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  #1  
Old 03-03-2014, 07:49 AM
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Kcole1075 Kcole1075 is offline
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Default 8 year old DCG

I know the feeling of some of you on school age kids and I qm starting to feel the same.

So I have a dcg who is 8. I have watched this girl off and on since she was two.

On friday she agrued with everything I aaked her to do. Mostly pick up her toys. She has the attitude of a preteen.

The thing I am having an issue with is her manipulation. She says she doesnt want to do something then when some one else Goes to do it she screams she was just kidding. Last week she took her brothers favorite toy (he has had it his whole life ) just to tease him so she didnt have to wait her turn for a toy. I never let her get away with her manipulation. And on friday she tried to manipulate me by saying she doesnt wajt to come here anymore and if she leaves brother wont come either. Then she started screaming about how she had a bad day again trying to get me to feel bad for her

I talked to mom quickly about her behavior friday but I know this family and I know nothing was done about it. I want to have a full conversation with mom about her behavior .

I am going to get her a book to write her agruments down in so that we can discuss them later .

How would you handle the manipulation?
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Old 03-03-2014, 09:19 AM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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I think you are already doing WAY too much here. Either this girl is able to behave in your care or she is not. Sounds like she has outgrown your daycare anyway. I wouldnt waste my breath discussing with parents and trying to do something like a journal. I dont have time to retrain kids that are here only randomly. I would term.
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Old 03-03-2014, 09:21 AM
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Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
I think you are already doing WAY too much here. Either this girl is able to behave in your care or she is not. Sounds like she has outgrown your daycare anyway. I wouldnt waste my breath discussing with parents and trying to do something like a journal. I dont have time to retrain kids that are here only randomly. I would term.


Yup, time to move on. I speak from painful experience when I say it's not worth having her continue to come, even if the dcp's pull the younger sib.
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Old 03-03-2014, 09:32 AM
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When I say off and on it was more like I babysat for the toddler years, was her nanny from kinder to beginning of second grade and now ahe comes yo my daycare.

She was right the other day when she said if she doesnt come the brother doesn't come. But I also mom has no one else to pick up dcg from school and dcb from preschool.

She used to be better when she was with me all day but it has been over a year and her parents fall for her b.s. so now all her old habits are back.
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Old 03-03-2014, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Kcole1075 View Post
She was right the other day when she said if she doesnt come the brother doesn't come.
So you are saying you don't want to term because you will lose DCB (her brother) too?

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Originally Posted by Kcole1075 View Post
But I also mom has no one else to pick up dcg from school and dcb from preschool.
So because the parent has no one else to pick up the DCG from school, you are saying it is YOUR issue to HAVE to deal with this behavior?

...just looking for some clarification.
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Old 03-03-2014, 09:38 AM
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I guess I will start advertising. Terming is going to be the hardest thing because dcg's brother is 4 and been with me almost his whole life. Mom wants me to watch him next year because he is going to transitional kindergarten next year and she knows I am willing to do half days but I don't want sister anymore.
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Old 03-03-2014, 09:42 AM
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So you are saying you don't want to term because you will lose DCB (her brother) too?



So because the parent has no one else to pick up the DCG from school, you are saying it is YOUR issue to HAVE to deal with this behavior?

...just looking for some clarification.
I don't want to lose brother. But thats because I am very attached

And I was saying dcg was kinda right but then again I know mom has no one else to pick them up so she might not pull them. She might actually work on the behavior because she has no one else.
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Old 03-03-2014, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Kcole1075 View Post
I guess I will start advertising. Terming is going to be the hardest thing because dcg's brother is 4 and been with me almost his whole life. Mom wants me to watch him next year because he is going to transitional kindergarten next year and she knows I am willing to do half days but I don't want sister anymore.
If the parents truly value YOU and YOUR program then they WILL find a way to "fix" this issue.

You can let them know you are willing to work on it IF they do the work at home and follow through each time the DCG is rude or mean.

Otherwise, you really only have two options. Put up with it or term.

If you are simply convenient and not valued, then I wouldn't care if they left.

You also need to remember that YOU are attached to DCB and that those attachments (provider to child) are normal but families don't always attach to us in the same way.....kwim?
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Old 03-03-2014, 10:00 AM
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The family is family friends. I am not sure how attaches the parents are to me but they know how attached I am not dcb and dcb is to me.

I feel like mom might work on it because of two reasons because I have always been there for her kids , and because I am willing to provide the care she needs when no one else in my area will.

But if mom isn't willing to work on it I will term. I am not going to let tgis bad behavior rub off on the other kids
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Old 03-03-2014, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Kcole1075 View Post
The family is family friends. I am not sure how attaches the parents are to me but they know how attached I am not dcb and dcb is to me.

I feel like mom might work on it because of two reasons because I have always been there for her kids , and because I am willing to provide the care she needs when no one else in my area will.

But if mom isn't willing to work on it I will term. I am not going to let tgis bad behavior rub off on the other kids
and dont forget, just term the older girl and make it clear that you still would love to keep the younger. you just are no longer a good fit for the older one.
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Old 03-03-2014, 11:41 AM
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I would have an honest talk with Mom and let her know what is going on.

At this point in my life, I am sooooooo done with schoolagers. I don't care if they come with younger siblings or not. The headache is just not worth it. I have changed my advertisng to say under 5.

My grandkids are different because they know how to behave in my home.
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Old 03-03-2014, 12:20 PM
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First off, I love SA. I would trade all toddlers/infants for kiddos 4+ years. I screen my parents HARD though and they always are on the same page as me. They want their children here and there are big consequences at home if I report bad behavior. Bad behavior in my DC program involves sitting, reflecting and apologizing. I have had dcks sit for 45 minutes+ with parents knowledge because they couldn't handle not sitting. Arguments with an adult earn you 10 minutes of flat sitting time here, and it can be added easily to your current time

In writing, tell dcm:
1) How you will be handling outbursts/bad behavior in daycare. Offer a sliding scale by level and length of outburst/issue. Discuss the inappropriateness of a child to argue with an adult - if you think the parent needs to be reminded about that.
2) Your expectations of her involvement in consequences for bad daycare behavior at home.
3) If there is not a cooperative approach to correcting the bad behavior in daycare, she will need to find alternative care.
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  #13  
Old 03-03-2014, 12:38 PM
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Kcole1075 Kcole1075 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TaylorTots View Post
First off, I love SA. I would trade all toddlers/infants for kiddos 4+ years. I screen my parents HARD though and they always are on the same page as me. They want their children here and there are big consequences at home if I report bad behavior. Bad behavior in my DC program involves sitting, reflecting and apologizing. I have had dcks sit for 45 minutes+ with parents knowledge because they couldn't handle not sitting. Arguments with an adult earn you 10 minutes of flat sitting time here, and it can be added easily to your current time

In writing, tell dcm:
1) How you will be handling outbursts/bad behavior in daycare. Offer a sliding scale by level and length of outburst/issue. Discuss the inappropriateness of a child to argue with an adult - if you think the parent needs to be reminded about that.
2) Your expectations of her involvement in consequences for bad daycare behavior at home.
3) If there is not a cooperative approach to correcting the bad behavior in daycare, she will need to find alternative care.
Dcg had to sit for 25 minutes the other day because I asked her to sit and take a breather because she was throwing a fit anr she refused to sit so I just kept adding time.

I know how dcm and dcd deal with it at home they either give in or ignore it. She gets her way a lot.

I am dreading picking her up in 2 hours.
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