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  #1  
Old 05-26-2011, 12:57 PM
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Default Please Help W/ Term

I am just so upset I can't think straight! I make a decision then I changed my mind so I am in need of some advise here please?

I have a 3 yr old child that has been in my daycare for over a year and has come a long way. I had many problems with him in the beginning but I stuck with him and ironed them out. H has since learned so much here that his whole family is impressed with my daycare. Sure we have issues from time to time but he's 3 and I expect certain things.

What I don't expect is his moody Mother. I have had issues with her in the past with things like when I report too much bad behaviour (things u guys would have termed over) when I made the reports she would at times get mad at me and baby her child. Once she even threatend to withdrawl him and changed her mind the next day. Another time she was upset because I had to change my daycare schedule for 1 day a week for 2 months. Again she was withdrawing him and changed her mind.

When things go her way she compliments me and even says she loves us and all we do for her but when an issue arises she doesn't like it.

Today her new man dropped her 3 yr old off very late and in a soaking wet 2lb diaper! NO WAY had it been changed all day! I immediatley text her telling her the details and saying i would save it for her (in case she pulled an attitude as in the past she could see for herself) She text back saying she knows her man changes him but he was very busy today and was trying to rush to get him to me and forgot the diaper bag at home but she knows he was changed today. She told me to throw the diaper away that she doesnt want to see it.

I text back saying he was NOT changed today it is impossible! The pee was clear into the back starting up the back of the diaper!! I told her I don't even check kids upon drop off but his pants were on backwards so I changed them and noticed. I also mentioned had no wipes they were missing.

She text back OMG I AM COMING TO GET MY SON NOW!

I said ok for wipes? I can pick them up when we go out. She said she will be here 3 hrs early and i don't have to worry about this ever again. She went on to say that her bf is good and it was an accident but he will never watch him again and I don't have to worry ever again either.

Now I took this as ok u are withdrawing again... safe asssumption guys?

I text back ok I will have him ready is this your way of saying u are withdrawing from my daycare?

She text back OMG LEAVE ME ALONE! Don't buy wipes for him I will be there at 4 to get my son!

What the heck am I supposed to get from this?

I am literally sick in my stomach AGAIN!! What was i supposed to do not report the EXTREMELY full diaper from a new man that I have never heard of until 3 days ago when he started staying with her. I would want to know if my son wasn't changed. She used to text and ask me if her old bf changed him when he dropped him off and that was usually a no too.

I was so upset I couldnt eat I am sick! I wanted to term! I started the paperwork but then she texts in a calm mood saying she's not mad she just felt like i accused her of being a bad mom. WTH??? I didn't text back because she said to leave her alone. 5 minutes later she texts again asking if her son is being good and if he is ok now. Then she says she doesnt know if she can get done at 4.

WTH??? I text back her son is good and i would never accuse her of being a bad mom.

Now I sit confused. I need this income as I only have 1 other kid I cantlive on that I am a single Mom. BUT I can't take much more of this rollercoaster stress!!

I feel like a child that can't make up their mind. What would u do taking all the facts in?

Last edited by Michael; 05-26-2011 at 12:59 PM.
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  #2  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:04 PM
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Get rid of them...if not, you will only have more issues in the future.
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  #3  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:06 PM
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It sounds like your dcm is too much drama. I would terminate them because it is not worth stress over this.
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  #4  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:07 PM
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My only question is why you're letting another adult treat you this way? Are you desperate for the money?
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  #5  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:09 PM
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well like you said, she is all drama. Either put up with it or term. There are only two choices. Have confidence in your service and policies and stop letting her moods and rude comments make you sick. Take control over your emotions and over the situation. Its a shame that people act like this but that doesn't mean you are in the wrong here.
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:19 PM
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If this were me I would stop telling the mom anything at all and start placing ads out for a new client with respect and maturity.

Also, if a parent says my sons diaper is changed, dont argue with them. You are only asking for a fight. Don't fuel the fire, just leave it alone. I know it's hard, but really there is nothing that we can do for the kids once they leave our homes and there is NOTHING we can do to change a parent.

Good Luck. I do have a term contract if you would like to see it.

I can PM
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  #7  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PeanutsGalore View Post
My only question is why you're letting another adult treat you this way? Are you desperate for the money?
Yes actually I am desperate for the money. If I term her I will only have the 1 other child in care. There are sooo many home daycares around here it's hard to fill spots. I can't raise my family on $600 a month so I admitt I am desperate.

I WANT to term I am just sick and ready to be done but I feel I can't. I have to pay rent and bills and food etc. I need another client so I can term her ASAP. That's where my mind is this minute.

I was thinking after she had calmed down maybe a good talking to as I have never really went off on her and sat her for a discussion. BUT I think with her track record she will get defensive as usual and withdraw again. I just dont get this! I dont get what the problem was here today! Am I missing something?
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  #8  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PeanutsGalore View Post
My only question is why you're letting another adult treat you this way? Are you desperate for the money?
Yes ....she said she was desperate for the income as she is a single mom with only one other dc family.

OP:

1) Start advertising for a replacement dc family.

2) Stop texting this mom. Only contact her during the day if you need her to come pick up due to illness or EXTREME (hitting, kicking, biting) behavior.
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  #9  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:29 PM
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OP:, do as 'daycare' suggested and stop telling this mom anything. The more info you give her, the more ammo she has to get angry and upset with you. Place an ad to fill your space and do what you normally do during the day time hours you have this child. Do not tell mom if the day was bad or good and if she asks (unless there was something super important that she needs to know about) simply say the day was normal.

This mom is a drama mamma and will continue as she pleases because it works for her. She is not being respectful to you and probably will not ever be. If you choose to have a discussion with her as you mentioned, please be prepared for her to get angry. She will. Anything you say to her that is negative is an attack on her parenting skills in her eyes.

Just advertise and hopefully, you will get an interested (and respectful) new client. Until then, since you cannot afford to term, bite your tongue and do what you do and avoid her drama traps....

Good luck....it is the hardest thing ever to be held hostage financially by a disrespectful parent.
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  #10  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:34 PM
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[quote=Blackcat31;114821]...it is the hardest thing ever to be held hostage financially by a disrespectful parent.[/QUOTE]

This is a powerful and VERY true statement!!
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  #11  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:35 PM
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Sounds like A LOT of baby mama drama! I wouldn't even associate with her much. If you really want to keep this kid, you need to leave well enough alone. No way would I text or even mention to ANY of my families about a soppy diaper regardless if it was mom, dad, grandma, bf, whoever dropped him off. Pointing out things like that is asking to get a "chewing". Watch the boy and unless asked, leave all behavior issues, wet diapers, etc. ALONE! The less talking you do with this mom, maybe the happier you'll be.
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:39 PM
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I dont get what the problem was here today! Am I missing something?
Texting her was the problem.

You won't be able to change the drama mamma's behavior or that of her new boyfriend.

They shouldn't have come late with a disgusting diaper but IMHO this info could have waited until pick up.

Stop feeding her negative info and you will get less drama back.

REPLACE THIS FAMILY ASAP
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  #13  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:46 PM
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When I term them should I write a detailed letter along with it? My fear is she will go to the state/local office and accuse me of things. I have seen her be spiteful towards her own family so I know it's possible. So Should I state how far I have brought this child from beating on me to him learning everything he knows here with me. I wanted to say something like I love the child but i can no longer work with walking on eggshells so I must term.. I dont knwo what to say but whatever it is the state will read it as well so I thought it was my chance to mention how much i have done for this client before she can turn the tables when I term. I have to submitt a copy to the state of whatever I give her.

I won't be texting anymore but u watch that will be her next complaint! I stopped updating and sending pics and video for 1 week when I took on a new client and she was asking everyday where the pics and updates are. So What should I say when she asks why i dont text anymore?
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  #14  
Old 05-26-2011, 01:55 PM
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When I term them should I write a detailed letter along with it? My fear is she will go to the state/local office and accuse me of things. I have seen her be spiteful towards her own family so I know it's possible. So Should I state how far I have brought this child from beating on me to him learning everything he knows here with me. I wanted to say something like I love the child but i can no longer work with walking on eggshells so I must term.. I dont knwo what to say but whatever it is the state will read it as well so I thought it was my chance to mention how much i have done for this client before she can turn the tables when I term. I have to submitt a copy to the state of whatever I give her.

I won't be texting anymore but u watch that will be her next complaint! I stopped updating and sending pics and video for 1 week when I took on a new client and she was asking everyday where the pics and updates are. So What should I say when she asks why i dont text anymore?
If she asks where her updates are just tell her you are so busy you haven't had time to do them. If you do term, call your licensor and give her the heads up that you are afraid of retailiation....they see it all the time...your licensor will know how to handle it. In your term notice, simply say that you are no longer able to provide the type of care they need. Do NOT NOT NOT explain anything...remember with this mom every word you speak is another bullet for her to fire right back at you. Do not explain anything or you will be opening up the flood gates.

You can say that you love this kid and will miss him but please do not get into details with mom. When she gets termed, this mom knows exactly why and does not need you to spell it out.....just wish her luck in her new search and breath a sigh of relief as she leaves.....

NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IN THE WORLD IS WORTH BEING TREATED LIKE A 2ND CLASS CITIZEN BY ANYONE FOR ANY REASON!!!!!!
Whever I find myself in this kind of position I always think to myself "How would my child feel by my actions?" I would think yours would be proud to have a mother who can stick up for herself.....even if that means one less $$$ for now.
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Old 05-26-2011, 01:57 PM
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If you are going to term, I would detail anything. Make it short and sweet.

Dear ___,

Effective ___, I will be terminating our childcare services agreement. After this date, I will no longer be able to work for your family.

Thank you for this opportunity and best of luck to you in the future.

Signed,
____


KEEP IT SIMPLE!!! And, if you need to provide a "REASON" to your licensing agent, than tell them she wasn't complying with your rules and regulations and you just couldn't work for the woman anymore.
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  #16  
Old 05-26-2011, 03:18 PM
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IMHO, do not text/call/email any non emergency info to a parent during the day. They have a job to do and can't do it if they are communicating with their provider all day. Likewise, providers have a job to do and it isn't updating the parent all day long. Quick updates can be given at pickup.

Yes, a soggy diaper on a 3 yo is disgusting, but it's not the end of the world. Change the diaper and move on with your day. The mom knows that the bf walks on water and won't appreciate you telling her otherwise.

If you decide to term, keep it short and sweet as the above provider wrote. If you fear retaliation, notify your licensor and let it go.
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  #17  
Old 05-26-2011, 03:21 PM
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Yes actually I am desperate for the money. If I term her I will only have the 1 other child in care. There are sooo many home daycares around here it's hard to fill spots. I can't raise my family on $600 a month so I admitt I am desperate.

I WANT to term I am just sick and ready to be done but I feel I can't. I have to pay rent and bills and food etc. I need another client so I can term her ASAP. That's where my mind is this minute.

I was thinking after she had calmed down maybe a good talking to as I have never really went off on her and sat her for a discussion. BUT I think with her track record she will get defensive as usual and withdraw again. I just dont get this! I dont get what the problem was here today! Am I missing something?
I'm sorry, I missed that you need the money. I've been there...and I didn't even admit I had to term until I had found another client. Rest assured, the problem is not you.

Don't communicate with this woman for any reason other than emergencies. Have her kid packed and ready to go at pickup each day so she doesn't linger. And put ALL of your energy into finding a new client.

I know it's hard, but if she doesn't care whether or not her kid is being properly taken care of by the new man, there's no need for you to worry yourself sick over it. Just take care of the baby best you can while he's with you, and send him home at night. Good luck to you, and I'm sorry you're going through this. You'll find someone to replace the income. Keep us up to date!
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Old 05-27-2011, 03:22 AM
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OP here, After being blown off/ignored by DCM at pick up and her making a small rude gesture for spite she then she texted again in the evening asking for me to allow her kid to come tomorrow after all. I have made the decision to terminate this family and just pray I can fill the spot soon. To avoid possible retaliation and the drama that would surely follow after giving the real reason why (mama drama) I decided to go another route and would like opinions on such.

I have been thinking for months about changing my daycare times because my family doesn't get a single meal together and I have this particular child into the evening at least 6:30 sometimes 7:00. My daycare closes at 6:00 but I allow 30 mins everyday for her and sometimes she is still late. Also a result my own child feels he doesn't have enough quality alone time with me. So I have decided to go this route and use this excuse as it too has been brewing in my mind for many months. Using this reason will allow me to term without the drama or as much, because DCM will not be able to pick the child up by the new closing time which will be 5:00 PM. The other child in care is picked up by 4:00 so it would work out. So here is what I have come up with. Should I state that the change in the program is a new closing time, or leave it as is, or something else? Thank you for your help!!



Date

Dear DCM,

Please accept this letter as notice of termination for Johnny.

Due to program changes, I will no longer be able to provide care for Johnny after July 1, 2011. Our local resource and referral contact # is 555-5555, they can assist you in finding alternate care that will better fit your needs..

Our contract agreement and CCRR requires that I give a 2 week notice. I am providing a 3 week notice so that you may have ample time to find another provider. Johnnys last day of care will be July 1, 2011.

Thank you for the opportunity to teach Johnny so much. I wish you and your family all the best in the future.

Sincerely,
Me
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Old 05-27-2011, 10:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
OP here, After being blown off/ignored by DCM at pick up and her making a small rude gesture for spite she then she texted again in the evening asking for me to allow her kid to come tomorrow after all. I have made the decision to terminate this family and just pray I can fill the spot soon. To avoid possible retaliation and the drama that would surely follow after giving the real reason why (mama drama) I decided to go another route and would like opinions on such.

I have been thinking for months about changing my daycare times because my family doesn't get a single meal together and I have this particular child into the evening at least 6:30 sometimes 7:00. My daycare closes at 6:00 but I allow 30 mins everyday for her and sometimes she is still late. Also a result my own child feels he doesn't have enough quality alone time with me. So I have decided to go this route and use this excuse as it too has been brewing in my mind for many months. Using this reason will allow me to term without the drama or as much, because DCM will not be able to pick the child up by the new closing time which will be 5:00 PM. The other child in care is picked up by 4:00 so it would work out. So here is what I have come up with. Should I state that the change in the program is a new closing time, or leave it as is, or something else? Thank you for your help!!



Date

Dear DCM,

Please accept this letter as notice of termination for Johnny.

Due to program changes, I will no longer be able to provide care for Johnny after July 1, 2011. Our local resource and referral contact # is 555-5555, they can assist you in finding alternate care that will better fit your needs..

Our contract agreement and CCRR requires that I give a 2 week notice. I am providing a 3 week notice so that you may have ample time to find another provider. Johnnys last day of care will be July 1, 2011.

Thank you for the opportunity to teach Johnny so much. I wish you and your family all the best in the future.

Sincerely,
Me

I think it sounds simple and to the point. Adding anything else will just open the door to negotiation on her part. Do not tell her it is because of your wanting to change closing times (what if she has a friend who will pick up? ). If she asks any questions, just keep telling her that you will be unable to provide the type of services she/her child requires.

The last line where you say "Thank you for allowing me to teach Johnny so much." is just not sitting right with me for some reason.....could you change it to something like, "I enjoyed my time with Johnny. I wish you and your family all the best in the future." Or maybe just not say anything except the wishing her family the best...

I don't know, it may just be me....

Good luck! You can do this!!
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Old 05-27-2011, 10:29 AM
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In this situation....with the mom being so disrespectful I would only give the two week notice and I would give her this notice right away. Last day June 9th.
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Old 05-27-2011, 11:12 AM
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I think it sounds simple and to the point. Adding anything else will just open the door to negotiation on her part. Do not tell her it is because of your wanting to change closing times (what if she has a friend who will pick up? ). If she asks any questions, just keep telling her that you will be unable to provide the type of services she/her child requires.

The last line where you say "Thank you for allowing me to teach Johnny so much." is just not sitting right with me for some reason.....could you change it to something like, "I enjoyed my time with Johnny. I wish you and your family all the best in the future." Or maybe just not say anything except the wishing her family the best...

I don't know, it may just be me....

Good luck! You can do this!!
Thank u so much Blackcat!! I was wondering about the teaching part as well. The only reason I threw it in there is because that is the 1st thing her family members praise me for and they all brag about. DCM says all the time it's all me because she rarely spends time with him. When he 1st came here at 22 months he could only mumble a few words mama etc. Now he is turning 3 and he knows a large vocabulary, all of his colors, all of his shapes, even some planets. He speaks in full sentences and tells stories too! He's smart so I can't take all the credit but I appreciate what they say. I wanted to note my return appreciation I guess. I will omit it though. Thank u for helping me!!

BTW DCM was late 2 hrs today then text she was coming then another hour later still nothing so I text her asking of he was still coming. I wanted to leave and do some shopping if he wasn't. I waited 30 minutes and nothing so I started my lawn. I come in the house for a drink and she is blowing up my cell and house phone frantic she is going to lose her job and needs me now! 4 phone messages and 8 texts! I put the stuff away and called her back he's on the way now. I cannot wait to hand her this term. I now know I am making the right decision! I didn't get a sorry or nothing just "I NEED A SITTER!" Now tonight when she sees her fees attached to her bill she will turn noce and please i cant afford it etc... Moody I tell ya!
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Old 05-27-2011, 01:00 PM
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When this all goes down.....stand your ground because just from the "feel" of excitment in your posts about terming this mom, the actually feeling you are gonna have after they are gone is going to be euphoric!! Good for you!!

You are doing the right thing.
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Old 05-27-2011, 01:26 PM
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Date

Dear DCM,

Please accept this letter as notice of termination for Johnny.

Due to program changes, I will no longer be able to provide care for Johnny after July 1, 2011. Our local resource and referral contact # is 555-5555, they can assist you in finding alternate care that will better fit your needs..

Our contract agreement and CCRR requires that I give a 2 week notice. I am providing a 3 week notice so that you may have ample time to find another provider. Johnnys last day of care will be July 1, 2011.

Thank you for the opportunity to teach Johnny so much. I wish you and your family all the best in the future.

Sincerely,
Me
When are you giving her this notice? July 1st is like 5 weeks away??
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Old 05-27-2011, 03:58 PM
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When are you giving her this notice? July 1st is like 5 weeks away??
She will be on vacation until July 8th or 10th. I am giving it when she gets back so that I have time to print it and get a copy into the office as well. Today is DCB last day for 2 weeks. This way everyone has time to calm down and it may be more easily accepted.
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Old 05-27-2011, 10:35 PM
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You should have given her the notice today, that way she could find another daycare while she was on vacation.
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Old 05-27-2011, 10:43 PM
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You should have given her the notice today, that way she could find another daycare while she was on vacation.
I completely agree! The sooner they are gone, the better! You've got time to interview and possibly fill the spot while he's on vacation!

Since you didn't give the letter to them personally, I'd send it to them.

Why prolong the inevitable?!
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Old 05-28-2011, 06:44 AM
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I completely agree! The sooner they are gone, the better! You've got time to interview and possibly fill the spot while he's on vacation!

Since you didn't give the letter to them personally, I'd send it to them.

Why prolong the inevitable?!
To tell you the truth, I actually climbed back up on the fence yesterday. I sat watching DCB play and just started taking it all in how far he has come and then when I took him out for dinner he was so polite and mannerly it just mad me sad to think I had to let him go because of her. So I didn't rush to get the paperwork ready I let it sit. I also thought it would ruin her vacation. Plus we have both been upset so it may have caused her to go off right there so I wanted to let the jets cool and take the week to think and calm everyone down. Watching dcb as if it may be the last day I would see him was what really made me back off. I just can't throw away a child that has come so far with me for over a year. Kids just take my heart sometimes u know. Anyway when she picked up she had attitude over something else so when she left I was thinking I made a mistake and should have given her the notice. Too late now. I can't term in a text or by phone. She doesn't have email. So I will be giving it to her when she gets back.
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