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  #201  
Old 01-23-2013, 06:02 AM
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Today I received an incident note from my sons day care that he bit another child n has attempted or bitten other kids this week ... It's only Tuesday which would mean he did it for two days so far. tomorrow I'm going in extra early to have a discussion with the teacher I have so many questions n things we can try to do to solve the situation. I'm sad to think that any parent would think that a biters parent is a bad parent or that my son is some homicidal freak at 17 months old. He had a problem with this behavior at home a month ago when ever he was excited or wanted to show affection he would bite so I would tell him firmly no bit, and then say gentle gentle while caressing his face and the behavior improved 110% now I find out he is starting at school I feel horrible for any child he bit I'm absolutely horrified and embarrassed by his behavior but I've been researching ways to help solve this issue. this is most definitely a parent / daycare issue both must work together and be consistent n understanding of what the instigators are. My son is a sweet loving n highly intelligent child n has always played well with others so I'm still in shock. I'm wondering if perhaps he is bored...his teacher has told me on many occasions that he is way ahead of the other children n is the most mature though he is not the oldest perhaps he needs more mental stimulation ...guess I will find out tomorrow at any rate please know that this mother of a biter isn't standing idly by but being proactive as I hope his daycare will be as well. Best of luck to everyone in whatever ur situation is and please remember these are still babies n they take all their cues from us so if they are misbehaving we the adults (parents&caregivers) need to take a look in the mirror n make changes!
He could be biting because he is excited, he could be biting because he is frustrated, there are so many reasons that it's sometimes hard to determine a cause.

As a provider, I don't think parents of biters are bad.

I would ask that they watch for a pattern. Is it a certain child that he is biting? What instigates it? Who was near when it happened/saw it? Can someone make him their shadow for the day-week until behavior is gone? Is the reaction/response from his teacher the same as at home?

I have a dcb who bit at 18-24 months. It was always one other child and ALWAYS after lunch/before nap. Dcb was obviously getting cranky and wasn't willing to deal with 'in your face' dcb anymore and was frustrated. We started a bite/attempted bite 'log'. Every incident was documented to discover this pattern and after that it was easy to solve, separate dcb's, keep biting dcb near me. Sometimes it is more severe/complex and not so simple.

Great for you for being proactive and helping your daycare to solve this problem.
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  #202  
Old 01-30-2013, 06:47 AM
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What if your child was the biter would you still have the same opinion?
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  #203  
Old 02-12-2013, 11:57 AM
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I found this thread while searching for a solution for a biting problem in my childcare center. I am the director and I know that biting is common. More times than not, we find a solution: an extra snack, an extra nap, shadowing. This time it has continued longer than most. Anyone within reach at any time of day is the target for this 17-month old. Some would then say that the solution is easy; keep everyone out of reach. However, anyone working in the child care field knows that this is not practical in a center setting. I know that the parents of the biter are frustrated and embarrassed. It's not easy to pick up your child and be told once again that he bit. The parents of those bitten are also upset that their child has been subjected to being bit again and again. The staff does not like having to give the news to either set of parents and even they feel somewhat responsible that this has happened during their watch. No matter how closely a child is watched, it takes a mere split-second for a bite to occur. To not allow the child to interact with other children defeats the entire purpose of a childcare center where the goal is teach children social skills. I'm not certain that I have the right answer, but we are asking the parents of the biter to take a 2-week break from our center and then we can all try again.
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  #204  
Old 04-30-2013, 07:32 AM
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My son, 3 years old, is biting only in daycare, sometimes without any reason, sometimes out of frustration. The size of the class is large, and the staff turnover is also high. They were not able to come with strategies, so we were the ones doing the research and suggested to have him accommodated in one of the smaller size class, or provide him o toy that he can bite, prevention, and more.
However, they rejected all our suggestions and they only talk to him. The daycare do not really provide the context of the incidents. The biting is not frequent but is happening occasionally for 6 months now. We do a lot of talk and remove privileges the day he is biting, he is also reminded periodically what are the consequences in case of a biting.
I consider moving him to another daycare where he is not attached to any child, or staff, but I only fear that he is going to bite in the new setting too.
Any experiences of someone moving the child in another daycare?
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  #205  
Old 05-09-2013, 10:15 PM
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My son started going to daycare at 16 months. The folks at the center suggested he start in the 18 - 36 m room because he was tall for his age. This week he turned 19m. He is still the youngest in his room. This week a new "friend" joined the class and bit my son on the nose. We were provided an incident report with details of the situation. The next morning, he bit my son above the eye, just after I dropped him off. That's 2 bites to the face in maybe 3 hours of DC time. IF the DC staff can't find a way to separate that child from mine, I'm gonna find a way to trash that DC in the local media.
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  #206  
Old 05-10-2013, 01:17 PM
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My son started going to daycare at 16 months. The folks at the center suggested he start in the 18 - 36 m room because he was tall for his age. This week he turned 19m. He is still the youngest in his room. This week a new "friend" joined the class and bit my son on the nose. We were provided an incident report with details of the situation. The next morning, he bit my son above the eye, just after I dropped him off. That's 2 bites to the face in maybe 3 hours of DC time. IF the DC staff can't find a way to separate that child from mine, I'm gonna find a way to trash that DC in the local media.
I felt sorry for you until I read that last line.

I completely understand your frustrations and I too, would be livid if my child was bit more than once by the same child but I am pretty sure there are other more adult and more mature ways to deal with this situation.

You could try talking to the director of the center and see what the center's policy is for repeated biting situations and you could also file a report or complaint against the center for failure to protect your child from danger or injury.

Trashing the child care center to the local media makes YOU look just as bad.
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  #207  
Old 05-16-2013, 03:00 PM
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I felt sorry for you until I read that last line.

I completely understand your frustrations and I too, would be livid if my child was bit more than once by the same child but I am pretty sure there are other more adult and more mature ways to deal with this situation.

You could try talking to the director of the center and see what the center's policy is for repeated biting situations and you could also file a report or complaint against the center for failure to protect your child from danger or injury.

Trashing the child care center to the local media makes YOU look just as bad.
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  #208  
Old 05-30-2013, 04:31 AM
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I am a distraught grandmother.
My 9 month old granddaughter spent the night in the hospital as the result of the many bites from a 20 month old child. This child held the baby down and bit her too many times to count, all over the face, head, arms and stomach. The bruising on her nose, ears and cheeks was horrifying.
The caregiver said she left the two on the floor, playing alone together, for no more than five minutes but I cannot imagine how so much damage was done in so short a time, nor how she could not have heard the baby screaming.
My heart is hurting so badly -- what in the WORLD?!?
Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? I know it is totally normal for children to bite but this is outrageous. The biter's parents were called and they immediately came to get the child, but such aggressive behavior is scary to me. There must be something wrong here that is out of the ordinary.
This is an in-home caregiver, who has been with the family for years and suddenly got an influx of younger siblings. I think it is more than she can handle. I don't think the baby or 3 year old brother will be going back there.
This is so distressing.
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  #209  
Old 05-30-2013, 06:35 AM
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I am a distraught grandmother.
My 9 month old granddaughter spent the night in the hospital as the result of the many bites from a 20 month old child. This child held the baby down and bit her too many times to count, all over the face, head, arms and stomach. The bruising on her nose, ears and cheeks was horrifying.
The caregiver said she left the two on the floor, playing alone together, for no more than five minutes but I cannot imagine how so much damage was done in so short a time, nor how she could not have heard the baby screaming.
My heart is hurting so badly -- what in the WORLD?!?
Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? I know it is totally normal for children to bite but this is outrageous. The biter's parents were called and they immediately came to get the child, but such aggressive behavior is scary to me. There must be something wrong here that is out of the ordinary.
This is an in-home caregiver, who has been with the family for years and suddenly got an influx of younger siblings. I think it is more than she can handle. I don't think the baby or 3 year old brother will be going back there.
This is so distressing.
No way in the world should children that age be left alone, let alone together, for any length of time - not one minute, let alone 5. I'm not a big one to advise reporting to licensing, but in this case I would be reporting this provider. I would advise the baby's parents to remove their child from this caregiver immediately.

I hope your grandbaby is going to be okay.
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  #210  
Old 05-30-2013, 08:32 AM
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No way in the world should children that age be left alone, let alone together, for any length of time - not one minute, let alone 5. I'm not a big one to advise reporting to licensing, but in this case I would be reporting this provider. I would advise the baby's parents to remove their child from this caregiver immediately.

I hope your grandbaby is going to be okay.
I second this. Pull immediately and report to licensing. And since this injury required medical intervention, I'd ask her to file it on her insurance as well.

Grandma I'm so sorry this happened. I hope your grand baby is okay and y'all find anger provider. I hope the little one doesn't have too much trauma from this.
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  #211  
Old 08-06-2013, 04:24 AM
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As a parent of the child who's bitten or hurt by another child, it an be very disturbing. The caregiver needs to bring the parents of the aggressive child and discuss the problem with them. This kind of aggression could be due to one of more of several reasons. And yes, I'd be overly concerned if this continued.
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  #212  
Old 08-10-2013, 01:43 PM
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I can tell you why aggressive behavior is allowed.
Providers may not like what I am about to share, but it is the truth...
States are pushing towards child led everything. They have taken the rights away for any punishment except time outs. Sure, they can oust the child out of their program, but if competition is stiff, they aren't going to want to give up their income. Then you have Quality ratings. They set the standard for this 1,2,3,4, or 5 star quality that everybody wants to receive so badly because it means they can carry that title. But, do you realize that within this quality ratings, you are so limited on what you can and can't do with children, including what and how you teach. A child expressing aggressive behavior must be left alone, and area cleared so as not to hurt him/herself. That's right, let them have their fit... it's okayyy. Don't make them do ANYTHING they don't want to do... it's all child led. Check out what high scope learning is all about, you'll see some of what I am describing. It'll blow your mind. They tell us that preschoolers shouldn't be taught fundamentals, like letters and numbers (they'll learn that soon and easy enough in K.) and they aren't ready for that kind of structure, it's too hard for them. BUT, let the child lead what you teach. Oh, yes... never teach anything that has clear cut answers, always teach open-ended subjects, where there is no wrong answer, and take away any games that are competition so they don't "experience losing" rather, don't teach them to be a good sport, so we will just make sure that there are enough chairs out when playing musical chairs and never take one out when the music stops. It makes my head spin. Then we wonder, why are there so many aggressive children, no manners, no values? It's because the parents aren't with their children enough and teachers aren't allowed to teach. That's why.
Oh, by the way... I am a preschool teacher with an education. I refuse to be conformed by their low standards and low expectations of children. The children in my preschool are well behaved, happy, and know how to be a friend, and have fun, even when they are the ones left standing when playing musical chairs.
I want a job at your daycare! You seem to have things in perspective (it amazes me how little people know, both daycare providers AND parents about what is appropriate for the children). It seems that daycare providers have their hands full and tied. My class is with one to two year olds and my daycare allows the parents to run the class. The parents have not excepted that it is now time to teach children right from wrong (they believe they are too young). Most of them are still on bottle feedings. Yet our ratio is 1 to 4.

I think there is such thing as age-appropriate guidance for these guys. The longer you wait to give this guidance the harder it is to break the behavior. Thus, they remain aggressive self-centered brats throughout our entire system. Unless the parents can afford private school later, they better wake up and smell the coffee. Public schools do not tolerate misbehavior.

And as far as biting is concerned, don't get me started. Some of these stories do include excessive biting and I understand their frustration. If your child needs "shadowing" one-on-one attention, it's time to hire a private nanny. Most daycares do not have a spare person to deal with this. My state, NY, has no clue how to create ratio standards as we almost always have a biter in our class but only 2 (if we're lucky 3 people to deal with the crowd). Since they are bottle-fed, in addition to trays, tables and sippy cups, we have to clean the bottles. The clean-up takes time while one person is watching six to eight kids by themselves. And all of the nap times, which can take up to 20 minutes apiece to lay these kids down, take one person away from the classroom, six to eight times a day.

I'm looking for another line of work. We are grossly underpaid, overworked and dealing with abusive angry parents who do not want their tuition to increase, just the standard of care.

And for all of the purported "concern" they have for their children, they almost always send them to us when they are sick. These are two-parent families and our daycare allows for them to have a fever of 101 before sending them home. They display signs of sickness at 100. They infect everyone, including the staff, and it's like working in a child infirmary with screaming and crying all day long.

Amen, for someone who is finally speaking out about this ridiculous coddling! It's time to leave for me. I dread the day I am in a nursing home and one of these selfish punks will be taking care of me. I wonder if their parents are going to have to go to work with them to be sure nothing stresses them.
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  #213  
Old 05-28-2014, 02:54 PM
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My son is in preschool (3.5 years old) at a large, top-tier, NAEYC accredited school. He has been bitten twice in just 3 months by the same child. The most recent bite was deep enough to draw blood. This child has bitten other students. The daycare has done things such as suspend him for day, had someone shadow him, etc. It hasn't helped as this is obviously an ongoing issue. Additionally, the child is special needs with what I believe is a moderate case of autism. He's not verbal at 3.5 years old which is part of the problem, he disrupts the class with temper outbursts and a whole bunch of other issues. I think he needs to be put into a school that specializes in students with autism so that he can get the attention and care he deserves, but that's my own, non-professional opinion. The problem is that my son's daycare is hesitant to expel the student even though there is a three-strikes-you're-out policy. They're more lenient with this student because of his special needs. As the parent of child who's been bitten by this child not once but twice, I find this to be alarming. I worry that this child could seriously injure another child during one of his violent temper tantrums. Short of pulling my son from this school, what can I do?
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  #214  
Old 08-24-2014, 08:37 PM
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So, maybe I have no say here. But this thread seems rather disturbing to me! I think one or the other of my children bit a brother or sister (it's been a while - my youngest just turned 26) but I responded with punishment and then love. I don't think any of my children did it more than once. Is a second income worth this?
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  #215  
Old 10-10-2014, 08:48 AM
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I understand that children bite, and I am sympathetic to the parents of children who bite. But if the child repeatedly bites other children, breaking the skin and causing bruising, the child needs to be removed from daycare until such time as s/he works through that behavior. I'm not saying s/he is a bad kid, or that the parents are doing anything wrong. But at the same time other children are being hurt, and that cannot just be glossed over.

It must be nice to live in a world that's so black-and-white that the answer is to just pull the kid out of daycare until they outgrow the (not abnormal) developmental biting stage. But since I live in the real world I'll tell you how it really works.

My kid bites. It started about 4 months ago when he bit twice in two days. We addressed the issue at home and it stopped. Until yesterday when he bit three times. I suspect teething is the issue since both biting spells correlated with teeth coming in. The teachers tell me that he's not being aggressive or frusterated, and that some of it seems to be misplaced affection or "just gnawing".

I get that biting is not acceptable and we're working on it. However, if my child is termed then I have no choice except to put him in another facility. Someone staying home with him is not an option. Both my husband and I have to work. We kinda need to have a place to live and, ya know, eat. I have researched a private nanny, but that's still something that's way out of our price range. It's literally 3X the $ to pay a private nanny than it is to put him in a facility and that's not even counting the taxes you have to pay a nanny. I can't spend money I don't have. That's simple economics. So, please, tell me just what the hell I'm supposed to do?
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  #216  
Old 10-10-2014, 09:18 AM
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It must be nice to live in a world that's so black-and-white that the answer is to just pull the kid out of daycare until they outgrow the (not abnormal) developmental biting stage. But since I live in the real world I'll tell you how it really works.

My kid bites. It started about 4 months ago when he bit twice in two days. We addressed the issue at home and it stopped. Until yesterday when he bit three times. I suspect teething is the issue since both biting spells correlated with teeth coming in. The teachers tell me that he's not being aggressive or frusterated, and that some of it seems to be misplaced affection or "just gnawing".

I get that biting is not acceptable and we're working on it. However, if my child is termed then I have no choice except to put him in another facility. Someone staying home with him is not an option. Both my husband and I have to work. We kinda need to have a place to live and, ya know, eat. I have researched a private nanny, but that's still something that's way out of our price range. It's literally 3X the $ to pay a private nanny than it is to put him in a facility and that's not even counting the taxes you have to pay a nanny. I can't spend money I don't have. That's simple economics. So, please, tell me just what the hell I'm supposed to do?
...and providers can't afford to lose income from families that pull their children because other children keep getting bitten by the same kid.

So, ultimately I DO sympathize with you and you do have to do what's best for you...just like the providers do.

So until there is a solution for providers (in regards to not losing income) the problem will remain the responsibility of the parents who have a child that bites.
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Old 10-10-2014, 09:25 AM
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...and providers can't afford to lose income from families that pull their children because other children keep getting bitten by the same kid.

So, ultimately I DO sympathize with you and you do have to do what's best for you...just like the providers do.

So until there is a solution for providers (in regards to not losing income) the problem will remain the responsibility of the parents who have a child that bites.
I get that. And at this time what is best for our family is to have him in care of some kind. If it's not this facility it will be another. This response is really for the people who are saying that my only acceptable options are to stay home or hire a nanny. If I could afford to do that then I wouldn't have him in a center in the first place.
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Old 10-10-2014, 09:34 AM
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I get that. And at this time what is best for our family is to have him in care of some kind. If it's not this facility it will be another. This response is really for the people who are saying that my only acceptable options are to stay home or hire a nanny. If I could afford to do that then I wouldn't have him in a center in the first place.
Hoping the phase passes quickly for you.

Biting is hard to deal with from any angle.

Not all kids bite but thankfully those that do ALL outgrow it.

Hang in there...
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  #219  
Old 10-10-2014, 09:37 AM
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I get that. And at this time what is best for our family is to have him in care of some kind. If it's not this facility it will be another. This response is really for the people who are saying that my only acceptable options are to stay home or hire a nanny. If I could afford to do that then I wouldn't have him in a center in the first place.
Being termed can be in your kids best interest. It is not always punitive. Sometimes moving him to a new place will solve the problem. No worries. Look for one with more space, fewer kids and a calming environment.

Are the kids crowded in so close that they will be more prone to getting frustrated?

Are they kids allowed to wander away from the group for a bit of individual play if they feel overwhelmed?

Are kids forced to participate in activities?

Look for the triggers in your own child, then find a placement that suits his individual needs. It makes such a huge difference. Look at a term as a gift. It really can be.
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Old 10-10-2014, 09:46 AM
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Being termed can be in your kids best interest. It is not always punitive. Sometimes moving him to a new place will solve the problem. No worries. Look for one with more space, fewer kids and a calming environment.

Are the kids crowded in so close that they will be more prone to getting frustrated?

Are they kids allowed to wander away from the group for a bit of individual play if they feel overwhelmed?

Are kids forced to participate in activities?

Look for the triggers in your own child, then find a placement that suits his individual needs. It makes such a huge difference. Look at a term as a gift. It really can be.
It's been a little more crowded that usual lately. There are never more than 9 kids to a room with two teachers.

Like I said earlier, I suspect that the trigger is teething. His doctor confirmed last week that he's got at least two teeth coming in right now. He's a slow teether, so who knows how long it will take to fully come in though. He's been more mouthy with his toys lately and has even been chewing on teething rings (which he typically hates). I gave him a dose of Tylenol before dropping him off this morning to help maybe alleviate pain to see if that would help.
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  #221  
Old 10-10-2014, 09:52 AM
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It's been a little more crowded that usual lately. There are never more than 9 kids to a room with two teachers.

I suspect that the trigger is teething.
How old is he?
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Old 10-10-2014, 09:57 AM
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How old is he?
15 1/2 months.
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Old 10-10-2014, 10:12 AM
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15 1/2 months.
At his age parallel play is his preferred method. Sharing toys with friends, in close unsupervised proximity, is not an expected skill, not quite yet. He won't want kids touching, grabbing or pulling him. Biting is a normal response to that being allowed to happen to him.

I don't think anyone really see's that as your toddler being a "biter". He is protecting his space the only way he knows how right now. Really the only known solution, at this age, is actively protecting him from other kids and them from him. Your provider should know that, though.

IMHO, Unless he is opportunistically going over to other kids and actively biting them without provocation, you probably don't have an issue other than divided adult supervision.

A "biter", generally, is a kid who should know better and is doing it purposely and repetitively.
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Old 10-10-2014, 10:26 AM
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At his age parallel play is his preferred method. Sharing toys with friends, in close unsupervised proximity, is not an expected skill, not quite yet. He won't want kids touching, grabbing or pulling him. Biting is a normal response to that being allowed to happen to him.

I don't think anyone really see's that as your toddler being a "biter". He is protecting his space the only way he knows how right now. Really the only known solution, at this age, is actively protecting him from other kids and them from him. Your provider should know that, though.

IMHO, Unless he is opportunistically going over to other kids and actively biting them without provocation, you probably don't have an issue other than divided adult supervision.

A "biter", generally, is a kid who should know better and is doing it purposely and repetitively.
Thanks. That makes me feel somewhat better.

The sharing thing was the issue several months ago. It was often caused by fighting over a toy. We addressed that at home by working with him on "sharing" his toys with me and my husband. It really only took a weekend to break him of it.

This round, the incident reports all say "unprovoked" biting. Now whether that is true or just that the teacher didn't see what happened, I don't know. One incident happened inside a play tunnel and another was while they were sitting close together during circle time, so it's very likely a personal space issue in addition to other things. That I don't know how to handle. I could try to mimic those conditions at home, but since he's a pretty affectionate kid close quarters don't always upset. It's like he's cool with it for awhile and then when he's done he's done. And at least one of the kids he bit is his best buddy. He was playing with her like nothing was wrong when I picked him up. I swear I'll never understand toddlers.
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Old 10-10-2014, 10:47 AM
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Thanks. That makes me feel somewhat better.

The sharing thing was the issue several months ago. It was often caused by fighting over a toy. We addressed that at home by working with him on "sharing" his toys with me and my husband. It really only took a weekend to break him of it.

This round, the incident reports all say "unprovoked" biting. Now whether that is true or just that the teacher didn't see what happened, I don't know. One incident happened inside a play tunnel and another was while they were sitting close together during circle time, so it's very likely a personal space issue in addition to other things. That I don't know how to handle. I could try to mimic those conditions at home, but since he's a pretty affectionate kid close quarters don't always upset. It's like he's cool with it for awhile and then when he's done he's done. And at least one of the kids he bit is his best buddy. He was playing with her like nothing was wrong when I picked him up. I swear I'll never understand toddlers.
What I see are adult issues. The documentation is to the adults benefit, be wary of that. It sounds like they have made the decision. Have you started looking for other care?

He is 15 months, not 20-24 months... there is a big difference there. I know it does not seem like it should be, but it is. Big. Is he still in an infant room or a wobbler room?

Truth: He should not be in a place where he cannot be directly supervised with "friends". Not yet. One in the tunnel at a time. He should not have that easy access to his "friends" while working on a biting issue either. Not quite yet. His place should have been right next to the adult well out of reach.

The simple truth is toddlers can't have "friends". Not yet. They enjoy watching and learning from one another, but don't have the ability to understand that what hurts them hurts others. They just don't. Not yet. It is the adults responsibility to protect them from one another by preventing the opportunities for it.

I am not going to be popular today...
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Old 10-10-2014, 10:59 AM
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What I see are adult issues. The documentation is to the adults benefit, be wary of that. It sounds like they have made the decision. Have you started looking for other care?

He is 15 months, not 20-24 months... there is a big difference there. I know it does not seem like it should be, but it is. Big. Is he still in an infant room or a wobbler room?

Truth: He should not be in a place where he cannot be directly supervised with "friends". Not yet. One in the tunnel at a time. He should not have that easy access to his "friends" while working on a biting issue either. Not quite yet. His place should have been right next to the adult well out of reach.

The simple truth is toddlers can't have "friends". Not yet. They enjoy watching and learning from one another, but don't have the ability to understand that what hurts them hurts others. They just don't. Not yet. It is the adults responsibility to protect them from one another by preventing the opportunities for it.

I am not going to be popular today...
Some may not agree but when right is right, popularity has no place

Your bolded sentence.....goes back to the basics in ECE (before the politics even).... environment IS everything.
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  #227  
Old 10-10-2014, 11:08 AM
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Some may not agree but when right is right, popularity has no place

Your bolded sentence.....goes back to the basics in ECE (before the politics even).... environment IS everything.
So true. I am actually enjoying that part of the new ECCE curriculum. They are teaching things I was already doing, but did not have the words to describe.

Nature, Nurture, Environment, Development, Nutrition and Safety. If we stick to this stuff, everything else flows as it should.

The politics will change anyway. I am getting it.

##hijack##
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Old 10-10-2014, 11:21 AM
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What I see are adult issues. The documentation is to the adults benefit, be wary of that. It sounds like they have made the decision. Have you started looking for other care?

He is 15 months, not 20-24 months... there is a big difference there. I know it does not seem like it should be, but it is. Big. Is he still in an infant room or a wobbler room?

Truth: He should not be in a place where he cannot be directly supervised with "friends". Not yet. One in the tunnel at a time. He should not have that easy access to his "friends" while working on a biting issue either. Not quite yet. His place should have been right next to the adult well out of reach.

The simple truth is toddlers can't have "friends". Not yet. They enjoy watching and learning from one another, but don't have the ability to understand that what hurts them hurts others. They just don't. Not yet. It is the adults responsibility to protect them from one another by preventing the opportunities for it.

I am not going to be popular today...

We have been looking for other care. Mainly due to other issues. Like last week he got into an ant bed on the playground. Had 20+ bites on one hand. The reason I haven't pulled him yet is lack of quality centers. There are very few options around here. And even fewer that open early enough for me to get to work at 0600. This center is actually part of the installation I work for so they open early in order to accomodate those of us who have early tours.

He's still in an infant room. He's supposed to move up in December. I say supposed to because right now the center combined the two toddler rooms into one and turned the second room into a nursing lounge. Well, now the toddler room is full and there are at least 6 kids who will be ready to move up between now and Christmas. The last plan I heard was to redistribute the two infant rooms into one room of true infants and another that's pre-toddler.
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  #229  
Old 10-10-2014, 11:29 AM
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We have been looking for other care. Mainly due to other issues. Like last week he got into an ant bed on the playground. Had 20+ bites on one hand. The reason I haven't pulled him yet is lack of quality centers. There are very few options around here. And even fewer that open early enough for me to get to work at 0600. This center is actually part of the installation I work for so they open early in order to accomodate those of us who have early tours.

He's still in an infant room. He's supposed to move up in December. I say supposed to because right now the center combined the two toddler rooms into one and turned the second room into a nursing lounge. Well, now the toddler room is full and there are at least 6 kids who will be ready to move up between now and Christmas. The last plan I heard was to redistribute the two infant rooms into one room of true infants and another that's pre-toddler.
Wow. Sounds like Chaos. Have you looked at your States Childcare Resource and Referral Service (CCR&R)? It is free and they can be a huge help. They would know every possible legal care option in your area and recommend a good fit for you. They are also who inspects us.
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Old 10-10-2014, 11:34 AM
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Wow. Sounds like Chaos. Have you looked at your States Childcare Resource and Referral Service (CCR&R)? It is free and they can be a huge help. They would know every possible legal care option in your area and recommend a good fit for you. They are also who inspects us.
No, but off to Google that right now. Thanks!
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  #231  
Old 11-12-2014, 03:54 PM
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Biting is perfectly normal at daycare and it comes and goes. Just because there had been streaks of biting doesn't mean that it's a bad daycare or the teachers weren't watching. And parents who think their kids can do no wrong need a reality check. We had 4 kids in our toddler room biting one child, who provoked each bite by pushing and taking toys away. His parents complained and threatened, and finally left... miraculously all biting stopped! Yes there are now some biting incidents here and there, but nothing like with that child. Sometimes a change of environment stops the biting. We have some kids who got kicked out from other centers for biting but have not had one biting incident with us. So if you're parents of a child who keeps getting bitten, either be patient and wait it out or just find a different daycare. No need to make a fuss and play the blame game with teachers or biters.
You are an idiot. And obviously you don not have a baby of your own or don't have another child biting yours. If your child would come home with bite marks on his/her face and hands and back you would make "a fuss" (or maybe You wouldn't give a s*t). It can be hard to find a different daycare close to the place you live/work. So biters should be "shadowed" and their "victims" should be moved to a different group. If in school your child is getting beat up every day, you gonna just say its "perfectly normal"? Or take actions, like get principal involved, get parents involved. Every problem adults have come from those tender years and then you spend a lifetime trying to understand why you are f"cked up, meanwhile you were abused at a tender age by some biter that none cared to stop. And yes, I know the troll who wrote the quoted statement is just as mentioned an idiot. Still biting is an issue and has to be addressed, not ignored/dismissed like most of the time ****ty caregivers who just want to get a paycheck do with ease.
Yes, I am upset.
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Old 11-21-2014, 08:41 AM
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You are an idiot. And obviously you don not have a baby of your own or don't have another child biting yours. If your child would come home with bite marks on his/her face and hands and back you would make "a fuss" (or maybe You wouldn't give a s*t). It can be hard to find a different daycare close to the place you live/work. So biters should be "shadowed" and their "victims" should be moved to a different group. If in school your child is getting beat up every day, you gonna just say its "perfectly normal"? Or take actions, like get principal involved, get parents involved. Every problem adults have come from those tender years and then you spend a lifetime trying to understand why you are f"cked up, meanwhile you were abused at a tender age by some biter that none cared to stop. And yes, I know the troll who wrote the quoted statement is just as mentioned an idiot. Still biting is an issue and has to be addressed, not ignored/dismissed like most of the time ****ty caregivers who just want to get a paycheck do with ease.
Yes, I am upset.
Here's where you're wrong. I do have a child who is being bitten by another. But I can't get too mad about it because in the past it was my child doing the biting. I came here to update our situation and saw this and just had to say that your view is clouded by the fact that your child hasn't been the biter...yet. It happens. It's not developmentally abnormal unless you're talking about a 5+ year old.

Anyway, I'm the poster who's son goes through streaks of biting. Nothing and then 2 or three in a few days then nothing again for months. I was unable to find another center that worked with my work schedule, but the center he was at moved him into a "pre-toddler" room and it has been like night and day. Instead of having 6 kids ranging from 6 weeks to 17 months they have 5 kids ranging from 12-20 months. One of the first things the new teacher told me was that she wasn't going to call me for stupid stuff (i.e. diaper rash, phantom fevers, etc). Sure enough, the only call I've gotten has been when he was actually sick (BTW: has anyone ever had a kid come down with HFM without ever running a fever? It happened to us.) He's doing great except that now he's the one being bitten. Twice in a month. I'm secretly hoping that this will teach him that biting other people hurts and not to do it. Yeah, I probably suck as a mom in that regard. So right now, we're doing good. Hopefully, this trend will continue.
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  #233  
Old 11-21-2014, 11:10 AM
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Here's where you're wrong. I do have a child who is being bitten by another. But I can't get too mad about it because in the past it was my child doing the biting. I came here to update our situation and saw this and just had to say that your view is clouded by the fact that your child hasn't been the biter...yet. It happens. It's not developmentally abnormal unless you're talking about a 5+ year old.

Anyway, I'm the poster who's son goes through streaks of biting. Nothing and then 2 or three in a few days then nothing again for months. I was unable to find another center that worked with my work schedule, but the center he was at moved him into a "pre-toddler" room and it has been like night and day. Instead of having 6 kids ranging from 6 weeks to 17 months they have 5 kids ranging from 12-20 months. One of the first things the new teacher told me was that she wasn't going to call me for stupid stuff (i.e. diaper rash, phantom fevers, etc). Sure enough, the only call I've gotten has been when he was actually sick (BTW: has anyone ever had a kid come down with HFM without ever running a fever? It happened to us.) He's doing great except that now he's the one being bitten. Twice in a month. I'm secretly hoping that this will teach him that biting other people hurts and not to do it. Yeah, I probably suck as a mom in that regard. So right now, we're doing good. Hopefully, this trend will continue.
Glad he is doing better! Yes I have had a kid get HFM without a fever, a friend's child.

No, it doesn't make you a bad mom. LOL! Although he is probably not making the connection.
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  #234  
Old 04-09-2015, 05:50 AM
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Well then the child grabbed my son's arm and nawed on it like an ear of corn breaking the skin. The staff didn't even bother to notify me about the incident until I picked him up at 6pm and it had happened at 3pm. I asked for a copy of the incident report, and the manager informed me that they don't file reports for incidents.
This is an issue. Incident reports need to be filed. You have grounds to have the state remove the center's operating license at this point ... if the center is even licensed.

I know. I've done it. And seriously, I couldn't have cared less when the operator whined and boo-hoo'd in the local paper about how oppressive the state was to her and how she had to lay off staff.
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  #235  
Old 11-03-2015, 12:19 PM
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Angry It's not my responsibility to understand, help, or have my child put up w/your BITER

Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.
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  #236  
Old 11-03-2015, 03:20 PM
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Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.
As a home daycare provider these are reasons I cannot/will not keep an aggressive child- regardless of reasons for said aggression. I don't have the staff to hire a 1:1 and I will not put the safety and security of the other children in jeopardy because of one child.
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Old 11-03-2015, 04:32 PM
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Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.
I am not independently wealthy either, but many stay at home moms work by doing daycare to bring in the income, so it could be the solution to your problems. Stay home, watch a group of children, and use your methods in dealing with children who bite. When you have mastered that, write a book and consult with daycares on how to handle it more effectively. Problem solved.
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  #238  
Old 11-04-2015, 08:35 AM
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Over the years, I've heard all the Dr. Spock-ish rationalizations and "it takes a village to raise a child" idioms about how you (as a parent of a non-biter) should address issues with habitual BITERS that have decided your child is their personal chew toy whenever they get upset, frustrated, or want a toy your child is playing with.

Understand this ... it's NOT my responsibility to protect or understand the biter. It's my responsibility as a parent to protect my child's welfare until they can protect themselves. I don't care if the biter is frustrated, can't verbally communicate anger, doesn't feel loved or that its getting enough attention, or wants toy that someone else is playing with ... he or she is NOT my child.

I would love to stay at home with my children and keep them out of the day care industry. Unfortunately, the reality is that I'm not independently wealthy and have to work. Over the years I've encountered biting incidents to my children (sometimes multiple bites by the same biter within days) ... since none of my children have ever bitten anyone either in day care or at home ... I have had no problem ever telling the day care provider to remove the biter from the room period and they can attempt all the intervention techniques they like ... as long as it's somewhere else not around my children.

Once, a Director told me she couldn't possibly penalize the biter because of the social trauma it would cause the biter and that we needed to be more tolerant of the needs of such children and that my children also needed to be tolerant of others even if they are biters.

My response was to the point and without compassion (since it was the 3rd incident of the week, and two bites broke the skin) ... either remove the biter from the classroom or I would definitely penalize the day care with law suit and a lot of bad biting media publicity (the day care was located in a state that at the time had a low opinion of day care centers to begin with). My child had been with the day care for 3 years without incidents, the biter had been there only 3 weeks and had bitten or hit or kicked a child almost every other day.

The biter was in another room the next morning with a shadow staffer. Which lasted about 2 days when the biter bit the staff member on the leg hard enough for the staffer to require stitches and a hepatitis shot.

To the parents of biters, I don't blame you. But when your child inflicts intentional, unprovoked pain on my children repeatedly ... I will do everything possible to make sure your child never does that again. I shouldn't have to "switch" to another day care just because your child can't keep their teeth to themselves.
^^^^

This is why I have a zero tolerance policy for biting.

Parents FLIP when their kid gets bit. They threaten to sue and turn you in. They want the biter gone. They want the biter to have it's own adult... whatever it takes to have their kid not get bit.

They don't give a flip about developmentally appropriate. They don't want to hear it.

The only parents who care about the biter learning not to bite is the biters parents. Nobody else cares.

I had one bite when I first started doing daycare. The biters mom was so upset because she was so concerned about whether or not the kid her kid bit had any communicable diseases! I got schooled.

When I was a school nurse, I would have rather called and told a parent their kid broke their leg than call to say their kid got bit. The bite calls were way more work because the parents were so upset.

It doesn't matter if the parents of the bitee is right or wrong. It doesn't matter that biting is or isn't normal. It doesn't matter what measures you put in place short of exclusion and.one to one care.

What matters is that I don't want dhs called. I don't want inspected over it. I don't want the complaint on my record for life. I don't want to pay to give the biter his own adult for group rates.

I can't afford the learning curve the biter needs. Bottom line.

You bite... you are out.
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  #239  
Old 11-09-2015, 12:03 PM
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Default How to handle?

My wife and I are the parents of a two year old boy and almost 4 year old girl in the same daycare. My daughter has made it to Preschool without being bitten. My son has been bitten by the same boy, a friend of his no less, 8 times now between the young todds room, toddler room, and first early preschool room. He's never had any major damage done, but it is frustrating nonetheless. We try to be pragmatic about it and we KNOW it is a communication thing...our boy speaks in sentences and the other boy barely utters any words at all. But 8 times over about the last 14 months? I'm just trying to measure an appropriate level of discontent over the situation. I get it's part of developing, but can't the kid chew on another child for once? To make it more complicated, the offender also lives directly across the street from us. The parents apologized about the first 4 or 5 times... They are nice, intelligent people and I know they are frustrated too, and we don't want to create a worse situation for them. Where would your cutoff be between being pragmatic and straight sick and tired of it?
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  #240  
Old 06-03-2016, 09:38 AM
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Default Another Reason for Biting

Frustration is one reason for biting- but another (often overlooked) reason has to do with oral stimulation. Remember oral exploration is the first stage of development - just because kids move into later stages does not mean that they will not cycle back. Even adult bite nails, smoke, and engage in other oral stim behaviors (don't go there!).
In addition, kids this age have teeth coming in!

If a kid is compelled to bite it is more productive to direct that compulsion. It is NOT ok to bite friends- but it is OK to bite (...XXX fill in the blank). Some special needs catalogs have a biting bracelet for kids (they work really well). You can also buy a commercial vibrating teether.
Give these kids LOTS of oral stimulation during the day- crunchy apples- cereal etc. Have them whistle, lick things out of small cups, and blow bubbles. Parents can use a vibrating toothbrush at home.
Good Luck!
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  #241  
Old 06-03-2016, 02:34 PM
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Frustration is one reason for biting- but another (often overlooked) reason has to do with oral stimulation. Remember oral exploration is the first stage of development - just because kids move into later stages does not mean that they will not cycle back. Even adult bite nails, smoke, and engage in other oral stim behaviors (don't go there!).
In addition, kids this age have teeth coming in!

If a kid is compelled to bite it is more productive to direct that compulsion. It is NOT ok to bite friends- but it is OK to bite (...XXX fill in the blank). Some special needs catalogs have a biting bracelet for kids (they work really well). You can also buy a commercial vibrating teether.
Give these kids LOTS of oral stimulation during the day- crunchy apples- cereal etc. Have them whistle, lick things out of small cups, and blow bubbles. Parents can use a vibrating toothbrush at home.
Good Luck!

Old thread, but good advice!

Thank you!
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  #242  
Old 06-06-2016, 11:12 AM
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Old thread, but good advice!

Thank you!
I know- Old thread but new member!!
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  #243  
Old 07-19-2016, 12:46 PM
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Default Let's be honest...

I fully understand your opinion that you aren't responsible to raise the children you "care for". However, children spend an average of 50 hours a week under the influence of daycare providers. So, let's do the math.
A parent is with their child for 1-2 hours during the hustle and bustle of the morning getting themselves and the child ready for the day. There isn't much parenting room there. You have them for an average of 10 solid hours thereafter. The parent picks up the child 30 minutes to an hour depending on drive time after work, let's say 6pm, and the child goes to bed between 8-8:30am. This leaves 2 and a half hours in the evening to cook dinner, bathe the child and do minor house chores. So the parent hours vs provider hours do not equate. Yes, I do understand parenting comes first. But in today's society if a child is not fed, bathed or dressed appropriately there could be legal repercussions that are inflicted. Therefore, your statement that you are not responsible to raise someone's child is completely absurd. You are ABSOLUTELY responsible. This is why YOU were hired. Parents are choosing YOU to care for, nurture and TEACH their child because their jobs do not allow them to provide and parent equally. You should not be in your chosen career. Your comments make it clear you are only handling children for a paycheck. Any and ALL parents associated with you or your establishment should reconsider paying anything to you as your services lack in an extreme way!! This is not productive to the child or parent and you could be the reason these "biters" are not adequately learning how to adapt socially. Harsh but true!!

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I take it your not a daycare provider? Do you realize that daycare providers/ and daycare centers can be sued by the parents of the child/children that were bit? You make it sound as though providers just discipline the action! Listen, I am very well schooled in the job that i do but i do have to protect not only my children but the children that have been placed in my care. I provide a well-organized, well-supervised, and stimulating atmosphere for the children in my care. IE the 3 strikes your out policy, i work with my parents to come to a solution together. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and the child may need more care than i can give! I don't think it is the jobs of us daycare providers to have to put up with aggressive, disruptive, or destructive behavior. I have more than one child in my care, so do you think it is fair to the other children to have all my time taken up by this one child with the bad behavior? How long are us daycare providers expected to put up with this type of behavior? I am here to provide for your children, not raise them!!!!!!
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Old 07-19-2016, 01:03 PM
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I fully understand your opinion that you aren't responsible to raise the children you "care for". However, children spend an average of 50 hours a week under the influence of daycare providers. So, let's do the math.
A parent is with their child for 1-2 hours during the hustle and bustle of the morning getting themselves and the child ready for the day. There isn't much parenting room there. You have them for an average of 10 solid hours thereafter. The parent picks up the child 30 minutes to an hour depending on drive time after work, let's say 6pm, and the child goes to bed between 8-8:30am. This leaves 2 and a half hours in the evening to cook dinner, bathe the child and do minor house chores. So the parent hours vs provider hours do not equate. Yes, I do understand parenting comes first. But in today's society if a child is not fed, bathed or dressed appropriately there could be legal repercussions that are inflicted. Therefore, your statement that you are not responsible to raise someone's child is completely absurd. You are ABSOLUTELY responsible. This is why YOU were hired. Parents are choosing YOU to care for, nurture and TEACH their child because their jobs do not allow them to provide and parent equally. You should not be in your chosen career. Your comments make it clear you are only handling children for a paycheck. Any and ALL parents associated with you or your establishment should reconsider paying anything to you as your services lack in an extreme way!! This is not productive to the child or parent and you could be the reason these "biters" are not adequately learning how to adapt socially. Harsh but true!!
I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.
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  #245  
Old 07-19-2016, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I fully understand your opinion that you aren't responsible to raise the children you "care for". However, children spend an average of 50 hours a week under the influence of daycare providers. So, let's do the math.
A parent is with their child for 1-2 hours during the hustle and bustle of the morning getting themselves and the child ready for the day. There isn't much parenting room there. You have them for an average of 10 solid hours thereafter. The parent picks up the child 30 minutes to an hour depending on drive time after work, let's say 6pm, and the child goes to bed between 8-8:30am. This leaves 2 and a half hours in the evening to cook dinner, bathe the child and do minor house chores. So the parent hours vs provider hours do not equate. Yes, I do understand parenting comes first. But in today's society if a child is not fed, bathed or dressed appropriately there could be legal repercussions that are inflicted. Therefore, your statement that you are not responsible to raise someone's child is completely absurd. You are ABSOLUTELY responsible. This is why YOU were hired. Parents are choosing YOU to care for, nurture and TEACH their child because their jobs do not allow them to provide and parent equally. You should not be in your chosen career. Your comments make it clear you are only handling children for a paycheck. Any and ALL parents associated with you or your establishment should reconsider paying anything to you as your services lack in an extreme way!! This is not productive to the child or parent and you could be the reason these "biters" are not adequately learning how to adapt socially. Harsh but true!!
We are not parents. Even if we wanted to "parent" regulation strictly prohibits it. That doesn't mean I am doing this only for a paycheck. I had a behavior incident today that as a parent, I would have handled MUCH differently. But we as providers are not really allowed to discipline. Even time out is frowned upon or flat out not allowed in some areas for daycare providers. If parents are to overwhelmed to work AND parent, then they should have chosen either to stay at home with their child OR not have children. Now that is "harsh but true".
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  #246  
Old 07-19-2016, 01:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.
what she said. This is an old thread but a really good read
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  #247  
Old 07-19-2016, 01:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.
Well said!
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  #248  
Old 07-21-2016, 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I am not hired by anyone.

Parents buy the services I offer but I am not hired help.

Stop trying to make excuses as to why parents can't parent. If their child is spending an entire day with a child care provider and only getting 2 hours of face time a day with their child, I think someone should be re-thinking their priorities.

Doing this for the paycheck? Damn right I am!

Why do you think I should put my love and concern about a child above my want/need for a paycheck when you obviously aren't holding parents to the same concept?

Stop thinking its a providers job to parent.

Provider = provides care and supervision to a child when parents are at work.

Parent = responsible for the behavior, the morals and the overall health and condition (physically, emotionally and mentally) of the child.


Nope, I don't see "parenting" in any part of my job description.

It's MY job to do what is best for ALL children in my GROUP care program. If one is a biter and poses a continuous threat or risk to the other children, then the biter goes.

If that doesn't work for the parent, they can HIRE a nanny.

Nannies work FOR parents.


I can manage to work 60 hours a week (as a provider) and parent my children (who are not with me during the day/at school)

I prep everything and am completely ready before I get my kids up in the morning. They get a healthy breakfast and face time.

My dinners are prepped in the morning, crockpot, or made together as a family. I can grill while my kids play outside and interact with them then. I can cook while my kids are playing in the dining room or doing homework and talk to them. There are MANY MANY opportunities for QUALITY time. Working full time is NO EXCUSE not to be able to spend time with your children. Not to be able to parent them.

I do household things after my kids are fed, played outside, given showers, have done homework, and we read together. That means I'm up until 11-12 when I have to be up at 4:30am to get ready for MY children AND to go to work (daycare provider) myself.

Suck it up buttercup. Being a working mom means you have two full time jobs.
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  #249  
Old 07-28-2016, 04:40 PM
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Default Biting

I work in a center and I do the absolute best that I can. No matter how much you watch the kids they still get bitten. They are so quick! Shadowing is almost impossible. Having 10 kids to 2 teachers is extremely hard. Not an easy job. It's frustrating for the teachers as well. Especially when you have exhausted all other options. Biting is normal but when a child bites everyday, continuously throughout the day I don't find it to be ok. I can understand if it's now and then. I feel that there should be a policy for these things after exhausting all other options. I know as a parent I would not like it if my child came home with bite marks everyday with more than 1 bite a day. I also do not like the ratio. I feel 2:10 is too overwhelming for teachers and the kids as well. It should be 2:8. Trying to watch that many kids plus all the paperwork and activities that we are supposed to do is very difficult. It is NOT by far an easy job. Parents are stressed with just their 1 toddler. Imagine trying to deal with 10!!!
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  #250  
Old 07-29-2016, 04:11 AM
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Frustration is one reason for biting- but another (often overlooked) reason has to do with oral stimulation. Remember oral exploration is the first stage of development - just because kids move into later stages does not mean that they will not cycle back. Even adult bite nails, smoke, and engage in other oral stim behaviors (don't go there!).
In addition, kids this age have teeth coming in!

If a kid is compelled to bite it is more productive to direct that compulsion. It is NOT ok to bite friends- but it is OK to bite (...XXX fill in the blank). Some special needs catalogs have a biting bracelet for kids (they work really well). You can also buy a commercial vibrating teether.
Give these kids LOTS of oral stimulation during the day- crunchy apples- cereal etc. Have them whistle, lick things out of small cups, and blow bubbles. Parents can use a vibrating toothbrush at home.
Good Luck!
Great ideas! I believe some kids/people are more prone to oral needs than others. And redirection to properly filling those needs is what's needed.
I can understand how a parent may feel whether their child is the bitee or biter. And it happens to most, if not all of us. Those who get terribly upset about their child getting bitten would understand much better if on the other side of the coin.
As far as whose job it is to bring their child up? Well, that's a tough one; of course it's the responsibility of the parent first and foremost. BUT since those kids are with us most of their awake time, how on earth are they to teach them when not present in certain dynamics, when they might see them hours after the fact, and when their child is too young to really retain the knowledge/memory all the way from breakfast till supper time? Sure, some biters are old enough to remember and learn but if you have a 12 month old just starting to bite, or if kids target certain kids at dc but are in a completely different mind frame when they get home and never bite anywhere other than dc, how do parents adjust their teaching for that?
I'm not giving excuses to parents; I believe everyone needs to be on the same page but I also believe it's so much harder to make the point with a biter when they're home and not in their usual biting environment.
Am I making sense?
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  #251  
Old 07-29-2016, 05:10 AM
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I work in a center and I do the absolute best that I can. No matter how much you watch the kids they still get bitten. They are so quick! Shadowing is almost impossible. Having 10 kids to 2 teachers is extremely hard. Not an easy job. It's frustrating for the teachers as well. Especially when you have exhausted all other options. Biting is normal but when a child bites everyday, continuously throughout the day I don't find it to be ok. I can understand if it's now and then. I feel that there should be a policy for these things after exhausting all other options. I know as a parent I would not like it if my child came home with bite marks everyday with more than 1 bite a day. I also do not like the ratio. I feel 2:10 is too overwhelming for teachers and the kids as well. It should be 2:8. Trying to watch that many kids plus all the paperwork and activities that we are supposed to do is very difficult. It is NOT by far an easy job. Parents are stressed with just their 1 toddler. Imagine trying to deal with 10!!!
Biting is NOT normal.

I have 12 kids....ALONE. (birth to age 5)

I have had maybe 1 or 2 biting incidents in 2+ decades

If biting is a reoccuring issue in your environment, then you (and/or the teachers) should be looking for the answers within the group dynamics and the environment.

Biting is NOT normal.
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  #252  
Old 07-29-2016, 11:50 AM
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Biting is NOT normal.

I have 12 kids....ALONE. (birth to age 5)

I have had maybe 1 or 2 biting incidents in 2+ decades

If biting is a reoccuring issue in your environment, then you (and/or the teachers) should be looking for the answers within the group dynamics and the environment.

Biting is NOT normal.
I agree... I have had only one incident in 12 years and all my kids were in the 0-3 year age group. I've always had 4-6 kids at a time too depending on the state I was living in.
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  #253  
Old 08-05-2016, 11:24 AM
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our daughter is 15 months and has been bitten 4 times in three weeks at her current daycare center. After the third time, the director told us that they would shadow the kid to make sure that they were not biting...three days later she was bitten again by the same child. My husband, went to pick her up and they had an incident report stating that she "fell" but it was clear by the mark on her face, yes her face, that she had been bitten, you could see the teeth marks on the top and bottom and she is still bruised 5 days later. Now, I am a completely reasonable person, I understand at this age biting does happen and I do not feel any ill will toward the child who is doing the biting, but seriously 4 times in 3 weeks? When my husband confronted the director about what was being done to prevent this and that he didn't feel it was enough, she threw her hands in the air and said what is it that you want me to do, there are 6 kids in there with one adult, you should not be so mad about this, this is completely age appropriate. Well sure it might be age appropriate, but that doesn't mean we don't try to stop it, right? The next day I went to drop my children off and she politely asked for me to start looking for a different place to take my children, then she started to accuse my husband of being a threat to her and staff because he overreacted to his child being bitten. So we were thrown out of daycare because our child was bitten multiple times and we questioned their method of dealing with it. So while I can sympathize with the parent of biters, please understand I don't feel that a child who does not bite should be punished either just because we as parents want to protect them from it.
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  #254  
Old 08-09-2016, 09:44 AM
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our daughter is 15 months and has been bitten 4 times in three weeks at her current daycare center. After the third time, the director told us that they would shadow the kid to make sure that they were not biting...three days later she was bitten again by the same child. My husband, went to pick her up and they had an incident report stating that she "fell" but it was clear by the mark on her face, yes her face, that she had been bitten, you could see the teeth marks on the top and bottom and she is still bruised 5 days later. Now, I am a completely reasonable person, I understand at this age biting does happen and I do not feel any ill will toward the child who is doing the biting, but seriously 4 times in 3 weeks? When my husband confronted the director about what was being done to prevent this and that he didn't feel it was enough, she threw her hands in the air and said what is it that you want me to do, there are 6 kids in there with one adult, you should not be so mad about this, this is completely age appropriate. Well sure it might be age appropriate, but that doesn't mean we don't try to stop it, right? The next day I went to drop my children off and she politely asked for me to start looking for a different place to take my children, then she started to accuse my husband of being a threat to her and staff because he overreacted to his child being bitten. So we were thrown out of daycare because our child was bitten multiple times and we questioned their method of dealing with it. So while I can sympathize with the parent of biters, please understand I don't feel that a child who does not bite should be punished either just because we as parents want to protect them from it.
I would have been upset about the biting- but I would have been LIVID about a lie regarding injury. Instead of being proactive and preventing injury, or terminating the child who was biting, they already lost one child who was not a threat and will eventually lose more.

Biting is tough- but when a director said the game plan is the child is shadowed, and they failed to follow through with that plan and it happened again- there is a definite supervision issue at play.

I would specifically ask your new daycares what their policy on biting and aggression is before you enroll. I have had children in my home daycare pulled from centers because of other children biting. I don't tolerate it and will terminate a biter to protect the other children enrolled. Many providers have similar policies.
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  #255  
Old 08-16-2017, 05:09 PM
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Our son has been bitten 3 times in the last 3 weeks by the same little monster at his day care. We are working with the Director to remedy the situation, but I am pushing hard for this child to be expelled. This has been an ongoing problem with this child per one of the teachers and I think it's time to stop protecting the attacker and start trying to protect the victims. You parents of habitual biters who whine about how it's not fair that your little angel be kicked out for biting are selfish, egotistical walking nightmares in your own right. It's no wonder your little brat likes to attack others. There should be consequences for bad behavior at any age, including being removed from a situation where you are the problem.
I cannot believe you would say this about a child. There is a reason I am reading this thread as a parent of a biter, it's because I desperately want to find a solution. My son is 17m old and just started at a new daycare. He is the sweetest, silliest little boy but has bitten three times in his first two days. Alll have been in response to a child taking a toy from him. I am in no way justifying his actions though. If he continues to have a problem and moving him to a new school is best for all involved, I am all for it. I do know, however, that biting is very common in this stage and when children's little brains are being exposed to so many new things st once it can be stressful. This is not a behavior that is curbed overnight and I applaud all parents and teachers who work to fix these issues daily. My son has also been Britten several times. Although I was not happy about it, I am a KIND person and understand. There is nothing I have done or any otger parent of a biter has done that has caused their child to act this way. Children, just as adults, process stress in different ways. You obviously are not one who practices patience and compassion in your everyday life so who are you to judge a small child facing these feelings head on for the first time? If the shoe was on the other foot I know I would be concerned for my child but I would certainly handle it with more grace than you
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  #256  
Old 08-16-2017, 08:27 PM
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I cannot believe you would say this about a child. There is a reason I am reading this thread as a parent of a biter, it's because I desperately want to find a solution. My son is 17m old and just started at a new daycare. He is the sweetest, silliest little boy but has bitten three times in his first two days. Alll have been in response to a child taking a toy from him. I am in no way justifying his actions though. If he continues to have a problem and moving him to a new school is best for all involved, I am all for it. I do know, however, that biting is very common in this stage and when children's little brains are being exposed to so many new things st once it can be stressful. This is not a behavior that is curbed overnight and I applaud all parents and teachers who work to fix these issues daily. My son has also been Britten several times. Although I was not happy about it, I am a KIND person and understand. There is nothing I have done or any otger parent of a biter has done that has caused their child to act this way. Children, just as adults, process stress in different ways. You obviously are not one who practices patience and compassion in your everyday life so who are you to judge a small child facing these feelings head on for the first time? If the shoe was on the other foot I know I would be concerned for my child but I would certainly handle it with more grace than you
Darlin' not only is this an old thread that you posted to, I still stand by IT'S not normal to kids to bite more than once or twice and I do 1-21 months care only... I am also not the only provider to state this.
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  #257  
Old 08-17-2017, 08:34 AM
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I cannot believe you would say this about a child. There is a reason I am reading this thread as a parent of a biter, it's because I desperately want to find a solution. My son is 17m old and just started at a new daycare. He is the sweetest, silliest little boy but has bitten three times in his first two days. Alll have been in response to a child taking a toy from him. I am in no way justifying his actions though. If he continues to have a problem and moving him to a new school is best for all involved, I am all for it. I do know, however, that biting is very common in this stage and when children's little brains are being exposed to so many new things st once it can be stressful. This is not a behavior that is curbed overnight and I applaud all parents and teachers who work to fix these issues daily. My son has also been Britten several times. Although I was not happy about it, I am a KIND person and understand. There is nothing I have done or any otger parent of a biter has done that has caused their child to act this way. Children, just as adults, process stress in different ways. You obviously are not one who practices patience and compassion in your everyday life so who are you to judge a small child facing these feelings head on for the first time? If the shoe was on the other foot I know I would be concerned for my child but I would certainly handle it with more grace than you
It's always good to keep in mind that biting can be an emotional experience for all involved- both children, both sets of parents and the caregiver.
I understand you feel defensive about the post you quoted. That's natural and you do have valid points.
I also understand the poster whose child was bitten. To me, that post was full of frustration and emotion, just as yours was (although stated in a much different tone).

From a caregiver's standpoint, we do understand both sides and it's never easy for either party. We understand it can be an age-appropriate response to the child's surroundings and developing mind (to a degree).
We (as caregivers) are often on the receiving end of this kind of frustration from the family of the bitten child, and we know how frustrating it can be when parents don't understand that it can be quite common among young children.
As parents ourselves, we also understand that biting can be excruciatingly painful and nobody should be subjected to it on an ongoing basis.
I wish you luck on finding a solution that works for your child, I really do.
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