart and I love him. He's such a great guy(loving, sweet, helpful, great father, caring and etc). He's basically everything someone would want in a guy but he does have his flaws. One thing I can not accept is this suspicious or gut feeling I have about Bob. I can not wait any longer before our child become scare for life. It breaks my heart because I really wanted us to stay together since I didn't grow up in a two parents household. As for my bf he was raised in a traditional household with two parents and siblings. Everyone is rooting for our relationship and want us to stay together forever but no one know what's going on bc I'm too afraid and ashamed to explain to anyone. My mom is my best friend and I want to tell her but she will probably call the cops. I sort of feel trapped with Bob bc we have build so much together (car, house, family, accounts and etc). Not sure how everything will unfold but I'm willing to take a leap of faith and leave him. My fear is for Bob to continue this nasty behavior into our son adulthood and scare him for life. I know I'm not crazy but something is going on but can't proof it. I just need some advice and input on this. Please help!!!! I have been trying to escape for years but don't know how without making everything public bc I do not want that. We both have great paying jobs, great position in the community and our church; don't want our lives to be expose like that. I was thinking to just have him to leave and go back to his moms house and say we grew apart and our relationship is not working. Ugh I don't know what to do or think, someone please help. I feel so alone, ashamed, confused, disrespected, used and misguided. We are both African and elders encourage us to stay together no matter what but this is America and I do not want to stand by that. I'm tired of lying to myself and pushing me gut feelings away.
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  #46  
Old 08-11-2017, 07:50 AM
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sorry, you are not going to like my answer. why you protecting bob? you need to worry about protecting your son.

take him to the doctors. have him looked at and speak to professionals.

trust your gut and stop waiting for proof. your suspicion alone of what you already experienced is enough to warrant professional help. get help.
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  #47  
Old 08-11-2017, 08:15 AM
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Take your son for a forensic interview. Don't ask your son any more questions. Don't tell boyfriend you are doing it. Just get it done as soon as you can.

I suggest this because if you leave him without proof of abuse, he'll most certainly be granted unsupervised and overnight visits.

Get the interview done by someone who specializes in child abuse forensic interviews. PM me (you'll have to join the forum to do so) and I will be happy to help you locate resources to help you. If you'd rather, you can contact a local abuse shelter or your local CPS office to ask for help in determining whether your child is being abused. Don't put this off-get on the phone right now and get this done.
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