Daycare.com Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:39 AM
Brandye's Avatar
Brandye Brandye is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 6
Default Child In Care Is Very Aggressive, Don't Know What To Do?

I have a 2.5 yr old girl in my care for about 3 months now. When she signed up with me mom stated she had been kicked out of daycares for her agressiveness and biting. I figured I would give it a try.
She was fine for about a month, then she started biting a boy her age. Now it has progressed to full on hitting and pushing of everyone from 1 yr olds to 5 yr olds. Also the boy her age that she was bitting is now showing agressive behavior and never has(I have had him his whole life).
My problem is I am pretty sure this is not just a stage for her as she has been kicked out of several places. I also don't want the boy to start behaving like her as I worry he is acting like her because he thinks its right. There is not much you can do to get her to understand she is being wrong ("timeout" is a joke to her she just laughs).
I am at a loss on what to do. I don't want to get rid of this child but I also don't like what she is doing to our group.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:52 AM
Willow Willow is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,607
Default

Besides time out's what have you tried to manage the problem?

Have you been able to identify what brings on these bouts of aggression? (frustration, anger, anxiety, is she tired, are transitions hard for her etc.)
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:56 AM
Brandye's Avatar
Brandye Brandye is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 6
Default

There really isn't much to try. I have done about everything we are allowed, sitting down and talking to them, "timeout", talking with mom, reading books to the whole group about being mean. I don't know what else to do.
As for what causes it there is no telling it happens out of the blue. She is the youngest of 5 and all the rest are school age. My assistant and I have noticed her spanking the baby dolls, so we are wondering if things are agressive at home.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-08-2012, 10:36 AM
EntropyControlSpecialist's Avatar
EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
Embracing the chaos.
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: A toasty environment!
Posts: 7,430
Default

When you can't be immediately in the room can you put her in one of those baby playyard things (that are like an octagon shaped baby gate)? If she can't play nicely with others, and in fact harms them, then she really can't be trusted.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-08-2012, 10:40 AM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,415
Default

yup, if you cant closely supervise at all times or separate her, then you need to let her go. To be honest, it sounds like it was a bad idea to take her in the first place......
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-08-2012, 10:45 AM
Willow Willow is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,607
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandye View Post
There really isn't much to try. I have done about everything we are allowed, sitting down and talking to them, "timeout", talking with mom, reading books to the whole group about being mean. I don't know what else to do.
As for what causes it there is no telling it happens out of the blue. She is the youngest of 5 and all the rest are school age. My assistant and I have noticed her spanking the baby dolls, so we are wondering if things are agressive at home.

I understand why you're feeling like all is lost, but from the sounds of it there is still loads you can try!


I've never seen a kiddo aggress with no forewarning. I've seen plenty of kids aggress seemingly with no forewarning but that was only when the adult in charge wasn't picking up on the child's signal that a meltdown was imminent.

What you need to do is really pay attention and identify her triggers. Guaranteed she has them, you just have to sort out what they are. From there you intervene BEFORE she hits boiling point and help her to work through her feelings in a more productive way. You can redirect her BEFORE she is able to hurt someone else.

If all else fails you have her shadow you and don't allow her to have any direct contact with the other kids until she has shown that she can interact properly with them from a distance.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-08-2012, 10:59 AM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Willow View Post
I understand why you're feeling like all is lost, but from the sounds of it there is still loads you can try!


I've never seen a kiddo aggress with no forewarning. I've seen plenty of kids aggress seemingly with no forewarning but that was only when the adult in charge wasn't picking up on the child's signal that a meltdown was imminent.

What you need to do is really pay attention and identify her triggers. Guaranteed she has them, you just have to sort out what they are. From there you intervene BEFORE she hits boiling point and help her to work through her feelings in a more productive way. You can redirect her BEFORE she is able to hurt someone else.

If all else fails you have her shadow you and don't allow her to have any direct contact with the other kids until she has shown that she can interact properly with them from a distance.
this..... you need to stop them before they happen. If you learn her signs of when she starts to show frustration, you can stop the behavior before it starts.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-08-2012, 11:03 AM
littlemissmuffet's Avatar
littlemissmuffet littlemissmuffet is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,081
Default

I wouldn't be able to keep a child like this. It's just not safe for the other kids or you if she cannot control herself.

I can't possibly have my eyes on one child the entire day, so constant one on one watching wouldn't work for me. I'd imagine it wouldn't work for other providers either. Putting her in a play yard, away from the rest of the group when you need to be doing other tasks is fine - but I don't want a child in my care that needs this much supervision.

I would have to term, I would suggest professional councelling and a nanny until mom and a professional can get this behavior under wraps.

I don't agree that all violent/agressive behaviors are triggered... some children are sociopaths and tend to be violent/agressive - these kinds of kids are rarely triggered, they are born this way. I'm not say this is the case here, but I wanted to put that out there.

Best of luck!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-08-2012, 11:41 AM
Brandye's Avatar
Brandye Brandye is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 6
Default

Thank you all. I just spoke with one of my daycare parents ( a behavior specialist for k-6 ) she suggest a sticker chart to teacher her to do positive things and be rewarded. We think that she might be trying to get attention in the wrong way. I think I will try the chart for a month and see if any imrovement happens and if not then I will have to let her go. In my state we are not allowed to segregate the children for behavior reasons, so those options won't work
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-08-2012, 11:52 AM
Willow Willow is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,607
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandye View Post
Thank you all. I just spoke with one of my daycare parents ( a behavior specialist for k-6 ) she suggest a sticker chart to teacher her to do positive things and be rewarded. We think that she might be trying to get attention in the wrong way. I think I will try the chart for a month and see if any imrovement happens and if not then I will have to let her go. In my state we are not allowed to segregate the children for behavior reasons, so those options won't work
No one suggested you segregate her from the group though
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 11-08-2012, 11:55 AM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandye View Post
Thank you all. I just spoke with one of my daycare parents ( a behavior specialist for k-6 ) she suggest a sticker chart to teacher her to do positive things and be rewarded. We think that she might be trying to get attention in the wrong way. I think I will try the chart for a month and see if any imrovement happens and if not then I will have to let her go. In my state we are not allowed to segregate the children for behavior reasons, so those options won't work
if you are able to work with her before she explodes into bad behavior, there is no need to remove her from the group. I have dealt with many kids who have been removed from other programs, only to do very well at mine.

What is your room set up like? Do you notice when her behavior starts to change? For example is it only during free play? It is during transitions?
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-08-2012, 12:10 PM
SunshineMama's Avatar
SunshineMama SunshineMama is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Legally unlicensed state
Posts: 1,576
Default

If you want to try and resolve the behavior, you are going to have to be very vigilent and not let her out of your sight for a second. You will have to intervene each time, every time, and prevent all catalysts of her behavior. Over time, you can back off, as she will learn that you are not to be trifled with and that rule following is not an option. If you have to have her shadow you as a consequence for behavior, then so be it. Each time, take the time to explain the rules and why those rules are in place. "I will not let you hit Johnny. When you hit other people, it hurts them. I know that you do not want anyone to hit you because it hurts. It makes Johnny feel bad when you hit him. I want you to sit down in time out for 2 minutes and think about ways to be nice to your friends." Or something to that effect... It will take a long time to get through to the child. It takes a very patient, loving, and consistent person to get through to a child like that.

Personally, I would term however, but that is because I have my own children during the day and I refuse to spend more energy on a dck than my own child every day. Everyone can get the same amount of attention, but I am not dedicating my days to behavior modification. Also, I wouldnt want my children to see that behavior, and see mommy giving someone else attention for it, and them thinking it is okay to act up to get attention too. One bad apple can spoil the bunch they say.

Whatever you decide, make sure you are up for the challenge and can still give the other children attention and meet their needs.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-08-2012, 12:20 PM
tenderhearts's Avatar
tenderhearts tenderhearts is offline
Daycare.com Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: HI
Posts: 1,185
Default

I have a 2 1/2 yr old dcg who isn't "aggressive" persay, not doing something out of anger but she wil spiratically walk up behind someone and just push them for no reason, she thinks it's funny, out of the blue no for warning, or she'll be sitting and nicely playing and no one has done anything and she'll just feel the need to bonk someone on the head with a toy and think it's funny, no for warning, I've been sitting right beside her. What I've done with her is when she does this I don't give her a warning any more, I just say hitting/pushing isn't nice and I have her sit in the book center with a stack of books in the chair, I don't call it a time out just a quiet time, she can not get up, each time it gets longer. It has been about 5 mo of starting this and the time has decreased ALOT, she rarely has to do it now. At first it seemed like all day (not really, but alot). Maybe worth a try?????
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-08-2012, 12:55 PM
Michael's Avatar
Michael Michael is online now
Admin & Owner-Daycare.com
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Moorpark CA, Ocean Ridge, FL
Posts: 6,730
Default

Other threads on Aggressive Behavior: http://daycare.com/forum/tags.php?ta...ssive+behavior
__________________
Michael Castello
http://www.ccin.com/about.html
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-08-2012, 12:59 PM
Brandye's Avatar
Brandye Brandye is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 6
Default

I have tried talking to this girl, I have tried watching her whenever I can but what you must remember is that I run an in home daycare. The children range from newborn to 5yrs. At the current moment I have two children under 6 months old.
I teach preschool for the children, along with sign language. For me to keep constant watch on one child would be impossible.
I think I am going to try this chart and see what happens. I also feel that I can only do so much to change this childs behavior because if it is being done different at home then it won't matter. I have learned these parents are very stuborn, she is still in a crib even though she can climb in and out, she is lactose intolerant but they still give her diary. There are just alot of things I am not sure on with this family.
I am by no means going to give up on this child however I do have other children to think about. So I will do this chart with all of my children two and up and see if it helps.

As for the segregation, even something as simple as keeping them in the same room but putting them inside a playpen is not allowed.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-08-2012, 01:05 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandye View Post
I have tried talking to this girl, I have tried watching her whenever I can but what you must remember is that I run an in home daycare. The children range from newborn to 5yrs. At the current moment I have two children under 6 months old.
I teach preschool for the children, along with sign language. For me to keep constant watch on one child would be impossible.
I think I am going to try this chart and see what happens. I also feel that I can only do so much to change this childs behavior because if it is being done different at home then it won't matter. I have learned these parents are very stuborn, she is still in a crib even though she can climb in and out, she is lactose intolerant but they still give her diary. There are just alot of things I am not sure on with this family.
I am by no means going to give up on this child however I do have other children to think about. So I will do this chart with all of my children two and up and see if it helps.

As for the segregation, even something as simple as keeping them in the same room but putting them inside a playpen is not allowed.
what everyone is saying, it to be proactive about her behavior, instead of reactive....DOes this make sense?


If you are teaching the class, can she be your helper? I do this with the ones that are having issues for the day. It takes their attention as well as mine off of the bad behavior.

what about your rules? are they clearly laid out? do you have them written down with pictures on them so that the kids can clearly understand what is expected of them?

Do you have projects or activities to keep this one interested? Even if she is doing something on her own???

BTW what state are you in? This child cant sit and color in a coloring book in one room while in your sight, while others are doing something else within sight??
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 11-09-2012, 08:44 AM
Willow Willow is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,607
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandye View Post
I have tried talking to this girl, I have tried watching her whenever I can but what you must remember is that I run an in home daycare. The children range from newborn to 5yrs. At the current moment I have two children under 6 months old.
I teach preschool for the children, along with sign language. For me to keep constant watch on one child would be impossible.
Ditto.

Many of us here are home providers (I sure am). Most of us home providers have children newborn through school age (I sure do). And same deal, I currently have two who are just 4 months old.

Only difference is I don't have an assistant like you do to help me.

And I still don't have any trouble supervising each and every one. No one is suggesting you sit there and stare at her, but keeping her next to you as she plays isn't difficult at all.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandye View Post

As for the segregation, even something as simple as keeping them in the same room but putting them inside a playpen is not allowed.
No one is asking you to put the child in a playpen. What is being suggested is that you keep her near you so you can properly supervise. Let her choose a toy and have her sit next to you to play with it. If she wants another one you walk with her to pick one out, then have her sit back down next to you wherever you need to be.

It's really not that big of a deal, is allowed across the board for all licensed homes without question, and is incredibly effective.



I'd be willing to bet with 100% certainty a sticker chart is not going to work here. If she thinks it's funny and is a perpetual problem a mere sticker isn't going to be incentive enough to stop her behaviors. Her payoff getting after other kids is worth waaaaay more than a sticker on a chart.

As daycare mentioned the word here is proactive, not reactive. You NEED to identify her triggers and catch her there, before she has time to react. I'd venture to say it's the only thing that's going to work in a situation like this.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 12-18-2012, 11:07 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Everyone mentioned some great things that could be the cause and solution. I honestly would call your local Early Childhood Intervention office and see if they can do anything, most of the time they only work with 3 and under but they can point you in the right direction. If this behavior is not fixed or the problem identified she will start school on the wrong front.

If it is as extreme as you say and the other options don't work I would stop spinning your wheels and have a therapist observe her and decide. It could be a sensory thing, or some form of Autism etc. We just don't know, but inability to behave correctly in a social setting, observe boundaries, having tantrums excessively is not healthy.

Poor mom has to feel terrible and I know it is exhausting for you. If the mom chooses not to do anything it will get handled in Kinder, teachers are not going to tolerate that behavior and neither should you, and mom will be forced to do something. All you can do is bring it up.

Wish you the best.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
aggressive behavior

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do Your Daycare Kids Act Out at Pickup? jenh171 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 53 04-05-2018 11:04 AM
AP and Child Care Chambermaid08 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 23 10-11-2012 01:27 PM
Child Care Facts Blackcat31 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 0 08-24-2012 09:29 AM
Child Care Tidbits Blackcat31 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 14 01-09-2012 07:11 PM
Plastic Slides Danger in Hot Weather nannyde Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 33 06-01-2010 11:10 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:47 PM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming