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Old 03-25-2011, 05:12 PM
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Question Soooo Long But Please Help Me??

I completely understand if no one has time for this but if u do please help me. I thank u greatly! I am a state certified provider who takes clients through the welfare system. State pays me $20 per day for preschoolers and $15 a day for school age. Anytime under 2 hrs I only get $5 for the day, under 4 hrs I only get $10 anything up to 12 hrs I get $20) If the kids arent in care I dont get paid. No holidays, no vacation etc, nothing paid. I am a single mom this is my only income.

I have a 2 1/2 yr old DCB that has been here for 1 year as of this week. When he 1st came here he was very violent towards me. Thank goodness I didn't have other kids at the time. When his Mom would drop him off his separation anxiety was actually like a rage. I would try to comfort him and he would slap me in the face and pull my hair etc. So after a week of having my hair pulled out I had enough and let him lie of the floor til he was done. We would then begin to play and gradually learn a few things.

Then the rage started also happening when it came time to leave the playground or park etc. He would beat on me more until I got him home and was able to release him (i know i should have taken a stroller but it wasnt a long walk, lesson learned). I had to stop taking him to the park and playground. I would let him play in my yard on the swingset and sandbox etc due to the fear of taking him out but when it was time to come in same thing, attack! He can be good as well he's not all bad but as soon as he doesnt get what he wants look out!!

Then 1 day I walked to school at 3pm as usual to pick up my son. He was walking fine until he saw his grandma who pulled the car over let him sit in the seat and told him he could spend the night this weekend. Now a 2 yr old does not know what this weekend means so when she handed him back he threw a holy fit! She said sorry and drove off. I had to get to the school to get my son but he is on the ground kicking and screaming. I picked him up and carried him 3 blocks trying to hold his hands down but it was too hard. He was fighting squirming kicking. He literally clawed my eyes scratching my eye lid. Kicked me in the stomach, and bruised my arm he pinched it so hard and had a handful of hair at the same time. I finally had to stop and send a neighbor to get my son and bring him to me. People were stopping and staring I was so humiliated!! My hair 1/2 pulled out of the ponytail and red marks all over my face and a screaming toddler! I had to call my mom to pick us up as I could no longer carry him. My neck was bleeding from the scratches my eyelid was now swollen and I just lost it. I would tell his mother about all of these fits she would just beg me not to drop her she didnt have anyone etc. She is a single Mom but has a live in boyfriend and sisters, friends, a mom and dad, all busy I guess. She was working mid day shifts. I would have him from 10:30am until 8:30 pm. She said there was no one else that would take him so I felt bad and needing the money myself I allowed him to stay but had to have my Mother pick my son up from then on in case this ever happened again. I called the monitor for advise who then directed me to a behavior specialist. Nothing she advised helped.

This anger/rage went on for months but he was the only child at the time so I had to endure it. One Friday in early winter he had been acting out all day and I had enough. I was putting on his shoes which he didnt want on so he kicked me in the face! I didnt bleed but it hurt! 10 mins later his Mom came and I wasnt happy. She said I looked like I needed a break and I said yeah I do! Then DCB tries pulling my mini trampoline out from behind my chair. I ask him to stop and he starts beating it against the wall the digital display is flashing so I bark at him PLEASE STOP IT!! She gets mad grabs him and says come on lets go home! 2 minutes later I get a text while she is driving home that she wont be bringing him back because she doesnt like people downing her kid! WHAT??? OMG! I hate when people text while driving, with a todder in the car especially! I freak out and call her and leave voice mail to call when she gets home. An hour later she wont pick up. So I finally text back saying ok thats fine if u dont want to discuss it but u were contracted to give a 2 week written notice. (I'm not allowed to charge anything either, only days the child is actually in care) She then texts she will give me 1 and find a center to take him to. Monday comes and my son was upset she was pulling her son. She tells him "oh dont worry honey i was just mad from something at work i'm not pulling him" I about hit the floor!! I was worried sick all weekend and she never meant it?? I told her that was wrong of her to do to me! She said oh sorry I should have told u sooner.

So finally 1 of my old kids comes back into daycare who is 3 his mother comes off and on when she feels like working so not steady pay at all. So as usual I just dealt with it making his time outs longer and longer before I would allow any fun or projects. Over time he calmed down with the seperation rage but he does still snap when he has to come in. Even when we clean up for dinner he gets angry and hits walls screams no and swings at me.

Tonight we invited my Mom as usual to dinner and DCB acted out as he sometimes does only it has been worse this past week. He was kicking the table and throwing food and laughing when we said it wasnt nice. We told him stop and he spit food on the table. I used my stern voice and he pointed at me as usual and yelled NO DONT U TELL ME! making that angry face. My son told him he would like to eat in peace. DCB then tells my son to get out of the house! I removed DCB to a time out chair and told him when he was ready to eat nicely he could return. He said he was sorry I put him back at the table and he started again. We ignored his spitting food until he spit it in moms plate. I had enough and told him he was going back to time out and he then threw his plate across the table. I hated to inform the Mom but I was so upset my stomach was hurting. I cant even eat family dinner in peace now? My poor child shares his home with this kid for EVERY MEAL until 6:30 (now that she changed shift but it's still 10 hr shifts) I text her informing her of the situation and asked what I should do thinking perhaps she encounters this. She ignored it. (shes texts all day so i know she got it) So I text again 10 mins later asking if she got the text. She said "yes and I dont know what to tell u either dont feed him and i will feed him tv dinners every night or u will have to change your meal time to a later time because I cant be there to stop him". OMG! Change MY meal times to suit YOUR child because he cant controll himself? Now I am so upset I am just sick!

I hate to mention things to his Mom for fear of her pulling him. She threatened just 2 weeks ago to pull him again because I had 3 unscheduled closings this month. 1 an unscheduled pick up as flood was coming into my basement (u have to cut power). 2 unscheduled because my mom was taken from her home by ambulance i wanted to go to the hosp. and the last unscheduled was my son being sent home with strep throat. She was mad because she claims to have no one yet all through summer when SHE wants him to go to the park 5 dif people pick him up at various times.

I have 2 new kids so I could make it paycheck to paycheck but I want more for my child. We couldnt afford to go on any vacation at all last yr. I would like to save for 1 this yr so I keep tolerating it. Plus I have brough this boy a LONG way! When he 1st came he didnt have much vocab and didnt know shapes number etc. I have taught him everything as well as manage to get him calmed down a lot so I feel like I have put so much effort into him I hate to see it all go away. I feel like the mom is just very rude now compared to the beginning when she literally begged me to keep him in care. I think she knows now she can find a center since she changed her hours but I deserve respect. What do I do to get it? How do I get this child to settle down? I have NEVER in my life seen such an angry 2 yr old. She says hes bipolar but that cannot be diagnosed for years to come and she jokes about her family being bipolar. It's not a joke!

Last edited by DCMomOf3; 03-25-2011 at 07:02 PM.
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Old 03-25-2011, 07:09 PM
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I hate to say it, but you have to term this child. When you do, you will feel the relief wash over you. Your son will feel it to.

As far as the money goes- you can replace this child once he is gone. It may take some time but you will find a replacement. I know that you want to take your child on vacation but truly a happy home without this dcb will make up for having to wait to take a vacation.
I hope that helps. I am so sorry you are going through this- only you can put an end to it.
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Old 03-25-2011, 07:11 PM
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In all honesty, you have to term them. what is going to happen with the new kids and them seeing you being treated like that? They will start to learn from this boy. Term him, and wait for a better fit for your care and then save. you have been physically hurt and disrespected by the child and the mother and neither of them care. Term them.
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Old 03-25-2011, 07:42 PM
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wow you must really have a lot and I mean a LOT of patience.

HOnestly, no amount of money is worthing being abused. By the child and mother.

I agree with the other people that responded that you need to let this boy go. You will find another child and you will feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off your back. You also owe it to your son to not let this go on anymore. It sounds like this little boy is taking away your son's happiness.

I am so sorry you are in the situation, but the money cut will only be a temp. situation until you find another child.

Don't fear the parent, becuase she pays you. This is your business, not hers. You make the rules, not her....

I would start advertising now and conducting interviews for his replacement.
I really hope that things get better for you soon.
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Old 03-25-2011, 08:04 PM
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Wow. I think it sounds like you need to let mom know that she and you need to be on the same page with how her son behaves andhow to deal with it when he misbehaves. He's screaming for attention and getting it. if mom allows certain behaviors that you won't most disipline techniques will faulter.

I would give her two weeks to asist with teaching him tantrums are not ok--at least to start. i would let her know that you two can re-evaluate the situation in two weeks and go from there. if things improve, they can stay. Not many places will tolerate that kind of behavior.

Now, if you need the money and are afraid they will leave if you mention any type of change to them (and i really don't advocate keeping a child on strictly for the money), you may just have to deal with it. respect is learned through what you will/will not tolerate. if you tolerate the behavior of both mother and child they will continue to behave that way.

good luck and take care of YOU, too. Vacation or not...you're child needs YOU more than he needs a vacation. Plus, he's wittnessing some pretty unruley behavior which isn't healthy either. JMHO

ps. after all that getting beat up on thought you could use some (((hugs)))
take care
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Old 03-25-2011, 08:15 PM
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Wow. I think it sounds like you need to let mom know that she and you need to be on the same page with how her son behaves andhow to deal with it when he misbehaves. He's screaming for attention and getting it. if mom allows certain behaviors that you won't most disipline techniques will faulter.

I would give her two weeks to asist with teaching him tantrums are not ok--at least to start. i would let her know that you two can re-evaluate the situation in two weeks and go from there. if things improve, they can stay. Not many places will tolerate that kind of behavior.

Now, if you need the money and are afraid they will leave if you mention any type of change to them (and i really don't advocate keeping a child on strictly for the money), you may just have to deal with it. respect is learned through what you will/will not tolerate. if you tolerate the behavior of both mother and child they will continue to behave that way.

good luck and take care of YOU, too. Vacation or not...you're child needs YOU more than he needs a vacation. Plus, he's wittnessing some pretty unruley behavior which isn't healthy either. JMHO

ps. after all that getting beat up on thought you could use some (((hugs)))
take care
LOL Thank u for the hugs. We have come a long way tho. I haven't been beaten up for a while.

I thank u all for all the help and advise. Actually after her last threat I started thinking of the positive things like I can close at 3:30 for a while because my other 2 kids leave at 3:30. I have been staying open until 6:30 just for her kid.

Bad part about filling the spot is I don't get many calls. Most come through our child care resource center and the list is 8 pages long of providers not counting the centers just certified local home daycare. I do advertise on sites like care.com and such as well as the papers from time to time.

As far as her paying me she only pays $2 per day for care! The state pays the other $18 which they pay me at the end of the month. I think the state laws need to be changed as far as what providers get paid and what the parents pay out. She get's paid $1,800.00 a month and is only required to pay $2 per day while I work for $20 per day. Isn't right in my opinion but what can I do.
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Old 03-25-2011, 08:17 PM
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In all honesty, you have to term them. what is going to happen with the new kids and them seeing you being treated like that? They will start to learn from this boy. Term him, and wait for a better fit for your care and then save. you have been physically hurt and disrespected by the child and the mother and neither of them care. Term them.
This is very true I didn't think of it from that aspect. Looks like I will be giving her her 2 weeks notice. Thank u!
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Old 03-25-2011, 09:16 PM
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I agree with everyone else here... you need to let this child and the mother go. Neither of them are good for you. I know losing the money is a yucky thought, but the calmness and the relief that will fill your home will be very welcomed and well deserved.

IF by some chance you decide to keep this child, I would be putting my foot down extremely hard in regads to discipline with the child and respect from the mother. Mother needs to be active in helping to curb and change her childs behavior, if he truly is bipolar, it won't be an easy task and it will require both of you to be consistent with him and follow through on everything. He can learn to behave.
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Old 03-26-2011, 04:45 AM
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Let this child go NOW! You, your son, and any other children that come into your home are at risk of getting hurt. And if I was a parent interviewing with you to watch my kids, I would leave the second I saw or heard of this kind of behaviour. It's not fair to you or to your son to keep dcb around.

Kudos for keeping him this long. But honestly, we can't fix them all. Some of them we just have to let go.

As far as money goes, and saving for a vacation -- why not do something simpler and less expensive with your son? We go camping and do day trips to save money, and we pack our own food (usually rolls & cold cuts from the grocery store). As a result, our kids have seen more of our local attractions than alot of their friends

I know that one day, this dc boy will realize what he put you through and will be grateful that you stuck with him this long. But he'll also understand why you had to let him go. And who knows, maybe in a center he'll be able to get the help he needs.

Good luck and be strong!
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Old 03-26-2011, 05:29 AM
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Let this child go NOW! You, your son, and any other children that come into your home are at risk of getting hurt. And if I was a parent interviewing with you to watch my kids, I would leave the second I saw or heard of this kind of behaviour. It's not fair to you or to your son to keep dcb around.

Kudos for keeping him this long. But honestly, we can't fix them all. Some of them we just have to let go.

As far as money goes, and saving for a vacation -- why not do something simpler and less expensive with your son? We go camping and do day trips to save money, and we pack our own food (usually rolls & cold cuts from the grocery store). As a result, our kids have seen more of our local attractions than alot of their friends

I know that one day, this dc boy will realize what he put you through and will be grateful that you stuck with him this long. But he'll also understand why you had to let him go. And who knows, maybe in a center he'll be able to get the help he needs.

Good luck and be strong!
Thank u! I often wonder if the kids remember anything from time spent with providers when they are young. My son went to head start while I worked as an aide he was 3 and doesnt remember much even though I would talk about the good people there. He continued to school with some of the same kids and doesn't remember them much from those days. Maybe he just has a bad memory.

I take my son as well as the daycare kids on outtings such as the zoo and parks. We are going to the circus Monday and I decided to have a back up (Mom) come in for the 2 yr old DCB. I am afraid he will ruin my sons time at the circus plus I would have to pay for everything for him as usual because his Mom never has money to help pay for his share. I also take my son (just he, my mother, and I) to festivals and just days at the park on weekends in summer. (I stopped doing weekend care a couple yrs ago so we had time alone together) I would love to take him camping but there isn't a place near me that I know of. Maybe we will have to camp out in the back yard this summer. Our vacations are usually just a few days to a bigger city. Our city doesnt have much at all. A couple kids museums that arent very interesting and rather small. We have a couple parks with a playground and boating as well as a very small zoo and that's about it. A couple yrs ago our vacaction was to Pittsburgh PA I rented a Hotel for 3 days and we saw a lot. I took him to 3 museums, Pitt zoo, a science center geared for kids (carnegie science center) he even got to drive an old war amphib vehicle/boat in the river (duckie boat tours). In the evenings we dipped in the hotel pool and had a pillow fight with Gran and just had a ball for 3 days. It only cost me about $600 when we were all done for, food all weekend, hotel, admissions, etc.

Sorry got to reminiscing and rambling there. Thank u all for the help and advise! I lurk here off and on and have come to really respect u all and trust your opinions.
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Old 03-26-2011, 05:57 AM
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This child has a lot of behaviour problems that need LOTS of one on one care and intervention!

How old is your little boy? You may really need this money right now but IMHO my own son's well being would be worth more than any amount of money. Your little boy needs to learn what is right and he has the right to live in his own home in peace! He is seeing and learning bad things from this child. He sees this child disrespect you. You did not mention if your son is exhibiting any kind of similar behaviours that he has learned from this child. My guess is that he is.


There are a lot more children out there and it may take some time to find a better fit. You only have one son and he will be in your life forever. Give him the what you are supposed to give him. Your love and protection from things like this.

I would term this child now. Your son is worth it and so are you.

You and you little boy will be much happier living a calmer life.
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Old 03-26-2011, 06:39 AM
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This child has a lot of behaviour problems that need LOTS of one on one care and intervention!

How old is your little boy? You may really need this money right now but IMHO my own son's well being would be worth more than any amount of money. Your little boy needs to learn what is right and he has the right to live in his own home in peace! He is seeing and learning bad things from this child. He sees this child disrespect you. You did not mention if your son is exhibiting any kind of similar behaviours that he has learned from this child. My guess is that he is.


There are a lot more children out there and it may take some time to find a better fit. You only have one son and he will be in your life forever. Give him the what you are supposed to give him. Your love and protection from things like this.

I would term this child now. Your son is worth it and so are you.

You and you little boy will be much happier living a calmer life.
Thank u for the advise. My Son is 9 yrs old. He doesn't act out like this child. He does have his own issues as he has ADHD but he is pretty well behaved these days. He goes to school all day until 3pm. My Mom picks him up now and brings him home about 3:30. He comes home and does his homework until about 4:00. After homework my son usually goes up to his bedroom and plays his video game for an hour before dinner. Comes back down at 5:00 eats dinner and everyone just winds down until pick up time at 6:30. He's not really around him much at all as I don't do care on weekends.

My sons health and happiness is most important to me but I just didn't think he was being affected by the DCB much. We have talked about it, my son and I. I ask him how he feels about DCB. He says he likes him it's just eating dinner sometimes he makes him mad when he acts up. I discuss a lot with my son, probably more than I should but being he doesn't have a dad around I am always very honest and open with him so that he knows he can come to me for anything. I told him and my Mother last night that I may have to let DCB go in a couple weeks and my son says not to. He said he likes him he just gets on his nerves sometimes. I guess being the DCB has been here for a year we have a soft spot for him. Plus I know when he leaves here his mom usually puts him in his room and turns his TV on and does her own thing.

I am going to talk to her and tell her I can't change his behavior alone and we will have to start a 2 week trial period. If in that time his behavior does not start to chenge she will have to go elsewhere for care. She will probably get offended and pull him (via text as usual @@)but I have to put my foot down and make her understand that she has to tell him no sometimes and actually mean it. She always lets him have his way and I worry what he will turn into.
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Old 03-26-2011, 08:22 AM
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Wow.

This boy needs help NOW. He needs an evaluation and you need to be a big part of the assessment. It's time to tell Mom that if he is to continue in your care that he MUST be assessed. He may qualify for special needs funding that will give him his own aide who is trained specificaly to manage violent kids.

I'm wondering if the Mom, your licensor, and his Doctors would consider allowing you to use a five point harness carseat for him during his tantrums. He's so violent and so dangerous that you really NEED somewhere to put him where he can be buckled in and where he can't hurt himself or others.

If you backed it up to a solid wall, had it more at an angle (not completely upright) and stayed with him beside him he may de-escalate quicker. I don't know if the State would allow this but this is a unique situation where he has already harmed you. He could permanently injure you. Your brush with the eye injury lets you know this.

I don't have any technique to manage him. Any little todder that feels comfortable getting that violent with you that often knows there's nothing you can really do to stop it.

I definitely would not go out in public with him without a five point harness stroller. After your grandma exerience with him it is obvious for everyones safety you need to have somewhere to confine him quickly.

If confinement is not allowed you really have to let him go. He may need to go into a Pscyhe facility where they CAN legally confine and restrain him for safety. He may need medication and constant therapy for a long period of time. He's only going to get bigger and stronger. If he can do that kind of damage as a two year old he is only going to be more dangerous as he ages.

Remember too that you really run the risk of him getting injured when you are trying to protect yourself and him in the midst of his rages. You have to really THINK about how that can affect you, your livlihood, and your ability to care for your own child.

He may need an enviornment where there are multiple adults who are trained in restraint and have each other to verify that anything that happens to him during restraint was done with the most sincere attempt to keep him from harming himself and others.
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Old 03-26-2011, 10:23 AM
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No way, no how, uh uh...............What a load of crap. There is NO WAY I would have allowed the child back after the first time Mom "pulled" him out. That would have been the only time she would have "threatened" me because I would not allow her child to abuse me. It's one thing that you put up with the child's behavior,(whihc I would have put a stop to a LONG time ago) it's a whole nother thing to allow Mom to abuse you too. I think that by allowing this to go on you have created an atmosphere of tolerance of things that should NOT be tolerated.

If you don't terminate now, then the NEXT time, and there will be a next time, that Mom "threatens" to pull him, I'd not so kindly inform her that she is correct, her son WILL NOT be returning, but not because she is pulling him out but because effective IMMEDIATELY her services are terminated.

I do agree with others that the child needs to be assessed, and usually I am highly supportive of that, but in this case I wouldn't be a part of it. I'd refer and stay out of it.

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Old 03-26-2011, 10:55 AM
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I am happy to hear that your son is older, I was thinking that he too was a toddler and that would be bad! He would be trying to get away with the same things as this little boy.

You have a really big heart for caring so much for this child God Bless you for being such a caring person, but he still needs help, more than you can give him.

I agree with everything Nan said. He NEEDS to be evaluated ASAP!

By the way you should register, this is a great forum with a lot of really great people.
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Old 03-26-2011, 01:56 PM
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Wow.

This boy needs help NOW. He needs an evaluation and you need to be a big part of the assessment. It's time to tell Mom that if he is to continue in your care that he MUST be assessed. He may qualify for special needs funding that will give him his own aide who is trained specificaly to manage violent kids.

I'm wondering if the Mom, your licensor, and his Doctors would consider allowing you to use a five point harness carseat for him during his tantrums. He's so violent and so dangerous that you really NEED somewhere to put him where he can be buckled in and where he can't hurt himself or others.

If you backed it up to a solid wall, had it more at an angle (not completely upright) and stayed with him beside him he may de-escalate quicker. I don't know if the State would allow this but this is a unique situation where he has already harmed you. He could permanently injure you. Your brush with the eye injury lets you know this.

I don't have any technique to manage him. Any little todder that feels comfortable getting that violent with you that often knows there's nothing you can really do to stop it.

I definitely would not go out in public with him without a five point harness stroller. After your grandma exerience with him it is obvious for everyones safety you need to have somewhere to confine him quickly.

If confinement is not allowed you really have to let him go. He may need to go into a Pscyhe facility where they CAN legally confine and restrain him for safety. He may need medication and constant therapy for a long period of time. He's only going to get bigger and stronger. If he can do that kind of damage as a two year old he is only going to be more dangerous as he ages.

Remember too that you really run the risk of him getting injured when you are trying to protect yourself and him in the midst of his rages. You have to really THINK about how that can affect you, your livlihood, and your ability to care for your own child.

He may need an enviornment where there are multiple adults who are trained in restraint and have each other to verify that anything that happens to him during restraint was done with the most sincere attempt to keep him from harming himself and others.
The fits of severe rage are pretty much a thing of the past. He does still throw fits and yes even sometimes swings but NOTHING like he did last year. He was my only child in care so I had LOTS of 1 on 1 time with him through winter and instead of the little 5 minute time outs, I gave him 10 then 15 and finally 20 minutes on my couch. As long as it would take for him to switch gears and calm himself. I allowed no play things during this time. I didn't make eye contact with him either I just sat across the room watching him out of the corner of my eye and read the mail or a magazine for the time out. At 1st he would get down keep throwing his fits and screaming but until he did actual time on that couch I would not respond to him. I do believe that is what tamed him down (sorry to sound like an animal lack of a better word).

When he throws fits now I don't allow an audience. The kids and I give him his tantrum space and go on with the routine. Sooner or later he will go sit at the table with the kids or come ask for a drink because hes thirsty from yelling. My big issue lately is the dinner table with my family. I don't know if it's because I have 2 new kids taking some attention through the day. Maybe his days are just too long and he's fed up. Who knows. I feel sorry for him that he doesnt get to see his Mom much. He is here 10 hrs a day. She doesnt have a single meal with him until weekends and then she sends him to her Mom so she can go out. Through the week he is put in his room at bedtime and left with the TV to fall asleep to. He knows who George Lopez is!!! I am certainly in no place to judge and Lord forgive me but I would NEVER miss out on that much of my childs life. If I had to work the shift fine but all weekend would be mommy and me time and I would be reading books and cuddling until he fell asleep!

I mentioned to her in the beginning, about her hours being so long and he missed her. I found out from a friend that works at the same place that they don't have to work that long. (telemarketing) I asked her about it and she said she chooses to take an hour for lunch because she needs time for herself and to tan. So you see this poor kid has it rough and yes I have been very angry with him and I have thought many times to term him but at the end of the day when I see what he has learned and how far he his coming I just stick with it. I was so angry with him on Friday and now that I am away and had time to relax I reason with myself. Bad huh?

There are some times he fights his mother because he doesnt want to leave now. Opposite of how he 1st came here. Fact remains that he has a problem with being told no and not getting what he wants. The fits aren't as bad but I agree the other children can't learn this so I will talk to the Mother about a 2 week period of change. If she pulls him I'll deal with it I guess. I hate that I have had to walk on eggshells and not give a bad report for fear the mom would pull him. I could live paycheck to paycheck with 2 kids and I am about ready to do that after reading all of your opinions.

One of my fears about termming him is we live in a small town. This young mother has LOTS of relatives (yet she complains she has no one, go figure) and her Mother works as a bartender and at a gas station. I have heard her and her Mother gossip 1st hand about some people around town. If word gets out that I am a lousy sitter or I do this or that (people lie when scorned) my business could be ruined as well as my reputation. Going to take this slow and sweet. If nothing else I can use another excuse. I have no backbone either. lol I thought maybe I could say I want to cut back my daycare hours to 5:00. She wont give up her lunch time tanning and shopping so she will find someone else then it ends calmly, maybe.

Thank u again for the feedback u guys are wonderful!!!
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Old 03-26-2011, 02:11 PM
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I am happy to hear that your son is older, I was thinking that he too was a toddler and that would be bad! He would be trying to get away with the same things as this little boy.

You have a really big heart for caring so much for this child God Bless you for being such a caring person, but he still needs help, more than you can give him.

I agree with everything Nan said. He NEEDS to be evaluated ASAP!

By the way you should register, this is a great forum with a lot of really great people.
Thank u so much! I am registered but I forgot my password earlier and then was just too lazy to log in later. I am Tygerluv. I recently started talking to you guys last week I think. I posted on the doorbell topic and the crafts as well.

I was just lurking for a while but I think I will stay u guys are great! TY for all the support!
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  #18  
Old 03-26-2011, 11:44 PM
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One of my fears about termming him is we live in a small town. This young mother has LOTS of relatives (yet she complains she has no one, go figure) and her Mother works as a bartender and at a gas station. I have heard her and her Mother gossip 1st hand about some people around town. If word gets out that I am a lousy sitter or I do this or that (people lie when scorned) my business could be ruined as well as my reputation.
I think you will see that after this child blows through numerous daycares, that no matter what was said/gossiped about you, people will figure out the truth. I really can't imagine that too many (if any) other providers will put up with the amount of BS and disrespect that both mother and child have shown you. He WILL get kicked out of daycares, left and right, and people will think you are a saint for keeping him as long as you have!!

I haven't added my opinion yet, but I agree with every other person who advised to term him now! Nan is right - he needs to be evaluated ASAP, and dealt with. Otherwise he's a huge liability to you.
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Old 03-27-2011, 09:28 AM
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One of my fears about termming him is we live in a small town. This young mother has LOTS of relatives (yet she complains she has no one, go figure) and her Mother works as a bartender and at a gas station. I have heard her and her Mother gossip 1st hand about some people around town. If word gets out that I am a lousy sitter or I do this or that (people lie when scorned) my business could be ruined as well as my reputation. Going to take this slow and sweet.
Well let's hope she gossips this one. The only people who this will interest are the ones with their own badly behaving kids. They will know not to come to you. That's a good thing.

Anyone who knows them knows the kid has behavior issues. She can't go anywhere or do anything without it happening in front of other people. He's most likely far worse with them than you have ever seen.

Don't allow what people will think to dissuade you from doing the right thing for yourself and the kid. Whatever affect your terming him will have on your common society will be short lived.

Just be prepared for a visit from the child abuse or state licensing. That's the most common pay back a provider gets for terming. Gossip won't cost you anything but getting the law at your door will be enough of a threat for them to get their revenge on.
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Old 03-27-2011, 10:19 AM
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Well let's hope she gossips this one. The only people who this will interest are the ones with their own badly behaving kids. They will know not to come to you. That's a good thing.

Anyone who knows them knows the kid has behavior issues. She can't go anywhere or do anything without it happening in front of other people. He's most likely far worse with them than you have ever seen.

Don't allow what people will think to dissuade you from doing the right thing for yourself and the kid. Whatever affect your terming him will have on your common society will be short lived.

Just be prepared for a visit from the child abuse or state licensing. That's the most common pay back a provider gets for terming. Gossip won't cost you anything but getting the law at your door will be enough of a threat for them to get their revenge on.

OHH no I didn't think of that!! Well I guess I will have to be creative when it comes to the term then. I'm thinking since my other 2 kids leave by 3:30 or 4:30 I could change my closing hours to 5 and tell her she is more than welcome to keep him here til 5 and have someone pick him up at that time (she has no one supposedly) or change her tanning session to weekends lol That sounds rude I know lol

I'm glad that I have had reports in about his attitude. They should have on record the behavior specialist I was working with for ideas in the beginnning.

TY Nannyde!!
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Old 03-27-2011, 11:26 AM
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I would change your hours that sounds like a great idea. How about contracted hours as well on top of it.
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Old 03-28-2011, 05:54 AM
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OHH no I didn't think of that!! Well I guess I will have to be creative when it comes to the term then. I'm thinking since my other 2 kids leave by 3:30 or 4:30 I could change my closing hours to 5 and tell her she is more than welcome to keep him here til 5 and have someone pick him up at that time (she has no one supposedly) or change her tanning session to weekends lol That sounds rude I know lol

I'm glad that I have had reports in about his attitude. They should have on record the behavior specialist I was working with for ideas in the beginnning.

TY Nannyde!!
So Sorry about all of that, and kudos to you for putting up with it.

One of the biggest things here, is he dcb gets away with things. He's learned that his behavior gets him what he wants, so this is what he knows. He has slowly figured out that you dont' put up with it.

But moms blatant disrespect is a major issue, and she needs to learn her lesson too. I wonder if she says things about you to dcb? or if he hears her say stuff?

It's not the money that should be your influence of keeping dcb. NEVER let it be the money. I know it's easier said than done. Your son also does not need to see this.

I would do as mentioned. Change your closing time till 5pm, if she doesn't like it, she can look elsewhere. She will:
a) amazingly be there at 5pm to pick up
b) have someone pick him up
c) pull him out, and then be begging you to take him back. If you take him back, you need to have her sign an AGREEMENT and one of the terms in the contract should be that she will have him assessed, and will follow all advice/suggestions she is told for his behavior from both you and the dr.
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Old 03-28-2011, 07:03 PM
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Wow - that is even more stressful than our worst horror story. Sometimes problems like that can make stress levels so high that no amount of money is worth it to keep a client.
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