Default Style Register Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Almost 4yr Old Not Potty Trained HELP!
daycaremom76 06:07 AM 02-28-2013
Ok so I have a almost 4yr old dcb that isn't potty trained yet! He absolutely refuses to go to the bathroom on the potty. He just sits there and screams bloody murder. I don't have time for that drama in my day and it doesn't help that the Mom doesn't feel like dealing with it either! I have mentioned to her several times that she needs to get him potty trained and all she does is turn to dcb and say, "You hear that? You need to start going potty on the toilet!" and nothing changes! He has been here since November and I am tiered of changing his crappy diapers (at least twice a day) His mother has been out on workers comp for the last 2 weeks (nothing serious) and I would have hoped she would have kept him home a few days to do this but no instead she slept in and caught up on her rest!!! I am just at my whits end! This kid is also a total PITA he's loud, obnoxious, takes toys from other kids, LOUD did I mention LOUD!!!! I even seperate him from the group and he still yells a cross the room to the other kids. I have a 11 month old also who isn't getting his morning nap in cause everytime time he falls a sleep dcb starts up and wakes him up. I am sit him on time out like a 10000000x a day and he will still get up and do whatever again! I have talked to him Mom a million times and nothing seems to changes. She's a single Mom and I know she has her hands full with him but seriously I am over it! Problem is her contract is 30days notice so it's not like I can just let him go, even if I term I still have to deal with this behavior for the next month!
Willow 06:19 AM 02-28-2013
It really sounds like you're not meshing with this child at all. It's unfair to keep him there if you dislike him as much as it sounds.

Even if you have to wait out the contract time, I'd still strongly suggest you give notice.

Maybe let mom know that you need to move on and see if she can make other arrangements before that months notice is up? Be flexible and accommodating if she's willing to help you out and move him sooner.
daycaremom76 06:36 AM 02-28-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
It really sounds like you're not meshing with this child at all. It's unfair to keep him there if you dislike him as much as it sounds.
I never once said I disliked him! I've kept him here this long because when he isn't running a muck he's a really good kid. And I have tried several (pretty much everyday) times to talk to the Mom about his behavior and nothing has changed. He was kicked out out his last daycare for the same issues. So I've kept him here because kicking him out of another place obviously isn't going to change anything. I've been open to working with him on his behavior and potty training but get no help from his Mother. I get, "oh we tried going potty over the weekend but he just won't" and that's pretty much the end of it. He will be 4yrs old next month, that's obsurd that he isn't potty trained yet!
Willow 06:56 AM 02-28-2013
Originally Posted by daycaremom76:
He will be 4yrs old next month, that's obsurd that he isn't potty trained yet!
Not really.

But if it's an issue for you that's ok.

The thing is though without him showing any signs of readiness, literally being terrified of using the toilet at this point, and the parents aren't on board with your ideas of "training" him you're really fighting an uphill battle here. It isn't going to get any better, at least not for the foreseeable future.

I don't think it would be fair to hang on to him and continue to feel so resentful of his needs.

I got the impression you didn't like him much because of the language you used:

"I don't have time for that drama in my day"
"I am tiered of changing his crappy diapers"
"I am just at my whits end!"
"This kid is also a total PITA"
"he's loud"
"takes toys from other kids"
"LOUD did I mention LOUD!!!!"

We all run into kids who rub us the wrong way, we've all had our fair share of the ones who make us want to rip our hair out lol. But if you're pegging the child a PITA it's probably best he moves on to someone who doesn't feel that way about him.

JMHO. Take it for what it's worth. You can definitely change the situation, just likely not in the ways you're hoping to when it comes to bodily functions unfortunately.
Play Care 07:28 AM 02-28-2013
I would term. It's clear Mom won't do anything about it and you will only become more frustrated. I do not take on kids over 3 1/2 who are not potty trained - that's okay if they are not ready to be, this just isn't the place for them. And it sounds as if the pt'ing is actually the least of the issues for you... I know you hesitate becuase he was termed from his last dc, but honestly, that's not your problem.
LK5kids 07:39 AM 02-28-2013
Some support my world I also feel it's obsurd for a 4 yr. old to be in diapers. That is just me. I know others have other opinions. I don't really have any advice, but for me I couldn't deal with it. If mom won't work on it you don't have many options.

A hug for u!
daycaremom76 07:42 AM 02-28-2013
Wilow - I dislike his behaviors and I do sound annoyed because ALL of those actions happened prior to 9am! If anything my dislike is more towards the Mother because her lack of support is just aiding his bad behavior! In my opinion terming this child is the easy way out. I am trying to bring these issues to the Mother and am getting absolutely no cooperation in return! I have 2 kids with ADHD so this kid is a walk in the park compared to what I deal with on a personal level. I've been the parent that's kid has been kicked out of center after center after center that is why I didn't term him after day 1 when he behaved this way. This isn't something that just started this is something I have been dealing with since the second he started here at the begining of Nov. I just had a meeting with the parent last night after hours about his behavior and it's like I am talking to a wall. I have this child 11hrs a day 5 days a week. His bedtime is 8pm so each night the Mother spends maybe 2hrs with this kid (dinner, bath and bed) She's been home for the last 2 weeks doing nothing but sleeping when she could be spending time with her son. The father isn't in the picture at all! When I ask him why he acts out his response is, "Because I want my Mommy!" So sure like I said the easy way out is terming him, which is something I will probably end up doing in the end and then he'll just be someone else's problem. But that isn't going to help him at all, what I was looking for was a little advise and to see if anyone had any positive ways deal with him and his Mom. I wasn't looking for the typical easy way out of just terming him!
Country Kids 07:43 AM 02-28-2013
Believe me, I know how frustrating this is. I had one like this (a boy) and the peditrician was no help. Explained that their own sons didn't potty train till later, no one is exactly alike, yadda, yadda, yadda. I was frustrated as I was changing way to many diapers and it was just yuck! This child also had no interest in it.

Then one day they just decided to go!

Maybe try working slowly with them. Every hour for a week or two/then an 1.5 hours for awhile, then work up to two. It will take awhile and if you are the only consistent thing in his life thats what he's going to need-consistency.

PM if you just need to vent-really I know it can be frustrating!

Nice to see you back-
Meyou 07:44 AM 02-28-2013
Since he's already been termed once I would be very surprised if there was anything you can say to get through to this mom. If you're serious about keeping him then I would sit down and have a meeting with MoM and outline EXACTLY what I felt needed to happen for DCB to stay in my care. Outside of that...I really don't have any ideas. Parents like this aren't really fixable. :S
daycaremom76 08:03 AM 02-28-2013
Originally Posted by LK5kids:
A hug for u!

Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Nice to see you back-
Thanks! I just got tired on seeing complaints and being a daily complainer so I decided to take a little break!

I want to try to do some sort of reward system with him but I don't know what to focus on first. I have tried the potty training here and have gotten him to go. His favorite charater is buzz Lightyear so I ordered him pull-ups from my own money on amazon with Buzz on them, I can get him to go here fine during the week with some accidents but mom sends him everyday in diapers and does nothing at home so it's almost a waist of time! I even sent a pack of pull-ups home with him. To put things in perspective I just weighed him he's 43lbs and 47 inches so we are NOT talking about a little kid he is slightly smaller then my 11 & 9yr old! I lift him like 5x a day to change him. When I put him on the diaper changer his head touches one edge and his butt the other and the whole length of his legs dangle over the end. Oh and his diapers barely fit cause he's a BIG kid! I really don't want the other kids to see me rewarding his good behavior cause I don't have an issue with them and I don't want them to start acting out because he's getting stickers for acting the way they already act.
cheerfuldom 11:23 AM 02-28-2013
I am sorry you are struggling here. I can definitely sympathize with being at your wits end with a daycare child.

but I have to say, I do agree with Willow. I think it is important to know what we providers can and cant do and also what we should and should not be doing.

in order to get this boy back on track, it is vital that you have his mothers support. at this point, you have talked to her numerous times about numerous issues with no support from her and not change for the boy. you cannot change all the pottying and behavioral issues on your own. there is just no way. this boy NEEDS his mother to step up and she is not doing it.

at this point, you need to decide if you can continue working with this family knowing that this boy is very challening and this mom is absent, in every sense of the word. either you can handle the reality of the situation or you cant. and also, even if you really are determined to keep that really in the best interest of the whole group? to let the baby go without naps? to let the other kids be mistreated by this boy when you see him continually having social issues like toy taking and such?

there are many ways in which we providers need to remember the confines of our responsibilities and even capabilities. we cannot replace the parents. regardless of our efforts or intentions, we cannot fix every problem. we do not need to carry the burdern single handedly of solving each issue.

do I think that it is in the best interest of this child to go thru multiple providers? of course not.

but you dont have just this child to think of. you need to think of the other kids in care, of your own family, and yes, even of yourself. its important that you know your own boundaries and recognize if it has gotten to the point where you really cannot and shouldnot stay in this situation any longer. being a daycare matyr is not going to do anyone any good.

sometimes the best course of action is to just straight out say "hey DCM, this is what i need to see in order to be able to continue to work with your child. if you cannot put in the effort and support for your own child, there is nothing more that i can do. it will be your choice to disregard the situation and that will lead to terminating care. can you get on board here or not?"

as we all say here, put the responsibility back where it belongs. if this mom disregards you and gets terminated, that is her fault, not yours.
daycaremom76 05:11 PM 02-28-2013
So I guess I got my answer on what to do.............

This afternoon one of the new girls that starts next week stopped in to have a snack with us and see how she meshes with the other kids. She just turned 2 and is a little shy and he was bugging the heck out of her to the point that eventually the Mom just picked her up and sat her on the couch on her lap. I was trying not to embarrass him or myself by having to put him on timeout but he was just over the top acting up. In general this has been a little bit of a crazy week so when his Mom picked up I told her about it and of course I got the "He doesn't act like this at home" well of course not cause he doesn't have 5 other kids at home to terrorize all day! So I told her that we'll just see how next week goes. I actually have 3 girls starting next all on Monday and have have one boy switching from full-time to fridays only so come Monday he will be the only boy with all girls. I am hoping that this might chill him out some and if it doesn't then it might be time for him to move on.
cheerfuldom 05:27 PM 02-28-2013
good luck for next week! i hope that the change does end up best for everyone. keep us updated
Tags:potty trained - not
Reply Up