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  #1  
Old 11-18-2011, 04:21 AM
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Default Time Away From the Children

Been trying to figure out.....Just how a "mom" could need time to "get away from her children", when I have them from 7:30 to 4:45, 5 days per week. Just how could she "need a break" from something she has very little of. Just wondering.
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Old 11-18-2011, 04:39 AM
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Right there with you. I have had 13 days in 20 years that I wasn't with my children. Hated every moment.
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Old 11-18-2011, 05:06 AM
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I really think some parents get so good at avoiding their children that they just don't know what the heck to do with them when they have them. The kids behavior escalates, they still don't know how to deal with it so they start needing more and more breaks to survive.

I have a family that max their time here but Mom works mostly evenings and weekends. Dad has a grandparent watch them on the weekends so he can run errands and neither of them have the ability to cope anymore IMO. Even the kids play tells me what happens at home. They pretend to throw tantrums and then pretend to give in to get it to stop during their play.


ETA: My kids go with their father most weekends and I miss them like crazy. He and I both want them as much as possible but I let him have most weekends because it's next to impossible for him to get them to school during the week.
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Old 11-18-2011, 05:32 AM
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I know!! On Tuesday, one of my moms asked me to keep her daughter while she ran errands. That was fine-she pays f/t, but I usually only have her 3-4 days a week, and I "owed" her a day. The amazing part to me was that this baby had been with her dad, out of town, from Saturday until Monday night. She had the day off on Monday, why didn't she run errands then and enjoy her baby on Tuesday? I often keep her on her days off when she has a big test to study for, and I understand that, but errands?

Here's the kicker--I run a pretty informal place, and treat them like my grandkids. If I need to run to Walmart or the bank or the library, I throw them in the car or the stroller and go. I took 2 of them to the State Fair. I've taken them to family reunions and out to lunch. If I need to go somewhere, I generally have a baby on my hip, and it's no big deal. If I can do it, why can't they?

I guess I'm glad it's that way--money in my pocket, but I'll never understand it.
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Old 11-18-2011, 05:40 AM
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No cry parenting is exhausting.
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Old 11-18-2011, 05:41 AM
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I have 7 families. Only two of those are anxious to get to the kids at the end of the day (or drop them off at the last minute). The other 5 families leave those kids here at the first minute the door opens until the last minute before the late charges start. They always whine that they don't have enough "me" time and cannot get anything done with the kids.

I don't understand it either because I have 12 here plus my own 3 and I can take them out to eat, to the post office, etc. (on foot) and manage them all! I get paid as well but I just don't get it. I can only recall 2 days in the past 10 years or so that I was gone from my kids and I also missed them horribly. Maybe they will regret it later?
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Old 11-18-2011, 05:46 AM
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I have a 9 month old son I haven't been away from besides a few hours of training or a trip to the store, I was away from him all monday due to me being in the hospital and all I could think about was how much I missed him, I just don't get it either, what better way to spend my time then with the loves of my life!!!
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Old 11-18-2011, 05:48 AM
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Because work & commute time "doesn't count" as being away from your children. I have been told this, and then in the next breath being told how lucky I am to stay at home with my kids. My reply: "I have daycare kids, so it doesn't count at being able to stay at home with mine."
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Old 11-18-2011, 06:20 AM
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When I first got divorced I had to split time with me and their dad. I didnt know what to do with myself, i was bored shopping by myself, even housework or lifetime was not the same without the interruptions. Now that he is not in their lives I have them all the time, which I love, except when I am at school once a month, but they come with me to campus and play in the gym, eat in town, visit me on breaks. I love spending time with them.

I cant imagine being away from them 8-1o hours a day, THEN still wanting time away. I would be rushing to pick them up.
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Old 11-18-2011, 06:29 AM
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Our kids spend the night away from home with family an average of 3-4 nights per year. I miss them like crazy when they're gone, and I miss them when they're at school. I LOVE school breaks and the summer when they're home.

I do remember feeling overwhelmed by their constant needs when they were small though. However, I stayed at home so they were with me all day. I remember, also, feeling super stressed for the first few hours after they came home whenever DH and I had a weekend to ourselves (that happened probably 3 times in ten years). Maybe it's like that, but every day?

I have nothing whatsoever against women who work outside the home, but I don't think the answer is MORE time without them when your child is already at the DC for 9-12 hours per day. If you like constant alone time, then maybe having children isn't the best idea.
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Old 11-18-2011, 07:56 AM
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Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom View Post
Our kids spend the night away from home with family an average of 3-4 nights per year. I miss them like crazy when they're gone, and I miss them when they're at school. I LOVE school breaks and the summer when they're home.

I do remember feeling overwhelmed by their constant needs when they were small though. However, I stayed at home so they were with me all day. I remember, also, feeling super stressed for the first few hours after they came home whenever DH and I had a weekend to ourselves (that happened probably 3 times in ten years). Maybe it's like that, but every day?

I have nothing whatsoever against women who work outside the home, but I don't think the answer is MORE time without them when your child is already at the DC for 9-12 hours per day. If you like constant alone time, then maybe having children isn't the best idea.
You sound just like me! I morn the time when my kids have to go back to school. I am the same way though about stressing out after being without them. It was like they were overboard about needing me to see them but they all needed my attention at once (four of them). It was almost to much for my mind after it had just been me, my husband and a quiet weekend.

I know my husband can be like tha when he gets home sometimes. Its almost like you have to get into a whole new mindset for the noise and the kids wanting attention. Especially if you are tired after working and need time to regroup.
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Old 11-18-2011, 08:12 AM
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I think that you guys are forgetting what it was like to work outside the home. I don't mean that in a rude way but just to give you another perspective. I also, rarely take time away from my kids but sometimes I really need it--so, I get it. We wake up at 5am to hurry and get ourselves ready only to hurry and wake our poor kids up early to get them to daycare, drive a horrible traffic for an hour, work all day, drive in horrible traffic at night to pick up, make dinner, give baths and that whole time trying to make THE MOST of those 3 hours you have at night with your kid. Nonstop playing, interacting, reading, rocking, kissing and cuddling until 8:30 when you get them to bed. Then making lunches, cleaning the house (because you didn't do it when the kids were awake because you want to be with them), laundry only to finally collapse in your own bed at 10:30.

I know all you ladies work very hard so this isn't meant to be a put a down but working outside of the home is exhausting too. For most parents, when you work outside the home you try your best to absolutely maximize your time with them and the time they are sleeping is 100% spent on getting caught up on cleaning, bills etc. So you truly NEVER have downtime. When you work outside the home you don't have 15 mins here to throw in a load of laundry or 5 mins there to pick up toys. It all needs to be done in the evenings.

Again, I never take time away from my kids though I do need it sometimes.

Also, when you aren't doing something all day and getting good at it, it can be hard. You all work with kids all day, are great at it, so you might not think it is a huge deal to take 4 kids shopping at Target. But, you might think that it was really difficult to sit at a desk all day and juggle phone calls and excel spreadsheets and managing other people. You know? It is all what you are good at and get practice at.

Anyways, jsut wanted to offer another perspective.
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Old 11-18-2011, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I think that you guys are forgetting what it was like to work outside the home. I don't mean that in a rude way but just to give you another perspective. I also, rarely take time away from my kids but sometimes I really need it--so, I get it. We wake up at 5am to hurry and get ourselves ready only to hurry and wake our poor kids up early to get them to daycare, drive a horrible traffic for an hour, work all day, drive in horrible traffic at night to pick up, make dinner, give baths and that whole time trying to make THE MOST of those 3 hours you have at night with your kid. Nonstop playing, interacting, reading, rocking, kissing and cuddling until 8:30 when you get them to bed. Then making lunches, cleaning the house (because you didn't do it when the kids were awake because you want to be with them), laundry only to finally collapse in your own bed at 10:30.

I know all you ladies work very hard so this isn't meant to be a put a down but working outside of the home is exhausting too. For most parents, when you work outside the home you try your best to absolutely maximize your time with them and the time they are sleeping is 100% spent on getting caught up on cleaning, bills etc. So you truly NEVER have downtime. When you work outside the home you don't have 15 mins here to throw in a load of laundry or 5 mins there to pick up toys. It all needs to be done in the evenings.

Again, I never take time away from my kids though I do need it sometimes.

Also, when you aren't doing something all day and getting good at it, it can be hard. You all work with kids all day, are great at it, so you might not think it is a huge deal to take 4 kids shopping at Target. But, you might think that it was really difficult to sit at a desk all day and juggle phone calls and excel spreadsheets and managing other people. You know? It is all what you are good at and get practice at.

Anyways, jsut wanted to offer another perspective.
I get this. The more time away, the more the kids want attention, the more the act up, the more parents retreat, the less practice parenting they get.

Now, what should we do about it?

Parents feel lost and overwhelmed and providers feel pooped on and like they are holding the weight of the world.
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Old 11-18-2011, 08:27 AM
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I think that you guys are forgetting what it was like to work outside the home. I don't mean that in a rude way but just to give you another perspective. I also, rarely take time away from my kids but sometimes I really need it--so, I get it. We wake up at 5am to hurry and get ourselves ready only to hurry and wake our poor kids up early to get them to daycare, drive a horrible traffic for an hour, work all day, drive in horrible traffic at night to pick up, make dinner, give baths and that whole time trying to make THE MOST of those 3 hours you have at night with your kid. Nonstop playing, interacting, reading, rocking, kissing and cuddling until 8:30 when you get them to bed. Then making lunches, cleaning the house (because you didn't do it when the kids were awake because you want to be with them), laundry only to finally collapse in your own bed at 10:30.

I know all you ladies work very hard so this isn't meant to be a put a down but working outside of the home is exhausting too. For most parents, when you work outside the home you try your best to absolutely maximize your time with them and the time they are sleeping is 100% spent on getting caught up on cleaning, bills etc. So you truly NEVER have downtime. When you work outside the home you don't have 15 mins here to throw in a load of laundry or 5 mins there to pick up toys. It all needs to be done in the evenings.

Again, I never take time away from my kids though I do need it sometimes.

Also, when you aren't doing something all day and getting good at it, it can be hard. You all work with kids all day, are great at it, so you might not think it is a huge deal to take 4 kids shopping at Target. But, you might think that it was really difficult to sit at a desk all day and juggle phone calls and excel spreadsheets and managing other people. You know? It is all what you are good at and get practice at.

Anyways, jsut wanted to offer another perspective.
Thank you. We need to see both sides. We need to understand that neither side has all the answers or the abilities to do everything.

I do think you are right about a working mom having a tough time taking her kids grocery shopping or whatever. Kids act differently for their parents and I can imagine it could be hard for some. Especially ones who may be young, inexperienced or simply stressed to the point that it IS so much work to do it that it is just easier to not do it and let the kids stay at daycare.

I also understand that it IS important for parents to have time away. Away from their children when they are not at work. Time to do things for you. If moms (and dads) aren't healthy and happy then they cannot be good parents.

I don't mind when parents leave their kids at daycare to do whatever. If they are cash paying, they can do whatever they want IMHO. I think the general complaint by providers though is about the parents who do it ALL the time. It isn't about you. It isn't about parents who occassionaly leave the kids but genuinely love them and WANT to be with them the majority of time. I think it is more about the parents who (you can tell which these are) really just don't want to deal with all the hard stuff parenting brings on. It is the parents who really do not want to raise their kids or do anything that makes it hard for them (the parent). Those are the ones providers are venting about.
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Old 11-18-2011, 08:34 AM
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To the previous unregistered poster - You are definitely NOT the kind of parent that we refer to here. I wish all parents could be like you!

It's the ones that work from 8-4 but have their kids at daycare from 6-6 EVERY SINGLE DAY, the ones who don't want their kids to take a nap at daycare because they want them to go to bed right after dinner, the ones that work all week and send their kids to grandmas EVERY weekend.... those are the ones that I don't understand.

I really respect working parents that miss their kids when they work and spend every possible second with them when they're not working...and they APPRECIATE that time. I'm sure it's super, super hard to leave your child in someone else's care while you work full time. I couldn't have done it.

I can totally understand THIS kind of parent needing a break once in awhile. I can't understand it in a parent who sees their kids for an hour or so a day by their own choice and then complains about that time.
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Old 11-18-2011, 09:14 AM
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I'm not the previous unregistered poster but I agree with her 100%. I feel guilty every day and try to spend as much time as I can with my daughter and as a result never get "me" time. I see what you are saying, AfterSchoolMom, but...you can see how it doesn't come across that way in the OP. She goes so far as to even put "mom" in quotes, implying that working moms don't even deserved to be called moms. That's pretty crappy. Respect is a two-way street, and I see a lot of providers saying that they want respect from the parents, but I'm not seeing it given back. I'm really happy that I don't have a daycare provider who doesn't respect me. I think she is amazing and appreciate everything she does for us, and she respects me as a mom.
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:09 AM
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No matter your job, there just isn't a lot of "me" time when you have kids. Thats just the facts of life. If you needs hours and hours of me-time a week, you should think very hard about having kids. The only time I am ever away from the kids is if I happen to run an errand by myself and dad is watching all three at home. It's been over a year since I had any me-time. The closest I get is a shower to myself. But thats just the way it is. I'm a mom, it's my job to be there when my kids need me and as they are all under 4, thats ALL the time. I really don't have a ton of sympathy for any mom no matter what your job. A movie with a girlfriend every now and then, sure....but hours and hours every week is just not realistic and not what is best for the kids.
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:35 AM
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No matter your job, there just isn't a lot of "me" time when you have kids. Thats just the facts of life. If you needs hours and hours of me-time a week, you should think very hard about having kids. The only time I am ever away from the kids is if I happen to run an errand by myself and dad is watching all three at home. It's been over a year since I had any me-time. The closest I get is a shower to myself. But thats just the way it is. I'm a mom, it's my job to be there when my kids need me and as they are all under 4, thats ALL the time. I really don't have a ton of sympathy for any mom no matter what your job. A movie with a girlfriend every now and then, sure....but hours and hours every week is just not realistic and not what is best for the kids.
I agree 100% with this post. I've done both - I worked outside the home when my DD was little, only started the daycare when I knew I'd have a 2nd child. I KNOW working outside the home is exhausting and stressful and all that. Not going to argue that fact or even debate how it compares to what we do. BUT you have a child, a child who is away from you 40-50 hours a week already - you need to make the most of the time you have with them. Unregistered - sounds like you do that and I agree that the occassional "me time" is nice and warranted. But too many times we see the kids that are with us 50 hours a week, go home at 5pm and have a 7:30 bedtime (and you don't know how many complaints that I get that I'm not open later despite parents getting out of work at 3:30-4pm) and how often I hear on a monday morning how parents went to concerts, parties, whatever and how kids spent the weekend at grandma's because mom's needed a "break" from them. It all boils down to the child, parents need to spend time with their kids. Your "me time" comes when they are older and want nothing to do with you!!

I have no issues with the parent who takes an occassional personal day and the child still comes to me, but I do feel bad for the child who's parent has an ENTIRE weeks vacation and the child comes all day everyday because the parent "has stuff to do" and the child who gets shipped off to grandma every weekend because mom had such a stressful week at work.
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:35 AM
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I'm not the previous unregistered poster but I agree with her 100%. I feel guilty every day and try to spend as much time as I can with my daughter and as a result never get "me" time. I see what you are saying, AfterSchoolMom, but...you can see how it doesn't come across that way in the OP. She goes so far as to even put "mom" in quotes, implying that working moms don't even deserved to be called moms. That's pretty crappy. Respect is a two-way street, and I see a lot of providers saying that they want respect from the parents, but I'm not seeing it given back. I'm really happy that I don't have a daycare provider who doesn't respect me. I think she is amazing and appreciate everything she does for us, and she respects me as a mom.
I understand what you are saying. I do. OP was talking to an audience of daycare providers and we knew exactly the "type" parent she was referring to.

"to get away from her children" was the money shot.

I LOVE when Moms tell me they are sneaking off for a late lunch with their own Mother/Husband. I get excited for them when they tell me they are taking a class just for fun. Sometimes I hand them a $20 and a short list when they say they have to run to the grocery store after work....YKWIM?

"Rarely" or "Occasional" parents don't even make us take notice... It is the "Often", "Constant" and "I have to get away from these kids" ones that make us sad. Repetitive "Sad" for a child/ren makes us angry after a while... Then we vent to each other about it so we don't say something ugly to the parent.

Not much different than at your job I'd bet? I work a second job...many of us do.
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:38 AM
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Do I vent online about my job, co-workers, or clients? Absolutely not. To do so would be considered unprofessional and if I were found out, I would be fired.
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:44 AM
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I have to say, I'm on the opposite side of this. BUT I am with my children nearly 24/7 (except my oldest is full time in school now). And I have been a full time parent 24/7 for the last 7.5 years. I have in the last 8 yrs, gone out 3 times without my children. I missed them greatly, but I think in my position, there is far too much quantity not quality. You can't miss someone if they never go away.
My dh and I got in a small disagreement yesterday over me being able to go somewhere without taking the kids with me. His point of view was "well when I go somewhere I usually take at least 1 kid" and in my defence I said, yes, but I am with them everyday all day. Why am I not entitled to 2 hours once every couple of months to not lug the kids around with me?" When I go out in the evening grocery shopping, he expects me to take, and often will just tell 1 or 2 kids to go with mom. For me, now not only do I have to buckle and unbuckle in car seats 10 times (I make several stops in a row), I've also got to load and unload groceries, etc.

I work from home, or was on mat leave before, so it's not the same scenario as it is for moms who work outside of the home.

So far I am lucky because ALL of my parents cannot wait to get their kids and go home. I even have one mom giving me the guilt trip because she's missing so much of her daughter (she's been in daycare for 5 days). First time mom, sad, etc, but I just told her at least she's already walking before starting daycare. Most parents are upset when they miss the first steps or first words.

Last edited by dEHmom; 11-18-2011 at 10:46 AM.
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:45 AM
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No matter your job, there just isn't a lot of "me" time when you have kids. Thats just the facts of life. If you needs hours and hours of me-time a week, you should think very hard about having kids. The only time I am ever away from the kids is if I happen to run an errand by myself and dad is watching all three at home. It's been over a year since I had any me-time. The closest I get is a shower to myself. But thats just the way it is. I'm a mom, it's my job to be there when my kids need me and as they are all under 4, thats ALL the time. I really don't have a ton of sympathy for any mom no matter what your job. A movie with a girlfriend every now and then, sure....but hours and hours every week is just not realistic and not what is best for the kids.

I think there has to be a balance.

We all know the parent's that are all about themselves, and for those of you that can't fathom, there are a lot of them out there!!! I know, I have worked in all avenues of Childcare. They are your Welfare parents, but they are also your parents that have high class jobs- they don't discriminate.

Just as bad as the selfish parent, is the parent that doesn't enjoy life and lives completely through the kids. It's ok to take some time for yourself. It makes you a better parent and teaches children that other people besides them have needs. It's like coming up for a breath of fresh air. When my parents tell me they are not working but are taking a "me" day I encourage that. Some parent's don't have outside help to rely on, and they figure they are already paying so why not use the service.

The teeter totter works both ways here.....and in a perfect world it would be even.

Most parents don't think of our perspective, they can't. They are busy trying to manage their own lives of work, kids,nights, weekends, home, family etc..
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:46 AM
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I think the post from the unregistered mom was great. I have parents just like her at my daycare. Moms who miss their child terribly while they are at work and who can't wait to pick them up at the end of the day. Even these moms occasionally leave their kids late so they can run to the grocery store, go to the post office, get a hair cut, etc. I'd rather the child was here playing and comfortable for an extra hour or two than being cranky in a car seat or mall.
Yes, we all have parents who leave their child everyday from open to close, never take them on errands, and let the TV do the childcare at home, but I think these parents are rare.
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:57 AM
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I can see it a small amount. My kids are in school but it sure would be nice to have a little time to myself when not working. I am actually almost looking forward to first aid class all day tomorrow without my kids. I could drive myself insane worrying about the parents and what they are missing out on, but i cant get upset.
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:06 AM
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Do I vent online about my job, co-workers, or clients? Absolutely not. To do so would be considered unprofessional and if I were found out, I would be fired.
Then WHY are you on a vent thread?
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:09 AM
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I think unreg. op's what you ladies are missing is that many of us have our own children, so once your children are gone we still have our own to deal with. Oh and I worked as a nurse for many years, so yes I did work outside my home.

I will tell you that running a daycare is way harder than you think. You ladies can leave your jobs at work, you talk to adults, you get a lunch break, you get to have "down time" when you drive home...remember I was one of you ladies. It was the best. All I had to do was spend some time with my kids, feed them dinner and put them to bed when all the hard work was done for me. (I couldn't afford daycare with 4 kids thats why I run a daycare)

I have good parents who love to spend time with their families, can't wait to pick their kids up, and the kids are good to me and them. They do complain how hard its to take 2 kids to the store, and I complain how hard its to take 4 kids to the store so its nice to know that they have the same issues as I do.
Now, I did have a family who HATED spending time with their kids, I mean, the kid was 4 and twice they forgot to pick him up (he was a really good kid, so I didn't understand it) they now leave at school from 7-530 (they have a before and after school prog.) while they come home early. They just hate spending time with their kids, and they wonder why their oldest child is so out of control. They would drop the kid off to go for a haircut or put up a christmas tree, now thats awful.
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:19 AM
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I will tell you that running a daycare is way harder than you think. You ladies can leave your jobs at work, you talk to adults, you get a lunch break, you get to have "down time" when you drive home...remember I was one of you ladies. It was the best. All I had to do was spend some time with my kids, feed them dinner and put them to bed when all the hard work was done for me. .
I actually feel sorry for my daycare parents. Not only do they work all day but then they come and pick up "my job" (their children) and go home. Their work is never done.

I also think that it is tough for them because I do have it easy as a daycare provider, I have established a good routine with the kids I care for. I have things under control. The kids are much more well behaved for me then for the parents. Many of my dck's leave in fits and tears because they want to stay and play. I feel bad that those are the kinds of kids the parent has to take home after a long day at work.

Yes, they may get adult conversation (thanks, besides this forum, I will pass on that) but it isn't necessarily with people they would choose to have a conversation with. Yes, they get a lunch break but they may not necessarily get to leave the premises or building or even take care of things they need to do. I get to color and play and basically can do whatever I want (obviously within rules and regs). I can eat what I want, when I want and with a whole bunch of people that are a ton more enlightening and enjoyable than most adults I know.

I definately do NOT think working parents have it better. If I did, I would be onbe of them instead of a child care provider.

This post was made in reference to those normal parents. I didn't mean this in reference to those parents that do not parent but ditch their kids every second they are able to.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 11-18-2011 at 11:23 AM. Reason: added a bit
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:26 AM
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I definately do NOT think working parents have it better. If I did, I would be onbe of them instead of a child care provider.

This post was made in reference to those normal parents. I didn't mean this in reference to those parents that do not parent but ditch their kids every second they are able to.
I agree.

I know I have it much better.
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:26 AM
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Then WHY are you on a vent thread?
To stand up for parents who are getting bashed here and give a parent's perspective. It makes me sad that so many daycare providers seem to despise the parents. Why is it that when parents post here they are often told to leave? I see it says "daycare.com, a service for parents and providers."
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:28 AM
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I actually feel sorry for my daycare parents. Not only do they work all day but then they come and pick up "my job" (their children) and go home. Their work is never done.

I also think that it is tough for them because I do have it easy as a daycare provider, I have established a good routine with the kids I care for. I have things under control. The kids are much more well behaved for me then for the parents. Many of my dck's leave in fits and tears because they want to stay and play. I feel bad that those are the kinds of kids the parent has to take home after a long day at work.

Yes, they may get adult conversation (thanks, besides this forum, I will pass on that) but it isn't necessarily with people they would choose to have a conversation with. Yes, they get a lunch break but they may not necessarily get to leave the premises or building or even take care of things they need to do. I get to color and play and basically can do whatever I want (obviously within rules and regs). I can eat what I want, when I want and with a whole bunch of people that are a ton more enlightening and enjoyable than most adults I know.

I definately do NOT think working parents have it better. If I did, I would be onbe of them instead of a child care provider.
I do agree with this post. I love what I do, and if I can do this until the day I die I would be happy.

BUT I think that a lot of people do not understand what goes into running a daycare, keeping kids under control, teaching them, playing with them ect. It at times can be ALOT harder than other jobs. I can say, that since I took on my 3rd baby now, I am completely exhausted at the end of the day, and if I sit down when they leave, I would probably fall asleep. Gotta keep moving.

Lots of people, including my dh, think that I can sit on the couch all day and don't have to do much, and can get everything done, like laundry and what not. They don't understand that you take your eyes off the kid for 2 minutes while you flip a load of laundry you're in for a tornado in your house. If you fold a load of laundry, you will likely end up having to refold it. I know one thing that bothers me now is that before I was licensed, I had 1-2 kids, and I was able to do laundry during nap time, etc, and I was hills behind. Now that I'm licensed, it means that I will have to spend my evenings/weekends doing laundry and will likely be mountains behind.
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:29 AM
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Do I vent online about my job, co-workers, or clients? Absolutely not. To do so would be considered unprofessional and if I were found out, I would be fired.
You have people you can complain to at your job. Other coworkers, HR department, counselling services etc. We are busines owners who are in a very high stress and demanding job. Venting is extremely therapeutic especially when you can relate to people who've been there and can help.

You would not be fired for venting if all private and personal information was not revealed. That's ridiculous!
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:35 AM
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I will tell you that running a daycare is way harder than you think. You ladies can leave your jobs at work, you talk to adults, you get a lunch break, you get to have "down time" when you drive home...remember I was one of you ladies. It was the best. All I had to do was spend some time with my kids, feed them dinner and put them to bed when all the hard work was done for me.
I used to work outside the home as well and it is much harder being in business for yourself. MANY of my friends with kids couldn't wait to go back to work after their year mat leave to "get a break" (their words!!) Childcare is hard when it's your own kids and even harder when you're dealing with multiple kids who aren't your own. I think childcare providers are special people Why else would you do it if you weren't good with kids or didn't enjoy being around kids? It sure ain't for the $$
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:41 AM
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To stand up for parents who are getting bashed here and give a parent's perspective. It makes me sad that so many daycare providers seem to despise the parents. Why is it that when parents post here they are often told to leave? I see it says "daycare.com, a service for parents and providers."
Can you point us to a thread where a parent was asked to leave?
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:45 AM
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Do I vent online about my job, co-workers, or clients? Absolutely not. To do so would be considered unprofessional and if I were found out, I would be fired.
But I sure bet you vent to your co workers AT work. I know my boyfriend is sometimes sick of hearing me vent, so I come here. Its nice to know someone else feels the way I do, or have gone through things that i have. You have co workers AT work to do that with. And this post is in the provider section, so obviously providers will be chiming in and "venting".
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:57 AM
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The closest I get is a shower to myself.
ummmm I'm sorry,... These words don't seem to compute. Shower,.... By yourself. Hmmmm you mean your bathroom doesn't have an alarm that flashes red and screaches,... " moms in the bathroom alone!!! Go make sure she doesn't feel lonely!!!!!!".


Hmmm interesting. ( lol)
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:08 PM
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ummmm I'm sorry,... These words don't seem to compute. Shower,.... By yourself. Hmmmm you mean your bathroom doesn't have an alarm that flashes red and screaches,... " moms in the bathroom alone!!! Go make sure she doesn't feel lonely!!!!!!".


Hmmm interesting. ( lol)
I definitely have one of those...and my kids are teenagers!
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:08 PM
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Hi,
I am the origional unregistered poster from #12 and just got back to check this. I am relieved to here that some of you understand what I am saying and it does make me sad for those kids whose parents don't make efforts to see them. I also appreciate how hard it must be to be a daycare providor, I know that I couldn't juggle it all!
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:08 PM
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To stand up for parents who are getting bashed here and give a parent's perspective. It makes me sad that so many daycare providers seem to despise the parents. Why is it that when parents post here they are often told to leave? I see it says "daycare.com, a service for parents and providers."
No, Please don't leave. That is not what I meant.

Your views are invaluable to us.

It is just so unfair to think we all hate our clients because of vent threads.

I think you would have a stroke if you checked out the Fire, Ems, Police, Accountant, Pilot, Physician or even Teacher forums. There is one for almost EVERY occupation. Venting is on every one of them.
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:19 PM
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ummmm I'm sorry,... These words don't seem to compute. Shower,.... By yourself. Hmmmm you mean your bathroom doesn't have an alarm that flashes red and screaches,... " moms in the bathroom alone!!! Go make sure she doesn't feel lonely!!!!!!".


Hmmm interesting. ( lol)
no kidding! I get in trouble because I don't close the door when I go. I say what's the point? the days I do there are kids banging on the door screaming mommmmmy!!!!!!! or they throw the door open and I get whacked in the head and my toes under the door (toilets right by the door). And when I shower, there's always someone who comes in to potty and then decides to join me. AND when it's not the kids opening the door, it's dh cause he wants to say something.
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:22 PM
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To stand up for parents who are getting bashed here and give a parent's perspective. It makes me sad that so many daycare providers seem to despise the parents. Why is it that when parents post here they are often told to leave? I see it says "daycare.com, a service for parents and providers."
most of us don't bash all parents. most of us only bash the parents that deserve to be bashed...and it's not even bashing precisely, because most of the time we are looking for advice on the best ways to handle difficult or stressful situations. We are blowing off steam in order to be able to handle the parents more professionally and respectfully.

I also don't think a parent has ever been "told to leave" just for sharing their opinion. We'd prefer you did it as a registered user, maybe, but we still value the other opinions. Most of us, anyway. Don't judge the whole tree by a couple apples with spots, iykwim.
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:22 PM
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Hi,
I am the origional unregistered poster from #12 and just got back to check this. I am relieved to here that some of you understand what I am saying and it does make me sad for those kids whose parents don't make efforts to see them. I also appreciate how hard it must be to be a daycare providor, I know that I couldn't juggle it all!
we ALL understand what you are saying, and thank's for coming back, and for letting us know which post you made. Please think about registering, it's great to have members like you.

Most of us providers are parents, and at some point more than likely juggled jobs with children, so we understand what the parents are going through. Sometimes it just pushes the wrong buttons when some parents take advantage of us and complain when they have 1 or 2 children they have to "deal" with when to us it's like "hello? we have 4-16 kids to "deal" with daily", and our job doesn't end when you walk out the door, it continues sometimes endlessly. As another member termed it on here before "rinse and repeat".
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:29 PM
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As a parent, this thread is making me feel guilty about the amount of time I do get kid free! Before DH got his new job I was leaving after bed time once a week to go get together with my sisters. I go shopping or to the library or a coffee shop without the kids a few times a month, or with only DS (he's 5 months old and doesn't really count)--do you guys really not leave your kids with your DH and go run errands on your own? Ever? Does doing that make me a bad mother in your eyes?

I also get a (DD) free week/weekend a couple times a year because my in-laws want to spend that time with her. I hate letting her go but I do enjoy the time alone with DH. I rarely seek these opportunities out, but my in-laws expect and enjoy the time with DD.
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:30 PM
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we ALL understand what you are saying, and thank's for coming back, and for letting us know which post you made. Please think about registering, it's great to have members like you.

Most of us providers are parents, and at some point more than likely juggled jobs with children, so we understand what the parents are going through. Sometimes it just pushes the wrong buttons when some parents take advantage of us and complain when they have 1 or 2 children they have to "deal" with when to us it's like "hello? we have 4-16 kids to "deal" with daily", and our job doesn't end when you walk out the door, it continues sometimes endlessly. As another member termed it on here before "rinse and repeat".
!!
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:32 PM
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As a parent, this thread is making me feel guilty about the amount of time I do get kid free! Before DH got his new job I was leaving after bed time once a week to go get together with my sisters. I go shopping or to the library or a coffee shop without the kids a few times a month, or with only DS (he's 5 months old and doesn't really count)--do you guys really not leave your kids with your DH and go run errands on your own? Ever? Does doing that make me a bad mother in your eyes?

I also get a (DD) free week/weekend a couple times a year because my in-laws want to spend that time with her. I hate letting her go but I do enjoy the time alone with DH. I rarely seek these opportunities out, but my in-laws expect and enjoy the time with DD.
no you are not a bad mother. And as you said it's usually after they go to bed so you're not exactly cutting into their time anyway.
My dh pulls guilt trip of "don't you want to spend time with me?"
Also, I am lucky because my mom tries to take my kids for the weekend usually once a month. So we do get lots of time together.

I've RARELY gone out, like I said, I think 3 times? once was with my mom and sis, another was to a friends house at like 10pm! and the other was another daycare providers' house the other night for a drink and was only gone 1 hour. she lives about a 2 min walk away from me.
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:52 PM
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I said that we only get nights TOGETHER without our kids a couple of times a year. However, DH and I often will do things individually while the other stays at home. DH is an avid gym goer and I participate in a Bunco group one evening per month. I'll take them with me shopping so that he can play a computer game, or he'll take them somewhere for the afternoon so that I can read a book... and at least once per year, I go to the beach with my Mom for the weekend while DH stays home, and at least once per year, DH will go somewhere for the weekend while I stay at home.

We definitely have our time alone, and I don't think anyone is a bad parent, no matter whether they work at home or outside of the home, for needing a break now and then.

I DO think that if you CHOOSE to spend every evening, every weekend, every vacation, etc. without your child, it is a sad situation. The opposite is also true. If you NEVER take a break, that's sad as well, because no one benefits from that situation.
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Old 11-18-2011, 12:56 PM
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I said that we only get nights TOGETHER without our kids a couple of times a year. However, DH and I often will do things individually while the other stays at home. DH is an avid gym goer and I participate in a Bunco group one evening per month. I'll take them with me shopping so that he can play a computer game, or he'll take them somewhere for the afternoon so that I can read a book... and at least once per year, I go to the beach with my Mom for the weekend while DH stays home, and at least once per year, DH will go somewhere for the weekend while I stay at home.

We definitely have our time alone, and I don't think anyone is a bad parent, no matter whether they work at home or outside of the home, for needing a break now and then.

I DO think that if you CHOOSE to spend every evening, every weekend, every vacation, etc. without your child, it is a sad situation. The opposite is also true. If you NEVER take a break, that's sad as well, because no one benefits from that situation.
Thank you--this clarifies things nicely.
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Old 11-18-2011, 01:02 PM
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. The opposite is also true. If you NEVER take a break, that's sad as well, because no one benefits from that situation.
I don't agree. I do nothing without my children. I don't feel we aren't benefitting. I feel it suits us well.
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Old 11-18-2011, 01:05 PM
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To stand up for parents who are getting bashed here and give a parent's perspective. It makes me sad that so many daycare providers seem to despise the parents.
What you are reading is providers who are dealing with clients who are behaving badly, doing a poor job parenting, shuning their children, and are not paying their bills.

We SHOULD have a place to go to to discuss parents with poor behavior, poor parenting, and who are delinquent with money.

Just because someone has a child and can access free child care or pay for child care it doesn't mean they come to the relationship with excellent behavior. Having a child and accessing day care is NOT an indication of decent behavior in ANY way shape or form. It has NOTHING to do with decent behavior. NOTHING. You don't get respect because you have had a child. You don't get respect because you can get free child care or pay for child care.

You get respect by being a good parent, behaving yourself in public, and paying your bills.

You are reading posts about adults who are NOT doing the above. It exists and we have a right to discuss it with our colleagues.
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Old 11-18-2011, 01:06 PM
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I'm a home daycare provider and I am a mother, too. I've worked in daycare centers and I've had jobs that were not related to childcare. I've sent my daughter to daycare and I didn't beat myself up for it. What I did instead was find a daycare provider who would care for her and be my partner in raising her. I knew that I had to work and that meant that I had to send her to daycare. There was no way around it because my husband and I both worked the same hours. When I had days off, I kept her with me because I wanted more time with her. I wouldn't begrudge anyone their right to have some "me time", I just wasn't one of those people. When I worked at a center, she came to work with me but she was in a different class and even though we were in the same building, I only saw her at drop off and pick up times. I wanted to each lunch with her every day so that I would have some time with her but her teacher didn't want me to do that and explained that if I did that, it would be so much harder for her because she would want to stay with me. I respected her teacher for keeping my DD's best interest ahead of letting me have my way, which might have been nice for me until lunch was over and I had to drop her off again. We just made sure to have time together before and after work and on the weekends. As a home daycare provider, while I do get to work from home and I can see my DD after school and over school vacations, it's not the same as having time with her one on one. She has to share me with a bunch of other kids and since I'm working, I have an obligation to care for the kids in my daycare, and she gets that. It still hurts both of us. We're in the same house and sometimes the same room but there is a distance between us until the last dck leaves. That's when my DD and I get our time together.

What I'm trying to say is that there are so many factors involved and each situation iis unique. As far as parents not taking their kids shopping with them, it might be because they have behavior issues when they take their kids with them. I know that I did! My DD was a nightmare to shop with so I asked for help. I asked her provider to help me by giving me advice on how to deal with the behavior issues when we were out shopping. At first, I didn't want to ask because I felt like asking her for advice about my DD would make it seem like her provider was the real mom and I was the provider. Once I got past thinking that way, I was able to ask her provider for advice and that was helpful for all of us. The lack of communication between the parents and the providers is the source of most problems.
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Old 11-18-2011, 01:14 PM
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The lack of communication between the parents and the providers is the source of most problems.
Ding Ding Ding !!!! THIS!!!!!!

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Old 11-18-2011, 01:32 PM
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I don't agree. I do nothing without my children. I don't feel we aren't benefitting. I feel it suits us well.
Laundry, you've NEVER gone to dinner, or a movie, or for a walk, or sat and read a book, or gone to the grocery store without your children?

If not, and that works for you, then GREAT. I'm not "bashing", as some have said. I'm thinking of those parents who would like a break but never get one, and so are stressed out because of it. No one benefits from that.

With that said...do you think less of those who DO do things without their kids?


I think the whole point of this whole thread needs to be that no matter what your job, whether in the home or out of it, that we all find a balance of alone time and family time that works for us and benefits our children as well.
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Old 11-18-2011, 05:08 PM
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I agree.

I know I have it much better.
I agree with both of you. When my oldest was young, I felt like all I said was "hurry!"

Hurry, we need to get to work/daycare
Hurry, we need to get home for dinner
Hurry, we need to get your bath in
Hurry, lets read our story for bed

so that I could...

Hurry and get the laundry done
Hurry and do the dishes
Hurry and pay a couple bills
etc., etc.

It's hard to be a working parent. That is one of the reasons I started doing daycare. I didn't want to hurry through my kids lives.

I'm back to work outside the home, but still pretty much home when my youngest gets off the bus and we pick up my Middle Schooler. Here's the thing, guess why I'm here posting away...

My oldest went to get new glasses...he took my insurance and credit card, then having dinner out with a friend...no need for me. Although, he did text me a picture to see what I thought.

My middle is spending the night with a friend...

My youngest is at gymnastics, its a 3 hour practice, Mom's don't go...

It all goes by way too fast...enjoy every last second. Before you know it, you'll have a lot more time on your hands! Well, in between drop off and pick up anyway!
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Old 11-18-2011, 05:22 PM
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If i could trade my job with hers, i would. I know how stressful mine is but its rewards are so much greater. She hates her, but i dont really think she could mentally deal with the three we have plus any more. And i feel guilty every day for not being a better husband who could provide so she could be at home with these darlings
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  #54  
Old 11-18-2011, 05:46 PM
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I agree with both of you. When my oldest was young, I felt like all I said was "hurry!"

Hurry, we need to get to work/daycare
Hurry, we need to get home for dinner
Hurry, we need to get your bath in
Hurry, lets read our story for bed

so that I could...

Hurry and get the laundry done
Hurry and do the dishes
Hurry and pay a couple bills
etc., etc.

It's hard to be a working parent. That is one of the reasons I started doing daycare. I didn't want to hurry through my kids lives.

I'm back to work outside the home, but still pretty much home when my youngest gets off the bus and we pick up my Middle Schooler. Here's the thing, guess why I'm here posting away...

My oldest went to get new glasses...he took my insurance and credit card, then having dinner out with a friend...no need for me. Although, he did text me a picture to see what I thought.

My middle is spending the night with a friend...

My youngest is at gymnastics, its a 3 hour practice, Mom's don't go...

It all goes by way too fast...enjoy every last second. Before you know it, you'll have a lot more time on your hands! Well, in between drop off and pick up anyway!
I kept nodding and say umm-hmm, umm-hmm while reading this . I'm even past the point of drop offs and pick ups, though.

I am glad I can look back and feel good that I was able to be present for the most important things in my kids' lives. I'm not sure I could say the same if I had continued to work outside the home. That's why I have such empathy for all of my families, I know they are doing the best they can.

I've never had a family like the OP describes, fortunately.
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Old 11-18-2011, 06:27 PM
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To stand up for parents who are getting bashed here and give a parent's perspective. It makes me sad that so many daycare providers seem to despise the parents. Why is it that when parents post here they are often told to leave? I see it says "daycare.com, a service for parents and providers."
We don't despise "the parents".

Its the ones who are waiting outside in the car when the lights come on in the morning in their pajamas to drop off their kid. Who go back home for two hours and get ready for work. Who get off at 4, but go to Wal-Mart, the mall, the nail shop and them come streaming into the parking lot at 5:55 to pick the kid back up. Who then plop the kid in front of Spongebob with a McDonalds bag til they fall asleep, then rinse and repeat 5 days a week. Only to have them say on Friday "Whooo, I can't wait to get you to your grandma's, its Mommy time!!".

Or the ones who push the kid out of the door to the van at 6:20 am and go back to sleep. Then when they are dropped back off, grandma or auntie or big sister greets them, and they tell you the next day "I didn't see my mommy last night".

You may think I'm making these up. I wish I were.

And we don't even despise THOSE moms. They hurt our feelings, and its because they hurt their child's feelings.
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Old 11-18-2011, 08:21 PM
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If i could trade my job with hers, i would. I know how stressful mine is but its rewards are so much greater. She hates her, but i dont really think she could mentally deal with the three we have plus any more. And i feel guilty every day for not being a better husband who could provide so she could be at home with these darlings
what are you crazy.... I wish my husband could deal with children better than he does.. NO offense to him, but before I did daycare I worked in consulting internationally and I made way more money than him and he works as a PA (physician assistant).

But I love what I do. I love teaching and I love taking on the roll of MOM...
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Old 11-18-2011, 08:23 PM
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We don't despise "the parents".

Its the ones who are waiting outside in the car when the lights come on in the morning in their pajamas to drop off their kid. Who go back home for two hours and get ready for work. Who get off at 4, but go to Wal-Mart, the mall, the nail shop and them come streaming into the parking lot at 5:55 to pick the kid back up. Who then plop the kid in front of Spongebob with a McDonalds bag til they fall asleep, then rinse and repeat 5 days a week. Only to have them say on Friday "Whooo, I can't wait to get you to your grandma's, its Mommy time!!".

Or the ones who push the kid out of the door to the van at 6:20 am and go back to sleep. Then when they are dropped back off, grandma or auntie or big sister greets them, and they tell you the next day "I didn't see my mommy last night".

You may think I'm making these up. I wish I were.

And we don't even despise THOSE moms. They hurt our feelings, and its because they hurt their child's feelings.
Go girl...you explained this so well..'

When I see children hurting because of the bad decisions( obviously bad decisions)that their parents make ( and I am not perfect, no one is) it makes me really dislike their parents.

Nothing worse than to hear a child say, When am I ever going to see my mom? Or dad?
Because they are here for 12 hours a day while mom or dad hang out with friends, go shopping, or just hang out at home....

Last edited by daycare; 11-18-2011 at 08:27 PM.
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Old 11-19-2011, 12:09 PM
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I second whoever said it was a balance. And the balance is different for each family and each child.

nobody is suggesting that the only option is to be physically glued to your children 24/7. its important to avoid both extremes.
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Old 11-19-2011, 12:42 PM
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I was a working mom for the first year, I took a pay cut to go p/t and then used every excuse and sick day I had to squeeze my work week lower. I worked weekends so my son could stay with dad. When he started day care it was so awful that my husband and decided a serious financial sacrifice was worth it. Every day I worked I missed my son terribly. I always left work early because every extra minute was a blessing. I would guess a lot of providers had similar feelings with their own babies and that's why we got into this job. That is why it's a hot debate and it feels personal when we see DCP who'd rather spend weekends with friends than with their children. Different strokes for different folks. Our family is having tough times, but we're getting by with sacrifice- knowing we did not sacrifice away these precious years WHICH YOU CAN ONLY DO ONCE. Another job will be out there later, my child's development is priceless. Only a year in and being a provider makes me upset to the core when I get calls for a 6 week old f/t. We so need better maternity leave in this country.
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Old 11-19-2011, 04:07 PM
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Before my son was born, I worked VERY long hours. I decided when I was pregnant with him that I was going down to 8 hours a day after he was born, and that is what I did. After I pick my son up from daycare, we go to the library to bring back books and we have about 30-45 mins to find and check out new ones. Or, we might go to the park for that amount of time, and there is a great little kids gym that we often visit for an hour at the most. When we get home, we have dinner (I admit that most of the time our dinners are from the crockpot. If I started dinner right when we got home it would take way too long). After dinner, he helps me load the dishwasher, we put a movie in and we either watch it or we drag out toys to the living room to play while the movie is on, but don't really watch it. About 7:30 or 7:45 I start his bath water and after bath he drinks a glass of milk and we pick up toys. Then it's bedtime by 8:30.
Now, sometimes we may skip the after-daycare/work activity because I've got to go to the bank or the post office, or the store. But usually that stuff can wait until the weekend.
I am up until at least 1:00am EVERY night. After he goes to sleep I take a shower, I find what clothes we will wear the next day and I pick up any remaining messes in the house. I do a couple loads of laundry and I may even scrub the bathtub and toilet or sweep and mop my floor. THEN I get to finish work from my job. Because even though I went down to only being AT work for 8 hours, my workload @ my job did not decrease, at all. It still requires that I dedicate 12+ hours per day to it.
Weekends I am in heaven. I make sure that I finish anything work-related during the week. If I have a huge thing going on at work, I may stay up EXTREMELY late during the week to get it done. I refuse to even touch that stuff on my weekends. On the weekends, we have a freaking blast!!! We will go eat pizza, play for awhile at the arcade there, we will go the science museum, we spent 4 HOURS at the lego store once. We both LOVE legos. We go play miniature golf, we go ride go-carts, we seriously party down on the weekends. We also do our grocery shopping and errands on the weekends. I don't have "me" time anymore, really. But my little boy is all I need. I KNOW he is going to want to hang out with just his friends when he gets older, so I am squeezing every drop of "mommy is my best friend" time I can get. I know there are so many moms out there like me. I don't see many parents that want to be without their kids.
I guess, really, I have a little bit of "me" time after he goes to bed on Fri & Sat night. I still have to clean and do laundry at that time, but I am so used to staying up so late, I will read a book or magazine or watch a grown up movie during that time. And I will just chill for a little bit.
I think parents really don't see the big picture. Their kids are going to get big, they don't wanna hang out with Mommy when they are teenagers. They need to have fun with their kids while they still can!!
We just got back from the pizza place for an early dinner/late lunch, we raced those big plastic motorcycles in a video game. It was so freaking fun. Here in about an hour or so we are going to the movies to see Puss in Boots.
Wish us luck with that, because last time I took him he whined the ENTIRE time and we had to leave before the movie was over. But I am trying it again, it's been about 8 mos since the last movie. I am not sure if he is really old enough to sit in a dark theater and watch a movie without interruption for 2 hours. He is 4. If it turns out like last time, we will just go home and watch a movie. But I REALLY want to see Puss in Boots so I hope he can make it thru the whole movie.
& see? I've scored about 15 mins or so of "me" time just now, & I used it to read this thread and type this up. He is playing with legos right beside me and talking about the arcade games, and it's all good & I absolutely love it

***NOTE: Living my kind of life requires several gallons of caffeine daily.***
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Old 11-20-2011, 08:51 AM
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As a parent, this thread is making me feel guilty about the amount of time I do get kid free! Before DH got his new job I was leaving after bed time once a week to go get together with my sisters. I go shopping or to the library or a coffee shop without the kids a few times a month, or with only DS (he's 5 months old and doesn't really count)--do you guys really not leave your kids with your DH and go run errands on your own? Ever? Does doing that make me a bad mother in your eyes?

I also get a (DD) free week/weekend a couple times a year because my in-laws want to spend that time with her. I hate letting her go but I do enjoy the time alone with DH. I rarely seek these opportunities out, but my in-laws expect and enjoy the time with DD.
Don't hold guilt- I honestly think its healthy for our children to have experiences with out us from time to time and vise versa. DH watching your child- win win situation. But.... if you chose to have a babysitter or other family care for your child......why not? Having children doesn't mean we have to stop living and be totally consumed by them. It means we want to share our life. Taking time for yourself is the best thing you can give your children and yourself. It rejuvenates us, makes us see other things in life, and prevents us from becoming dull and bored. It annoys me when people only talk about just the kids....its like what happened to you, and your life interest. Balance is the key!!! Now for me when I go and do something with out my kids, I do miss them like crazy, but then it opens up so much conversation when we are together again on both sides. I also think time apart prepares us for the day that they will be out on their own and it comes quick, but holding them in a bubble is not the answer. Go have fun, renew and do it guilt free please.
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Old 11-20-2011, 11:14 PM
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Before my son was born, I worked VERY long hours. I decided when I was pregnant with him that I was going down to 8 hours a day after he was born, and that is what I did. After I pick my son up from daycare, we go to the library to bring back books and we have about 30-45 mins to find and check out new ones. Or, we might go to the park for that amount of time, and there is a great little kids gym that we often visit for an hour at the most. When we get home, we have dinner (I admit that most of the time our dinners are from the crockpot. If I started dinner right when we got home it would take way too long). After dinner, he helps me load the dishwasher, we put a movie in and we either watch it or we drag out toys to the living room to play while the movie is on, but don't really watch it. About 7:30 or 7:45 I start his bath water and after bath he drinks a glass of milk and we pick up toys. Then it's bedtime by 8:30.
Now, sometimes we may skip the after-daycare/work activity because I've got to go to the bank or the post office, or the store. But usually that stuff can wait until the weekend.
I am up until at least 1:00am EVERY night. After he goes to sleep I take a shower, I find what clothes we will wear the next day and I pick up any remaining messes in the house. I do a couple loads of laundry and I may even scrub the bathtub and toilet or sweep and mop my floor. THEN I get to finish work from my job. Because even though I went down to only being AT work for 8 hours, my workload @ my job did not decrease, at all. It still requires that I dedicate 12+ hours per day to it.
Weekends I am in heaven. I make sure that I finish anything work-related during the week. If I have a huge thing going on at work, I may stay up EXTREMELY late during the week to get it done. I refuse to even touch that stuff on my weekends. On the weekends, we have a freaking blast!!! We will go eat pizza, play for awhile at the arcade there, we will go the science museum, we spent 4 HOURS at the lego store once. We both LOVE legos. We go play miniature golf, we go ride go-carts, we seriously party down on the weekends. We also do our grocery shopping and errands on the weekends. I don't have "me" time anymore, really. But my little boy is all I need. I KNOW he is going to want to hang out with just his friends when he gets older, so I am squeezing every drop of "mommy is my best friend" time I can get. I know there are so many moms out there like me. I don't see many parents that want to be without their kids.
I guess, really, I have a little bit of "me" time after he goes to bed on Fri & Sat night. I still have to clean and do laundry at that time, but I am so used to staying up so late, I will read a book or magazine or watch a grown up movie during that time. And I will just chill for a little bit.
I think parents really don't see the big picture. Their kids are going to get big, they don't wanna hang out with Mommy when they are teenagers. They need to have fun with their kids while they still can!!
We just got back from the pizza place for an early dinner/late lunch, we raced those big plastic motorcycles in a video game. It was so freaking fun. Here in about an hour or so we are going to the movies to see Puss in Boots.
Wish us luck with that, because last time I took him he whined the ENTIRE time and we had to leave before the movie was over. But I am trying it again, it's been about 8 mos since the last movie. I am not sure if he is really old enough to sit in a dark theater and watch a movie without interruption for 2 hours. He is 4. If it turns out like last time, we will just go home and watch a movie. But I REALLY want to see Puss in Boots so I hope he can make it thru the whole movie.
& see? I've scored about 15 mins or so of "me" time just now, & I used it to read this thread and type this up. He is playing with legos right beside me and talking about the arcade games, and it's all good & I absolutely love it

***NOTE: Living my kind of life requires several gallons of caffeine daily.***
Wow woman, you made me tired just reading that ! Sounds like you've got it pretty well pulled together, though.

That ability to stay up late will serve you well in a few years when you've got a teenager on your hands. I found that to be one of the best times to talk to my kids during those years - they would come home from where ever they had been to find me reading a book or watching TV and we'd end up having a nice conversation about anything and everything. Now if only I could break that whole staying up late habit...
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Old 11-21-2011, 04:48 AM
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Wow woman, you made me tired just reading that ! Sounds like you've got it pretty well pulled together, though.

That ability to stay up late will serve you well in a few years when you've got a teenager on your hands. I found that to be one of the best times to talk to my kids during those years - they would come home from where ever they had been to find me reading a book or watching TV and we'd end up having a nice conversation about anything and everything. Now if only I could break that whole staying up late habit...
This this this!!!!!!!!
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Old 11-21-2011, 06:51 AM
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Everyone is different in how they handle things. What is right for one, is not right for another.

When I worked, it never occurred to me to stop at the store or postoffice. The minute I got out of the carpool van I headed straight to my kids' daycare to pick them up, then we ran whatever errands I needed to. It just never crossed my mind to do otherwise. If I wasn't at work, my kids were with me.

I've never had a problem with my parents making a quick stop at the store, or wherever, because they usually were in a hurry to get to their kids.

One dd, never makes a stop without asking first. Rarely does she go out for alone time without her 4 yo. We do run errands together on the weekend and her dh watches the little one if he doesn't want to go.

My other dd, does stop for retail therapy a couple of times a month. She is in desperate need for alone time. Her dh has some issues and goes from being super helpful to sitting in front of the tv not seeing the world. IF she is lucky, 1 of her kids will sleep through the night, but that's rare. She's a very light sleeper and gets about 4 hrs sleep a night, but that's broken into 1 hr segments. She is perpetually worn out and exhausted. I keep the kids overnight about once a month, just so she can sleep.

I don't understand having kids, and then not wanting to be a parent.
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Old 11-21-2011, 07:41 AM
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http://urbandale.patch.com/articles/...ills-two-voids

Attorney and entrepreneur Eric Parrish is still a bit of a kid at heart.

“Kids are born naturally creative,” Parrish said, “and we educate them out of that.”

To make the point that he hasn’t lost his adventuresome spirit, Parrish folded his large frame into a make-believe multi-passenger golf cart. As it turned out, Parrish got a hands-on lesson in physics as the toy toppled when he attempted to sit in the back seat.

With safety precautions taken into consideration, that’s the type of learning-by-doing environment he hopes to foster at a new child-care and after-hours drop-off center he’s opening in West Des Moines’ bustling southwest corner.

The business, Jordan Creek Preparatory School and Private Membership Club, will be housed in the former Imagination and Education Station location at 720 S. 68th St. An open house for parents interested in enrolling their children will be held from 5 to 8 p.m. Thursday.

The center will provide full-time day-care service for children ages 6 weeks to 12 years, including before- and after-school care with transportation to and from school provided. The center is certified to provide day care for 303 children.

Parrish said that fills a void created earlier this fall when Imagination and Education Station’s closing left parents in West Des Moines, Waukee and Urbandale scrambling for child care options. But the second part of his business, the membership-based drop-in service for parents who need child care evenings and weekends, fills another: Busy parents’ need for alone time.

Busy parents need evening and weekend options

The business follows a growing trend for drop-in care, which takes into account the busy schedules of parents like the Parrishes and the difficulties they have in scheduling alone time.

“People work odd hours, and need after-work options,” Parrish said, “It’s one thing to have day care when you're at work, but what do you do when you need child care after the work day or on weekends?”

Parrish, the father of three, speaks from experience. He and his wife, Angie, an engineer, have struggled to maintain a "date night" tradition.

“Both of us work,” he said. “When you are dating and first married, it’s a whole different type of dynamic than when you introduce kids. Time becomes more limited, options become more limited on nights or weekends, and you end up dragging your kids to the grocery store or a movie because you can’t call your parents every time.”

Parrish said he and Angie were “brave enough” to try taking their children with them. But it wasn’t a pleasant experience for anyone, he said.

“It’s hard to drag young kids with you to the movies, and there are no real options for parents, so we stopped doing it,” he said. “We cut out the movies and dinners.”

That wasn’t a pleasant alternative, either.

The son of divorced parents and once divorced himself, Parrish said he recognizes the dangers when parents don’t take time to reconnect without their children.

Extra revenue stream to help business succeed
The drop-in center offers another revenue stream that Parrish said will help the day-care center remain profitable in the high-rent area of West Des Moines.

“It’s hard to survive at this location,” he said. “You need that extra revenue stream.”

The center is conveniently located near the city’s retail and entertainment districts, which Parrish thinks will make it an attractive option for parents.

“While parents are doing their thing, the kids are doing things with teachers who are trained to engage them,” Parrish said. “It’s not just warehousing kids, but providing an engaging environment.”

Parrish has hired Tammy McNeil, who owns a child-care center and preschool in Fort Dodge, as director of the center. The daycare there is staffed entirely by professionals who either have obtained or are ****pursuing**** (that word pursing is the MONEY shot) degrees in early childhood education, a model Parrish wants to replicate.

The center will initially employ 30 people, and could eventually have a full- and part-time staff of 60 people. Employee retention will be a strong focus, Parrish said.

“Typically, in child care, you have a high rate of turnover; you have high turnover because workers are not paid much; they’re not paid much because they’re not trained very well,” he said. “It’s cyclical, and in trying to attack the turnover problem, you have to pay your workers above market.”

When your inner child speaks, what does it say to you?

My inner child says I need AWAKE time with my parents.
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Old 11-21-2011, 07:41 AM
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Aint gonna work. His customers are going to do their ME time on the same dime they do their WORK time. If he doesn't control the number of hours they use the core business he is going to find out real fast that they figure out real fast that they would rather have their "me" time while they have their kid in child care for twelve hours a day. It cost the same to do "work time" and "me time" in that twelve hours. Once you allow SO many hours at care they won't be willing to pay for extra hours during the special hours when they can get me time within the regular hours.

Re above article:

That "pursing" their "degree" in early childhood education turns into staff taking dhs sponsored free classes at best. When he realizes how EXPENSIVE the "ece degree" staff are they will turn to "pursuing" degree staff just like every other center.

That's the biggest center scam EVER. Telling parents the eight dollar an hour employees are PURSUING their DEGREE and calling them teachers. Parent eat it up but rarely ASK to SEE the actual degrees AND the current COLLEGE classes they are doing to pursue.

The state needs to STOP allowing them to use the word teachers with these staff. They need to REQUIRE centers in their enrollment packet to sign an understanding that the staff that care for their children are NOT certified teachers and that "pursing" your ECE degree isn't any different than having nothing at all when it comes to being a teacher or a staff assistant. You either have a degree in ECE or you don't.
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Old 11-21-2011, 08:20 AM
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Aint gonna work. His customers are going to do their ME time on the same dime they do their WORK time. If he doesn't control the number of hours they use the core business he is going to find out real fast that they figure out real fast that they would rather have their "me" time while they have their kid in child care for twelve hours a day. It cost the same to do "work time" and "me time" in that twelve hours. Once you allow SO many hours at care they won't be willing to pay for extra hours during the special hours when they can get me time within the regular hours.

Re above article:

That "pursing" their "degree" in early childhood education turns into staff taking dhs sponsored free classes at best. When he realizes how EXPENSIVE the "ece degree" staff are they will turn to "pursuing" degree staff just like every other center.

That's the biggest center scam EVER. Telling parents the eight dollar an hour employees are PURSUING their DEGREE and calling them teachers. Parent eat it up but rarely ASK to SEE the actual degrees AND the current COLLEGE classes they are doing to pursue.

The state needs to STOP allowing them to use the word teachers with these staff. They need to REQUIRE centers in their enrollment packet to sign an understanding that the staff that care for their children are NOT certified teachers and that "pursing" your ECE degree isn't any different than having nothing at all when it comes to being a teacher or a staff assistant. You either have a degree in ECE or you don't.
Nan,

Do you realize in many states (not sure about yours) but you can work in "Private Schools" grades k-12 as a teacher and not have a degree in teaching. I was approached to do this for a private school one time and had a sister in law that did teach for many years in a private school and never went to school to be a teacher.

I have a friend who's dad was a retired electrician or something and was able to substitute teacher in a public school in one of the states. So really its not the "daycare centers" that do this, it in all "School" systems.
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Old 11-26-2011, 05:04 AM
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"they’re not paid much because they’re not trained very well,” he said. “It’s cyclical, and in trying to attack the turnover problem, you have to pay your workers above market.”

This is not true. You can be trained very well and still make a crappy wage. ECE teachers WITH degrees aren't paid much either. "Above market" means about $12 - $14.00/hour and that is the very HIGH end with a BA. We still only make an average of $23 - $25K per year with a four year degree. It is still not a living wage. That is why turnover is high. The people with BAs are moving on to other fields, to the school system, or moving up in rank to directors positions (if they decide to stick with ECE). What is the point of earning a BA when the return on investment is so low or even in the negative? We have to make a living wage to survive as well. So again, "not trained very well" is NOT the issue here.
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Old 11-26-2011, 03:51 PM
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I think that you guys are forgetting what it was like to work outside the home. I don't mean that in a rude way but just to give you another perspective. I also, rarely take time away from my kids but sometimes I really need it--so, I get it. We wake up at 5am to hurry and get ourselves ready only to hurry and wake our poor kids up early to get them to daycare, drive a horrible traffic for an hour, work all day, drive in horrible traffic at night to pick up, make dinner, give baths and that whole time trying to make THE MOST of those 3 hours you have at night with your kid. Nonstop playing, interacting, reading, rocking, kissing and cuddling until 8:30 when you get them to bed. Then making lunches, cleaning the house (because you didn't do it when the kids were awake because you want to be with them), laundry only to finally collapse in your own bed at 10:30.

I know all you ladies work very hard so this isn't meant to be a put a down but working outside of the home is exhausting too. For most parents, when you work outside the home you try your best to absolutely maximize your time with them and the time they are sleeping is 100% spent on getting caught up on cleaning, bills etc. So you truly NEVER have downtime. When you work outside the home you don't have 15 mins here to throw in a load of laundry or 5 mins there to pick up toys. It all needs to be done in the evenings.

Again, I never take time away from my kids though I do need it sometimes.

Also, when you aren't doing something all day and getting good at it, it can be hard. You all work with kids all day, are great at it, so you might not think it is a huge deal to take 4 kids shopping at Target. But, you might think that it was really difficult to sit at a desk all day and juggle phone calls and excel spreadsheets and managing other people. You know? It is all what you are good at and get practice at.

Anyways, jsut wanted to offer another perspective.
I think you might not realize that the perspective of daycare providers comes from one that often sees excessive avoidance of parenting responsibilites. Most parents don't want to take their kids to do shopping. I don't. What I see is CONSTANT avoidance of parenting, for long hours on many days off. Parents that want to see their children for MAYBE two hours in the evening then put them to bed. "Good lord, don't let Johnny nap today or he'll be up till 9 and I'll actually have to parent for a few hours. Just let him stay awake all day and be cranky because I want to put him in bed at 7 without a backwards glance." The same parents are desperate to drop their kids off first thing every morning and leave them in daycare for as long as they can muster. Parenting is hard when you forget how to do it, and don't learn appropriate guidance techniques.

I work outside the home... in daycare. My kids go to daycare with me, come home with me. We have a long day. I agree with the ridiculousness of parents needing "time away".

For example... on Friday one DCP came in at 10 with her son who'd been coughing and feeling sick all week. She said "I'm only so late because I was going to keep him home to rest since I have the day off, but he kept asking to come to daycare." So she let her 3 year old decided that he wanted to be at daycare... thats 1. Here's 2. After pointing out that he hadn't been feeling well all week she left him there until 5:45. 15 minutes before all the staff goes home, he was one of the last 5 children there.. not feeling well, on a friday. WTF.

Several of our parents work a 7 on 7 off schedule and their kids don't miss a day. EVER. All the parents take their days off because they "need a break" but they don't realize that daycare is hard work for young kids. It's their job and it's NOT a desk job staring at excel sheets. It's fun but EXHAUSTING for children.

Here's how I feel. My children are CHILDREN and daycare is their employment. They will never have to work harder or longer hours than I do. I'm the adult. My job is to suck it up and make their lives easy, not have someone else make my life easy for me.

There's one infant dad at our centre who last week complained that we don't offer dinner in our group child care facility because his child is hungry at 5. Mom gets off work at 4. Dad is on disability right now. WTF is wrong with parents that they can't cope with raising their children?

DAYCARE IS HARD WORK for young children. Why don't many parents realize that?
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  #70  
Old 11-26-2011, 04:18 PM
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"they’re not paid much because they’re not trained very well,” he said. “It’s cyclical, and in trying to attack the turnover problem, you have to pay your workers above market.”

This is not true. You can be trained very well and still make a crappy wage. ECE teachers WITH degrees aren't paid much either. "Above market" means about $12 - $14.00/hour and that is the very HIGH end with a BA. We still only make an average of $23 - $25K per year with a four year degree. It is still not a living wage. That is why turnover is high. The people with BAs are moving on to other fields, to the school system, or moving up in rank to directors positions (if they decide to stick with ECE). What is the point of earning a BA when the return on investment is so low or even in the negative? We have to make a living wage to survive as well. So again, "not trained very well" is NOT the issue here.
I agree with you.

I think the problem is that centers are allowed to misrepresent their staff as teachers and say "pursuing" an education and get customers based on their words instead of the actual degrees. Why pay for the real thing when you can convince your customers they are getting it and pay someone a little above minimum wage?
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Old 11-26-2011, 06:22 PM
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Wish i could in OK be a teacher in private school! That wuld be awesome
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Old 11-27-2011, 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted by C'est la vie. View Post
I think you might not realize that the perspective of daycare providers comes from one that often sees excessive avoidance of parenting responsibilites. Most parents don't want to take their kids to do shopping. I don't. What I see is CONSTANT avoidance of parenting, for long hours on many days off. Parents that want to see their children for MAYBE two hours in the evening then put them to bed. "Good lord, don't let Johnny nap today or he'll be up till 9 and I'll actually have to parent for a few hours. Just let him stay awake all day and be cranky because I want to put him in bed at 7 without a backwards glance." The same parents are desperate to drop their kids off first thing every morning and leave them in daycare for as long as they can muster. Parenting is hard when you forget how to do it, and don't learn appropriate guidance techniques.

I work outside the home... in daycare. My kids go to daycare with me, come home with me. We have a long day. I agree with the ridiculousness of parents needing "time away".

For example... on Friday one DCP came in at 10 with her son who'd been coughing and feeling sick all week. She said "I'm only so late because I was going to keep him home to rest since I have the day off, but he kept asking to come to daycare." So she let her 3 year old decided that he wanted to be at daycare... thats 1. Here's 2. After pointing out that he hadn't been feeling well all week she left him there until 5:45. 15 minutes before all the staff goes home, he was one of the last 5 children there.. not feeling well, on a friday. WTF.

Several of our parents work a 7 on 7 off schedule and their kids don't miss a day. EVER. All the parents take their days off because they "need a break" but they don't realize that daycare is hard work for young kids. It's their job and it's NOT a desk job staring at excel sheets. It's fun but EXHAUSTING for children.

Here's how I feel. My children are CHILDREN and daycare is their employment. They will never have to work harder or longer hours than I do. I'm the adult. My job is to suck it up and make their lives easy, not have someone else make my life easy for me.

There's one infant dad at our centre who last week complained that we don't offer dinner in our group child care facility because his child is hungry at 5. Mom gets off work at 4. Dad is on disability right now. WTF is wrong with parents that they can't cope with raising their children?

DAYCARE IS HARD WORK for young children. Why don't many parents realize that?
hey where is my like button!!

great post!!

and to the unregistered, I wish every parent is like you... I would die for more great parents that sound like you... these days, it seems they are scarce..
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Old 11-28-2011, 11:16 AM
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I just wanted to chime in as another parent who somtimes needs some "time away" from her kids! I think a majority of the time (not always, please don't yell at me) kids are much better behaved at daycare/school and save the **** for home! LOL
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Old 11-28-2011, 11:48 AM
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I just wanted to chime in as another parent who somtimes needs some "time away" from her kids! I think a majority of the time (not always, please don't yell at me) kids are much better behaved at daycare/school and save the **** for home! LOL
you are dead on with this!! kids are always better behaved else where than they are for mommy and daddy.

My husband and I left my son with the in-laws a few months back for the weekend and the entire time we were gone they said he was super! The second I walked in the door and he could smell me, he threw a massive tantrum.

I am a DCP and I too need to take a break from my own children. Otherwise I would have kids on me non stop 24/7.

Like I said, parents like you are hard to come by, and we all would love parents who only take a break when needed, not every day.
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Old 11-28-2011, 12:23 PM
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I just wanted to chime in as another parent who somtimes needs some "time away" from her kids! I think a majority of the time (not always, please don't yell at me) kids are much better behaved at daycare/school and save the **** for home! LOL
Many times this is because the parents are too guilt-ridden or tired to deal with the behavior.
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Old 11-28-2011, 02:58 PM
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Michelle Michelle is offline
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Parents don't realize that kids talk!
I have had kids tell me things like..."I stress her out," "I'm always bad", "she can't wait to drop me off," and "I want you to be my Mommy" I even had a kid ask my dh " are you my new daddy now?"
It breaks my heart but these kids KNOW when they are not wanted.
This is just a handful of kids that have said these things in 10 years of childcare.
Most of the kids I have had come from excellant families.

Just be careful what you say in front of your kids or on the phone and realize that kids can feel when they are unwanted and act up more because of it.
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