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  #1  
Old 02-02-2016, 06:41 AM
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Good morning ladies, Sorry this is long....

I have wrote on here before regarding a little one that I have who is not eating.
This child is will be 17 months on the 19th of this month.
I let mom know about 3 weeks ago that I was no longer giving child baby food from Jars and packets. That if mom says that child is eating with no help and concern at home then child should be able to do it here as well. It's been about 3 to 4 weeks and child is still not eating. Child will eat cheerios, cookies, slowly eat nutra-grain cereal bars. I left a note in child's log book letting dad know at pick up that they needed to bring in left over dinner and snacks for child for the week. Mom comes in this morning and asked about the eating. I tell mom that child is still not eating, and that for the next week or two that they need to bring in left over dinner or make something for child in morning along with snacks, to see if that will help child to eat. Moms like oh well child's eating lots at home, and that child does not like left overs at all child only likes fresh foods. She like how are you putting food out for child ( I tell her that I put it on her plate and even give child first bite, at which child shakes head and fusses ), and that she has spoken to her Dr. about it and the Dr.'s not worried. I said well for the next week or so we'll try this because child needs to be eating and child is not here. Mom did not look happy at all, and then say well there is these in her bag because child likes sucking on them, I reach into bag to get the packet and this is what mom put in for child ( PC Organics Biologique - Peach Maple Cobbler, PC Organics Biologique - Mango Apple Carrot Peach, Heinz - blueberry, Heinz - Mixed Fruit, Heinz - Bartlett Pears ).... So far this morning I put on child's tray for am snack - fresh blueberries, 3 slices of kiwi, hand full of multi-grain cheerio's child only ate cheerio's, played with rest.
I'm at my wits end on what to do or say to mom... I also told mom that I am concerned that child is not doing things that child should be at child's age, ( like raising arms to be picked up, fine motor grip, etc... moms like child is fine I not concerned and the Dr's not either Dr. says child is fine...

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!! any way possible (should I give child baby food instead of table foods? Do I fight and force child to eat the baby foods and listen to child scream and then get sick? Tell mom that I am not giving child baby food for if child is old enough and is doing it at home then child no longer needs that food?).

This is my other post below....

What age should you be concerned or stop helping a child eat.

I have a little one who is 16 months old on the 19th of this month. This child is still on jar baby food, I have tried adult table foods will not eat, unless I finger feed it. Mom say child eats lots of table foods at home but she feeds the child the first bite by finger then says child eats rest by self, says child will not eat the baby food for them anymore. I have tried to get child to hold spoon and child has no interest or fine motor grip for holding it (child does have some fine motor skills).

This is a list of foods mom says child eats
-Bologna
-Cheese
-Sandwiches cut in quarters
-Toast
-Pasta / Spaghetti
-Pork Chops ( shredded when cut)
-Chicken (shredded when cut)
-Roast beef (shredded when cut)
-Bananas (not cut, likes it whole but you need to hold it)
-French Fries
(Does not like ketchup or anything with ketchup taste)

We had roast, mash potato, corn, carrots today and child sat for 20 mins not eating even after I had gave first bit, I ended up feeding child jar food.

Should I just keep feeding child the jar food, and feed child by my hand? Should I say something to mom and then hear (oh child is fine I'm not concerned older child was the same) etc...
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Old 02-02-2016, 06:45 AM
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I have to wonder if the reason mom doesn't want to bring in food is that they are only eating processed junk at home. Honestly I wouldn't worry about it unless I saw the child loosing weight or something. If mom reports that child is eating well at home, it is likely that child is "holding out" for what is served at home. I wouldn't fight it. I would offer what we are having and leave it at that.
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Old 02-02-2016, 06:51 AM
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If child is eating at home, then I would put the food on the tray and leave her to eat or not. If she is hungry, she will eat.

Of course, this is offered based on dcm's assurances that all is well. I had one child who would not eat during the day for me. She ate a big breakfast at home, big dinner in the evening. She was extremely picky. So after talking to dcm, we decided that I would offer, she would eat or not. This was an older child, though.

If YOU are seeing other areas of concern, and are concerned about the no eating during the day, I would just put it out to dcm, that:
- she needs to provide the food. Period.
Once you can see that child will/can eat, you will return to providing food.

It is so hard to say b/c we don't have full story. Is child underweight? Appear small for their size? Etc etc.

If yes to above, then I would give child 2-3 weeks to show improvement and then term. Telling dcm all of this and the why. (I would term if there were health issues and child wouldn't eat for me... and this is exactly what I would tell dcm: that child needs to be in a program where she is comfortable enough to eat.)

If child seems healthy otherwise, I would just continue to offer. If child is hungry, she will eat. This is assuming breakfast and dinner at home. So really she is only missing out on lunch and snacks. It's not a terribly healthy way to get food in, though.

Honestly, it sounds like this child is picky. Knows that if she holds out, will get crackers, bars, cookies. Purees, food pouches. I wouldn't even offer her the option anymore. Who is providing these foods? Dcm or you? Do you provide meals/food in your dc program?

I would also stop feeding the child. If she can pick up cheerios, crackers, bars, etc then she is quite capable of feeding herself other stuff.
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Old 02-02-2016, 06:56 AM
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You need to REQUIRE NOT ask for two things:
  • A FULL diagnosis or write up from the Dr that child is eating and well within the spectrum they should be at for their age.
  • A VIDEO of the child eating like mom claims at home. A FULL video of child eating a FULL meal.

If mom cannot supply those two things I would not move forward and would terminate care.

I cannot help a child if the parent does not FIRST help the child.

I call BS on everything the mom/dad are saying and would not agree to provide care until you have received the documentation required above to move forward

Without that info you are just treading water and not at all moving forward.

Something is fundamentally wrong here and you need to get to the truth before you can make your next move.

If mom refuses to supply those things then term. It's too much of a liability to you and there is NO WAY I'd be willing to put everything I've worked for on the line for a parent that can't be honest for their own child's benefit
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Old 02-02-2016, 07:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by childcaremom View Post
If child is eating at home, then I would put the food on the tray and leave her to eat or not. If she is hungry, she will eat.

Of course, this is offered based on dcm's assurances that all is well. I had one child who would not eat during the day for me. She ate a big breakfast at home, big dinner in the evening. She was extremely picky. So after talking to dcm, we decided that I would offer, she would eat or not. This was an older child, though.

If YOU are seeing other areas of concern, and are concerned about the no eating during the day, I would just put it out to dcm, that:
- she needs to provide the food. Period.
Once you can see that child will/can eat, you will return to providing food.
Child can eat, I have seen child eat here and there, just no fruits, veggies, pastas, depending on meat...
It is so hard to say b/c we don't have full story. Is child underweight? Appear small for their size? Etc etc.
Child is 21.8lbs, is on the thinner side to ones I've had in past...
If yes to above, then I would give child 2-3 weeks to show improvement and then term. Telling dcm all of this and the why. (I would term if there were health issues and child wouldn't eat for me... and this is exactly what I would tell dcm: that child needs to be in a program where she is comfortable enough to eat.)

If child seems healthy otherwise, I would just continue to offer. If child is hungry, she will eat. This is assuming breakfast and dinner at home. So really she is only missing out on lunch and snacks. It's not a terribly healthy way to get food in, though.

Honestly, it sounds like this child is picky. Knows that if she holds out, will get crackers, bars, cookies. Purees, food pouches. I wouldn't even offer her the option anymore. Who is providing these foods? Dcm or you? Do you provide meals/food in your dc program?
I supply 2 snacks Am & Pm, lunch. I only ask for infant food (jar)/formula/breast milk if nursing/diapers/wipes/bum cream/ sun cream/clothes, once they start eating table foods then they no longer bring in baby food (jar)/formula....Which is usually around the 1yr mark....
I would also stop feeding the child. If she can pick up cheerios, crackers, bars, etc then she is quite capable of feeding herself other stuff.
.....

Thank you... I answered in red.....
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Old 02-02-2016, 08:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
You need to REQUIRE NOT ask for two things:
  • A FULL diagnosis or write up from the Dr that child is eating and well within the spectrum they should be at for their age.
  • A VIDEO of the child eating like mom claims at home. A FULL video of child eating a FULL meal.

If mom cannot supply those two things I would not move forward and would terminate care.

I cannot help a child if the parent does not FIRST help the child.

I call BS on everything the mom/dad are saying and would not agree to provide care until you have received the documentation required above to move forward

Without that info you are just treading water and not at all moving forward.

Something is fundamentally wrong here and you need to get to the truth before you can make your next move.

If mom refuses to supply those things then term. It's too much of a liability to you and there is NO WAY I'd be willing to put everything I've worked for on the line for a parent that can't be honest for their own child's benefit
Thank you BlackCat... I full agree, unfortunatly mom is not going to give me a Dr.'s note nor a video of child eating.. I can hear it now.. ( There's no way I'm not doing that because child is eating fine at home and I'm not paying for a note from the Dr. when the Dr. is not concerned at all and neither am I...).
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Old 02-02-2016, 08:06 AM
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You know instinctively, like we all do, that this child is not doing any of these things at home and that mom has not taken her to the Dr. (Although she may have taken her to the Dr as docs are not that bright IMO when it comes to nutrition)
At this point you have two options:
-Stop worrying and go about your business. She is the mother who is clearly not concerned and you will just burn yourself out trying.
- terminate care for communication failure between parent and provider.

The child is clearly getting some form of nutrition or she would be dead. Therefore she is not being neglected so you have no reason to be overly concerned...besides the fact that you are a good person and good mother yourself. Not everyone parents the way you do and you have to accept that or you will burn out. I have a child with a major speech delay. Parents don't care and have no intention of getting her help. I know this is going to impact the child negatively going forward but in all honesty what can I do? They pay me to provide care, which I am doing in the best possible way I can. I have terminated in the past for major parental denial because it was impacting me and my business including the other children. This speech delay is not impacting me that much. How much is this mom and this kids eating impacting you and your business? Weigh the pros and cons before termination.
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Old 02-02-2016, 08:12 AM
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If you like child and need the tuition I would just give what you are serving.Tell mom you want child to have a large breakfast at home.Give snack that all the other kids are having.Lunch just serve same as everyone. If they get hungry enough they will eat,or go home hungry.If they eat enough to not fuss all day they can have a big dinner at home.Very stressful for you .
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Old 02-02-2016, 08:35 AM
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So you asked Mom to bring foods child would eat and she brought purees?

Is the child walking? Talking at all? Making eye contact? Pretending with babies/phones? Any other developmental concerns other than food?

A child this age in my program would be on all table foods, in a toddler size chair, and weaning off of a sippy cup. I have only struggled with TWO children this age unable to do so. One is a brand new 18mo (just spoke to Mom- he grazes at home. They're going to put a stop to that and work on sitting at meals) and the other I termed, was 2, taking two 30 minute naps, needing to be rocked to sleep, and anything other than the TINIEST diced food,would gag. Also, severe speech delay.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:01 AM
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Dcm is unconcerned? I find that very strange behavior that a parent would be unconcerned with their child not eating all day.

Is the child sturdy? If so, I would agree dcm is embarrassed by what foods she feeds him.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:42 AM
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Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
So you asked Mom to bring foods child would eat and she brought purees?
Yes, I asked that they bring in what they had for dinner ( for left overs ), so that I could see who child eat their foods, Mom brought in what I listed above the baby purees...
Is the child walking? Talking at all? Making eye contact? Pretending with babies/phones? Any other developmental concerns other than food?
Child just started not long ago, I feel for child's age that child could/should be a little more sturdy on feet, child is very wobble still. Mom's not concerned about that either....Makes eye contact but tries not to likes to blink and look away.....does not do much pretend with babies or phones just holds them.... fine motor, speech, little hearing....are just some that I am a little concerned about.... Older sibling has issues as well which the school is also concerned about.. they asked mom to get him an educational assessment done and she right out refused and said she's not doing that... that her and the Dr both say that its only because of child's age....
A child this age in my program would be on all table foods, in a toddler size chair, and weaning off of a sippy cup. I have only struggled with TWO children this age unable to do so. One is a brand new 18mo (just spoke to Mom- he grazes at home. They're going to put a stop to that and work on sitting at meals) and the other I termed, was 2, taking two 30 minute naps, needing to be rocked to sleep, and anything other than the TINIEST diced food,would gag. Also, severe speech delay.I am the same this is the first other then the sibling who is not... This child is still on bottle and sippy cup as well, must have warmed in order to drink, I stopped giving bottle in playpen a few month back, mom commented on that this morning as well when I told her that child has only been chewing on nipple instead of drinking it...

Thanks again ladies....
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:42 AM
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At this age I expect a toddler to be able to eat independently, use their spoon at least a good portion of the time, and eat a variety of foods (same foods I serve everyone.) I would not do anything special without a dr's note stating what is needed and why. I use booster seats to raise them to table height, but they eat off a plate like all the other kids rather than off a tray. I eat with them to model good eating habits, but I expect them to be responsible for their own meal. Yesterday my 17mo kept dropping his diced peaches off of his fork and was becoming frustrated. I did help him with about 3 of them showing him how to stab in the middle and scoop to pick it up. Then I let him finish putting it in his mouth. I don't mind helping/modeling, but I do expect that they will take the initiative and really try.

It sounds like this child has other concerns if they are not reaching to be picked up or using fine motor skills at all. If I was genuinely concerned that there was something medically wrong that could put me or my business at risk I would definitely tell mom that I would no longer continue care unless these issues are addressed. If it's more of a frustration for you rather than a genuine issue for the child I would say serve your meals just like you do for the other kids. If the child eats it great. If they don't, let mom deal with it when they get home. Since you're the one who knows how serious the delays are, you'll just have to decide how much of a battle you're willing to make it. Either way, I would definitely stop offering purees, jar food, and anything special outside of what the others are offered.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:46 AM
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Originally Posted by midaycare View Post
Dcm is unconcerned? I find that very strange behavior that a parent would be unconcerned with their child not eating all day.
I'm with you on that one, I would be and am concerned, and child is not even mine...treat them like they are... I think that is why it's soo hard for me..
Is the child sturdy? If so, I would agree dcm is embarrassed by what foods she feeds him.child likes to slouch in high chair, I put a blanket behind child for child to sit up straight, when I pick child up to change or to put any where child does a dead weight flop.... Does not try to hold on with arm/hands or legs/feet.....
Thanks
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted by mia View Post
Thank you BlackCat... I full agree, unfortunatly mom is not going to give me a Dr.'s note nor a video of child eating.. I can hear it now.. ( There's no way I'm not doing that because child is eating fine at home and I'm not paying for a note from the Dr. when the Dr. is not concerned at all and neither am I...).
I kind of agree with BC about terming then. Mom can say all she wants the child eats at home. And honestly the child must eat at home or wouldn't be around! But my question is WHAT the child is eating at home and I am betting it is all junk. I just wouldn't want to keep being the one fighting the battle. That being said, I fully know it isn't always easy to just term, we do need money. So maybe start looking to fill the spot. We are not monkeys. If parents want providers who will act like trained monkeys, they can go to the zoo lol.
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Old 02-02-2016, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by mamamanda View Post
At this age I expect a toddler to be able to eat independently, use their spoon at least a good portion of the time, and eat a variety of foods (same foods I serve everyone.) I would not do anything special without a dr's note stating what is needed and why. I use booster seats to raise them to table height, but they eat off a plate like all the other kids rather than off a tray. I eat with them to model good eating habits, but I expect them to be responsible for their own meal. Yesterday my 17mo kept dropping his diced peaches off of his fork and was becoming frustrated. I did help him with about 3 of them showing him how to stab in the middle and scoop to pick it up. Then I let him finish putting it in his mouth. I don't mind helping/modeling, but I do expect that they will take the initiative and really try.
This is what I do as well, all my other children even the ones in the past have all figured it out very quickly....
It sounds like this child has other concerns if they are not reaching to be picked up or using fine motor skills at all. If I was genuinely concerned that there was something medically wrong that could put me or my business at risk I would definitely tell mom that I would no longer continue care unless these issues are addressed. If it's more of a frustration for you rather than a genuine issue for the child I would say serve your meals just like you do for the other kids. If the child eats it great. If they don't, let mom deal with it when they get home. Since you're the one who knows how serious the delays are, you'll just have to decide how much of a battle you're willing to make it. Either way, I would definitely stop offering purees, jar food, and anything special outside of what the others are offered.On my end it is a concern more then a frustration.. mind you there are days when I know that child is full able to do something that it does become a frustration thing and in those cases I just walk away and continue on with my programming...

Thanks.....
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Old 02-02-2016, 10:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Thriftylady View Post
I kind of agree with BC about terming then. Mom can say all she wants the child eats at home. And honestly the child must eat at home or wouldn't be around! But my question is WHAT the child is eating at home and I am betting it is all junk. I just wouldn't want to keep being the one fighting the battle. That being said, I fully know it isn't always easy to just term, we do need money. So maybe start looking to fill the spot. We are not monkeys. If parents want providers who will act like trained monkeys, they can go to the zoo lol.
I have a family wanting in as we speak.... so if it came to that at this time I could fill the spot..... I just feel bad for the child..... I have hug concerns of things that are possible going on at home but I have no prof either way....It's just my gut instinct, and other stuff mom has told be regarding other providers and the school the sibling is attending.......
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Old 02-02-2016, 10:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Thriftylady View Post
I kind of agree with BC about terming then. Mom can say all she wants the child eats at home. And honestly the child must eat at home or wouldn't be around! But my question is WHAT the child is eating at home and I am betting it is all junk. I just wouldn't want to keep being the one fighting the battle. That being said, I fully know it isn't always easy to just term, we do need money. So maybe start looking to fill the spot. We are not monkeys. If parents want providers who will act like trained monkeys, they can go to the zoo lol.
I have a family wanting in as we speak.... so if it came to that at this time I could fill the spot..... I just feel bad for the child..... I have hug concerns of things that are possible going on at home but I have no prof either way....It's just my gut instinct, and other stuff mom has told be regarding other providers and the school the sibling is attending....... thanks
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Old 02-02-2016, 10:31 AM
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Originally Posted by mia View Post
I have a family wanting in as we speak.... so if it came to that at this time I could fill the spot..... I just feel bad for the child..... I have hug concerns of things that are possible going on at home but I have no prof either way....It's just my gut instinct, and other stuff mom has told be regarding other providers and the school the sibling is attending....... thanks
I get it. The problem with this job is that most of us who do it love the kids in care. But sadly at times our hands are tied. But you never know, in some cases a term may open the eyes of a parent. It is hard, because we can't make a parent be a parent, and that is frustrating!
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Old 02-02-2016, 10:47 AM
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I have one like this. He is 17 months. Only eats when I feed him. Most days he doesn't eat. Getting constipated too. I have talked to mom but she says oh he's fine at home. Yeah right.
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Old 02-03-2016, 12:23 PM
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Thank you all ladies..... you are all fantastic

I sent a note home with dad last night.. Stating that I would not be giving child puree baby food, and that I would no longer feed child, how ever I would still help guide and encourage child if needed.

Mom said nothing this morning regarding note, she did bring in left over dinner ( cut up fettuccine noodles in white sauce ).

Fingers crossed we'll see how this goes, said I would try for the week to make sure there is not a bigger issue......

Thanks again to you all....
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