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  #1  
Old 05-03-2016, 09:53 AM
happymom happymom is offline
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Default Kids Not Getting Along

I'm at a loss.

I have a 4 year old in a daycare center. My husband and I are considering finding new care but I like the center and feel like the problem might just pop up again under new care.

My son and another boy, E, do not get along at all. My son is not wanting to be dropped off in the morning and complains that E is so mean to him. I spoke with the director several weeks ago and she felt very bad, she knew the boys had some problems but didn't realize it was coming home. At home we talk about the problems and direct him to play with the kids he likes/gets along with (by name). I don't want him to think "I can't play with E" or put it in his head that he is a bad kid.

My little guy is not a perfect angel and we've been with this daycare center nearly a year and it's very rare they will send a bad report. In fact, up until last week I only got one report that he had misbehaved (had hit another child). We addressed it and that was that.

All of the communication I get from daycare is that he is good/well liked/and listens well. Last week he came home with two reports that he had been "naughty", but the teacher who writes the reports is gone by the time I pick him up.

Now. The daycare has tons of staff changes and is constantly moving teachers around. There is a new teacher in his class whom I hardly know. She's been there about 3 weeks and since she started my son has stopped napping at daycare, has been coming home with reports of being naughty and not having a good day. She is too busy to communicate during drop off and her and I don't have a relationship yet.

So I don't know if these are actual changes in his behavior, if the teacher is just more inclined to send home bad reports than his past teachers, or if he's wrapped this new teacher around his finger and is pushing his limits with her, or if there's a greater problem with him being bullied or if he's the problem.

I just don't know what to do, I feel like the worst parent ever. How is best to address this problems in a daycare center? It was always so easy with my home provider.
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Old 05-03-2016, 10:39 AM
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Leigh Leigh is online now
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My first thought is that behaviors probably have not changed, but that the new caregiver is less accustomed to the behaviors. If I sent home a note for every naughty thing I encountered, there would be no trees left on the planet. I talk to parents only about things that are not age appropriate, things that are extreme (persistent biting or other concerning behavior), things that are totally out of character for a child, etc. When I report to parents, it's not to tattle-it's to problem solve. My guess is that this caregiver is a tattler, and that it will probably die down as she gets used to caring for kids. That said-the stopping naps could be causing behavior issues. Most kids need naps through age 6. Missing out on that daytime rest is probably hard for him. Could they have him start resting for an hour, whether he naps or not? It can really help a kid reset their emotions.
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Old 05-03-2016, 10:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
My first thought is that behaviors probably have not changed, but that the new caregiver is less accustomed to the behaviors. If I sent home a note for every naughty thing I encountered, there would be no trees left on the planet. I talk to parents only about things that are not age appropriate, things that are extreme (persistent biting or other concerning behavior), things that are totally out of character for a child, etc. When I report to parents, it's not to tattle-it's to problem solve. My guess is that this caregiver is a tattler, and that it will probably die down as she gets used to caring for kids. That said-the stopping naps could be causing behavior issues. Most kids need naps through age 6. Missing out on that daytime rest is probably hard for him. Could they have him start resting for an hour, whether he naps or not? It can really help a kid reset their emotions.


I also think he may be getting used to yet another new caregiver, and if she is more strict, he may be asserting himself more.
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Old 05-03-2016, 11:09 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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I think the more we teach children how to deal with kids (and adults) they do not like or get along with, the better off they are for the rest of their lives.

I read threads all the time about parents wanting to switch providers, request certain teachers in school or change bus routes all because they don't like them. I always cringe because what is that teaching them?

I know you mentioned staff changes etc so I would chalk alot of behaviors up to any type of change but in regards to his "friend E" I would spend time talking with your son to encourage him to find ways to not only defend himself but how to stick up for himself and deal with those he does not like so much or play that well with.

I tell all my DCK's they do not have to like each other and they are free to decide who they will and won't play with but they have to be respectful and kind when doing so.

So again, I'd find the lesson in this and work on that. Having the skills to get along with many other types of people will benefit your son his whole life.
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Old 05-03-2016, 12:29 PM
happymom happymom is offline
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I read threads all the time about parents wanting to switch providers, request certain teachers in school or change bus routes all because they don't like them. I always cringe because what is that teaching them?
Thank you. That's what I am afraid of. I know there are A LOT of challenges he will face in the future and this is such a minor thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leigh
My guess is that this caregiver is a tattler, and that it will probably die down as she gets used to caring for kids. That said-the stopping naps could be causing behavior issues. Most kids need naps through age 6. Missing out on that daytime rest is probably hard for him. Could they have him start resting for an hour, whether he naps or not? It can really help a kid reset their emotions.
They have nap time/quiet time from 12:20-2:20 every day. My son has napped all but about 5 days he's been at this daycare center, up until this new teacher came. Now he is not napping about 50% of days. When his report shows that he hasn't napped, we ask him what he did during nap time and he tells me he sat on his teachers lap.

The teacher is very young and inexperienced and she might just needs some time (or she might not last, there have been a lot of teachers that only last a month or two). The core staff is really great, but it seems like the rest of the staff is just temporary.

I'm looking forward to him being moved to the next level, there is a 3/4yo group (which is he is in) and a 4/5yo group and they are very unclear to me about when the children are moved to the next group since (I believe) it has more to do with ratios than anything else. But the teacher in the 4/5 year old group is sooo sooo good with my son and he loves her a lot. Sorry, off on a tangent.
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Old 05-03-2016, 12:33 PM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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I'm looking forward to him being moved to the next level, there is a 3/4yo group (which is he is in) and a 4/5yo group and they are very unclear to me about when the children are moved to the next group since (I believe) it has more to do with ratios than anything else. But the teacher in the 4/5 year old group is sooo sooo good with my son and he loves her a lot. Sorry, off on a tangent.
I wonder if his behavior isn't a sign that he should be moved now?

Perhaps the 3/4 age group he is in now is no longer the right fit for him. Usually sudden behavior changes are due to a growth spurts. (emotionally, mentally, physically or academically)

I'd ask about moving to the next age group/classroom
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Old 05-03-2016, 12:39 PM
happymom happymom is offline
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I wonder if his behavior isn't a sign that he should be moved now?

Perhaps the 3/4 age group he is in now is no longer the right fit for him. Usually sudden behavior changes are due to a growth spurts. (emotionally, mentally, physically or academically)

I'd ask about moving to the next age group/classroom
Good idea, I will do that. I think historically they do a big move of kids in August when school starts (all the 5 year olds go off to kindergarten and the older 4 year olds move into the next class), but I'll see about them moving him early. That didn't even occur to me to request!
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Old 05-03-2016, 12:45 PM
happymom happymom is offline
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One more thing...

If I decide to request a move, should I talk to his teacher first? Or should I just go straight to the director to see if they can accommodate?
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Old 05-03-2016, 12:51 PM
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Originally Posted by happymom View Post
One more thing...

If I decide to request a move, should I talk to his teacher first? Or should I just go straight to the director to see if they can accommodate?
I'd talk to whomever he spends the most time with.
They should be aware of where he is at developmentally and should be able to give useful input as to whether he should or shouldn't be moved to the next age group.
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Old 05-03-2016, 01:07 PM
happymom happymom is offline
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OK thank you.
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  #11  
Old 05-04-2016, 09:46 AM
happymom happymom is offline
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I've asked about moving him, they sound open to it but want to try to solve the problems in his class first.

They said typically he would be scheduled to move in August. I am really thinking that the new teacher has been coddling him (the director actually brought this up to me, didn't use that word though)....

Today he cried when I handed him his mickey mouse jacket, he told me his teacher had been making fun of his tail (the jacket has a tail drawn on it). I got nowhere trying to explain to him that she was just making a joke...he wore a different jacket today.
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  #12  
Old 05-19-2016, 01:51 PM
happymom happymom is offline
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Well as it turns out I think the daycare teacher was not a good fit for his classroom and for his personality I suppose. I don't think she had much experience working with a class full of "naughty" 3 year olds.

She quit last week and left the poor center scrambling, but it's all for the best!

Thankfully my favorite teacher at the center moves from part time to full time in the summer (she is a head-start teacher during the school year) and will be teaching his class until he gets moved into the 4/5 year old class (he adores the teacher in that class, and so do I). I spoke with the director this morning to inform her that my concerns seem to have been handled and we are happy again!
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  #13  
Old 07-14-2016, 11:34 PM
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Sherrycanon Sherrycanon is offline
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try talking to your son's friends and what out what problem he is having at class rather than going by the teachers report alone at least until you have met here.
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