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Old 12-16-2010, 05:34 PM
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alyssyn alyssyn is offline
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Default 4 Yr Old And Shoes

Hello everyone, been awhile since my last post. To make a long story short, Gma picked up 4 year old dcg today. While she was signing her out and chatting I asked dcg to put on her shoes, which she did not. I told dcg several times again to put on her shoes, she did not. So I said to dcg, "Sit down in this chair and put your shoes on, please. I have asked you 4 times already." Well, this made Gma mad and she flew around the table and put her shoes on for her. She never came out and said anything to me but I knew it made her mad. Was I wrong to ask dcg to sit and put on her shoes or should I have just done it for her? I've never had her to act this way before and she always puts on her own shoes for me. Just wandering, could it have been she acted this way because Gma picked up? She rarely picks up.
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Old 12-16-2010, 05:43 PM
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Oh, I'm SURE it was because Grandma was there. Why should she have to do what she KNOWS Grandma will do for her

No, you were not wrong to ask the child to do what she is perfectly capable of.
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Old 12-16-2010, 06:31 PM
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I have this too with my DCG3. I know she is perfectly capable but she will stall until the end of time because she want's someone else to do it for her. I would love some strategies on getting her to do it herself instead of throwing a fit or ingoring me just because I tell her to do what I know she can do.
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Old 12-16-2010, 07:07 PM
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nannyde nannyde is offline
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May I ask why you didn't tell Grandma to stay out of it and intervene when she put the shoes on the child? Did you make it clear that you didn't want her to interfere with your discipline and direction to the child?

Are you willing to notify the parents and let them know how badly the grandma behaved in your home? Are you wiling to tell them how rude it was for her to interfere and put the child's shoes on when you were VERY clear that you expected the child to do it?

If you believe that the child should have done as she was told then you have to be willing to put your money where your mouth is. Money being loosing the kids money if you are firm with the parents that the grandma overstepped her bounds.

THAT'S what it takes to send the message to the kid that while in your home YOU are the boss and she is to do as she is told. If you are not willing to loose the money then you have to accept that you have to do as the kid wants while in the presence of her adults.

It's a hard reality but it comes with this job.
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Old 12-16-2010, 07:44 PM
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Live and Learn Live and Learn is offline
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My first pick up is 3:15 my last is 4:00.
At 3:00 everyone puts their shoes on, backpacks, lunch bags, artwork, jackets are laid out and ready to roll! When parents show up....Swoosh!....out the door.
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Old 12-17-2010, 06:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
May I ask why you didn't tell Grandma to stay out of it and intervene when she put the shoes on the child? Did you make it clear that you didn't want her to interfere with your discipline and direction to the child?

Are you willing to notify the parents and let them know how badly the grandma behaved in your home? Are you wiling to tell them how rude it was for her to interfere and put the child's shoes on when you were VERY clear that you expected the child to do it?

If you believe that the child should have done as she was told then you have to be willing to put your money where your mouth is. Money being loosing the kids money if you are firm with the parents that the grandma overstepped her bounds.

THAT'S what it takes to send the message to the kid that while in your home YOU are the boss and she is to do as she is told. If you are not willing to loose the money then you have to accept that you have to do as the kid wants while in the presence of her adults.

It's a hard reality but it comes with this job.
Oh yes. I intend to speak to dcg's mom at drop off this morning. I will explain to her how Gma overstepped herself in my home yesterday and that wasn't acceptable. When dcg is in my home I expect her to do as I ask her to do. When she leaves my home she may do as her parents wish. If Mom does not agree she can find other care. I can't let a child take over, if I do I'm done.
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Old 12-17-2010, 06:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Live and Learn View Post
My first pick up is 3:15 my last is 4:00.
At 3:00 everyone puts their shoes on, backpacks, lunch bags, artwork, jackets are laid out and ready to roll! When parents show up....Swoosh!....out the door.
Yes, this is what I do also. After nap everyone puts on their shoes and gets ready for snack and pickup. Only thing is, yesterday dcg's gma picked her up enexpectedly 2.5 hrs early.
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Old 12-17-2010, 07:11 AM
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In my home, when that type of situation happens, the child is also talked to about listening when they arrive the next day. At 4 years old she is perfectly capable of understanding that you are upset with her for not listening ot you in your home; even though it happened yesterday. I have a dcb who is 5 and does something similar; only he smiles at me like "you can't tell me what to do.." I only have him periodically, but when he returns he gets time out or loss of priviledges for his behavior. I would also talk to parents but, sometimes changing the childs behavior is easier and waymore effective than tryin got change a parent. (especially a grandparent who feels it is their right to spoil their grandchild)
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Old 12-17-2010, 07:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCMomOf3 View Post
I have this too with my DCG3. I know she is perfectly capable but she will stall until the end of time because she want's someone else to do it for her. I would love some strategies on getting her to do it herself instead of throwing a fit or ingoring me just because I tell her to do what I know she can do.
Can you get her started earlier than the other kids to get stuff on? What about setting a timer and telling her you have til the timer rings and if shoes aren't on then give her a consequence? Does she do this all the time or is just in front of mom/dad? If all else fails, tell her she can get her shoes on now or you are leaving without her. Yes, she'll cry and throw a fit, but I bet shoes will get on. I know it sounds harsh/mean, but she has the choice of what to do.
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Old 12-17-2010, 08:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkat View Post
Can you get her started earlier than the other kids to get stuff on? What about setting a timer and telling her you have til the timer rings and if shoes aren't on then give her a consequence? Does she do this all the time or is just in front of mom/dad? If all else fails, tell her she can get her shoes on now or you are leaving without her. Yes, she'll cry and throw a fit, but I bet shoes will get on. I know it sounds harsh/mean, but she has the choice of what to do.
IT's hit or miss. Sometimes with mom, some times with me alone, and it's not every single time, which is how I know she is capable.If we have to go to school, I have tried saying we are leaving then start getting the other kids in the van . She will panic, grab her stuff in her arms and walk to the door, not dressed, just carrying everything then she will start screaming. I will try starting her earlier, because usually we are on a time constraint, whether it's going to school or leaving for home at the end of the day.
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Old 12-17-2010, 05:33 PM
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Sounds to me like you need to do bye-bye outside. Make mom and gma stay outside and dcg can go out when she is ready. Ask nannyde for more specifics.
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