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Leanna 11:12 PM 03-23-2013
My two teens wanted me to watch Cyberbully with them tonight. It is a movie about how one teenage girl is mercilessly bullied and harassed online. It shows how some teens use social media and other online chat rooms, etc. to bully others. I thought about how hard it is for teens to navigate through the world of high school and with this whole other social world too. Then, after the movie, I hopped onto the computer to check my email and Daycare.com and a post made by one regular user to another reminded me of the behavior of the kids in the movie. Shame.
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Sugar Magnolia 05:54 AM 03-24-2013
I try to make sure I always wear my big girl panties here and elsewhere on the internet. But I have a much thicker skin than the typical tween, teen, etc. Which thread are you referring to?
Not the upside down naked yoga breastfeeding weirdness thread, I hope! Lol
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Leanna 06:57 AM 03-24-2013
Nope, not that thread...it was something dredged up on an old thread. I see your point Sugar about having a thick skin, but I also don't think it is appropriate for people to make posts that are intentionally written with the sole intent to annoy, harass, embarrass, anger, etc. others on an online forum. Sometimes in an attempt to get their message or point across, posters can inadvertently make someone feel that way, but it is clear that this particular post was posted in a sarcastic, mean attempt to make another user feel bad.
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Blackcat31 07:26 AM 03-24-2013
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I try to make sure I always wear my big girl panties here and elsewhere on the internet. But I have a much thicker skin than the typical tween, teen, etc.
I agree. Most times tone and intent are hard to figure out unless you know the person you are speaking with personally and since we are virtual friends here, that is not always possible or easy.

I take everything with a grain of salt and if I am unsure, I ask for more explanation or more information.

I too have been misunderstood and have misunderstood others.

I think keeping out big girl panties on is a MUST and should be REQUIRED work apparel or part of the unwritten dress code when interacting with our on-line co workers.

Originally Posted by Leanna:
Nope, not that thread...it was something dredged up on an old thread. I see your point Sugar about having a thick skin, but I also don't think it is appropriate for people to make posts that are intentionally written with the sole intent to annoy, harass, embarrass, anger, etc. others on an online forum. Sometimes in an attempt to get their message or point across, posters can inadvertently make someone feel that way, but it is clear that this particular post was posted in a sarcastic, mean attempt to make another user feel bad.
Unfortunately, this happens ALL the time. If you ever have some time on your hands...go back and read the archived threads. Pay close attention to the locked or closed threads.

You can learn ALOT about members as well as the general personality and/or behavior of the forum in general. It has it's cycles and it's good and bad sides.

I spent a full year and half reading ALL the old threads before I ever joined this forum and then I spent a lot of time just reading and "watching" before I finally just jumped in and joined the fun.

My personal rules are that I try not to offend anyone, apologize if I do, stand up for what I believe, keep things (not helpful to everyone) to myself let others fight their own fights......unless it gets out of hand.

But bottom line, YES! I agree that there are times when adults bully others but I also think that the way one person takes in information is different than others and there really is no right or wrong way.

I know which thread you are talking about and who you are speaking about but I also think that the person being pointed at may not perceive the situation in the same manner as others so I think the choice to participate or just leave it alone should be theirs.

If they do participate and things get out of hand, then I think any one of the moderator's on the board will step in.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 07:40 AM 03-24-2013
I feel like bullying is at an all time high right now, unfortunately.

As for aggressive posts/bullying on this forum ... that happens on every forum. You will never find one that doesn't have this happening on some level. Other forums just may choose to delete the threads, ban members, etc. so it wouldn't be as obvious.
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nannyde 09:04 AM 03-24-2013
Originally Posted by Leanna:
My two teens wanted me to watch Cyberbully with them tonight. It is a movie about how one teenage girl is mercilessly bullied and harassed online. It shows how some teens use social media and other online chat rooms, etc. to bully others. I thought about how hard it is for teens to navigate through the world of high school and with this whole other social world too. Then, after the movie, I hopped onto the computer to check my email and Daycare.com and a post made by one regular user to another reminded me of the behavior of the kids in the movie. Shame.
Leanna, I don't learn like you or think like you. I process information in my own way and try to understand whole concepts not just a thread by thread prospective. Like Black, I've read the entire archives of this and MANY other boards. When I participate in threads I'm bringing to the conversation what I remember or opinions from the past words and present. I try to put all the pieces together and then deconstruct to understand and put forth an opinion.

I've been racking my brain TRYING to figure out the “my child's nutrition trumps EVERYTHING and EVERYONE" part of this whole debate discussion and it just isn't adding up or making sense to me. I don't get it and maybe I never will.

I wonder when the line becomes blurred and when in fact it isn't about my childs nutrition but something else all together. My gut feeling is that the Time Magazine cover really wasn't about my childs nutrition... the naked lady tethered to a tree by her ankle feeding upside down isn't about my childs nutrition, the over the top of the shirt dual feeding a toddler and a preschooler during interviews with total stranger families isn't about my child's nutrition etc...

I know for a fact that my unfortunate experience with this at Thanksgiving dinner was DEFINITELY not about toddler nutrition because the toddlers MULTIPLE refusals... hence latching and unlatching in the first couple minutes is what exposed my kid to the full view over and over. No attempt was made BEFORE we ate to feed “my child". It wasn't about the best for the toddler it was what was best for the mom who wanted her kid to stay on her lap and not run house unsupervised while we ate.

So this past post again made me wonder WHEN is it not about nutrition and natural. To me, it fits in the whole scheme of these conversations. I'm curious about how that works when the risk is in fact on “my child" then do you STILL soldier on with your beliefs.

I think the line crossing begins with OTHERS and being respectful of their feelings and comfort. But, if it doesn't then is it the kid? Do you say it's not worth it or right if it can affect the kid even with the risk being smaller than some but greater than none?

I have a very strong feeling that the core heart of these conversations is about the MOTHER and what SHE wants and what's best for HER when, how, and whoever comes between it doesn't matter. That's what I'm after and what im trying to figure out. We deal ALOT about what's best for the parents presented to us as what's best for“my child" or “the baybeeeees" when in fact it is about what's best for the parent.

(I'm not referring to breastfeeding but rather open public feeding where the breast is fully exposed. I know in most cases breast milk is more nutritious.)
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Lyss 09:06 AM 03-24-2013
Originally Posted by Leanna:
Nope, not that thread...it was something dredged up on an old thread. I see your point Sugar about having a thick skin, but I also don't think it is appropriate for people to make posts that are intentionally written with the sole intent to annoy, harass, embarrass, anger, etc. others on an online forum. Sometimes in an attempt to get their message or point across, posters can inadvertently make someone feel that way, but it is clear that this particular post was posted in a sarcastic, mean attempt to make another user feel bad.
Pot stirring, not so much bullying IMO. Its not just a one time, one sided event; There multiple posts that this is part of.

If you're dishing out condescension or attitude you should probably expect a return (especially online where there is an air of anonymity aka "no one knows me in real life")... PS by "you" I don't actually mean OP I just mean anyone

Like BC brought up you can't tell tone (sometimes) in a post and I have seen many an issue begin over something that the OP did not mean to be taken the way it was. I can see if your a sensitive person by nature, which I am so sometimes I have to tell myself to re-read things later before responding, it could be hard to take (the people in the quoted situation I'm pretty sure have tough skin )

Either way we're adults. Not tween/teens like the movie but I'm not saying that we don't get bullied. I feel like I get bullied more in person than online, my DCPs (especially DCMs) try it all the time! But as adults we have a different skill set and understand of ourselves than a teen/tween does.

I think bullying is getting worse in schools but we're also becoming more and more "out there" and open with every inch of our lives in a public forum (aka Facebook and similar) so the drama and bullying is seen out in the open by everyone which makes it that much more humiliating and embarrassing.
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youretooloud 09:37 AM 03-24-2013
I don't think that was bullying really.

Targeting, and maybe a little bit obsessive. But, not bullying

I feel like all members here are thick skinned enough to handle it, and everybody seems to have enough support here that it's never a "them against me" situation.
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Meeko 01:46 PM 03-24-2013
As providers and moms...most of us have convictions about certain things. Often, those convictions are powerful and very important to us. It's important to be able to express those feelings.

As adults, I hope most here don't take it too personally. For example, Crystal and I have "crossed swords" a few times over certain issues, but the fact remains I respect her a great deal and enjoy seeing things from her prospective. I hope she agrees. She's on my "friends" list!

I have whole-heartedly agreed with some comments and strongly disagreed with others. But I feel I get something important from EVERY SINGLE forum member. It's an overall, ongoing education that I adore.
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Blackcat31 02:50 PM 03-24-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
As for aggressive posts/bullying on this forum ... that happens on every forum.
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Leanna, I don't learn like you or think like you. I process information in my own way and try to understand whole concepts not just a thread by thread prospective.
Originally Posted by Lyss:
Like BC brought up you can't tell tone (sometimes) in a post and I have seen many an issue begin over something that the OP did not mean to be taken the way it was. I can see if your a sensitive person by nature, which I am so sometimes I have to tell myself to re-read things later before responding, it could be hard to take (the people in the quoted situation I'm pretty sure have tough skin )

Either way we're adults.
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
I feel like all members here are thick skinned enough to handle it, and everybody seems to have enough support here that it's never a "them against me" situation.
Originally Posted by Meeko:
As providers and moms...most of us have convictions about certain things. Often, those convictions are powerful and very important to us. It's important to be able to express those feelings.

But I feel I get something important from EVERY SINGLE forum member. It's an overall, ongoing education that I adore.
I just want to say that you ladies ALL rock!!!!!

It is so refreshing to see that a heated debate, discussion or conversation can be had and then we can all turn around and still be civil, friendly and/or human!

We ARE different people, we lead different lives, have different backgrounds as well as different paths ahead of us and it is actually pretty awesome that we can appear so widely divided at times but in then be united just as strongly.
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Candy 09:37 AM 03-25-2013
Little OT not sure how many of you know the babycenter website for pregnant women. My friend was on there and let me tell you those are some of the meanest women in the world. The call each other babies name stupid and are always arguing. One women called all teen mothers w****s. There excuse is that they are pregnant but imo just cause your pregnant doesn't mean you have to be a b****.
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Meeko 12:13 PM 03-25-2013
Originally Posted by Candy:
Little OT not sure how many of you know the babycenter website for pregnant women. My friend was on there and let me tell you those are some of the meanest women in the world. The call each other babies name stupid and are always arguing. One women called all teen mothers w****s. There excuse is that they are pregnant but imo just cause your pregnant doesn't mean you have to be a b****.
Raging hormones AND anonymous......dangerous!
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CedarCreek 12:29 PM 03-25-2013
I used to be on the babycenter forum and it was vicious!

So vicious at the time that a ton of members were banned/left and formed their own forum.

Back to the daycare.com forum, I see it here too but not to the degree that I saw on the other site. I'd like to think that we are all considerate individuals here.

I also feel as though I have my big girl panties on here. I dont understand too much of Internet "fighting" it reminds me of a meme that says something along the lines of, "Oh no, caps lock is ON."
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Lyss 12:41 PM 03-25-2013
Oh Babycenter... Blah! Everyone's an expert and everyone's kid is sooooooo advanced and sooo perfect (or going to be anyway)

Originally Posted by CedarCreek:
Back to the daycare.com forum, I see it here too but not to the degree that I saw on the other site. I'd like to think that we are all considerate individuals here.
We've had some pretty hot topic discussions on here lately and I was really impressed with the way most of the posting was done, they were great debates without strictly becoming personal attacks.
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CedarCreek 12:44 PM 03-25-2013
I have as well, Lyss.

I'm constantly impressed/surprised by how much more mature this site is.
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Crystal 12:50 PM 03-25-2013
Originally Posted by Meeko:
As providers and moms...most of us have convictions about certain things. Often, those convictions are powerful and very important to us. It's important to be able to express those feelings.

As adults, I hope most here don't take it too personally. For example, Crystal and I have "crossed swords" a few times over certain issues, but the fact remains I respect her a great deal and enjoy seeing things from her prospective. I hope she agrees. She's on my "friends" list!

I have whole-heartedly agreed with some comments and strongly disagreed with others. But I feel I get something important from EVERY SINGLE forum member. It's an overall, ongoing education that I adore.

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Meeko 04:09 PM 03-25-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:

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Crystal 04:11 PM 03-25-2013
Hey Meeko....I should have said earlier, I have a lot of respect for you and value your insight as well!
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Tags:bullying, cyberbully
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