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Old 05-17-2013, 12:37 PM
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kppzbw kppzbw is offline Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Nebraska
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Default Help With My Own Children!!

I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old of my own. I have been doing daycare now for almost 2 years and taught Kindergarten for 10 years prior to starting a daycare. I have wonderful families and awesome kids! However....I am having trouble with my own children hitting, taking toys away, shoving, 2 1/2 year old biting, etc. I have tried time outs, talking one on one, redirecting, soap in their mouth, you name it! I feel my 2 1/2 year old is mean and I just don't know what to do! and my 4 1/2 year old is constantly a problem and has trouble playing nicely with the other children. Help!!!
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:56 PM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
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Welcome to the forum!
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:22 PM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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OP you sound like you have a lot of experience with kids and probably know good and well how to get a group of youngsters to cooperate. That doesnt mean those skills translate to parenting....or to parenting AND doing daycare at the same time. Same situation as me. Overall, I have great daycare families and am very good at my job. I am also a mom of four kids under 6 years old and I love being a mom and I do feel like I am good at it. But when I combine the two things, its not pretty all the time LOL A couple of tips as I have done daycare for going on 6 years.

**First and foremost, please do not do soap in the mouth and other punishments like that. Since you asked for opinions, I am going to go ahead and give it. I am completely against punishments that humiliate and shame kids and anything that is seriously putting soap (a potentially toxic substance) in your kids mouth

What days and hours are you working? I wanted to caution you from stretching yourself too thin. I find keeping my business hours to five days a week, 9 hours a day to be the best for us. No more than 10 hour days for sure. Any longer and that is just too much for the daycare kids and for your own kids, even if you feel that you are able to handle it yourself

Do you have a separate daycare space and separate toys? Is there a distinct separation between the two? A lot of providers have problems when their family space is shared. It is especially confusing if the kids toys are being used, if their rooms are being used. Its just too much for most kids to share their mom and their home. It makes them territorial....always fighting to figure out the boundaries of what is truly theirs.

Do you give your kids space and freedom during the day? My kids are at home, I dont have the same rules for them. I dont allow the daycare kids into their rooms. If my kids are needing some space or some time, I figure out a way to make it happen. Let them play a video game on our family computer when the office is off limits to the daycare kids. Let them stay up a bit during nap time and get some extra time with mom that the daycare kids dont get. I am not suggesting to make a big show of your own kids getting special treatment. Keep it discreet. But if your kids want to play in their room alone, I would let them. At 2 and 4, i would let them go play on their own for a bit, or find other ways to let them take a breather sometimes. They do need a break! I dont force them to play or entertain the daycare kids. I dont assume that my kids will be best friends with the daycare kids. Its important we all get along, but its also important that you keep your expectations realistic for what your kids can and cannot handle regarding other kids there all the time.

Do your kids get quality time with you outside of daycare hours? If your days are filled working with other kids, are you keeping the evenings fun and calm and peaceful? or cramming that time full of activity and go-go-go mentality? I would suggest NOT taking daycare kids on the evening or weekends. your own kids need to have predictable family time

How many kids are you caring for in addition to your own? Perhaps you personally feel comfortable with a certain number in care but if your own kids are struggling with that, its a problem. I would suggest taking the bare minimum that you have to take in order to make ends meet. Forget about getting ahead financially for now. Let go of as many kids as possible and work on getting things figured out for your own kids first!

Is your 4.5 year old going to school in the fall? that age is really tough and that summer before school starts just turns 4 year olds into little maniacs. seen it time and time again. Is it an option to give one or both of your kids a little bit of time at a preschool, preK or other activities? new experiences and some space can help a lot! This isnt about someone else taking care of your kids....this is about helping them with every need they have and sometimes, distance from the daycare environment at home can help a lot.

For the 2 year old, are you seeing triggers to the biting and aggressive behavior? Is it the same kid(s) that he/she is fighting with or is it all the kids all the time?

Hope this has given you some things to think about. I hope I havent come across in a mean way. I know its tough to juggle mom and me, I definitely know. I would love to earn more money but my kids need me a lot right now. i have downsized daycare, cut hours, and made other adjustments and it has helped a lot! My own kids were showing signs of stress with some previous arrangements and the aggressive and unhappy behaviors can be signs of stress. My biggest suggestion is to stop punishing so much....backtrack and start making some changes and preventative measures so the kids are not even getting to the point where they are doing things like biting. If you have to shadow your own kid and make sure they are not hurting others, that may mean that you downsize your group in order to maintain safety. That sort of thing is what I mean about preventative measures. Looking at how your kids eat, sleep, etc. and making sure all the other needs are met.
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:27 PM
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DaycareMama DaycareMama is offline Member
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I have the exact same problem with my 4 1/2 year old. Its awful! I actually ended up having to enroll my child in preschool early. But still have the problem before and after school. I sympathize with you. I have no real advice but I know how hard it really is.
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:53 PM
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Cradle2crayons Cradle2crayons is offline
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Doing daycare AND parenting can sometimes be hard to juggle.

I think sometimes it's easy for our own kids to feel jealous and/or slighted and feel like just any other kid.

My best advice is to give them their own space. Make their toys in their room theirs and don't make them share their stuff.

Give them a few special privileges just don't make them known to the other kids.

Try to separate your home life from your work life as much as possible.

Of course I say this as I have two dck overnight tonight lol
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