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  #1  
Old 10-12-2011, 07:00 AM
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Default Just Irritated.....

Short history. I have a DCP who has become a good friend. Now before everyone starts telling me to keep friends friends and buisness buisness I already know that. But she is a single mom and trying to better her life. Her son was killed in Afganistain 2 years ago and my family is the one she leaned on. Now she has a 8 year old that has grown up here in our home. I even keep her in the evening late so mom can go to college 3 nights a week. So here is where the irritation comes in. She comes in this morning with a flier about the local fire department having their fire prevention night. Tomorrow. She wants me to take her daughter to it while she is at college. I informed mom that tomorrow I have to feed the whole football team and won't be able to. I am sorry but I just can't go tommorw. Mom gets mad at me. Hello!!!! Don't I do enough for her? I think mom should understand that I have a child of my own.
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:03 AM
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she doesn't see what you are doing as "extra", its all a part of her fee that she pays. She doesn't realize that other people are not willing to do this. She feels she pays you to take care of her daughter and now you are not "earning" what she pays you.
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:10 AM
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I close my daycare at 6:00. So in the evening I don't charge her to watch her child. I do it because she has become a friend. And I understand she is trying to better her life for herself as well as for her daughter. She takes full advantage of not only me but my DH and DS. Any time she needs something moved or fixed she asks my DH. If she needs her lawn mowed or the oil changed in her car she asks my DS. Which normally they don't mind. But when I have something to do for my child I feel she needs to be understanding and not get angry.
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:28 AM
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Give them an inch and they expect a mile
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by B Lou View Post
Short history. I have a DCP who has become a good friend. Now before everyone starts telling me to keep friends friends and buisness buisness I already know that. But she is a single mom and trying to better her life. Her son was killed in Afganistain 2 years ago and my family is the one she leaned on. Now she has a 8 year old that has grown up here in our home. I even keep her in the evening late so mom can go to college 3 nights a week. So here is where the irritation comes in. She comes in this morning with a flier about the local fire department having their fire prevention night. Tomorrow. She wants me to take her daughter to it while she is at college. I informed mom that tomorrow I have to feed the whole football team and won't be able to. I am sorry but I just can't go tommorw. Mom gets mad at me. Hello!!!! Don't I do enough for her? I think mom should understand that I have a child of my own.
Is she really and truly a good friend? Or is it only you that's being the friend? You are such a blessing to her and it sounds like she doesn't even realize it.
She's probably irritated b/c she already told her daughter that you could take her and now she has to be the one to tell her she can't go. Not your problem though!
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:37 AM
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Sometimes we ENABLE others to become very nasty, entitled, people with our over-abundance of good will and supportive intent.

By not allowing others to struggle, adapt and grow as individuals we may actually be doing more harm than good.

I know I have.
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Old 10-12-2011, 07:49 AM
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agree with all the other posters. this is why you can't mix business and friendship. either she is your friend and you watch her child for free and help her out or you are her DC provider and are paid to watch her kid till a certain time only. it is a rare person that can pay for care till 6pm or whenever and the flip over to the friendship mode for the evenings and weekend. they want the friend AND the DC provider at the same time and that is what causes problems. sounds like you have mixed too many things in this relationship and your friend can't handle it.
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Old 10-12-2011, 08:39 AM
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There are always unintended consequences to giving free. You just met one of them. It comes WITH it.

There is a responsibility that comes along with giving free. That responsibility is keeping the free within reasonable limits when boundaries beyond the free are being crossed.

So when you give free you have to understand that you also have an obligation to work with the person receiving it to understand it and not expand it. That's harder than the free you are giving in the first place.

Just tell her that you are glad she brought this night up because you REALLY need to be completely off that night. You have plans and since she wants her to go to this event it would be a perfect time for her to miss class and give you the free night off free.

She needs to see that what you are giving her means she IS ahead in the deal. Put her BACK a step so when she gets the free she realizes she is actually ahead.
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Old 10-12-2011, 08:58 AM
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Update......I called and asked the mom why she didn't ask her daughters dad to take her. Mom's response. Oh I didn't think of him. Duh!
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Old 10-12-2011, 09:10 AM
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Quote:
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Update......I called and asked the mom why she didn't ask her daughters dad to take her. Mom's response. Oh I didn't think of him. Duh!
No "I am sorry for being so ungrateful and disrespectful to you and your family?????"
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Old 10-12-2011, 11:15 AM
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your being used. Tell her you no longer want to offer care after your closing hours, because you want to have more time with your family and friends............then see how much of a true friend she is. This sounds one sided. I don't like one sided friends.

I bet family members or others are quick to step up and help out- and you really need that time to renew for the next day. I know I do. Last thing I want to do is watch others kids beside my own after hours. I look forward to having a life. I look forward to closing as much as the kids look forward to transitioning home.

Some people think that if your a daycare provider that you have this endless love for kids that never stops. I do have that for my own kids but when daycare is over I am ready to be done and not have to think about others children. Even if you don't have kids, you should give yourself a break and refresh and do things you want. Daycare is a job for me just like the jobs that these parents do are jobs for them. I want to end my day like they do and move on. I have found a lot of parents don't get this........they just think it goes on and on and on
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Old 10-12-2011, 11:31 AM
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eye rolling on the comment. you ARE her plan A, B and C now. You do everything for her, she needs no plan D (or plan Dad). I think you better have a talk with her or things are sure to escalate even more. Dad should be picking up the slack if mom needs to finish her education. If Dad is local enough to take this little one to an event, why is he not a bigger part of her daily life?
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Old 10-12-2011, 11:41 AM
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I have a few friends in my circle that feel entitled like this. For awhile, while our kids were all young, we'd trade babysitting back and forth. I'd watch one friends kids on a Friday night, and she'd watch mine the next Friday night. Well, one of the moms in this circle was constantly asking "Who's free to babysit tonight?", never ONCE thinking to reciprocate! For awhile we all did it because we felt like she had money problems (with two incomes??) or then when her husband messed up big time and ended up in jail. But then we started to realize that no, she didn't really NEED our help. She was just so used to getting "special" and "free" that she didn't have any reservations about asking for it.

It really sank in for me finally when she ended up buying a nasty house (because that's all she could "afford", newly single again) and the local church sent teams of volunteers over for weeks to renovate her house for her. They used donated materials and totally donated their time. They were there at least 8 hours/day, 5 days/week. They even had pizza delivered for themselves and the family to enjoy. They did an amazing job, and I was so proud of them for reaching out to her like that. But, after a couple of months, she met someone and married him, and SOLD the house, making a tidy little profit .

Thing is, I don't think she got it, or ever will. But we stopped helping her, because we no longer wanted to be part of enabling the entitlement syndrome!

The only thing you can do, unless you're okay being used as a doormat (and there is a time and a place for that), is to cut off the "free" and the "special" completely. Book evening plans that can't be changed so that you're no longer available. Give mom the names of some trustworthy teenaged babysitters .

Good luck!
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