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  #1  
Old 08-22-2012, 10:06 PM
CaliforniaFather CaliforniaFather is offline
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Default Fighting at Daycare?

Hello to anyone that reads,

My son has been in-rolled in this daycare for awhile now but about 2-3 weeks ago there was a "fighting problem" with him and another child. The daycare lady is always saying how he is the good kid there and never has any problems and she did not say that he started the fight. i don't want to come off as one of those parents that think there child does no wrong, i am just letting you guys know in advance that there has never been any complaints from her about my son.

Day 1 we picked our son up after work as usual and he had a really thick/long/deep about 2-3 inch scratch across his head from hair line to temple, my wife did not see it when she picked him up from the house but as soon as he was in the car i was like what the!!!!... so we contacted her and she said Oh yeah he got into a fight with another child and i was really angry my wife explained maybe it was a accident so i dropped it.

Day 2 we pick him up and he has another scratch, the same exact type of scratch from the top of his nose down the middle of his nose about 2 inches long, its very obvious and i feel really bad for him. at this point i am really angry because she did not even attempt to tell us what happen until we asked again. i feel really bad for my son as now it has healed he has a scar right down the middle of his nose top to bottom. when we asked it was the same thing, they were fighting.

can someone please give me some advice as to what i should do, i am ready to take him out of her care because i don't understand how you can let the exact same thing happen 2 days in a row after we contacted her the day it happened the 1st time.

thank you for reading my long story but it is much appreciated and thank you in advance.
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  #2  
Old 08-22-2012, 10:14 PM
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daycare daycare is offline
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How old is your child and how old is the child that is fighting with your child?
This is an in home?

How many kids does the provider have?
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:23 PM
CaliforniaFather CaliforniaFather is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
How old is your child and how old is the child that is fighting with your child?
This is an in home?

How many kids does the provider have?
my child is 3, not sure on the exact age of the other child.

it is a home, there are about 6 or 7 kids in her care i think. she has one worker that is not there all the time.
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Old 08-23-2012, 04:08 AM
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MrsSteinel'sHouse MrsSteinel'sHouse is offline
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I would want to sit down with the provider to figure out what exactly is going on. I would approach it with the attitude that you want to be on the same page and want to figure out what actions need to be taken. Obviously, you don't want your child instigating "fights'. You need her help in figuring this out.

What your looking for is a consistent story as to what is taking place. You need to determine if your child is being properly supervised. I can tell you that when something happens at my home there is a form that I have to fill in. I am in Ohio and I don't know CA policies. So when the parents get here there is a form. I can tell them I had to apply first aid because M threw a car and it struck C on the forehead. My kids get bumps, scrapes etc from play. On occassion I have had a biter but once I know a child is a biter I supervise VERY closely! Those things do happen, but I know what happened! So your looking to see if the provider can fill in more than. They were fighting. I would want to know if both children were timed out and exactly what led up to them "fighting".

I would avoid accusations etc during this conversation. Then it is up to you as a parent to decide if your child is safe in this providers care. You might even pick up "early" one day to see what the children are doing. It never bothers me when my parents arrive, it shouldn't bother your provider either. Just be sure you take your child with you! (hard to resettle child and you don't want her to feel like your inspecting her) But you do have every right to know what is going on in her care. If your uncomfortable, you have every right to switch providers.
In home care can be the best because your child is in a small nurturing enviroment. However, it can be the worse because there is no one else there but the provider, so you have to be extremely comfortable with that person. Their home should be fairly transparent. And she should be forthcoming with details including how she is handling it. I would ask questions like what leads up to the "fighting"? does it frustrate you when they are fighting? How are you handling it?

Side note- if there is blood present it should be treated and covered. These days there are too many things that can be passed through blood not to!

Good luck in figuring all this out! Remember though, your provider SHOULD be your right hand in raising your child. It is very important that you feel like you can voice your concerns and that she is doing everything to help you raise your child!
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Old 08-23-2012, 05:02 AM
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wow, have you asked your ds what has happened. I would talk to the provider and see what is going on.
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Old 08-23-2012, 05:43 AM
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Countrygal Countrygal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse View Post
I would want to sit down with the provider to figure out what exactly is going on. I would approach it with the attitude that you want to be on the same page and want to figure out what actions need to be taken. Obviously, you don't want your child instigating "fights'. You need her help in figuring this out.

What your looking for is a consistent story as to what is taking place. You need to determine if your child is being properly supervised. I can tell you that when something happens at my home there is a form that I have to fill in. I am in Ohio and I don't know CA policies. So when the parents get here there is a form. I can tell them I had to apply first aid because M threw a car and it struck C on the forehead. My kids get bumps, scrapes etc from play. On occassion I have had a biter but once I know a child is a biter I supervise VERY closely! Those things do happen, but I know what happened! So your looking to see if the provider can fill in more than. They were fighting. I would want to know if both children were timed out and exactly what led up to them "fighting".

I would avoid accusations etc during this conversation. Then it is up to you as a parent to decide if your child is safe in this providers care. You might even pick up "early" one day to see what the children are doing. It never bothers me when my parents arrive, it shouldn't bother your provider either. Just be sure you take your child with you! (hard to resettle child and you don't want her to feel like your inspecting her) But you do have every right to know what is going on in her care. If your uncomfortable, you have every right to switch providers.
In home care can be the best because your child is in a small nurturing enviroment. However, it can be the worse because there is no one else there but the provider, so you have to be extremely comfortable with that person. Their home should be fairly transparent. And she should be forthcoming with details including how she is handling it. I would ask questions like what leads up to the "fighting"? does it frustrate you when they are fighting? How are you handling it?

Side note- if there is blood present it should be treated and covered. These days there are too many things that can be passed through blood not to!

Good luck in figuring all this out! Remember though, your provider SHOULD be your right hand in raising your child. It is very important that you feel like you can voice your concerns and that she is doing everything to help you raise your child!
I pretty much agree with this one. You need to take the time to sit down and talk to her a) what happened, b)have there been other instances with the offending child and other children and c) what is she doing to prevent it from happening in the future. And like this poster said, approach it in a kind, understanding way. In a daycare kids pretty much act like siblings. You know how siblings can act! So, give her the benefit of the doubt and let her explain.

HOWEVER, if the scratches involved bleeding, like the above poster said, then I would also find out why you were not informed. She should not only have told you what happened but also how/if she treated the wound. In our state all we are allowed to do is wash with so ap and water and band-aid it. Any time a child gets a scratch bad enough to bleed or a bump bad enough that it leaves a lump or bruise, I notify my parents. I do NOT always notify if they get a little bump or scratch that doesn't bleed.

Hope this helps a little!
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Old 08-23-2012, 05:57 AM
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I would be most concerned that the provide did not volunteer the information up front about where these scratches were from.

I would take the course that the PP outlined. Try to stay calm and get the whole story first.
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:59 AM
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I am in CA. this type of situation would not warrant any form of report to be written required by licensing, however, I do think that a GOOD provider would have told you about the incident.

As a provider, everything about a child is important to me. If a child even trips over there own two feet, I let the parents know.

The reason that I asked the ages, is because I for one have never ever had something like this happen before with any of my kids. That was until I took in a 18 month old child who I sat right next to and witnessed bite another child. I could not believe my eyes. BUT it has not happened again because everyday I go through extra measure to make sure that it won't.

To be honest, if the provider does not see it necessary to tell you that your child was hurt at daycare, I don't think I would send my child back there. Its the situation that it happened once, I can see that it was an accident and the provider forgot to inform you. we are human and we forget things, but to have it happen two days in a row and the provider not inform you of either incident, I feel is not ok.

Sorry you are having to deal with this...and best of luck to you
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