Daycare Parents Involving Me In Their Divorce.. WWYD?

A daycare families attending for about a year now are getting divorce and been speaking to me regarding their issues separately. I always politely says, that their son needs both of his parents and that I hope they will find common ground for everyone sake.

But the dad just asked me for logging of drop-offs and pick-ups to use in their divorce battle over custody.

First I dont have the drop-offs/pick ups because they never signed. And second I dont feel comfortable been in the middle of this.

Beside that they are a great family to have here so I dont want to perm because of this since it just started couple weeks ago and I hope that in couple months once everything is settle it will be back to normal here.

Anyone had a similar experience? What would you do?

[Sunchimes]

Ugh, mine did that too. It went so far that there was a court order requiring child to be at my house every day. I'm sorry. If Dad has the day off and wants to keep kid home and give me a break from this very, very difficult kid, what's the big deal? I'm suppose to call mom if this happens. I just refused. I said I didn't appreciate her dragging me into the legal aspects of her divorce and I wasn't going to be a tattletale. When dad kept him home, I just told him to call mom and tell her because they weren't going to drag me into it. He did, and I've never heard any more about it.

[LysesKids]

I explain that I am not to be pulled into the middle of custody/paternity battles or whatever... this is my policy

CUSTODY ISSUES: This daycare has no legal authority to refuse either parent the right to pick up their child unless a court has granted temporary or permanent custody to one parent or to a third party and I have been furnished with a copy of the order bearing the court's signature. I will write ONE CONTRACT per family and take payment from the contracting party/parties only; if parents share payments, it's between them on how one parent gets the fees from the other. The following was put in because of problems years ago that I do not want to repeat...

1. All custody issues must be resolved outside of the childcare; this includes paternity cases. If accusations are aimed at me because I refuse to take sides, I will sue the parents in court for liable and any damages that were done (this includes slandering my business and false charges called into CPS).
2. Problems between custodial & non-custodial parents or involving me in disputes in anyway will be cause for immediate termination after ONE warning. Non-notice termination fees in the amount of 2 weeks will apply.
3. I MUST HAVE custody paperwork showing in writing the terms including visitation rights and they may not interfere with my home life or business... this includes not making the daycare home the drop point between parents at anytime.
4. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex's parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.

NON CUSTODIAL PARENTS
1. Non custodial parent's must call and make an appointment to visit the daycare. The custodial parent must state in writing the terms of the visit and allowable times and it must match court documents. This also applies to phone calls and texting. (I deal with infants, so don't expect them to phone or text you; and yes, a parent actually expected this to happen)
2. Non custodial parents that cause problems when picking up their child at the daycare will be permanently barred from the premises. If you show back up, you will be charged with trespassing.
3. Do not call and ask me for information about your child. You will have to obtain this from the custodial parent.
4. Do not call and ask if your child is in care. I am not at liberty to divulge this information to anyone than those authorized on the child's forms. If you want this changed then go through the custodial parent for authorization. I am a daycare provider, not a mediator for custody issues.

[littletots]

Certainly an unfortunate situation all around. I agree with you. It's best that you honestly let both parents know up front you are not going to be in the middle. They can move on and keep you out of it.

Originally Posted by LysesKids

I explain that I am not to be pulled into the middle of custody/paternity battles or whatever... this is my policy

CUSTODY ISSUES: This daycare has no legal authority to refuse either parent the right to pick up their child unless a court has granted temporary or permanent custody to one parent or to a third party and I have been furnished with a copy of the order bearing the court's signature. I will write ONE CONTRACT per family and take payment from the contracting party/parties only; if parents share payments, it's between them on how one parent gets the fees from the other. The following was put in because of problems years ago that I do not want to repeat...

1. All custody issues must be resolved outside of the childcare; this includes paternity cases. If accusations are aimed at me because I refuse to take sides, I will sue the parents in court for liable and any damages that were done (this includes slandering my business and false charges called into CPS).
2. Problems between custodial & non-custodial parents or involving me in disputes in anyway will be cause for immediate termination after ONE warning. Non-notice termination fees in the amount of 2 weeks will apply.
3. I MUST HAVE custody paperwork showing in writing the terms including visitation rights and they may not interfere with my home life or business... this includes not making the daycare home the drop point between parents at anytime.
4. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex's parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.

NON CUSTODIAL PARENTS
1. Non custodial parent's must call and make an appointment to visit the daycare. The custodial parent must state in writing the terms of the visit and allowable times and it must match court documents. This also applies to phone calls and texting. (I deal with infants, so don't expect them to phone or text you; and yes, a parent actually expected this to happen)
2. Non custodial parents that cause problems when picking up their child at the daycare will be permanently barred from the premises. If you show back up, you will be charged with trespassing.
3. Do not call and ask me for information about your child. You will have to obtain this from the custodial parent.
4. Do not call and ask if your child is in care. I am not at liberty to divulge this information to anyone than those authorized on the child's forms. If you want this changed then go through the custodial parent for authorization. I am a daycare provider, not a mediator for custody issues.

I will add this to my contact in 2016, is great I didn't think about that!

What would you reply to the parent asking for documents? I was thinking to reply that anything requested from me should be sent via a group email (both of the parent plus me) so that they dont basically go around each other backs...?

One of the parent will like to start signing for the drop off and pick up sheets (great finally) but I dont want the other parent not to be aware of that and that been used against the other parent.

They are even talking to me separately about changing the days around so it seems that dont communicate. Is sad. Really sad.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

What would you reply to the parent asking for documents? I was thinking to reply that anything requested from me should be sent via a group email (both of the parent plus me) so that they dont basically go around each other backs...?

One of the parent will like to start signing for the drop off and pick up sheets (great finally) but I dont want the other parent not to be aware of that and that been used against the other parent.

They are even talking to me separately about changing the days around so it seems that dont communicate. Is sad. Really sad.

The following is a letter I use for all separating, divorcing or "divided" families. I think #5 is what you are needing to tell the parent requesting documentation about the other parent.

Feel free to copy, print and/or edit the letter as needed. Hope it's helpful

Dear Families,

Over the years I have noticed my role as child care provider can often create the impression that we are extended family. Because your child's welfare is so important, this care and nurturing can create an intimacy between us that makes us feel more like family than business partners. As a home daycare provider, I strive to foster this sense of community, and to provide the closeness you will not find in a child care center.

However, there does need to be well defined boundaries in certain areas. Some of you are currently in the process of redefining your families, and are struggling with court orders, custody issues, and feelings of estrangement. It is imperative I remind all of you that I must remain a neutral third party. As your child's advocate, their needs are my sole priority. Please keep in mind, this doesn't mean that I am unaware or unaffected by the turmoil you face; I am sorry for your pain and I do mourn the loss of your child's family as they have known it. Still, I can't let any feelings I have for you interfere with my role in providing your child a safe, neutral environment where they can express their own feelings of sadness or fear. In consideration of this, here is a list of some of the things you need to remember should you wish to keep you child enrolled at (name of child care facility):

1. My home is a safe haven for them; please refrain from expressing your sadness or frustration about your child's other parent (and perhaps their new significant other) within their presence. Your child is extremely perceptive and already knows how you feel; my home is one place they should be able to escape this tension.

2. Please provide me with any copies of legal documents I need regarding the custody or care arrangements for your child. Keep in mind that in the absence of any court documents, I cannot legally keep a child from his or her parent, and will not agree to any such arrangement.

3. Develop a well thought out plan for pick-up and drop-off. Do NOT make my driveway a place of confrontation. If you need to do a "switch" where the child moves from one parent's care to another during the course of the week, choose someplace else to do so.

4. Do NOT put me in the middle of any issues you have regarding child support payment or the payment for my services. Work out a plan for who is responsible to pay for your child's care and do so promptly and courteously. I know money is a primary point of contention in many separations -- do NOT make me ask for payment for my services or you will find yourself looking for a new child care provider.

5. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex-spouse's parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.

6. I do not participate in supervised visitation. My home is a "Home away from home" for many children and I need to consider the welfare of ALL my families when making decisions. I am a child care provider -- not a mediator or evaluator.

In summary, please minimize to the greatest degree possible, any disruption to your child's regular day at my home. Separation of a family is a big issue to young children, and my home may be the place of stability where they can work through their emotions and confusion.

If you have questions, please call me at 555-555-5555

I was summoned to court for a family once regarding the child's behavior after dad got part custody. I went and was never called to the stand. What a pita!

[Ariana]

A mother used an email I sent her privately with concerns about her child. I had suggested the child see a psychologist for stress as she would burst out crying and say some concerning things during their divorce. The poor thin was a wreck. Anyway the mom printed the email and brought it to the remediation meeting without asking for my permission. In the end the child got the help she needed but as soon as the psychologist started questioning the mother about her negative behavior the mom pulled them out of therapy. The mother fully expected for this to be the proof she needed to get rid of the dad.

Anyway even with my policies in my contract those types of things can happen so be very careful with any correspondence.

We've had two sets of divorced parents ask for sign in/out sheets for the other parent to view and one was a VERY nasty divorce.

[MarinaVanessa]

I would send a letter like BC's (and actually I use a letter based of it and give it to every family that is separated or that goes through a separation.

I also make it clear that I do not give copies of any paperwork other than what is typical nor do I fill out any sheets (behavior, questionnaires etc.) or answer any questions about the other parent unless I am court ordered to do so.

I am Switzerland.

[grandmom]

I used Black Cat's letter once too. It had great results. The parents knew they could not use me in the middle. Thanks for sharing it.

[Thriftylady]

Black Cat always has such great letters! Luckily I haven't had to use it but ten years ago when I had parents who never married and were on again off again I wish I had it.

Long story short a separated couple joined my daycare. Gave them the contract and they never brought it back. Fast forwards 6 months and I have them anther one to fill out so I can complete their tax receipt. I don't have their last name or address to add to it. Usually I am on top of these things but life got me busy and I never noticed. Would you still hand out the receipt? I'm not sure the best way to handle this. In 8 years never dealt with this, so seeking advice. Thanks!

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Long story short a separated couple joined my daycare. Gave them the contract and they never brought it back. Fast forwards 6 months and I have them anther one to fill out so I can complete their tax receipt. I don't have their last name or address to add to it. Usually I am on top of these things but life got me busy and I never noticed. Would you still hand out the receipt? I'm not sure the best way to handle this. In 8 years never dealt with this, so seeking advice. Thanks!

You gave them a contract but they never returned it...
You don't know their last name or address
It's been 6+ months...

A receipt for what?

Did you provide services for them without knowing any of that information??

Are you licensed or legally unlicensed? My state wouldn't not allow me to provide services without that information on file in the child's folder.

It seems odd to me that you don't know that info but yet kept the child.

[thrivingchildcarecom]

Over the years I have had similar issues with families. I think you are right. I would just state that you wish the best for the families, but professionally (as their provider) you do not wish to be involved in matters of custody or their divorce proceedings.

[Mom2Two]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

You gave them a contract but they never returned it...
You don't know their last name or address
It's been 6+ months...

A receipt for what?

Did you provide services for them without knowing any of that information??

Are you licensed or legally unlicensed? My state wouldn't not allow me to provide services without that information on file in the child's folder.

It seems odd to me that you don't know that info but yet kept the child.

Seriously, BC. Maybe poster didn't explain well, but the way she wrote the post made it sound like she gave six months of care without knowing their last name.

[Pandaluver21]

I have been in a couple situations like this. Twice, sadly, was with my family members. In those cases I obviously had a "side" so it was a little different.
Anything else I have said that I am happy to provide any paper work to BOTH parents (two copies of everything, even if only one parent asks for it) Receipts are only with the person who paid and I do not issue replacements if they are lost.
It's all about how much your are comfortable with.

[renodeb]

I had a family for a long time and one day the Dad tells me that the are getting a divorce. It was a really bad divorce, lots of he said/she said. If something came up I would call whoevers week it was and if I could not get a hold of that parent then i would call the other parent. Then the parent would call me asking why the other parent was calling them and balling them out.
Court dates drug out for months, Dad even asked me to write a letter stating that the kids were well taken care of and stuff. I foolishly said yes, took time out of my busy schedule to write it and guess what? They never even took it out of the envelope. I was so mad and now I just try and stay out of it and just care for the kids.
They need to know that you dont want to be in the middle of the mess.

[hwichlaz]

Both parents have the right to their child's records unless I have court documents stating otehrwise, so ofcourse I'd furnish them. I will NOT manufacture of produce new documentation though. And I will not entertain negative comments about either parent in my home.