Don't Know What To Do, Other Providers Help!

So I initially posted this in another forum but I think it needs to be posted here.

So I have a 14 month old daughter will call her child A. I also have a daycare child who is 15 months and well call her child B

Child A is very rough and tumble, she has been know to hit occasionally, throw things and pull hair. Its not all the time but it happens. She also walks, runs, screams and is your basic full adventourous child.

Child B is quiet and over sensitive. She crys if you look at her wrong. She dosnt walk at all and is extremley babies at home. An example is her a\parents still feed her from a bottle and hold it for her.

When child B is dropped off and picked up there is no crying. My daughter is usually sleep so we have a chance to warm up and get cozy. As soon as my daughter is brought into the room or is anywhere near her she screams bloody murder. Sometimes she even shakes. When she is only with me she is super happy and she plays and babbles ect. When child A is around she will sit in a corner and thats about it.

I have tried just about everything will this child and 2 months later it is still going on. I have gotten to the point that when she cries for no reason I just let her and ignore it. I also have tried seperating them by having them on different schedules. They are not seperated the whole day but most of it. I know this cant work forever but I am really at a loss as to what to do anymore. I dont know how much more I can take of it. Child B is at my home for 36 hours a week/ 12 hour days. I would say that 10.5 of those hours she is screaming.

I know that kids go through this when they transition to a new DC but I think this is beyond that. I think it might be somethign more.

Also she has a receiving blanket that she is very attached to. If child A tries to take it she goes into full panic mode and screams as well. Once child B has warmed up and if she plays I am sometimes able to hide the blanket so its no longer the trigger object for my daughter.
One last thing, my daughter never was a screamer until this child came around. Now she also screams bloody murder but for differnet reasons. I have noticed that when child B screams it make my daughter angry and thats when she tries to hit her or pull her hair. She has only done it a couple of times and I am there to stop it immidialtey.

So anyone else been through this or have suggestions? I am really ready to let this family go. I tried talking to them and they said it was normal and shell get used to us then offered to pay me more money.

Help!

[Zoe]

It sounds like a clash of personalities to me. This child sounds very shy. I'd try to slowly get them together. Maybe put child B into your lap while you read them both a story (child A being a little bit away of course). As long as your daughter isn't being rough with this child, a little more time needs to be given as you try to get them to get to know each other.

[cheerfuldom]

I have three kids under four who are a part of the daycare. I don't keep any kids that don't mix well with my kids. My kids are part of the deal when trying to make this daycare situation work. If the daycare kids don't mesh well with my kids then they just can't stay long term. I have one super shy, sensitive child that has been with me for 2 years. There was a good 6 months there where she was on a separate schedule and separated a bit from my kids and the others because she would just cry all the time, not want to be touched, did not start walking till 18 months and in general, did not fit in with the other kids at all. However, we stuck it out and now she fits in quite well. The other kids have calmed down and are more gentle with her and she has matured a bit, is more outgoing and not so sensitive. Its up to you if you think you can wait it out until everyone adjusted. Could be quite challenging so don't feel bad if the situation is just not for you. It might be easier to just find a child that is older, up to more activity and such like your own daughter is.

[misspollywog]

Unfortunately I would have to put my own sanity first and consider giving the parents a heads up that if things don't improve within x amount of time they need to find another daycare. That is just too stressful for you and your daughter. More money isn't going to solve it and two months of this? I give you much credit for putting up with it this long already.

[Mandy_Jane]

So, it sounds like your child is the "Child A" in this scenario based on what you said at the end about your daughter hitting and pulling hair. Whether you child is or isn't child A is beside the point anyway. As others have said, you have to make sure the child not only works with you, but your children as well. Now if your child can't seem to get along with ANY of the other daycare children, then it would be a problem on her end that would need corrected and worked on by you with your daughter. But if it's just this one child that she's having a problem with then I would say it's time to part ways with this little girl's family. Just for your own sanity.

[nannyde]

Child A is most worrisome to me. You describe traits in her as spirited when I would look at them as being untoward and agrressive.

If you don't manage child A you will always have a Child B. You can have this Child B leave but you will have others come in that will have the same behavioral set as your current Child B until you work on and eliminate the behavior of Child A.

[JenNJ]

Well, child B isn't crying for no reason. She is crying bc child A is aggressive and a bully. I know child A is your daughter, but you need to get firm with her fast. Her behavior is not "rough and tumble," it is mean. As long as your daughter is aggressive, even occasionally, you will always have kids afraid in your home.

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by nannyde

Child A is most worrisome to me. You describe traits in her as spirited when I would look at them as being untoward and aggressive.

If you don't manage child A you will always have a Child B. You can have this Child B leave but you will have others come in that will have the same behavioral set as your current Child B until you work on and eliminate the behavior of Child A.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

I was child A. It is a very common occurrence in children of childcare providers/teachers and is an expected problem for new hires children.

They are lovingly referred to as "Center-Brats", tongue-n-cheek . CB's require extra attention, discipline, consistency and emotional support.

It is hard being Mom's #1 from closing to open and then hear "In a minute", "Wait" or "It is not your turn" 4000 times a day. They get "a new sibling" every year.....at least! Think about it from their perspective.

It is a delicate balance and there are many training classes available on the subject. If done correctly it can produce the most loving, empathetic and nurturing kids in the world. My teens are pretty awesome, I must say...

I think Child A might be possessed and Child B senses it. just kidding.

I understand the concern for my daughters behavior but she dosnt do this with any other child! Only the daycare. We have play groups and she is just fine. Alittle hair pulling all 1 year olds do here and there but she would Definatley not be classafied as a bully. She tries to say hi to this child and she still screams. I know its not a bullying issue and trust me If she does something mean its nipped in the butt. And this agression only seems to be aliveated when child B is screaming.

My problem is finding that loving way to make both of them happy without seperating and its not working. They are both less stressed when they are seperated. Im pretty sure I will be letting this child go and I probobly will not be taking anymore babies. My daughter is way advanced for her age and I really think it would make a difference having a child at her level here.

[DaycareMama]

Originally Posted by Catherder

This is exactly what I was thinking.

I was child A. It is a very common occurrence in children of childcare providers/teachers and is an expected problem for new hires children.

They are lovingly referred to as "Center-Brats", tongue-n-cheek . CB's require extra attention, discipline, consistency and emotional support.

It is hard being Mom's #1 from closing to open and then hear "In a minute", "Wait" or "It is not your turn" 4000 times a day. They get "a new sibling" every year.....at least! Think about it from their perspective.

It is a delicate balance and there are many training classes available on the subject. If done correctly it can produce the most loving, empathetic and nurturing kids in the world. My teens are pretty awesome, I must say...

That is very interesting! I have never thought of it that way!
Would you know off hand where I can find some of those trainings?
Or what they would be titled for me to look them up? Thanks

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

My daughter is way advanced for her age and I really think it would make a difference having a child at her level here.

It will make a difference if you have an older kid there to entertain her but it won't stop the escalating she does with the age mate.

What is it about your daughter at fourteen months that makes you believe she is way advanced for her age?

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by DaycareMama

That is very interesting! I have never thought of it that way!
Would you know off hand where I can find some of those trainings?
Or what they would be titled for me to look them up? Thanks

Sure!!

Any of the discipline and development ones will help tremendously

http://www.childcaretraining.org/index.php?page=2