Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Toy Hoarding
sly red cid 09:43 AM 05-31-2013
What do I do with this almost 4yr.old DCG that hoards toys she does not want others to have?She hides tons of things between chairs behind the couch anywhere the very littles can not reach. She does not play with said toys just hides them. When I'm aware something is 'missing' I look for the days stash and put them all back for whole group. Not 2 min. later she's gathered up those same things or even different toys to hide. I've told her all toys are for sharing and that we do not hide things from the others. Any ideas how to curb this behavior(I could see her on Hoarders one day).
MrsSteinel'sHouse 09:47 AM 05-31-2013
I have the 3 yr old twin here! We really work on sharing, whenever anyone else shares with her I am sure to point it out. I also make sure she doesn't get her favorites all the time. Oh no B gets the pink ball today etc.
nannyde 10:21 AM 05-31-2013
Whenever she gets her "collection" completely together have her get up... go to the opposite side of the room... sit down.. and then call over the other kids to come and have at what she's put together.
EVERY time she does it say "oh sally... you are so sweet to get those toys for the other kids... come here other kids and see what sally did for you".
Then... when she's in the process of building the hoard you say "Sally you are doing great getting toys FOR your friends. You are a great friend".
The only way the hoard works if she has proximity control over it and the others can't get to it... so move her WAY away to where she can SEE it and then invite her guests to come see what she made/has for them.
Rinse and repeat.
Toy hoarding is really a way to not play toys. She's using them as a place marker to make it look like she's actually doing something when really her only activity is guarding. So in order for her to actively play the only useful part of her behavior is gathering the hoard. So she can play toys by gathering a hoard for her friends consumption... all day every day. That's good enough playing toys for me. It will keep her up and moving and touching toys. The key is to get to the hoard right when she gets to the guarding part of the process and move her AWAY. The kids then dismantle her hoard... and disperse it.. Then she can start rebuilding.
And so it goes....
She'll get bored with the hoard soon enough. NEVER discuss sharing. Don't say SHARING. Always asume she's GIVING the kids her collection. They don't have to share with her and you don't expect her to share with them. It's collect... then give... collect... then give. No sharing... just completely surrendering it to her mates.
EVERY time she does it say "oh sally... you are so sweet to get those toys for the other kids... come here other kids and see what sally did for you".
Then... when she's in the process of building the hoard you say "Sally you are doing great getting toys FOR your friends. You are a great friend".
The only way the hoard works if she has proximity control over it and the others can't get to it... so move her WAY away to where she can SEE it and then invite her guests to come see what she made/has for them.
Rinse and repeat.
Toy hoarding is really a way to not play toys. She's using them as a place marker to make it look like she's actually doing something when really her only activity is guarding. So in order for her to actively play the only useful part of her behavior is gathering the hoard. So she can play toys by gathering a hoard for her friends consumption... all day every day. That's good enough playing toys for me. It will keep her up and moving and touching toys. The key is to get to the hoard right when she gets to the guarding part of the process and move her AWAY. The kids then dismantle her hoard... and disperse it.. Then she can start rebuilding.
And so it goes....
She'll get bored with the hoard soon enough. NEVER discuss sharing. Don't say SHARING. Always asume she's GIVING the kids her collection. They don't have to share with her and you don't expect her to share with them. It's collect... then give... collect... then give. No sharing... just completely surrendering it to her mates.
sally 11:00 AM 05-31-2013
I have a 2 yr old dcb who hoards toys too except he carries them all until he can't hold anymore. He doesn't really want to play with them but he doesn't want anyone else to play with them either. When I make him put them down he runs off. Any advice for a 2 yr old?
MrsSteinel'sHouse 11:14 AM 05-31-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Whenever she gets her "collection" completely together have her get up... go to the opposite side of the room... sit down.. and then call over the other kids to come and have at what she's put together.
EVERY time she does it say "oh sally... you are so sweet to get those toys for the other kids... come here other kids and see what sally did for you".
Then... when she's in the process of building the hoard you say "Sally you are doing great getting toys FOR your friends. You are a great friend".
The only way the hoard works if she has proximity control over it and the others can't get to it... so move her WAY away to where she can SEE it and then invite her guests to come see what she made/has for them.
Rinse and repeat.
Toy hoarding is really a way to not play toys. She's using them as a place marker to make it look like she's actually doing something when really her only activity is guarding. So in order for her to actively play the only useful part of her behavior is gathering the hoard. So she can play toys by gathering a hoard for her friends consumption... all day every day. That's good enough playing toys for me. It will keep her up and moving and touching toys. The key is to get to the hoard right when she gets to the guarding part of the process and move her AWAY. The kids then dismantle her hoard... and disperse it.. Then she can start rebuilding.
And so it goes....
She'll get bored with the hoard soon enough. NEVER discuss sharing. Don't say SHARING. Always asume she's GIVING the kids her collection. They don't have to share with her and you don't expect her to share with them. It's collect... then give... collect... then give. No sharing... just completely surrendering it to her mates.
Whenever she gets her "collection" completely together have her get up... go to the opposite side of the room... sit down.. and then call over the other kids to come and have at what she's put together.
EVERY time she does it say "oh sally... you are so sweet to get those toys for the other kids... come here other kids and see what sally did for you".
Then... when she's in the process of building the hoard you say "Sally you are doing great getting toys FOR your friends. You are a great friend".
The only way the hoard works if she has proximity control over it and the others can't get to it... so move her WAY away to where she can SEE it and then invite her guests to come see what she made/has for them.
Rinse and repeat.
Toy hoarding is really a way to not play toys. She's using them as a place marker to make it look like she's actually doing something when really her only activity is guarding. So in order for her to actively play the only useful part of her behavior is gathering the hoard. So she can play toys by gathering a hoard for her friends consumption... all day every day. That's good enough playing toys for me. It will keep her up and moving and touching toys. The key is to get to the hoard right when she gets to the guarding part of the process and move her AWAY. The kids then dismantle her hoard... and disperse it.. Then she can start rebuilding.
And so it goes....
She'll get bored with the hoard soon enough. NEVER discuss sharing. Don't say SHARING. Always asume she's GIVING the kids her collection. They don't have to share with her and you don't expect her to share with them. It's collect... then give... collect... then give. No sharing... just completely surrendering it to her mates.
3 yr old will then pitch up, sit on naughty chair.... Repeat..
LeslieG 11:18 AM 05-31-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Whenever she gets her "collection" completely together have her get up... go to the opposite side of the room... sit down.. and then call over the other kids to come and have at what she's put together.
EVERY time she does it say "oh sally... you are so sweet to get those toys for the other kids... come here other kids and see what sally did for you".
Then... when she's in the process of building the hoard you say "Sally you are doing great getting toys FOR your friends. You are a great friend".
The only way the hoard works if she has proximity control over it and the others can't get to it... so move her WAY away to where she can SEE it and then invite her guests to come see what she made/has for them.
Rinse and repeat.
Toy hoarding is really a way to not play toys. She's using them as a place marker to make it look like she's actually doing something when really her only activity is guarding. So in order for her to actively play the only useful part of her behavior is gathering the hoard. So she can play toys by gathering a hoard for her friends consumption... all day every day. That's good enough playing toys for me. It will keep her up and moving and touching toys. The key is to get to the hoard right when she gets to the guarding part of the process and move her AWAY. The kids then dismantle her hoard... and disperse it.. Then she can start rebuilding.
And so it goes....
She'll get bored with the hoard soon enough. NEVER discuss sharing. Don't say SHARING. Always asume she's GIVING the kids her collection. They don't have to share with her and you don't expect her to share with them. It's collect... then give... collect... then give. No sharing... just completely surrendering it to her mates.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I will be trying this with my 3 year old dcb.Whenever she gets her "collection" completely together have her get up... go to the opposite side of the room... sit down.. and then call over the other kids to come and have at what she's put together.
EVERY time she does it say "oh sally... you are so sweet to get those toys for the other kids... come here other kids and see what sally did for you".
Then... when she's in the process of building the hoard you say "Sally you are doing great getting toys FOR your friends. You are a great friend".
The only way the hoard works if she has proximity control over it and the others can't get to it... so move her WAY away to where she can SEE it and then invite her guests to come see what she made/has for them.
Rinse and repeat.
Toy hoarding is really a way to not play toys. She's using them as a place marker to make it look like she's actually doing something when really her only activity is guarding. So in order for her to actively play the only useful part of her behavior is gathering the hoard. So she can play toys by gathering a hoard for her friends consumption... all day every day. That's good enough playing toys for me. It will keep her up and moving and touching toys. The key is to get to the hoard right when she gets to the guarding part of the process and move her AWAY. The kids then dismantle her hoard... and disperse it.. Then she can start rebuilding.
And so it goes....
She'll get bored with the hoard soon enough. NEVER discuss sharing. Don't say SHARING. Always asume she's GIVING the kids her collection. They don't have to share with her and you don't expect her to share with them. It's collect... then give... collect... then give. No sharing... just completely surrendering it to her mates.
MotherNature 08:50 AM 06-03-2013
I'm going to try this too. Thanks for the suggestion! I have a 3 yo dcb here whose hoarding has gotten worse lately.
cheerfuldom 09:15 AM 06-03-2013
I do what nanny does but I guess I didnt even realize it. If a kid is hoarding, I have them turn over the collection to someone else and they are directed to a different activity....making it impossible to continue hoarding and guarding. I also dont necessarily have the kids share. I teach them to give or to trade. I dont think kids under 2 really "get" sharing at all so expecting them to do that is just a lost cause. Even many 2 year olds don't get it yet. I dont expect them to do sharing until I can see that they are developmentally capable of the concept. Learning that giving is fun, trading is makes everyone happy, and that none of the toys belong to them are the foundations before we learn to share.
sharlan 12:59 PM 06-03-2013
I just went through this with my 3 1/2 yo. I spent half the day hunting down toys.
I finally started taking the toys and putting them up. I set a box on the counter. I told her that she couldn't play with those toys for a week as I handed them to the littles to play with.
It took about a week before she got the message.
I finally started taking the toys and putting them up. I set a box on the counter. I told her that she couldn't play with those toys for a week as I handed them to the littles to play with.
It took about a week before she got the message.