What Do I Say To This?

I recently started a daycare. I have a new child starting in a month. The problem is prior to working daycare I quit my job due to anxiety. Just found out that the new child's mom and my former boss are friends. New mom just texted me and asked if we could talk to "discuss some things". How do I handle it if she asks me about quitting my previous job? I do have anxiety, that is under control. I just found that working in the medical field was not for me, and caused added anxiety. Not sure what to tell this lady. I know this is what the lady wants to talk about because my former boss, out of the blue texted me as well, after 1 1/2 years without talking to her. Any advice will be appreciated.

Just tell her the truth. Alot of people quit there jobs to do daycare and if she has any concerns or you think she will be trouble being friends with your old boss. I would just tell her you and her are not the right fit and she should find someone else. Trust me if even before you are watching her child there is conflict. there will be way more later!

[daycare]

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe what your boss did was illegal. Per HIPPA

I would be honest, but don't go into detail.

I would let her know that you will not be discussing your medical background with her. I'm not sure about in your state. Here you must have a background check,medical clearance from a doctor and fingerprinting. That should be enough information for her to make a decision about whether she would want you to care for her child or not.If you do feel comfortable sharing with her,just tell her the medical field was not for you.
I would call your former boss and let her know that she crossed a line.
She should know about the confidentiality law in the medical field.
Sorry you have to deal with this.It's not any of her business,how would she like people knowing her background(surgeries,prescriptions she was on,etc.)
There is a reason it is suppose to be confidential!

[saved4always]

I don't think you owe the client an explanation of why you left your job. Just tell her you did not find the field to your liking and decided to try something else. She doesn't need to know that the job made you anxious unless it is something that would affect her child's care.

And, if the former boss, shared any confidential information about your quitting, that would be very unprofessional of her. Especially if she still works for the company. If she did give details to this client and it affects your employment, I would consider complaining to the human resources dept where she works. I agree with daycare...I think that it is illegal for her to share info like that.

[Mary Poppins]

Originally Posted by daycare

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe what your boss did was illegal. Per HIPPA

I would be honest, but don't go into detail.

I agree! I would definitely find out if this crosses a legal line.

[PitterPatter]

Originally Posted by daycare

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe what your boss did was illegal. Per HIPPA

I would be honest, but don't go into detail.

ITA!!

None of her business!! I would report the old boss if this is in fact the case! Totally unprofessional

Thank you everyone for the advice. In my state we do have medical forms filled out by our physician that the doctor signs off stating no mental illness or substance abuse illness that could interfere with caring for children. So, I think I am going to show her that as well. I feel a lot better and appreciate the support.

[bunnyslippers]

If you find out that your old boss revealed your information, I would absolutely get in touch with her superiors and file a formal complaint. That is private information, and could even be considered a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Anxiety is a medical condition, and she is discrimanating against you by sharing your private information. I am so sorry that you are going through this. And cheers to you for recognizing that your other job wasn't a good fit for you - it's hard to make that decision, and very brave to admit when something isn't the right choice!

If she asks you why you quit, you simply say The medical field was not for me. If she mentions that you heard that it was due to anxiety, tell her that the medical field is a high pressure field, where the smallest mistake can cost someone thier life, would wouldn't be anxious? Then state you have a medical form filled out by your doctor saying that you are more then competant and qualified to be a childcare provider.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I wouldn't even offer to show the forms unless she asks to see them. I wouldn't discuss personal information with her at all. I agree with saved4always - just tell her, if she asks, that you left your former job because you weren't satisfied there and leave it at that.

[Springdaze]

My first thought was if she is worried about it, why is she sending her child to you? Its not like the child is already in your care and she finds something out. Maybe it has nothing to do with that.

[Cat Herder]

IDK....

This topic begs the question: Do we, as childcare providers, have an ethical responsibility to disclose mental/psychiatric disorder/illness to prospective clients? (Not sure of the politically correct terminology these days, no offense intended to anyone)

As a parent, I am not sure I'd be OK with NOT being told. I am NOT sure I'd reject a provider based on her diagnosis.... BUT feel I should have all the facts to make an informed decision. At what point does the Parents right to know overshadow the providers right to earn an income. There is nothing in our training on this subject.

If my provider was an insulin dependent diabetic, I'd want to know... If she had a seizure disorder, I'd want to know... If she had a history of abusing drugs/alcohol, I'd want to know.... I think an anxiety disorder falls within the same line... POLITICALLY CORRECT or not, I'd want to know...

I could care less about the legal portion of the debate....lawyers and politicians are not generally held in my highest regards as humans . I am talking simple ETHICS. IDK....difficult topic, I am sure.

Originally Posted by Catherder

IDK....

This topic begs the question: Do we, as childcare providers, have an ethical responsibility to disclose mental/psychiatric disorder/illness to prospective clients? (Not sure of the politically correct terminology these days, no offense intended to anyone)

As a parent, I am not sure I'd be OK with NOT being told. I am NOT sure I'd reject a provider based on her diagnosis.... BUT feel I should have all the facts to make an informed decision.

If my provider was an insulin dependent diabetic, I'd want to know... If she had a seizure disorder, I'd want to know... If she had a history of abusing drugs/alcohol, I'd want to know.... I think an anxiety disorder falls within the same line... POLITICALLY CORRECT or not, I'd want to know...

I could care less about the legal portion of the debate....lawyers and politicians are not generally held in my highest regards as humans . I am talking simple ETHICS. IDK....difficult topic, I am sure.

No, it's not for you to know. Why would you need to know if your daycare provider was a diabetic? In some states you are required to pass a background check,medical clearance and fingerprinting. The state and your doctor are the ones to decide if they are capable of taking care of children. Unfortunately it's not for you to decide. Would you want people judging you on your past or your medical background? Think if the state just came into your job and told your boss and all your coworkersyour medical history.You boss didn't like it and fired you.It's called discrimination and it's not legal.

[JenNJ]

Originally Posted by Catherder

IDK....

This topic begs the question: Do we, as childcare providers, have an ethical responsibility to disclose mental/psychiatric disorder/illness to prospective clients? (Not sure of the politically correct terminology these days, no offense intended to anyone)

As a parent, I am not sure I'd be OK with NOT being told. I am NOT sure I'd reject a provider based on her diagnosis.... BUT feel I should have all the facts to make an informed decision.

If my provider was an insulin dependent diabetic, I'd want to know... If she had a seizure disorder, I'd want to know... If she had a history of abusing drugs/alcohol, I'd want to know.... I think an anxiety disorder falls within the same line... POLITICALLY CORRECT or not, I'd want to know...

I agree with ALL this. I think that parents have the right to know if a medical, physical, or mental condition would impact the care of their child. I think that asking these tough questions are the responsibility of the parent and discussing them is the responsibility of the provider.

These relationships are based on trust -- that trust goes BOTH ways. Just be honest and tell the parent how you handle anxiety issues when they arise.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

No, it's not for you to know. Why would you need to know if your daycare provider was a diabetic? In some states you are required to pass a background check,medical clearance and fingerprinting. The state and your doctor are the ones to decide if they are capable of taking care of children. Unfortunately it's not for you to decide. Would you want people judging you on your past or your medical background? Think if the state just came into your job and told your boss and all your coworkersyour medical history.You boss didn't like it and fired you.It's called discrimination and it's not legal.

Uh, my DH is an insulin diabetic. I know first hand what that means. As a parent I would absolutely want to be informed of such a condition. Whether it was illegal or not to ask is beside the point in my book as a parent. I would want to be informed.

It is up to me to decide what is best for my child if I am the parent NOT up to the state or anyone else. NONE of them have a vested, emotional or personal interest in MY child.

FWIW~ My husband is never judged for his condition but it surely helps when people are informed about it.....not for their best interest but often for his.

[Country Kids]

Remember though, the parents don't have to tell us if there child suffers from anything. I think the biggest argument has always been over the children that suffer from HIV/AIDS. So if they aren't required to disclose medical information why would we have to disclose anything?

Also, I guess we could take it a step further and say the parents need to let us know if they suffer from anything. That way if there are issues we could say it due to them having ............ Really would you work for someone who might have issues that could effect the behavior of the child/the childcare, etc.

Why does all the responsibility always fall back on us and we have to do all these things but the parents never do?

[JenNJ]

Originally Posted by Country Kids

Remember though, the parents don't have to tell us if there child suffers from anything. I think the biggest argument has always been over the children that suffer from HIV/AIDS. So if they aren't required to disclose medical information why would we have to disclose anything?

Why does all the responsibility always fall back on us and we have to do all these things but the parents never do?

We are adults and these children's lives depend on our ability to care for them.

As far as the HIV/AIDS argument goes, we are always supposed to act as if each child DOES have something like that. Wear gloves when bandaging, clear the area, wash with soap and water afterwards, etc.

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

FWIW~ My husband is never judged for his condition but it surely helps when people are informed about it.....not for their best interest but often for his.

Thank you. That is EXACTLY WHY...

I'd educate myself and have a plan to get there quick if he needed me...being able to have someone to pick up quick (if I had to be further away on any given day) would be the only real modification a diabetic or epileptic (or many health issues) would need. It may NEVER be needed, but having a plan is just being responsible.

Those parents who "can't" answer their phones would NOT be an ideal client for a provider (who works alone) with health issues...etc. There are two sides to this... Having the info to plan for back-up and emergencies is a team effort.

Two of my current clients have ISDM (one single)... if they call me at night with a 911 text for childcare while they seek medical treatment...I go help them...it should work both ways. It is NOT about judgement.

[Solandia]

Originally Posted by Catherder

IDK....

This topic begs the question: Do we, as childcare providers, have an ethical responsibility to disclose mental/psychiatric disorder/illness to prospective clients? (Not sure of the politically correct terminology these days, no offense intended to anyone)

As a parent, I am not sure I'd be OK with NOT being told. I am NOT sure I'd reject a provider based on her diagnosis.... BUT feel I should have all the facts to make an informed decision. At what point does the Parents right to know overshadow the providers right to earn an income. There is nothing in our training on this subject.

If my provider was an insulin dependent diabetic, I'd want to know... If she had a seizure disorder, I'd want to know... If she had a history of abusing drugs/alcohol, I'd want to know.... I think an anxiety disorder falls within the same line... POLITICALLY CORRECT or not, I'd want to know...

I could care less about the legal portion of the debate....lawyers and politicians are not generally held in my highest regards as humans . I am talking simple ETHICS. IDK....difficult topic, I am sure.

Personally, I feel we have a duty to disclose things that directly impacts the care of the child in a negative way. HOWEVER, I think that the majority of what you would want to know is NOT pertinent information. Uncontrolled diabetes, uncontrolled anxiety,problamatic heart issues, unmedicated bipolar, drivers license revoked due to medical issues,currently dx'd with TB etc...ABSOLUTELY should be disclosed.

NONE OF ANYONE'S Business: Prior drug use, smoking cigs/drinking alcohol after hours. Current medical issues that are well controlled (asthma, IBS, diabetes,etc)...my entire medical history is NOT EVER anyone's business.

The ONLY medical information that one would be morally obligated to disclose are things that impact the job, right now. NOTHING else.

Legally, my rights are protected...I do not have to disclose anything. Ask away, I will only give the answer on a need to know basis. And if anyone thinks that by asking other providers, they will get truthful answers just by asking....well, as Dr House says, everyone lies.

[MarinaVanessa]

Originally Posted by daycare

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe what your boss did was illegal. Per HIPPA

I would be honest, but don't go into detail.

I agree with this too. I'm in CA and here when you call someone's former or current employer for a reference check all you are allowed to say is whether you'd hire them back again. By law you can't disclose any personal information especially if it's medical. As your formal boss she should know better. If she has given any personal information to your new client I'd think about talking to a lawyer at least to help you write a letter to stop her.

If your new client asks you about why you left your previous job you could say that it was a personal choice, that you left for medical reasons etc. but I wouldn't go on to explain beyond that.

Personally, I would just say that I wanted to go into business for myself and decided to work in childcare. End of story. Good luck.

[MamaBear]

Originally Posted by bunnyslippers

If you find out that your old boss revealed your information, I would absolutely get in touch with her superiors and file a formal complaint. That is private information, and could even be considered a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Anxiety is a medical condition, and she is discrimanating against you by sharing your private information. I am so sorry that you are going through this. And cheers to you for recognizing that your other job wasn't a good fit for you - it's hard to make that decision, and very brave to admit when something isn't the right choice!

Ditto! I agree with this completely.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Uh, my DH is an insulin diabetic. I know first hand what that means. As a parent I would absolutely want to be informed of such a condition. Whether it was illegal or not to ask is beside the point in my book as a parent. I would want to be informed.

It is up to me to decide what is best for my child if I am the parent NOT up to the state or anyone else. NONE of them have a vested, emotional or personal interest in MY child.

FWIW~ My husband is never judged for his condition but it surely helps when people are informed about it.....not for their best interest but often for his.

Well then if your husband is insulin diabetic and had a history of passing out,he probably would not be cleared to care for children. You are judging and discriminating by saying people with insulin diabetes can't care for children when that's not true.
Even though yes,they are your children and you should look out for their best interest,it is still none of your business if it hasn't impacted thier job performance.
Again,would you like someone to tell your husband he can't do his job Because he has diabetes? The answer is no,you can't discriminate.Plain and simple!

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Well then if your husband is insulin diabetic and had a history of passing out,he probably would not be cleared to care for children. You are judging and discriminating by saying people with insulin diabetes can't care for children when that's not true.
Even though yes,they are your children and you should look out for their best interest,it is still none of your business if it hasn't impacted thier job performance.
Again,would you like someone to tell your husband he can't do his job Because he has diabetes? The answer is no,you can't discriminate.Plain and simple!

I am NOT talking about laws.....I am talking about trust and the ethical responsibilities we have as parents and providers.

My DH has excellent control over his diabetes and has no medical concerns whatsoever. HOWEVER, anyone with diabetes knows things happen. There can be a reaction or an adverse effect of somehting he did or ate or even from his own insulin that safety is the best precaution.

I would rather have been told before the fact than after it became a problem So yes, it is none of anyone's business but because I choose to have a trusting relationship with my daycare families I choose to tell them.

So in response to your statement "it is still none of your business if it hasn't impacted thier job performance". you are right it is none of their business but it sure would be much easier to deal with BEFORE it impacts the job than after the fact.

My DH never hides the fact that he is diabetic. It isn't something he is ashamed of or feels the need to hide from anyone. As a matter of fact, it is a wonderful learning experience in acceptance and tolerance as well as educational for the kids in care.

[SandeeAR]

I am legally, unlicensed, by choice. I am therefore, NOT required to have any medical exam.

I am an insulin depentant diabetic. I CHOOSE to inform all my parents at the interview that I am diabetic and also have GERD. I do this to be upfront, partly in hopes, they will be upfront with their child.

I also do this, so if I have a low sugar episode and it prevents us from, say going outside, they will understand. Also, I disclose the GERD, so they will no if I look a little "green" some mornings, they will know I have nothing their child will get, just my GERD acting up.