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  #1  
Old 08-01-2011, 08:06 PM
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Default How Do U Justify?

As if we should have to but...

I'm having guilt trips from a DCM. The one I already helped out by opening a little earlier and allowing some Saturday care. She did finally get the forms in so I will get paid BTW...

She has laid guilt trips on me (or attempted to) every Monday now for 3 weeks in a row. She comes and complains about her job as always and I smile and scoot her on her way politley as always. But every Monday she comes and says she had to call off on Sunday AGAIN because her back up sitter had drama again (she proceeds to go into detail about this girls private drama). Now she may get fired for calling off again blah blah...

I don't know what to say to this anymore. I have tried telling her I'm sorry she had to call off but I can not work on Sundays. I absolutley refuse. I have a family of my own we have things to do, we have church etc. Yet again today (monday), she comes again with the guilt trip and she needs Sunday care too because she is never off on a Sunday... Blah blah blah.. I told her not only can I not do Sunday but I will also be unavailable for this Saturday as well due to a training class I must take in order to stay certified by the state. So then I get "ok since u will be taking Saturday off can the kids come Sunday" What the heck does it take to get through her skull??? Again I say no. So then she says " I only get 1 day off per week too and since I am off tomorrow then that gives u an extra day off" Ummm Nooo I still have a part time kids some days!! Sometimes the DCPs days off do line up but even then shouldn't that just be a YAY for me freebie? Why should I take that as my day off and work around her schedule. Getting long winded here sorry back to the question. HOW do I get her to stop the Monday morning guilt trips? How do I justify wanting Sundays and some Saturdays off with her babbling about she only get's 1 day off. I am surprised she even has a job! From what I hear Sundays are the busiest day and forbidden to call off. She has done it 3 Sundays in a row now telling them she doesnt have a sitter.

Last edited by Michael; 08-03-2011 at 01:44 AM.
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Old 08-01-2011, 08:16 PM
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My reply would be: "Your problems are not my problems. Oh, by the way, I'm no longer offering weekend care at all." But that's just me .

Seriously - I would just have a frank, face-to-face talk with her and explain in no uncertain terms what you will and won't do, and how you expect her to behave. If she can't deal with it after that without all the drama, then I would probably terminate care. (That's coming from someone who rarely has to terminate anyone, BTW, so I do not say that lightly.)
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Old 08-01-2011, 08:51 PM
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Do you offer weekend care at all to other families??? If not I would just flat out tell her your daycare is open Mon-Fri. and if she needs regular weekend care maybe you aren't the right provider for her.
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Old 08-01-2011, 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted by LittleDiamonds View Post
Do you offer weekend care at all to other families??? If not I would just flat out tell her your daycare is open Mon-Fri. and if she needs regular weekend care maybe you aren't the right provider for her.
No one else needs it. She has been the only client with a changing schedule. That's part of the reason I get upset, like I haven't done enough for her already. When I open on Saturdays it's only for her 2 kids. I feel bad that she doesn't have anyone but she does have the Dad living right there. He is considered disabled due to issues with his hands not having any feeling and he doesnt know how much pressure he is using but these kids are 2 and almost 4, they don't need much 'handling'. I'm pretty sure he could handle them for half the day. He signs them out without busting my pen so I think he could manage. I just don't get it.
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Old 08-01-2011, 11:05 PM
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I would just tell her that you really don't want to hear anymore about her having to call off on the weekends. You only provide daycare M - F, no exceptions anymore.

I would also tell her that you understand if she needs to find other daycare for the kids that can work around her schedule.
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Old 08-02-2011, 03:35 AM
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If she really wanted to find someone, I am positive she could find a high school student that would love to earn some extra money on Sat/Sun. She should calls the high schools and ask around. I know our high schools have names of students who will do these types of jobs.
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Old 08-02-2011, 04:36 AM
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I would also tell her that you understand if she needs to find other daycare for the kids that can work around her schedule.
I ditto this.

Do NOT feel guilty - she signed up with you knowing full well what your hours were and she got you to bend - she knows you are a softie. She is playing you and because you are feeling bad about it it's working.

It's not your fault that she accepted a job that only has 1 day off. Your job should get 2 days off and she's already ROBBED you of that. Family time is much more important than the pay from 2 kadiddles for 1 day.

SHE needs to find a job that works for her. She is expecting everyone else to change their schedules around for her and playing the "poor me" game.

Ask her if her hubby needs a home health aid to be there to help feed him, etc. If he is about the house and feeding himself and whatnot then he can watch his own kids for a few hours. He's sitting home collecting disability for what sounds like carpel tunnel. The danger in that is that he might drop things, not use too much pressure.

The High School Student probably quit because there's some creepy guy hanging around the house while she is trying to work.

Again, she's playing you. Don't let her.
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Old 08-02-2011, 05:39 AM
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Maybe you could offer her the names of some good babysitters for weekend? I've had clients ask me about weekends and I just say no. It's my familly time and I already work 50-60 hours / week, so it just makes it hard to balance everything out. It makes me a better provider when I get to have my own time as well I just tell them that and offer some names and numbers of kids that I know are trustworthy to babysit for them.
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Old 08-02-2011, 09:09 AM
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Stop trying to be nice and solve her problems. Its sounds like you are being too nice, especially since she already get one "yes" by you opening on Saturday. I would say "I cannot work on Sundays, the answer will always be no, no matter how many times you ask so I have to insist that you stop asking". No more reasons about why you aren't working because at that point, you aren't giving a no and are opening the issue up to discussion (from the parents point of view). Shes the mom, these are all her problems and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Whatever you do, dont start offering other babysitting options or other solutions because again, that is more of a yes in a way (in her view) than a no.
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Old 08-02-2011, 09:12 AM
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I think the lesson a lot of us learn the hard way is that our clients mistake our being nice for being weak. Once they feel youre weak, they try to walk all over you.

I no longer do special things for one family that I don't do for another. Actually, other than my FREE PNO once a month, I don't do anything for my parents anymore. It's all only for the kids.

Write your rules, enforce them and don't let the clients bend them. After all, you wrote them for a reason right!!
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Old 08-02-2011, 09:13 AM
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Her problems are just that. Her problems not your problems. When she starts to complain just say I am sorry to hear that you are having a problem. When she tries to make you solve IE saying you have to or can can the kids on Sunday say no your problems are not my problems and you will have to find another way to solve them/it. If ask why say because that is the way I have deiced to run my business. Please be sure and give me the proper notice if my business is not longer going to fulfill your needs.
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Old 08-02-2011, 09:17 AM
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I was reading this post and I had a thought. How does a parent get a job and not think about where her children will be while she's at work? I know that in my area there are DC's springing up that offer evening, weekend and even 24/7 care. Is that not the case in your area? And if it isn't how do you, as a parent, take a job that requires you to work weekends without first finding a DC that is open on weekends .
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Old 08-02-2011, 09:23 AM
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What I'm not getting is where does she work that you only get one day off! Isn't that against the law? Even if they pay overtime I don't think they can make you work 6 days a week ALL the time. I thought you knew someone else that worked there. Have you thought to ask them if this is really the case. Something just doesn't sound right about this.
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Old 08-02-2011, 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Country Kids View Post
What I'm not getting is where does she work that you only get one day off! Isn't that against the law? Even if they pay overtime I don't think they can make you work 6 days a week ALL the time. I thought you knew someone else that worked there. Have you thought to ask them if this is really the case. Something just doesn't sound right about this.
I'm assuming it's a low paying by the hour job where they often schedule work 6 days per week because they shifts are shorter. I worked 6 days a week for years at Dairy Queen while in university. Never more than 35/hours/week though.
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Old 08-02-2011, 01:14 PM
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Default I feel your pain

I have the same issue with a parent. She tries to make me feel bad about her financial situation as well. I provide care on Saturdays but I do take an occassional Saturday off but when I do this, I give the parents at least a month's notice. Then when it gets close to that day, she asks me if I'm still closed that day or she'll make a comment like "what am I gonna do". She had at least a month to either change her schedule or find someone else for care. It clearly states in my contract that you are responsible for back up care when I am unavailable. I too work 6 days a week and we are entitle to an extra day off sometimes. Then her car broke down last week and she asked me to pick her son up...I have other children to provide care for and a schedule to follow, I can't just jump up and pick her up. She knows when her co-pays are due but waits til the day it's due to tell me she doesn't have it...then proceeds to give a sob story as to why she doesn't have it. Then I proceed to tell her that this is how I pay my bills so a heads up would be better...sorrry to go on and on on your post but I too am frustrated about this. I was thinking about ending Satuday care but I'm sure I wouldn't hear the end of it.
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Old 08-02-2011, 02:25 PM
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I'd cut back to Monday through Friday only and see how that floats her boat!
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Old 08-02-2011, 02:37 PM
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I bent over backward to help someone out because I had just opened and needed the money. I did late nights and weekend care for her. By the end of 6 months I had enough and had more clients which meant I was working 18 hour days on Fridays and only getting one day off a week. I told her I was done and gave notice that in two weeks I was returning to my set hours with no exceptions. Within a few days she had a different job in the same field that fit into the hours I offered. I was firm and she liked me so she changed her job to stay keep her kids with someone she totally trusted.
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Old 08-02-2011, 03:32 PM
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Pitter, PLEASE please tell me this isn't the SAME mom with the dirty kids and dirty socks! Gosh I hope not! Eek! I agree with the others...stop working saturdays if you can....for YOUR sanity. More hugs for you....((((Pitterhugs))))
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Old 08-02-2011, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia View Post
Pitter, PLEASE please tell me this isn't the SAME mom with the dirty kids and dirty socks! Gosh I hope not! Eek! I agree with the others...stop working saturdays if you can....for YOUR sanity. More hugs for you....((((Pitterhugs))))
Yes maam it is. I am in the process of reporting them and suggesting that the welfare worker make an UNSCHEDULED visit this time! DCM tells me when they visit her, she told me the last time they came they only had 2 days notice to hurry and get the house in order. They even had to go to dumpsters to find a carpet to cover the floor! That there tells me a lot!! It makes no sense why welfare makes scheduled visits! If they would just drop in they would catch MANY people doing unacceptable things.

To reply to a couple other questions here...

I can't say where she works of course but I can say it is at a hotel, cleaning of all things It is a very popular place and very expensive to stay at is all I can say.... She does work 6 days a week usually, at least 40 hrs a week sometimes more, with her day off changing every week. This is normal because I know 2 other people that work there. I do suspect that she has been done quite a few times earlier than she claims and is just playing around. (not allowed btw so let the state catch her) Thing is even if she gets HER work done, no one is allowed to leave without everyone being done. If 1 person gets done early they have to go ask another person or group if they need help. A friend said they can get done anywhere between 2 pm - 6 pm. She is always 4 sometimes 6:00 which I put a stop to and told her no later than 5:00 because I CLOSE! I know she is one of the slackers tho because she stands here and complains about the supervisor having to recheck her work every day because she never gets it clean enough. Personally I wouldn't stay in a room she touched!. I watched her change a large poopy diaper upon arrival once and she used just 1 generic wipe and just kept refolding and touching the brown patches then didn't wash her hands just wiped them on her pants and left! GAG! This is another reason I wipe the kids down and have them soak thier grime filled fingernails before we touch anything inside.

I put up with so much because she has 2 spots and is most of my income right now. I will not do Sundays no matter what! That has been decided. I am just sick of her whining and calling off.

As for her DH I think he is more able bodied than they claim. I watch him pick the kids up, 1 in each arm and carry them down the stairs to the car and strap them in. He builds with his hands and drives fine. He signs the kids in and out everyday... I think he's just 1 of these Dads that doesnt want to watch his kids.

I really dont see her lasting at this job much longer. I know for a fact they don't have a problem replacing people. She tells me herself she's going to quit because she hates cleaning all day. She said it's the only place that would hire her. She has no education. I told her she could always try fastfood, I started out there and worked for years. She said no she wants an air conditioned job where she can sit all day! With NO education, no college etc... Good luck!

Thanks everyone for the support here. I just felt my backbone bending more so I wanted to make sure I was justified. NO daycare on Sundays!!
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Old 08-03-2011, 11:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PitterPatter View Post
I watched her change a large poopy diaper upon arrival once and she used just 1 generic wipe and just kept refolding and touching the brown patches then didn't wash her hands just wiped them on her pants and left! GAG! .......

.....I told her she could always try fastfood, I started out there and worked for years. She said no she wants an air conditioned job where she can sit all day!
Given what you said about the poopy diaper, I just about gagged at the thought of her working in a fast food restaurant. Suddenly, having to cook dinner at home every night is sounding better and better!
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Old 08-03-2011, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by PitterPatter View Post
She said no she wants an air conditioned job where she can sit all day!
Did you say "me too?"
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Old 08-03-2011, 11:52 AM
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Given what you said about the poopy diaper, I just about gagged at the thought of her working in a fast food restaurant. Suddenly, having to cook dinner at home every night is sounding better and better!
I know but when I suggested it I already knew she would decline. She is an "entitled" client.
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