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Old 10-03-2014, 04:39 AM
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sly red cid sly red cid is offline
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Default Need To Have A Talk With Parents Over Aggressive Behaviors

I have a DCB almost 3 that has been quite the challenge. Last Fri. he was the only one for almost 2 hrs at the end of the day, Mom is running very late, Dad had to go out of town...at pick up he went berserk...first running off then when he did come to Mom he was forcefully punching and kicking her and then several times head butted her(to the point she said 'that hurt')....no real verbal or other consequence....'Just oh you must be mad cause I'm late'(he had no idea of the time). Yesterday another family was here at pickup and they live close enough they walk over with wagon to carry their boys home (almost 3 and almost 2). DCB#1 gets in their wagon while other older brother gets on trike #1 Dads had brought. So the family with two boys are ready to get going and asked #1 to get out and so did #1s Dad...he went berserk again punching and kicking his Dad....while the other parents and kids were still here! Dcb1s Dad said nothing about his actions. I have had his aggression all day every day since he could walk. So this am I need to tell the parents this IS NOT OK. They need to have some kind of real consequence immediately.These 3 boys are hard to take all day........and now I see why. I am the bad one cause if that had been on my watch he would have gone into the highchair(the only thing can can contain him for time out) and lost all privileges for the next day and I will hold true to that here today. Previous to these two families picking up yesterday a third father was getting his Little one and noticed that #1 seems to have a listening problem...........ok running outside is fine UNLESS you are purposly charging your mates to the ground, with pushing arms and feet! I had #1 come and hold my hand for a couple minutes. What would ya'll do? I have his older (3rd grade)sister and she says he behaves at home as he does here.
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  #2  
Old 10-03-2014, 05:20 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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I'd straight up ask the parents what their plan is to curb their child's aggressive behaviors?

Give the issue to them and just state the facts:

DCB is aggressive with others
DCB is violent towards parents
DCB does not listen when told to stop
DCB is causing an issue with the other kids
DCB is in jeopardy of being kicked out of daycare for being aggressive.

What are YOU (parents) going to do about this?



I would simply state the issue AND the consequence if it isn't remedied.

I think often times parents wait for us to fix it or do give suggestions but this IS the family's problem as much as it is DCB's and if you let family know he could possibly lose his space in your program due to his aggressiveness, they might just step up and start supporting his need for a change.

If the parents asked for my assistance or advice in the matter, I would gladly help with ideas and suggestions but I refuse to do the hard work to fix an issue for someone who created it...kwim?

If they don't seem interested in working this out, you'll have to term for the benefit and safety of the others or deal with the fall out....and you know it rarely turns out well when you have an aggressive one that is allowed ot behave that way at home. It's like raking water.
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  #3  
Old 10-03-2014, 05:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I'd straight up ask the parents what their plan is to curb their child's aggressive behaviors?

Give the issue to them and just state the facts:

DCB is aggressive with others
DCB is violent towards parents
DCB does not listen when told to stop
DCB is causing an issue with the other kids
DCB is in jeopardy of being kicked out of daycare for being aggressive.

What are YOU (parents) going to do about this?



I would simply state the issue AND the consequence if it isn't remedied.

I think often times parents wait for us to fix it or do give suggestions but this IS the family's problem as much as it is DCB's and if you let family know he could possibly lose his space in your program due to his aggressiveness, they might just step up and start supporting his need for a change.

If the parents asked for my assistance or advice in the matter, I would gladly help with ideas and suggestions but I refuse to do the hard work to fix an issue for someone who created it...kwim?

If they don't seem interested in working this out, you'll have to term for the benefit and safety of the others or deal with the fall out....and you know it rarely turns out well when you have an aggressive one that is allowed ot behave that way at home. It's like raking water.
The magical, nice daycare lady has spoken and it is so.

Parents of aggressive chilren rarely take "criticism" of their aggressive child well and seem to want to pinpoint the blame ANYWHERE else but their own lack of parenting. So, be prepared and don't let that surprise you if they start wanting to know what has changed at YOUR program since you're just now addressing the issue in a big way or how are YOU correcting it because they "don't see this at home."
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Old 10-03-2014, 06:13 AM
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Default need to talk with parents about aggressive behaviors

This used to be the BITER boy. Yes I've kept him. Mom did not go away happy this am ...in fact in tears most likely. He came in and immediately hit at others. Mom tried to correct,he started the hitting, kicking while laying on the floor...then again at another kid......so I took over and put in highchair with timer for 3 min. Mom says maybe we shouldn't talk about this in front of him anymore. He recently(finally) got diagnosed with excema and is on antihistimines (they say) and cream(not a 'script cream though) --------he is still an itchy mess.Mom wanted to just take him home but she had to work...........I'm not sure where to tell her to get help.Thanks for all the input I will share with her.........
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Old 10-03-2014, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by sly red cid View Post
This used to be the BITER boy. Yes I've kept him. Mom did not go away happy this am ...in fact in tears most likely. He came in and immediately hit at others. Mom tried to correct,he started the hitting, kicking while laying on the floor...then again at another kid......so I took over and put in highchair with timer for 3 min. Mom says maybe we shouldn't talk about this in front of him anymore. He recently(finally) got diagnosed with excema and is on antihistimines (they say) and cream(not a 'script cream though) --------he is still an itchy mess.Mom wanted to just take him home but she had to work...........I'm not sure where to tell her to get help.Thanks for all the input I will share with her.........
Does your area have a local ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) program?

We have one here that offers parenting classes for parents in situations like this. One of the better ones they offer that you could suggest to this family is Love and Logic. I think you can find the courses other places too but it might be a good starting point.

If this mom truly does not know HOW to fix this, then she definitely needs the help and resources.

Here is a site for Love & Logic.... http://www.loveandlogic.com/

LOTS of fantastic help there!
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Old 10-03-2014, 07:03 AM
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I have the same child. He started here at 18 months, was a biter and was aggressive, aggressive to the other dck's and to mom and dad! Dcm and dcd both said he came from a daycare where the provider's son was aggressive and that's where he learned it from and that's why they pulled them. I said I would work with him and the biting kept going on and he was still aggressive. I talked with mom and dad and they were on board with working together to stop his negative behavior. I constantly had to redirect and shadow him, it was tough, but I stuck through it. He is still here and is now 3. His behavior did improve, but he can still be aggressive.

I will say that after this, I have learned that if I ever have a dck who is like this again, I would definitely give a time table of working with them and their parents and if the behavior didn't stop, I would term. This dcb was one of my first kids to come here and I thought I could handle it, but I was stressed to the max many days, looking back it wasn't worth it.
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Old 10-03-2014, 10:26 AM
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Overly aggressive children that injure other children on a regular basis, simply MUST BE TERMED. You WILL lose clients. I would put this family on probation immediately. "If another child is injured by your child, your child care services will be terminated immediately". I would not even entertain any kind of "action plan", you can't fix them all. You could find yourself with no clients if you keep the aggressive child.
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Old 10-03-2014, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist View Post
The magical, nice daycare lady has spoken and it is so.

Parents of aggressive chilren rarely take "criticism" of their aggressive child well and seem to want to pinpoint the blame ANYWHERE else but their own lack of parenting. So, be prepared and don't let that surprise you if they start wanting to know what has changed at YOUR program since you're just now addressing the issue in a big way or how are YOU correcting it because they "don't see this at home."
This!

I am always amazed when parents say they "don't see this at home." Especially when it's an only child. Yes, you don't see this at home because there isn't another child at home to bite, hit, kick, smack, steal toys, push over.
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  #9  
Old 10-03-2014, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia View Post
Overly aggressive children that injure other children on a regular basis, simply MUST BE TERMED. You WILL lose clients. I would put this family on probation immediately. "If another child is injured by your child, your child care services will be terminated immediately". I would not even entertain any kind of "action plan", you can't fix them all. You could find yourself with no clients if you keep the aggressive child.
This! He ATTACKED another day care parent! Who does that?!
That would he an immediate term here.
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  #10  
Old 10-03-2014, 03:35 PM
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It's time to tell them the violence on your property ends today. He can't be violent with his parents or anyone else. If he does it one more time he is out.

They need a place where he can be violent with adults and children. That's what works best for their family. It just isn't with you.

Time to tell them the gig is up. I wouldn't have lasted a day of this. I can't be around violence. It's too hard on me.
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  #11  
Old 10-03-2014, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
It's time to tell them the violence on your property ends today. He can't be violent with his parents or anyone else. If he does it one more time he is out.

They need a place where he can be violent with adults and children. That's what works best for their family. It just isn't with you.

Time to tell them the gig is up. I wouldn't have lasted a day of this. I can't be around violence. It's too hard on me.
I agree...NO one should have to put up with any form of violence. it does not matter that it is a child.

I enrolled a new child, monday was her first day, she hit me on tuesday and that was her last day. I replaced her on wednesday.

Never ever would I let a child act out in violence towards me or anyone else.
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