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Old 09-25-2012, 06:39 AM
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MaritimeMummy MaritimeMummy is offline
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Default Question With A Bit Of A Rant, But Circling Back To The Question!

When you have DCKs coming early in the morning and they go straight back to sleep, do you turn all the lights on in your house? My in laws live next door and I love them, but sometimes my FIL drives me crazy. Yesterday morning at 6:30am I was dressed and ready to receive my first arrival. It's not really dark enough that you'd need lights on but if I had kids staying awake I'd probably snap on the living room light or the light above the oven. I was enjoying some quiet time in the house while my own kids slept, drinking my coffee and playing on the computer. Anyway, my first child pulled in the driveway at 6:50. I put the computer down and before DCM was even out of the car, my FIL called me.

"Yeah, DCM is there."

"Um...yeah, I know."

...completely bizarre and random.

So later I was talking to FIL and because I didn't have lights on in the house, he assumed I slept in.

Am I completely wrong in being annoyed with this? I really think he's overstepping his boundaries here. Like really, #1, he could have woken my own kids up, #2, regardless of my light situation in my house, I would like to hope that he would think more of me than that to assume I wouldn't be up for my JOB. #3, I find it very creepy that he's looking over at our house to see if lights are on or not. He never hesitates to tell my husband (his son) "you were a few minutes late leaving for work this morning, weren't you?' Like, completely weird. #4, even if I DID sleep in, he could have waited until DCM at least had been out of her car, got her child out, and knocked on my door with no answer from me before calling me.

But then if I mention that he had no place to call me, he acts right offended and says, "well sorry for caring about whether you look like a fool in front of the parents or not". Like, he has a way of making you feel like crap no matter what. I know he has our best interests at heart but he really is overstepping his boundaries. Am I really crazy for being this upset about it? It's MY business, not his!! And back to the original question, do you turn all the lights on in the house if a child comes and goes straight to sleep early in the morning?
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Old 09-25-2012, 06:47 AM
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I generally turn the kitchen light on when I come downstairs for the day if its pretty dark (like not in summer because its light out already) but I don't go turning all the lights on. The playroom light gets turned on once the first kid is here.

While I agree with you that your FIL sounds rather annoying and nosy I'm going to say unfortunately it is probably the price you pay living next door to the inlaws. I am very thankful mine are a 20+ hour drive away!!!
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Old 09-25-2012, 06:58 AM
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I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say that your FIL doesn't have much in the way of hobbies...I don't think you're out of line to be annoyed, I would be too! I doubt there's anything you can do about it though.
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaritimeMummy View Post
But then if I mention that he had no place to call me, he acts right offended and says, "well sorry for caring about whether you look like a fool in front of the parents or not". Like, he has a way of making you feel like crap no matter what. I know he has our best interests at heart but he really is overstepping his boundaries. Am I really crazy for being this upset about it?
I agree that he was definitley over stepping his boundaries and he is doing so in a way so that if you complain it is YOU who looks like the bad guy. I would probably say something to him and if he says he didn't want you to look like a fool in front of the parents, I would simply say that if I do then I
have no one to blame but myself.

I would tell him I appreciate his concern but you would feel better if he just let you handle your business and leave it at that.

He probably has nothing better to do and I am sure it is his way of shoing concern and care but he still needs to back off. Maybe if you told him he makes you feel like a little kid who has to have their parents pick up the slack, he may see what you mean and stop interferring.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaritimeMummy View Post
And back to the original question, do you turn all the lights on in the house if a child comes and goes straight to sleep early in the morning?
I don't turn my lights on here either unless there is someone who is bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready for the day. I would do things just like you do in the mornings.
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:06 AM
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I can see why it would be annoying, clearly your FIL doesn't have alot going on in his own life to keep busy at the moment!

While I think he is being a bit overbearing, at least you know he is watching out for you all! I mean IF something were to actually happen (say one day you really do sleep in my mistake), you'd know he'd be there to help and keep a watchful eye on things! I know that is not what you want when all is fine, but I guess I'm trying to say there is a pro to the situation as well!
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:07 AM
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You probable know you inlaws better than anyone. I have a "people mean things for the best" attidude. My husband will call me 5 to 10 mins before my first kid will get here if he knew I had a rough night. Honestly I don't remember a time where I was asleep when he called, but I remember the time I was up on and off though out the night with a baby. My first daycare mom had to wake me up on the couch. I was in little shorts and my butt cheeks were sticking out. After that he always calls just to make sure I'm up, if it was a bad night with the kids.
Unless you feel like he is did it meanly, I'd just have a conversation with him. Thank him for calling, but let him know that you don't turn on lights in the house before a certain time. Personally I have a few small lights on. I turn on the porch light and the entry light. I have had times that I haven't turned the entry light because I thought it was light enough outside, but I find parents turn it on themselves because they can't see. If you deside to turn on a light let your FIL know when you talk with him. I might be annoyed, but I don't think its something that you are going to want to start WWIII over.
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:09 AM
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I think what really annoys me is the fact that mom wasn't even out of the car yet. Makes me wonder how much faith he has in me when he didn't even give me the opportunity to fail! It's like he's helicopter parenting at nearly 60!
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:10 AM
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I'm probably an oddball, but I have the house fully lighted and functioning before my first kids arrive, but I don't open until 7 so most kids are fully awake when they get here.

As far as the FIL - I'd be annoyed too. Could your DH talk to him since it's his dad? Maybe you could flip your front porch light on when you're up, that way he'd know you didn't sleep in?
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:14 AM
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Don't get me wrong, I love the guy but he is SO obsessed with our personal lives it's not funny. While I sort of brush it off in everyday life, when it comes to my business, my job, I take it VERY personally. I don't see it as any different as if he was just a neighbour with no blood connection to us. ;-)

Oh and as far as lights go, I don't really NEED to turn lights on for him to know I'm awake. He can see our front door. We have a regular front door and a screen door. When I get up in the morning I open the front door and just leave the screen door open. He can see that from his house. It was like that yesterday. ;-)
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:54 AM
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Why do you answer his phone calls? Do you think he will come over if you dont answer?
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Old 09-25-2012, 08:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
Why do you answer his phone calls? Do you think he will come over if you dont answer?
YES! He would. If I am home and just screen his calls, he comes over to make sure I haven't fallen down the stairs or hurt myself otherwise. Which sounds so nice, right? Not so nice when you're 9 months' pregnant, in the dead of summer, trying to nap, screening ALL calls...having all the fans blowing on you and in nothing but a bra and panties...apparently he came over, knocked on the door, which I didn't hear over the fans. Well, then he used his spare key to come in and it was then that I heard him, thank god I heard him before he saw me! See, he means well, but he just doesn't get "personal space". He always anticipates the worst case scenario.
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Old 09-25-2012, 08:48 AM
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" dad, I know you care. I'm really blessed to have someone like you in our life but when you treat me like I'm 4 it hurts my feelings. I know you are just trying to help but sometimes the quiet still time I get before my first friend walks in the door is the only time I get to myself in the day. I do appreciate you calling if something seems really wrong but please remember that there will be times I just need to be calm. Also, when you point out my mistakes or hubby's mistakes it really makes us feel like losers. I know that's not how you mean it but it's how it feels. "

As far as telling dh about leaving late for work, here I would shock him into minding his business.
" yeah dad, I was running late, my wife and I were busy"
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaritimeMummy View Post
Am I really crazy for being this upset about it? It's MY business, not his!! And back to the original question, do you turn all the lights on in the house if a child comes and goes straight to sleep early in the morning?
I would be upset too! I don't like the idea of being watched/monitored by my family. Not that I do anything wrong but you need some privacy! My mom tried to move across the street from us (thankfully my landlord owns both homes and called to clear it with me first) and I was so annoyed because I could just see my future "Really? You needed to go to the store again? Why don't you just do one big shopping trip" or "You guys got home late last night, LO should have been in bed earlier" and on and on... lol! I feel for you! But regarding being mad I think you have every right! I have an early drop off and tiptoe around my house before DCB arrives trying to not wake my DD. If the phone rang for that reason (even if she didn't wake up) I'd be upset because it could have woken her and thrown her whole day off (my DD needs her sleep or is miss crankypants!).

As for the drop off, I have one that arrives early (6am) and goes back to sleep immediately. I usually just turn on the kitchen light, which is off to the side of the daycare area, so the daycare room is still pretty dark (you can easily see and navigate though).
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:00 AM
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I normally also only turn on a dim light in the morning when it's early. It keeps everyone calmer.

And it sounds like its time to move. What did you think would happen when you bought a house next to the inlaws?
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Old 09-25-2012, 12:29 PM
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Why don't you tell him that some of your daycare families have complained that a creepy old guy is watching your house? Just joking of course, but maybe it would be nice to put it back on him.

I hate the passive aggressiveness of doing something over the line, and then blaming you because he is obviously such a nice guy to help you save face in front of the parents. That's not what he's doing. You said it yourself. Maybe if she knocked and you didn't answer. He's just a busybody who has decided that you are not doing something HIS way and therefore it's wrong.

So put it back on him.
Him: Why don' t you have your lights on?
You: Why are you up at that hour and watching my house? There must be something good on TV. You should probably make use of that extra time in the morning working out. Gotta get rid of that spare tire old boy! Our dog needs a walk, why don't you take him? Thanks! Bye!

Or put him to work.
Him: DCParent is on your front porch.
You: Oh, I am SO glad you're up. Obviously, I am up for the day and ready to go but I forgot it's garbage day! Since you're up and obviously have NOTHING to do, can you help me out? I'd hate to look like a fool doing it in front of the DCparents! Thanks so much, buh bye.

That's my personality. I do it with a big smile and pretty nonchalantly, but irritating people get the point quick. Best of luck. I am blessed with great inlaws, but I still wouldn't want to live next to them!
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