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  #1  
Old 01-31-2017, 01:52 PM
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Default Unscheduled & Showing Up To My Home!

SA DCG is not scheduled to be with me on Tuesdays ever. I told DCM with 48 hours advance notice or approval I can possibly take her on Tuesdays if she ever needs it.

Lately DCG has been getting off the bus at my house and coming to me with no notice. DCM texts me running late will come get her. How would she know to take the bus to me as DCM usually picks up DCG at school? She knows and is not giving me a chance to prepare for her. I never have a snack ready for her on Tuesdays and then DCG gets mad she has to get no snack as I have nothing prepared.

Today it was very sunny out after nap so we rushed our snack and went out for a walk. DCG is not scheduled.

Text from DCM at 3:27 (bus comes at 3:30) "Running late will be there shortly please DCG just wait for me inside"
Me: "We are out for a walk. I don't know if I will be back in time for her as no one gave me notice that she would be here."
DCM: "Well is your door unlocked?"
Me: "No. Nor can she be in my home if I am not present. Again, I apologize, but I am not expecting her as you did not give me proper notice to be ready for her."
DCM: "Well I wasn't expecting to get pulled over but that happened"
Me: *Igores text*

We get home about 5 minutes and they are both in my driveway I refuse to make eye contact and I just go inside and get the other daycare kids undressed. DCM proceeds to try to say something to me and I say "We will see you tomorrow morning when you're scheduled" and shut my door.

I am not trying to be harsh but I am very frustrated as this is becomig a reoccurring issue and I am not appreciating her attitude towards me when I have no notice whatsoever to be prepared for DCG.

I want to write out a formal letter to her explaining that I need 48-hour notice to care for her on an unscheduled day and I will not unlock my doors to DCG without proper notice. I am pretty flexible but when you give me literally 3 minute notice what am I supposed to do?
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Old 01-31-2017, 01:53 PM
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Update: She just sent me a nasty text so I sent her this

Sorry I was getting the boys adjusted and getting all their stuff off and had just laid down the baby but I just want you to know that I assume that she is not going to be here on Tuesdays unless I'm given some proper notice and 3 minutes notice is not enough or appropriate and she can't be on my property if I'm not here I can get in big trouble. I understand that situations happen and usually I'm here and pretty flexible but if she is not scheduled I am not going to cater my day to assuming that she is going to be here when she usually isn't. For future reference I really need a better heads up. I appreciate you understanding that and respecting scheduled days. Again I know this was a spur of the moment thing for you and not something you planned as well but there has been a few times where she has came without any notice Tuesday afternoons and I require proper notice for non-scheduled days.
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Old 01-31-2017, 02:12 PM
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SHE sent YOU a nasty text?? When she should be appreciating the times you have been home and received her precious when you weren't expecting them? No apology from her? Just a nasty text???
I'd be sooo done with her.
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Old 01-31-2017, 02:27 PM
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For future reference, you allowed/accepted her into care once without notice so that does in a way make it your issue.

If this parent were to call licensing more than likely licensing would say that since you accepted/allowed unscheduled drop offs previously she (mom) has every right to assume it's always okay. KWIM?

You need to set a policy and stick to it. IF DCG shows up when not scheduled you need to call mom immediately and make sure she knows it can NOT happen again.

I hate to say this but twice in the last couple months I've read about providers on the DHS "naughty" list that were issued TIS for not being home when the bus dropped off a SA child. In atleast one incident the situation was similar to yours and the provider wasnt aware the child was coming that day but since she HAD previously shown up without being scheduled and the provider allowed it, the provider was therefore responsible.

I know it is unfair to us as providers but liability is HUGE and we all know in this profession you are always guilty until proven innocent.
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Old 01-31-2017, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
For future reference, you allowed/accepted her into care once without notice so that does in a way make it your issue.

If this parent were to call licensing more than likely licensing would say that since you accepted/allowed unscheduled drop offs previously she (mom) has every right to assume it's always okay. KWIM?

You need to set a policy and stick to it. IF DCG shows up when not scheduled you need to call mom immediately and make sure she knows it can NOT happen again.

I hate to say this but twice in the last couple months I've read about providers on the DHS "naughty" list that were issued TIS for not being home when the bus dropped off a SA child. In atleast one incident the situation was similar to yours and the provider wasnt aware the child was coming that day but since she HAD previously shown up without being scheduled and the provider allowed it, the provider was therefore responsible.

I know it is unfair to us as providers but liability is HUGE and we all know in this profession you are always guilty until proven innocent.
I am honestly just at a loss. I try to be flexible and I have told her I need notice but she doesnt provide it ever. What should i do keep my doors locked and ignore DCG? I feel like I have to accept her and I do tell her its not okay since she isnt schedulded. DCM has been with me since prior to me being licensed and has had a hard time adjusting! She gets upset having to pay for days of scheduled care even if DCG doesn't show up, she says I have too much paperwork and she doesn't like that, she expected me to walk DCG to bus stop 20 ft from my driveway and got mad when I said no I stay inside with the younger kids as I told you when you filled out my "permission to leave facility" form in regards to the bus stop, DCG is my only SA and she gets bored quick here no matter what I do as she has no friends her age. Next year I'm going to change my license to C1 and not take any school agers anyways. I am upset she put me in this position I made it clear she can't be here if she isn't scheduled and I don't want to keep doing this. I feel maybe I should term. I don't want to be put in a postion again where I'm held liable for her not being able to give me notice.
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Old 01-31-2017, 02:41 PM
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wow. she is ballsy. i cant imagine sending my kid on the bus with no guarenteed care in place when he is dropped off. my school, if im not here, would take him to clc care and start calling emergency pick ups and i would be in a LOT of trouble. in all honesty, i would end care and notify the school that he is not allowed to be dropped off at your house anymore. as BC said, this has now become a liability for you.
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Old 01-31-2017, 02:42 PM
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She also never responded to that text I sent. I'm assuming she's upset. I am as well and I'm being very polite about the situation but I need to make sure she understands I will not allow her to put me in this position.
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Old 01-31-2017, 03:01 PM
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BC- I emailed my licensor making her aware of the situation and made it very clear I do not accept DCG on Tuesdays and have documented proof I have told DCM she must give me proper notice. I told licensor that I am usually always home but if I want to go to the park or a walk I don't want to be held liable for a parent leaving their child unattended on my property without notice and what she recommends my next steps be or if I should literally just never walk or go to the park dueing this time on the off chance my SA will just randomly show up unscheduled?
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Old 01-31-2017, 03:17 PM
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BC- I emailed my licensor making her aware of the situation and made it very clear I do not accept DCG on Tuesdays and have documented proof I have told DCM she must give me proper notice. I told licensor that I am usually always home but if I want to go to the park or a walk I don't want to be held liable for a parent leaving their child unattended on my property without notice and what she recommends my next steps be or if I should literally just never walk or go to the park dueing this time on the off chance my SA will just randomly show up unscheduled?
Unfortunately you need to tell mom that if he arrives unscheduled again, it would be immediate termination. Its simply a risk you cant take.

Everything is always our fault and if DCG was waiting on your step when you were at the park and happen to get hurt, it's YOUR liability. If she was abducted from your property, it's YOUR liability. If she wanders off and gets lost, it's YOUR liability. I know that sucks but it's true.

It is good that you e-mailed your licensor so that there is now a paper trail (documentation) of this situation. I would stress SUPER STRONGLY with mom that NONE of her excuses as to why she can't notify you are acceptable when she is choosing to put you in a bad situation and if she does it again, you will terminate immediately. I'd even threaten that I would call CPS and report an abandon child.

This kind of lazy parenting planning pisses me off (sorry for the language) but it's always the parents that have the most excuses for not having to parent that get us (providers) in hot water.
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Old 01-31-2017, 03:23 PM
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I am not trying to be harsh but I am very frustrated as this is becomig a reoccurring issue and I am not appreciating her attitude towards me when I have no notice whatsoever to be prepared for DCG.
I would have told DCM just that
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Old 01-31-2017, 03:29 PM
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Unfortunately you need to tell mom that if he arrives unscheduled again, it would be immediate termination. Its simply a risk you cant take.

(

Parents think we are at their disposal, it is up to us to set things straight and enforce the boundaries
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Old 01-31-2017, 03:33 PM
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I think you are being way too polite which is coming across as wishy washy. Stop apologizing. I don't mean that in a harsh way but there is absolutely no reason for YOU to be apologizing!

I would have simply said:
"For future reference and to reiterate what has already been relayed to you regarding care on tuesdays, without 48 hours notice I cannot provide care. The next time DCG comes to my home when she is not scheduled you will be immediately terminated. I have made my licensor aware of the ongoing issue".

Your not being rude but you are also not apologizing or being wishy washy. It is very clear and you stated a clear consequence. Right now mom does not have one.
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Old 01-31-2017, 04:25 PM
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Thank you everyone! You are right I shouldn't be apologizing and I shouldn't be sending up a signal that any of this is okay even if it's just me trying to be polite! I will be sure to tell her that it is a huge risk to me and it is not tolerable and next time I will have to terminate care immediately. I try to be "polite" because I can be very mean I used to do debt collection prior to this and I dealt with idiots with a lot of excuses on a daily basis so sometimes my tone isn't always the greatest when I am trying to be straightforward and to the point so I just try my best to be polite but it can come off as me being nice about it.

I still just can't believe this happened! My DS was in daycare from 8 months-2.5 years old. I would never imagine treating my old in-home provider the way that I am being treated in the situation. I probably honestly over communicated with her saying I might be 10 minutes late when I ended up being on time lol! I never not paid her. I came to get my son no questions asked if he was sick. I never expected her to do anything other than care for my son to the best of her abilities!

I really was pretty naive going into this whole day care thing when it came to the parents and unfortunately within only two months of being open I have literally it came across every single issue that gets discussed here on a daily basis between all my parents! Makes it hard for me but I love what I do and I feel I have a lot to offer these kiddos so I will push through it all! On a plus side of all this all of my kids are very wonderful! They take great naps, eat well and play together with ease! Oh and they LOVE all my silly activities and crafts!

I ultimately decided tonight I deserve a glass of wine and a bubble bath and I just bought myself a cool bath rack to hold said wine and it has a place for small candles and my phone! The small joys to help with DCP induced stress! Whatever happens happens and if I have to term then I will. It won't be a huge loss as she's my only SA and I was just telling DH if I can't find another SA for the summer I will term because she needs me to occupy her a lot and gets bored no matter what I try to do for/with her and I can't do that while occupying 5 other Littles who genuinely need me to occupy them.
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Old 01-31-2017, 04:33 PM
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Enjoy your wine!
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Old 01-31-2017, 05:14 PM
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I bet mom has her normal bus stop near your home so the child was told if Mom isn't at the bus stop to go to your house.
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Old 01-31-2017, 05:18 PM
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She never replied to my other text but this is what I decided is the best solution for me

This is what I just sent her:

Hi DCM, If DCG is left alone on my property it poses a huge liability for me! Therefore I am asking, effective immediately, unless she is scheduled with advance notice on a Tuesday that you pick DCG up from school on Tuesdays and no longer allow her to bus to my home. Thank you for understanding. If you have any questions or concerns please let me know.
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Old 01-31-2017, 05:19 PM
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I bet mom has her normal bus stop near your home so the child was told if Mom isn't at the bus stop to go to your house.
She lives by my old home across town! She literally is coming to my home and waiting for DCG to get off MY stop. Super weird. I should.of put an end to it a long time ago I think I'm her late "safety blanket". The school can be that now on Tuesdays not me.
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Old 01-31-2017, 05:49 PM
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Now DCM says then let's change her schedule permanently M-F and she will come pick her up on time Tuesdays if she can and if she can't then I'll be here for her. She will pay the same rate based on what my rates are like so it doesnt affect her any but it affects me! I don't want to prepare food and expect her to come Tuesday afternoons for snack and have her not show up because DCM picked her up already. I also like having a day where I'm not bound to a bus stop time. Now I don't know how to respond. She got me stuck with this one!
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Old 01-31-2017, 05:57 PM
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Honestly at this point I would just terminate care. It sounds like your program does not fit the needs of SA children and this dcm is making the rest of your time miserable. Personally I would not like to change my program and scheduled activities on the whim of one dcm. I say cut your losses.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:15 PM
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I know this sounds harsh, but can you refuse the bus driver dropping her off with you. Say sorry she's not with me today can you take her back to the school? Then let the school deal with it. I know the school won't be as nice about it as you are.

None of my kids rode a bus, but my nephew does. If his mom or dad isn't at the bus stop at drop off, they take him back to the school.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:39 PM
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Honestly at this point I would just terminate care. It sounds like your program does not fit the needs of SA children and this dcm is making the rest of your time miserable. Personally I would not like to change my program and scheduled activities on the whim of one dcm. I say cut your losses.
I never really knew the needs of a SA until recently. She just wants to watch tv all day when shes off school and nap/lounge around and I don't allow that except during quiet time or as a special addition here or there. I have plenty of age appropriate things for her but she just isn't interested! I was hoping to hold of until the summer for financial reasons for termination. I was thinking 2-3 weeks before school ends so mom can have time the find summer care. She left her previous licensed provider on a whim to come to me so I'm thinking now I see why. Everything was okay until I got licensed and have all these rules to follow and other little ones to care for and she thinks things are like before even though I CLEARLY told her things would change a lot when I got licensed and explained the changes with the policies and contract...

In regards to M-F care I left it in her court she hasn't responded yet. I said it looks like she only needs a few mins here or there on Tuesday afternoons and it doesn't seem logical to schedule it at this time as I'll be then "expecting" her and always have food and activities ready for her (after snack is typically craft time) and I explained if she doesn't need me and is going to constantly tell me she isn't going to be there because she picked her up already I will be wasting food and resources and I don't want to do that. I said if she is going to show up every Tuesday unless sick then she can schedule it. I also told her I'm not trying to be difficult but I do a lot of pre planning on my end and there's a lot that I have to prepare for and do in the background I don't think she understands or sees. I said it would be the same for my 2 kiddos that do half days on Fridays they'd have to ask me in advance to do a full day they can't (and dont) just show up without notice.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:41 PM
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I would tell her that if she expects you to be on call every Tuesday then she has to pay every Tuesday whether she comes or not.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:46 PM
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I would tell her that if she expects you to be on call every Tuesday then she has to pay every Tuesday whether she comes or not.
That would be great if I had a daily rate! She pays the same regardless of presence M-F so it doesn't affect her any. I do FT only except a PT rate for before/after school that is the same rate no matter what whether it's only before school care, after, or both and no matter what day. That's why she's fine with wasting my time and resources to schedule a day of care she really doesn't need. She just literally has to show up on time to pick her kid up. She could easily do that at the school and if she's only a few mins late here or there she wouldn't have to worry because she'd be at school with teachers. I wish she wouldn't argue with me about just pickin her kid up form school unless otherwise scheduled.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:47 PM
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Now DCM says then let's change her schedule permanently M-F and she will come pick her up on time Tuesdays if she can and if she can't then I'll be here for her. She will pay the same rate based on what my rates are like so it doesnt affect her any but it affects me! I don't want to prepare food and expect her to come Tuesday afternoons for snack and have her not show up because DCM picked her up already. I also like having a day where I'm not bound to a bus stop time. Now I don't know how to respond. She got me stuck with this one!
You're charging her the same rate whether she comes or not on Tuesday?
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:51 PM
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You beat me by a minute.

Almost sounds like what has been mentioned before. Parent pays for days they don't need care and decides to use the care even if they don't need it. That's the parent's choice.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:52 PM
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You're charging her the same rate whether she comes or not on Tuesday?
Yes. She isn't officially scheduled Tuesdays our contract says as needed with notice! But I have 1 weekly rate for each age group. I do FT only except for before/after school care which is the same rate no matter how they use it or how many days a week they are here.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:53 PM
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You beat me by a minute.

Almost sounds like what has been mentioned before. Parent pays for days they don't need care and decides to use the care even if they don't need it. That's the parent's choice.
Yes and I don't care if she uses me on a Tuesday I really don't but I need notice! Not 3 mins before her bus arrives!
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:54 PM
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Why is it the same price for her to do a schedule with or without a Tuesday? Maybe tell her if she wants to schedule m-f then the tuition goes up by at least 40$/week. To make the show/no show mystery tuesdays worth your while!
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:55 PM
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Yes and I don't care if she uses me on a Tuesday I really don't but I need notice! Not 3 mins before her bus arrives!
That is true. You need to do your planning based on attendance, so tell her she has to choose to either use or don't use your services on Tuesdays because you need to be able to plan.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:57 PM
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Haha well some new responses showed up before i finished mine but anyway, she doesnt need to know what everyone else is paying. Why soes it have to be the same for everyone? Some of your families may be getting discounts for being consistent! Some of the families (this SA girl's family) may be paying a higher rate because they are SA! And she doesn't need to know anyone's rates but her own.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:00 PM
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Haha well some new responses showed up before i finished mine
That sometimes happens.

I agree. Charge a bit more for the extra day. She will probably then decide one way or the other.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:01 PM
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I think if I do a huge fee that she will be mad. I could care less of she chooses to end care at this point but I live in a small town and just got started and I don't know anyone here and she knows a lot of people so I don't want her "trashing" me because shes upset and I'm making things worse for her in her eyes.

I think solution of her either A- coming every Tuesday but she has to show up or I won't do it because shes wasting my resources or B- picking her up from school unless a Tuesday is scheduled with proper notice.

I don't think she likes either of those ideas but those are her options. I think she is going to ignore the situation and not give me an answer. If DCG rides bus next Tuesday I'll terminate care immediately and explain she did not respect my decision to have her picked up from school or change her paperwork/contract for M-F care.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:06 PM
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One and only time I tired SA. I had a rule that they needed to notify me by 9am of any schedule changes and child didn't need to be picked up or was sick. . I only did after school Care.

I picked up the child from the school. If I got to the school and the child wasn't there I charged a $10 inconvenience fee for failure to notify. The parents paid that fee a lot.

The child also wasn't contracted for Friday and several times the parents would contact me by 9 am to ask if I could pick up that day. I already charged a flat rate but if I picked up that Friday it was yet again another $10 inconvenience fee.
I did require a 24 hour notice for addition to your schedule.

Maybe something like this will work. ?
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:13 PM
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One and only time I tired SA. I had a rule that they needed to notify me by 9am of any schedule changes and child didn't need to be picked up or was sick. . I only did after school Care.

I picked up the child from the school. If I got to the school and the child wasn't there I charged a $10 inconvenience fee for failure to notify. The parents paid that fee a lot.

The child also wasn't contracted for Friday and several times the parents would contact me by 9 am to ask if I could pick up that day. I already charged a flat rate but if I picked up that Friday it was yet again another $10 inconvenience fee.
I did require a 24 hour notice for addition to your schedule.

Maybe something like this will work. ?
That is not a bad idea but I think I am just going to cut my loses or stick it out until summer with option A or option B since I don't have any other SA nor have I even had an interview for one since opening. SA care isn't really needed they have a good before/after school program, a boys and girls club, and a lot of parents leave kids home alone for before/after school for short periods of time once they hit 3rd grade and go to the older elementary school.

She never responded to me so I sent her my final text of the night giving her no choice but to choose:
Let me know what you want to do when you decide. You can either pick her up from school on Tuesdays unless otherwise previously scheduled or we can change contract for official M-F care but if im wasting too much food/resources because she isn't here I will end Tuesday care and go back to the solution of picking up at school unless there is notice. Thank you and have a good night!


On a personal note I have decided if she hasn't figured it out before next Tuesday I will just terminate care. I hate to do it but I don't appreciate the way she spoke to me (even though I'm assuming she was really just angry about getting pulled over) and I don't like that she constantly is challenging me about silly stuff. I do things for a reason. It's best for me, all the kids in my care, and my business and I'm not going to change because 1 parent doesn't understand its not okay to show up unscheduled.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:17 PM
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I think if I do a huge fee that she will be mad. I could care less of she chooses to end care at this point but I live in a small town and just got started and I don't know anyone here and she knows a lot of people so I don't want her "trashing" me because shes upset and I'm making things worse for her in her eyes.

I think solution of her either A- coming every Tuesday but she has to show up or I won't do it because shes wasting my resources or B- picking her up from school unless a Tuesday is scheduled with proper notice.

I don't think she likes either of those ideas but those are her options. I think she is going to ignore the situation and not give me an answer. If DCG rides bus next Tuesday I'll terminate care immediately and explain she did not respect my decision to have her picked up from school or change her paperwork/contract for M-F care.
Main thing is to decide how you want to do it, like your 2 options, and put your foot down. It is your business. A small town is tricky, but if she does try to trash you, some people may see the situation from your side and see how professional you are. It's good to have everyone like us, but not if it stops us from being the one in charge of OUR business.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:20 PM
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On a personal note I have decided if she hasn't figured it out before next Tuesday I will just terminate care. I hate to do it but I don't appreciate the way she spoke to me (even though I'm assuming she was really just angry about getting pulled over) and I don't like that she constantly is challenging me about silly stuff. I do things for a reason. It's best for me, all the kids in my care, and my business and I'm not going to change because 1 parent doesn't understand its not okay to show up unscheduled.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:24 PM
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Why is it the same price for her to do a schedule with or without a Tuesday? Maybe tell her if she wants to schedule m-f then the tuition goes up by at least 40$/week. To make the show/no show mystery tuesdays worth your while!
I'm going to guess because it's impossible (almost) to find someone who wants care 1 day a week on Tuesdays to fill the income gap. I allow 3 days per week, and 2 days per week (and full time, of course), but never 4 days without full time pay.

OP: I'm feeling this isn't a great fit for you.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:25 PM
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Main thing is to decide how you want to do it, like your 2 options, and put your foot down. It is your business. A small town is tricky, but if she does try to trash you, some people may see the situation from your side and see how professional you are. It's good to have everyone like us, but not if it stops us from being the one in charge of OUR business.
Thank you and thank you everyone for your support! Who knew things could get so tricky so easily?! I sure didn't lol! I like not knowing anyone here it's nice. DH grew up here I am from the cities so way different environment. I walked through metal detectors to get into school and he lived with chickens and horses and land lol! Way different lives! I moved up here when I found out I was pregnant with DS and he already had a house here so it made sense to move here! I just don't want someone who knows everyone possibly influence everyone else to form an opinion about me and my care before they see it for themselves!
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Old 01-31-2017, 09:01 PM
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Yes to middaycare, I know it is hard, if not impossible, to get part timer schedules all matched up, but that doesn't translate to giving the dcm free Tuesdays. She said in the original post that dcg is not scheduled for tuesdays at all. So I asked why she was getting free Tuesdays whenever she feels like a free tuesday. It seems to be free drop in basically. Literally, unannounced drop in care whether you're home or not!
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Old 02-01-2017, 02:24 AM
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These constant nit-picky behaviors of parents would drive me crazy. I would either let her go because of her nasty text and disregard for rules. Quite honestly you say this has happened before so I highly doubt she was pulled over. OR I would increase her rates to reflect her extra expectations. Make Tuesday snacks cheap and easy, along with materials. It really won't cost that much and any food leftover will be eaten, I'm sure.
Good luck with whatever you choose and yes, I think terminating her care before school ends is a great idea. Summers with 1 SA dck can be hellish. How old is she? Is she helpful? You already said she gets bored and doesn't want to do any of your SA activities. Does she have homework or anything else she can work on after school?
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Old 02-01-2017, 04:30 AM
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These constant nit-picky behaviors of parents would drive me crazy. I would either let her go because of her nasty text and disregard for rules. Quite honestly you say this has happened before so I highly doubt she was pulled over. OR I would increase her rates to reflect her extra expectations. Make Tuesday snacks cheap and easy, along with materials. It really won't cost that much and any food leftover will be eaten, I'm sure.
Good luck with whatever you choose and yes, I think terminating her care before school ends is a great idea. Summers with 1 SA dck can be hellish. How old is she? Is she helpful? You already said she gets bored and doesn't want to do any of your SA activities. Does she have homework or anything else she can work on after school?
I know I already can't make it through the summer with just her being my only SA! She isn't very helpful in fact school was out Monday she drove me nuts. I can't count how many times she asked me for help (when she doesn't need it) or tried talking to me about stuff whIle I was in the middle of helping the Littles. I can't count how many times in a day I say "Hunny not right now I'm busy with preschool, feeding baby, etc". Or for ex I had just laid Baby down in sleeping room. He falls alseep, she tried to go in and get a blanket (at 9am) because she was tired. I told her absolutely not and she is not to go in there if baby is sleeping plus it's not "nap" time. I put my son in time out, she sneaks him play doh she snuck into my house. That one I pretty much lost it. She asks me so many nosy/personal questions all day long I would never ask at her age (7). I finally gave in and let her just watch TV Monday. We are all sick. I sent 2 kiddos home monday and 1 was already gone and my son was sick and being a handful! It was easier before I was licensed when it was just her, my son, and I. I could help entertain her more!

She has HW but I usually don't have her do it because she literally makes me sit with her and basically do it for her. It's beyond the point of "help" my 7 year old high functioning autistic brother does his homework with less help and more ease so it's a pain for me. I wait til she gets home since she gets picked up 4-4:30pm and gets to my house at 3:30pm.

I decided a month ago I just won't accept another school ager at this point unless i could maybe litterally find another 6-8 year old girl and was going to term before summer with some nice notice for DCM to find other things. I'm the cheapest I know that's why she goes to me. I have tried politely saying she's bored, I can't seem to get her a friend her age, etc hoping mom would pick up the hint and make her own decision. I personally wouldn't want my son in daycare with no friends even close to his age range. It's a 4 year age gap between her and the other oldest.
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Old 02-01-2017, 04:32 AM
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I would give her notice to terminate. However, if you're in an area where it's hard to fill spots and you like the child , then charge her in advance for every Tue, regardless of attendance. If she refuses to pay, start trying to fill the spot and give her notice.
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Old 02-01-2017, 04:34 AM
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Some thoughts:

There is a ton of back and forth already. So I would try to leave it alone and let her process before sending any further info.

I would have have either termed after her text OR said that unless she gives me 48 hours notice that I will be terming due to licensing. And left it at that. But hindsight is a wonderful thing. So use this as a lesson learned and move it on forward.

I wouldn't mention anything about the food being wasted. Your reason should be related to the group (imho): It is too disruptive to have a last minute change of plan. Unless I receive 48 hours notice I will not expect dcg. If she shows up, it will be an immediate term.

I would let the school know that on Tuesdays, dcg is not to be there unless dcm gives them (the school) the heads up. It is too easy for you to be back up with this set up and to have a similar situation again (dcg there unattended).

This dcm needs clear boundaries. I guess, if this was me, I would tell dcm that you will take dcg on Tuesdays with 48 hours notice ONLY. Set a time limit: Sundays by 8 pm. There is an extra charge for this, as well. (I would charge $10 - or whatever fee you feel makes it worth your while). That if there is not proper notice given and dcg shows up, you will have no choice but to term immediately and call CPS (well, maybe that sounds too threatening with the cps). That dcg is to only use the bus stop at your house when she is scheduled due to licensing. So on Tuesdays where dcm doesn't need you, she is not to be there.

But honestly, it does not seem like it is a good fit. I would tell dcm that after reviewing, it is in dcg's best interest to be with a similar age group. And I wouldn't wait until summer. Do it now! It is really hard to do mixed age groups, especially with only 1 sa'er.

Any more sass from this dcm and I would be showing her the door: immediate term.

I would not worry about talk. I think it would reflect poorly on her, rather than you, anyways. I live in a smallish town, too. I know it's hard. I just no longer care.
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Old 02-01-2017, 04:47 AM
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I'm giving her until Thursday to make a decision. If she hadnt reached out to me im terminating care. It's not about refilling her spot I don't want more SA at this point. This has been too much of a headache already. It's more ore financially I can't justify cutting back right now even if DCM is a pain. My DH is laid off until spring hence me waiting it out. But it's really not all that much money and she doesn't even pay me right (in advance) because she again, threw a fit when I said I was licensed and everyone now had to pay in advance. She said she couldn't just up and change her finances like that and I had personally been letting her pay the way she had for a few months before ei got licensed. (Insert eye roll here) she pays me every 2 weeks and not in advance. Rather a pain to keep track of and bill and receipt! She also has shorted me a few times and it's awkward she doesn't "understand " that school out days are $20 in addition to her PT fee even though she receives an upcoming fee statement to reflect that. She really just pushes my limits. I added some new stuff to my policies after being opened for a month as I found things that needed to be tweaked or changed all together (I'm new I'm learning) she lost it and said I have too much paperwork and she refuses to fill it out or fill out a change in schedule form care needed for days school is out and I should just assume DCG will be here but then gers mad when I bill her for a school out day she didn't need.


Wow typing this up I think I may just terminate care with a 2 week notice. I have in my contract I can term at all will but maybe 2 weeks will be enough where she can cool her jets and leave peacefully and I can go my own way and not deal with this anymore. Too many situations she has been rude to me. Too many times she gets upset about silly stuff. Yikes I couldn't sleep last night (I know dumb) because of all of this. I think I just need to move on. No reason I should loose sleep overy 1 SA.
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Old 02-01-2017, 06:12 AM
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Yes 2 week notice is waiting to be given to mom in child's folder tonight at pick up. Still have no response from her about choosing what she wants to do on Tuesday. I think it's rude she's just going to ignore it and think she can keep doing what she has been doing. Nope! DCG came in today. Mom didn't even walk her to door she came in alone. DCG says she's starving (she missed breakfast cut off by 15 mins) sorry DCG here is a nutrigrain bar to tide you over we are heading downstairs to play. DCG continues to whine all morning saying she can't wait to get to school so she can eat, mom didn't hardly feed her last night, etc. Nope nope nope! All my other kiddos who are over their fevers came in today happy as can be and I am looking forward to Feb 15th so I can have that every morning and be able to take a walk at 3:20 on a Tuesday and not have to worry about my liability as a business
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Old 02-01-2017, 06:13 AM
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I'm giving her until Thursday to make a decision. If she hadnt reached out to me im terminating care. It's not about refilling her spot I don't want more SA at this point. This has been too much of a headache already. It's more ore financially I can't justify cutting back right now even if DCM is a pain. My DH is laid off until spring hence me waiting it out. But it's really not all that much money and she doesn't even pay me right (in advance) because she again, threw a fit when I said I was licensed and everyone now had to pay in advance. She said she couldn't just up and change her finances like that and I had personally been letting her pay the way she had for a few months before ei got licensed. (Insert eye roll here) she pays me every 2 weeks and not in advance. Rather a pain to keep track of and bill and receipt! She also has shorted me a few times and it's awkward she doesn't "understand " that school out days are $20 in addition to her PT fee even though she receives an upcoming fee statement to reflect that. She really just pushes my limits. I added some new stuff to my policies after being opened for a month as I found things that needed to be tweaked or changed all together (I'm new I'm learning) she lost it and said I have too much paperwork and she refuses to fill it out or fill out a change in schedule form care needed for days school is out and I should just assume DCG will be here but then gers mad when I bill her for a school out day she didn't need.


Wow typing this up I think I may just terminate care with a 2 week notice. I have in my contract I can term at all will but maybe 2 weeks will be enough where she can cool her jets and leave peacefully and I can go my own way and not deal with this anymore. Too many situations she has been rude to me. Too many times she gets upset about silly stuff. Yikes I couldn't sleep last night (I know dumb) because of all of this. I think I just need to move on. No reason I should loose sleep overy 1 SA.
Reading this post you answered your own dilemma- terminate care. From my prior experience with parents that treat and act this way, and having to term them, I would term effective immediately. I was like you and tried to be nice by giving a 2 weeks notice and those two weeks were hell and uncomfortable. Lesson learned.
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Old 02-01-2017, 06:24 AM
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Reading this post you answered your own dilemma- terminate care. From my prior experience with parents that treat and act this way, and having to term them, I would term effective immediately. I was like you and tried to be nice by giving a 2 weeks notice and those two weeks were hell and uncomfortable. Lesson learned.
DCM answered the dilemma... or rather lack of answers.

She obviously has massive communication issues.

She has showed you and is showing you now that you and your request for communication are not a priority to her.

Based on her lack of communication, I'd term.
I wouldn't even give the courtesy of a two week notice and just term and be done.

E-mail your licensor and let her know you've been attempting to communicate with this parent and she is not responding so you termed immediately so that you had no further liability and DCM has no additional opportunities to set you up.

Wow, some parents.... SMH.
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Old 02-01-2017, 06:40 AM
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If it were me I would not have a special craft ready for her every Tuesday if you are not sure she is coming . She could just color for her art time . I would also have a quick / easy snack like an apple / orange for her that way if she does not show up then there is no waste and no stress on your part .
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Old 02-01-2017, 06:46 AM
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DCM answered the dilemma... or rather lack of answers.

She obviously has massive communication issues.

She has showed you and is showing you now that you and your request for communication are not a priority to her.

Based on her lack of communication, I'd term.
I wouldn't even give the courtesy of a two week notice and just term and be done.

E-mail your licensor and let her know you've been attempting to communicate with this parent and she is not responding so you termed immediately so that you had no further liability and DCM has no additional opportunities to set you up.

Wow, some parents.... SMH.
I had emailed my licensor again this morning with the update of my decision to terminate care and she replied back very nicely with a big thank you for letting her know the situation and she agrees that 3 minutes is not appropriate notice for care and that I am making the best decision by discharging care. She said that she is making a note of it to her co-workers as well so then if Mom tries to call into the county complaining they all know the previous situation and will support me on my decision to not allow such a liability.

I agree I should term immediately but the sucker in me knows she's a single mom who is always in trouble at work for being late and has been threatened to be fired many times! So sudden loss I'm Daycare means probably a sudden loss in job. I know that is not my problem but I'm going to try the two weeks and give the benefit of the doubt. My assumption is she will go straight to before and after school care next week at the school and I won't even have to finish out the two weeks

I feel MUCH better. I know my nerves will get worked up again when I give her the notice tonight but I keep affirming to myself that this is what is best for everyone and I have done everything that I can do on my end! If she questions the notice when she arrives then I am just going to Simply say that I don't feel my program is the best fit for their needs anymore and that's its not personal just a decision that I feel is best for all and leave it at that. Hopefully it won't be an issue! Fingers crossed!!!!!
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Old 02-01-2017, 06:51 AM
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I had emailed my licensor again this morning with the update of my decision to terminate care and she replied back very nicely with a big thank you for letting her know the situation and she agrees that 3 minutes is not appropriate notice for care and that I am making the best decision by discharging care. She said that she is making a note of it to her co-workers as well so then if Mom tries to call into the county complaining they all know the previous situation and will support me on my decision to not allow such a liability.

I agree I should term immediately but the sucker in me knows she's a single mom who is always in trouble at work for being late and has been threatened to be fired many times! So sudden loss I'm Daycare means probably a sudden loss in job. I know that is not my problem but I'm going to try the two weeks and give the benefit of the doubt. My assumption is she will go straight to before and after school care next week at the school and I won't even have to finish out the two weeks

I feel MUCH better. I know my nerves will get worked up again when I give her the notice tonight but I keep affirming to myself that this is what is best for everyone and I have done everything that I can do on my end! If she questions the notice when she arrives then I am just going to Simply say that I don't feel my program is the best fit for their needs anymore and that's its not personal just a decision that I feel is best for all and leave it at that. Hopefully it won't be an issue! Fingers crossed!!!!!


Add a clause to the two weeks notice that failure to notify you of dcg's schedule will result in immediate termination. I can see it now.... DCM figures she's already half way out the door so let's send dcg there on Tuesday without telling the provider because what's she (provider) gonna do? Term me? I'm already termed....

So CYA in that aspect for sure! Also kudos to your licensor for being so supportive. That is apparently not always the case in all counties in MN so super happy to hear yours is supportive to you!
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Old 02-01-2017, 06:57 AM
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Good idea! I will go update it now! I wouldn't of even thought of that!

My licensors exact words to me were "We have your back" it is very nice!

I think she is one of the ones who genuinely understands what we do on a daily basis. She also knows that I am crazy organized based upon my home visit and by my questions so far I am doing everything I can to follow the rules and regulations and that I respect them and her being the person to have to enforce them as well!

We will see what tonight brings with the notice! I will update everyone! I'm praying for more of a calm Dr. Phil outcome not Jerry Springer
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Old 02-01-2017, 07:07 AM
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Yes 2 week notice is waiting to be given to mom in child's folder tonight at pick up. Still have no response from her about choosing what she wants to do on Tuesday. I think it's rude she's just going to ignore it and think she can keep doing what she has been doing. Nope! DCG came in today. Mom didn't even walk her to door she came in alone. DCG says she's starving (she missed breakfast cut off by 15 mins) sorry DCG here is a nutrigrain bar to tide you over we are heading downstairs to play. DCG continues to whine all morning saying she can't wait to get to school so she can eat, mom didn't hardly feed her last night, etc. Nope nope nope! All my other kiddos who are over their fevers came in today happy as can be and I am looking forward to Feb 15th so I can have that every morning and be able to take a walk at 3:20 on a Tuesday and not have to worry about my liability as a business
Geez.
Let's see how many MORE ways we can increase liability.

I really hope you terminate!
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Old 02-01-2017, 07:15 AM
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Now DCM says then let's change her schedule permanently M-F and she will come pick her up on time Tuesdays if she can and if she can't then I'll be here for her. She will pay the same rate based on what my rates are like so it doesnt affect her any but it affects me!
Something here doesn't seem right
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Old 02-01-2017, 07:22 AM
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I would be done at this point. Based on the disrespect this dcm has shown you (and her dd).

If you aren't terming, I would charge her a regular rate and a LARGE drop in rate for Tuesday. (I charge $20 for after school care/day. I would charge $40 for drop in) I would buy crackers or pretzels, or something you can easily hand dcg IF she shows up.


I went through something similar with a dcg- ended up terming. They were having her dropped off on the bus at my house, Dcd was supposed to meet the bus- but if traffic was bad or he was running late, he would not be there in time. I asked NUMEROUS times for them to STOP it. Then I said if it happened ONCE more that they had a few options; change work schedules to leave early and pick her up from school and be done with daycare, pay FT rates, or pay drop in rates (even if she was only here for 5 minutes). It didn't happen for a bit.

FF to a Friday I was closed/dcg was NOT scheduled. Dcg came to MY house and was met with a locked door. Dcd/dcm were angry AT ME. Good, now you have NO care.
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Old 02-01-2017, 07:35 AM
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Let's just hope this ends peacefully, your next 2 weeks aren't miserable, and you get paid for that 2 weeks.
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Old 02-01-2017, 09:08 AM
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Let's just hope this ends peacefully, your next 2 weeks aren't miserable, and you get paid for that 2 weeks.
Ditto!!
Then you can be done with this crazy and wait for the next one to come along.

From all the weird crazy stories I read here I must be the only provider on the planet who has normal(semi) nice families.
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Old 02-01-2017, 11:17 AM
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Something here doesn't seem right
It doesn't! She says she now needs me on Tuesdays but she doesn't. She has the entire day off she is just managing her time poorly and then telling her daughter to take the bus to my house on the off-chance she is late rather than holding herself accountable to pick her up at school. I tried to give her the option of getting her from schools Tuesdays unless otherwise discussed but she isn't having it. I am not going to take her on Tuesdays without a notice for poor time management. She may live her life by doing as she pleases on whatever time frame but that is not how I am I am very structured and organized and so is my program so it is clear this just isn't the right place for her! Maybe she can find a provider or somebody who is willing to jump and be available on a three minute notice but that isn't me

The way that I have my rate set up everyone just pays a weekly rate regardless of what days they need me. She has previously scheduled with me a Tuesday because she had to go to court for something and I accepted her for no extra cost because everyone just pays a weekly fee based on age so this is why it wouldn't affect her any to just try to schedule her on Tuesdays even if she doesn't need me!

Partially my problem for having my rates set up this way but I have my rates this way to prevent PT care. I came in only wanting to do full-time families and looking for solid M-F kiddos! She is my only kiddo with 2 day not scheduled. I have 2 others who do half days Mondays and Fridays so they can spend more time with dad who works overnights which is wonderful for me because it makes the days a little bit lighter. Then I have my son, a toddler, and a baby FT M-F. So I have been fortunate to find a nice handful if FT kiddos.

This mom and one other one are really the only ones who give me a hard time. The rest aren't perfect but they do generally try to respect me and they communicate with me and for that I appreciate it so much because this mom and another don't at all and it drives me nuts. Luckily with the other mom Grandma usually handles pickups and drop-offs and she previously did daycare herself so she is very diligent and respectful and I only have to deal with pain in the butt mom like once a week! This DCM I deal with 4 days a week and there always seems to be something since I've becomed licensed she doesn't care for or wants to challenge me on.
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Old 02-01-2017, 12:05 PM
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Latest update!

DCM texted me saying she is going to try to pick DCG from bus stop since she's trying to get off work early to get to sisters bday party and she decided she wants to use me on Tuesdays and to just not give her a snack on Tuesdays.

I texted back saying that if she does pick DCG up on time to please still come inside as I have a written two week notice for termination of care with an end date of 2/15/17 and that I will plan on DCG being here the next 2 Tuesdays.

She says "Sounds great (with thumbs up emoji)

I am not going to respond back but am hoping she comes inside and doesn't think it's okay to just avoid me forever and it will just go away. I will mail it tonight ad notify her of that if she doesn't come in today.
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Old 02-01-2017, 12:20 PM
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If she pays AFTER care is given... It's nice of you to give her the two weeks notice, but don't expect to get paid for any work you do, look at it as charity and free care because you are a very very nice person.

Basically do not bank on her paying for those last two weeks. From what you've said about her and payments and following rules in the past- she will not respect your rules now that you've given notice. In my experience, with her rude attitude with you now, those kind of people usually escalate during the two weeks To show you who's boss.

I now have a late payment fee of $25 a day, because I'm tired of parents trying to stiff me or paying whenever. No pay no stay, and $25 late payment fee per day until you pay.

Just had a single mom with a SA-DCG give notice, her payment was due Monday, she has a terrible record for communicating and paying on time (always got charged the late payment fees). Keeps trying to dictate when she'll pay me and what not. Acts all shocked every time when she gets hit with late payment fees and turned away at the door.

She gave her notice Friday (her pay day) telling me that she was trying to cut expense, that SG-DCG wouldn't be here during the two-weeks but wanted to know if she needed to bring her could she? I said yes, because she was paying for those two weeks. She said ok, I'll pay ASAP.

Didn't show Monday, didn't come and pay, sent a text at closing asking her when she was dropping off payment? She sent back that she decided she was taking the kids to Disneyland in a few weeks and couldn't pay me until maybe May 1st. It's February 😳

Sent a text back saying "Oh! Then your new total will be XXX if payment is paid May 1st. Which includes my $25 per day late payment fee and it will need to be paid in cash." Guess who showed within the hour to pay me cash?? 😂 And she only owed me $135...

The funny part was that we did this same song and dance in December when she tried to cut expenses for Christmas. Gave notice right after my vacation. Didn't come pay. Ignored my calls and texts. A week and a half later showed up playing dumb and wanting to drop off without paying, told her no, she then went with "That she needed care because her family wouldn't watch DCG!! She was going to loose her job! And she didn't have the money to pay me because DCG's dad wont help her with the kids!"

Told her the amount she owed and I told her that DH was actually on the way to the courts to file a claim against her for none payment since I haven't heard from her and her texts said "read" were proof that she knew that she owed me and started to shut the door on her and DCG. 😦
Funny how the money appeared out of her purse right then and there and begged me to call DH and not file anything against her. That was a lovely paycheck for me let me tell you! 😁

-- Ps there will be no take backs of notice this time! My licensor has been informed of all the shenanigans with her including copies of her texts saying "how awesome my care has been and she's so sad to give notice! They will miss us!". 😁
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Old 02-01-2017, 12:22 PM
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I would be done at this point. Based on the disrespect this dcm has shown you (and her dd).

If you aren't terming, I would charge her a regular rate and a LARGE drop in rate for Tuesday. (I charge $20 for after school care/day. I would charge $40 for drop in) I would buy crackers or pretzels, or something you can easily hand dcg IF she shows up.


I went through something similar with a dcg- ended up terming. They were having her dropped off on the bus at my house, Dcd was supposed to meet the bus- but if traffic was bad or he was running late, he would not be there in time. I asked NUMEROUS times for them to STOP it. Then I said if it happened ONCE more that they had a few options; change work schedules to leave early and pick her up from school and be done with daycare, pay FT rates, or pay drop in rates (even if she was only here for 5 minutes). It didn't happen for a bit.

FF to a Friday I was closed/dcg was NOT scheduled. Dcg came to MY house and was met with a locked door. Dcd/dcm were angry AT ME. Good, now you have NO care.
That does sound oddly similar lol!

I think DCM very well understands what she did was wrong and I think she tries to pretend like she doesn't understand things to try to push my limits. I know I am not her first licensed provider and that she had a tiff with somebody down the road from my friends house who does licensed care and that's when she came to me! I was looking to take on one kiddo while I moved and got my DC set up. It was nice because I took her a week before school started and then I had all day to get my stuff done for moving and setting up while she was in school and I was really relaxed being as though she was my only priority and only for a very short amount of time in thw day.

I should have known from the very beginning that it wouldn't work out when I became licensed. One night prior to me being licensed she texted me on a Sunday at like 10pm telling me DCG had the day off school (my son is 3 so I didn't know when school was out for misc days) the next day (Monday) and that I needed to watch her all day. I advised her that I would be unable to do that on such short notice as I had things to do during the day while she was in school. She got pretty upset about that and tried guilting me saying she doesn't have anyone else to watch her and she can't miss work etc. I gave in and rearranged my plans not realizing you give anyone an inch they take a mile! Urg!
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Old 02-01-2017, 12:25 PM
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If she pays AFTER care is given... It's nice of you to give her the two weeks notice, but don't expect to get paid for any work you do, look at it as charity and free care because you are a very very nice person.

Basically do not bank on her paying for those last two weeks. From what you've said about her and payments and following rules in the past- she will not respect your rules now that you've given notice. In my experience, with her rude attitude with you now, those kind of people usually escalate during the two weeks To show you who's boss.

I now have a late payment fee of $25 a day, because I'm tired of parents trying to stiff me or paying whenever. No pay no stay, and $25 late payment fee per day until you pay.

Just had a single mom with a SA-DCG give notice, her payment was due Monday, she has a terrible record for communicating and paying on time (always got charged the late payment fees). Keeps trying to dictate when she'll pay me and what not. Acts all shocked every time when she gets hit with late payment fees and turned away at the door.

She gave her notice Friday (her pay day) telling me that she was trying to cut expense, that SG-DCG wouldn't be here during the two-weeks but wanted to know if she needed to bring her could she? I said yes, because she was paying for those two weeks. She said ok, I'll pay ASAP.

Didn't show Monday, didn't come and pay, sent a text at closing asking her when she was dropping off payment? She sent back that she decided she was taking the kids to Disneyland in a few weeks and couldn't pay me until maybe May 1st. It's February 😳

Sent a text back saying "Oh! Then your new total will be XXX if payment is paid May 1st. Which includes my $25 per day late payment fee and it will need to be paid in cash." Guess who showed within the hour to pay me cash?? 😂 And she only owed me $135...

The funny part was that we did this same song and dance in December when she tried to cut expenses for Christmas. Gave notice right after my vacation. Didn't come pay. Ignored my calls and texts. A week and a half later showed up playing dumb and wanting to drop off without paying, told her no, she then went with "That she needed care because her family wouldn't watch DCG!! She was going to loose her job! And she didn't have the money to pay me because DCG's dad wont help her with the kids!"

Told her the amount she owed and I told her that DH was actually on the way to the courts to file a claim against her for none payment since I haven't heard from her and her texts said "read" were proof that she knew that she owed me and started to shut the door on her and DCG. 😦
Funny how the money appeared out of her purse right then and there and begged me to call DH and not file anything against her. That was a lovely paycheck for me let me tell you! 😁

-- Ps there will be no take backs of notice this time! My licensor has been informed of all the shenanigans with her including copies of her texts saying "how awesome my care has been and she's so sad to give notice! They will miss us!". 😁
I have a late fee of $10 a day and I do intend on charging it and I have been to court before for a personal small claims and I will gladly do it again especially once those fees rack up!

I am making a copy of her current upcoming fee statement and making her sign it so she is aware of what she owes me and what date I will also verbally remind her of my $10 a day late fee payment!
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Old 02-01-2017, 12:27 PM
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Latest update!

DCM texted me saying she is going to try to pick DCG from bus stop since she's trying to get off work early to get to sisters bday party and she decided she wants to use me on Tuesdays and to just not give her a snack on Tuesdays.

I texted back saying that if she does pick DCG up on time to please still come inside as I have a written two week notice for termination of care with an end date of 2/15/17 and that I will plan on DCG being here the next 2 Tuesdays.

She says "Sounds great (with thumbs up emoji)

I am not going to respond back but am hoping she comes inside and doesn't think it's okay to just avoid me forever and it will just go away. I will mail it tonight ad notify her of that if she doesn't come in today.
Just saw your update! So glad you gave notice! Keep that text as it shows that she is aware of the last day of care. Has she paid you for the 2 weeks?
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Old 02-01-2017, 01:23 PM
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Just saw your update! So glad you gave notice! Keep that text as it shows that she is aware of the last day of care. Has she paid you for the 2 weeks?

Nope she is technically due on the 10th per our previous arrangement.I just made her upcoming fee notice (which btw NEVER had Tuesdays on as a listed day of care! She claims I said she can come whenever she wants Tuesday...nope!) With a due date of the 10th that includes payment for this past week, the next week, and the 2/13-2/15. I charged her the regular PT fee for the short week that notice is on. I know she's going to complain as she's only using me 3 of the 5 days (if she uses that Tuesday she "needs" from me!) If not only 2 days. She should be here soon... we will see!
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Old 02-01-2017, 01:33 PM
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She again refused to come inside even though I asked her.

She texts me "Got her will get papers tomorrow"

I'm taking a moment to collect myself as she's being really disrespectful about this IMO. I think I should just mail them?
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Old 02-01-2017, 01:38 PM
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Hold on! I need to get my popcorn!!!!

Seriously...good luck and good riddance to this DCM!! You will be so much more relaxed when she is gone.
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Old 02-01-2017, 01:43 PM
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Hold on! I need to get my popcorn!!!!

Seriously...good luck and good riddance to this DCM!! You will be so much more relaxed when she is gone.
I know it's crazy how silly things can just escalate like this! I am being super polite as well as I just want to be done but I'm also trying to make the process easiest on everyone but she is making that very hard! She is making me want to make it easiest for me and just end it today especially since I had asked her to no longer pick up DCG from bus stop! I also simply asked she come inside so she can get this notice and she didn't.

I don't know what else I'm supposed to do it is clear she is avoiding me which I could really care less but just take the silly paperwork and do with it as you please! At least once it is taken everything on my end is done other than collecting payment and I don't have to have anymore anxiety about the situation! I can't believe I am terming someone with only being open for 2 months. Ug!
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Old 02-01-2017, 02:17 PM
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She again refused to come inside even though I asked her.

She texts me "Got her will get papers tomorrow"

I'm taking a moment to collect myself as she's being really disrespectful about this IMO. I think I should just mail them?
If you do plan on mailing it make sure you send it registered mail so she has to sign for it and can't use the excuse that she didn't get it.
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Old 02-01-2017, 02:20 PM
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She again refused to come inside even though I asked her.

She texts me "Got her will get papers tomorrow"

I'm taking a moment to collect myself as she's being really disrespectful about this IMO. I think I should just mail them?
What a Jacka$$!! Just be the bigger person. I think this is all quite amusing. she is so immature and it will clearly hurt her in life. Can you send the notice with DCG and then send a follow up termination email?
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Old 02-01-2017, 02:30 PM
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Just be done with it. She is telling you to "F^< off I don have to listen to you, and you just have to deal with it." You told her what to do to get her two weeks and she didn't do it.

You are not her doormat, she is not your boss, you owe her nothing. NOTHING.

Just respond with "Don't worry about it. Care is terminated effective immediately. I'll mail the term letter along with anything of DCG's things to you tomorrow."

And wash your hands. Be done.
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Old 02-01-2017, 02:31 PM
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What a Jacka$$!! Just be the bigger person. I think this is all quite amusing. she is so immature and it will clearly hurt her in life. Can you send the notice with DCG and then send a follow up termination email?
I have chosen not to reply to her because I have tried every which way to be nice but it's a waste of my efforts. I can't believe I was even willing to try to take her on Tuesdays or give her the option to pick up from school on Tuesdays! I am very glad now at this point I made the best decision!

She had told me via text she was going to try to pick DCG from bus stop today. I asked her not to do that and to come inside because I have a termination of care notice waiting for her with a sate of 2/15/17.

If she chooses not to come in anymore I will put a stop to it as it's just a huge liability! If she hasn't entered my home at all tomorrow I will be done immediately because she isn't caring about any liability she is literally dropping her kid off in my driveway and taking off and now trying to get off work early to get to the bus stop after I've asked her not to do that. Absolutely ridiculous!
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Old 02-01-2017, 02:33 PM
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Just be done with it. She is telling you to "F^< off I don have to listen to you, and you just have to deal with it." You told her what to do to get her two weeks and she didn't do it.

You are not her doormat, she is not your boss, you owe her nothing. NOTHING.

Just respond with "Don't worry about it. Care is terminated effective immediately. I'll mail the term letter along with anything of DCG's things to you tomorrow."

And wash your hands. Be done.
Ug I really didn't want to have to do that! I really wanted to try to keep the ball in her court and wither have her finish the 2 week in full or be done before Monday hits!
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Old 02-01-2017, 02:54 PM
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Ug I really didn't want to have to do that! I really wanted to try to keep the ball in her court and wither have her finish the 2 week in full or be done before Monday hits!
You told her to come in to get the notice. There is no her court or your court, it's your ball and if she wants to play she listens to you. Stop letting her have all the power. She has no power other then choosing to listen to you or not.

She listens and gets her two weeks - she doesn't listen and she gets to be a brat and gets her two weeks? Maybe more?

That makes no sense...

You laid down your line off "come inside and get your notice." And she responded by specifically NOT doing what you told her to do. She's not listening to you and will not because then she has to give up her power of being the one in charge between you two.

It's hard. And lame. I hate termination. I've had to do it so many times within the last 4 months it's appalling. But I'm not a doormat, this is my business, I don't have to do favors to people who are rude/disrespectful to me. Their problems are not mine, their behavior is not my fault.

And it's the same for you. Why do you let her treat you so bad? You don't have to let her treat you like this. You have the power and the right to go "nope." At anytime without feeling bad at all. Do you think she will be thankful for you letting her walk all over you? For letting her treat you like how she's treating you? No, she'll want another mile.

You are worth more then how this lady has treated you. You are awesome. Please see that.
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Old 02-01-2017, 02:56 PM
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You told her to come in to get the notice. There is no her court or your court, it's your ball and if she wants to play she listens to you. Stop letting her have all the power. She has no power other then choosing to listen to you or not.

She listens and gets her two weeks - she doesn't listen and she gets to be a brat and gets her two weeks?

That makes no sense...

You laid down your line off "come inside and get your notice." And she responded by specifically NOT doing what you told her to do. She's not listening to you and will not because then she has to give up her power of being the one in charge between you two.

It's hard. And lame. I hate termination. I've had to do it so many times within the last 4 months it's appalling. But I'm not a doormat, this is my business, I don't have to do favors to people who are rude/disrespectful to me. Their problems are not mine, their behavior is not my fault.

And it's the same for you. Why do you let her treat you so bad? You don't have to let her treat you like this. You have the power and the right to go "nope." At anytime without feeling bad at all. Do you think she will be thankful for you letting her walk all over you? For letting her treat you like how she's treating you? No, she'll want another mile.

You are worth more then how this lady has treated you. You are awesome. Please see that.
You are so right. I just wish this didn't have to be more difficult then it already has gotten! I am so over it! All of it!
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Old 02-01-2017, 03:20 PM
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And it's the same for you. Why do you let her treat you so bad? You don't have to let her treat you like this. You have the power and the right to go "nope." At anytime without feeling bad at all. Do you think she will be thankful for you letting her walk all over you? For letting her treat you like how she's treating you? No, she'll want another mile.

You are worth more then how this lady has treated you. You are awesome. Please see that.
that and
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Old 02-01-2017, 03:26 PM
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You are so right. I just wish this didn't have to be more difficult then it already has gotten! I am so over it! All of it!
Then don't take anymore of her $hit. Tell her exactly what a PP said, term immediately and then mail the immediate term notice along with the dcks stuff and be done. With no more games to play with her, you'll feel 100% better.
Is all of this extra stress and disrespect worth another 2 weeks of caring for dck and chances are you may not get paid for it to boot?
You're trying to be too nice to this woman to avoid negative things being said by her about you? Trust me, she's going to be spewing them out anyways because she hasn't had her way. I'm saying this in the gentlest of ways because I can be such a people-pleaser sometimes and so afraid of letting anyone down so I kinda know....But time and time again she has shown you lack of respect for your business needs and you're putting up with it. PP is right, you deserve far better!!
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Old 02-01-2017, 03:34 PM
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Then don't take anymore of her $hit. Tell her exactly what a PP said, term immediately and then mail the immediate term notice along with the dcks stuff and be done. With no more games to play with her, you'll feel 100% better.
Is all of this extra stress and disrespect worth another 2 weeks of caring for dck and chances are you may not get paid for it to boot?
You're trying to be too nice to this woman to avoid negative things being said by her about you? Trust me, she's going to be spewing them out anyways because she hasn't had her way. I'm saying this in the gentlest of ways because I can be such a people-pleaser sometimes and so afraid of letting anyone down so I kinda know....But time and time again she has shown you lack of respect for your business needs and you're putting up with it. PP is right, you deserve far better!!
I am really so afraid that her opinion of me will affect future clientele! I am not typically nice nor am I a people pleaser! Lol! But I am.so afraid of what she will say or do if I don't try to be nice! I don't want to get a bad rep!
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Old 02-01-2017, 03:39 PM
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I agree. Whether you term now or in 2 weeks, it won't change what she's going to say. Tell her since she didn't come in, termination is immediate. You don't deserve to put up with 2 more weeks of this. Just end it.

If you're worried about her losing her job, you could give her till Friday, but I wouldn't. She's being a jerk.

In my home reno years, I've walked out on a few jobs because no way I'd be able to handle them long enough to finish. I just walk out and move on to the next one. There are always more reno job and more parents.
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Old 02-01-2017, 03:41 PM
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I am really so afraid that her opinion of me will affect future clientele! I am not typically nice nor am I a people pleaser! Lol! But I am.so afraid of what she will say or do if I don't try to be nice! I don't want to get a bad rep!
Like I just posted:
Quote:
Whether you term now or in 2 weeks, it won't change what she's going to say.
If you're really worried, be nice and give her till Friday, but no longer than that.
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Old 02-01-2017, 03:47 PM
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It's not your fault that it's being more difficult then it has to be. You are obviously a good person being you want to try, you want to give, you feel guilty that something simple has turned into something so difficult.

It's not your fault. SHE is making it difficult. It's not on you. So don't feel bad (I know harder said then done...)

I had a family that I learned this from. I've posted about them a few time on here. She thought she was my boss, made little comments, among other things like not picking up on time and what not. If I had a policy she broke it as little or as much as she felt she could get away with. Because to her my chosen profession of "daycare caregiver" was silly and a glorified babysitter. Had the attitude that her job was so much more important then mine.

We were friends. Went to her baby shower and known her for a long time. We parted ways a good while ago. When she started showing up 20-30 minutes late after closing because "she had a lot of work to do." Well she couldn't control her kid, didn't want to, wanted her 3 year old to make the right choices, and to just know what that was. She was supposed to be to work at 8, didn't show up for drop off until 10 because DCB didn't let her leave the house sooner. So she started not coming for pick up until well after my closing...

When I finally stood my ground and told her that my son (who is special needs) had doctors appointments after I close and she could no longer pick up after my closing time she told me "that (my son's name)'s doctor appointments weren't
her problem and I just had to deal with her late pick ups for the foreseeable future because her work was super important and she had to make sure it got done."

She slammed my door as she stormed out.

I was so enraged as I realized that because she couldn't let her son cry and didn't want to parent her special snowflake she was losing her time to get her work done, so instead of fixing the problem and getting her work time back in the morning she would take my time, the time I needed for my son's health.

I wrote a term letter, but she beat me to it by giving notice the next day because she found a daycare with better hours.
We parted ways. She would show up for play dates during my daycare hours and want to leave snowflake here for an hour because he missed us... because it wasn't a big deal to have an extra kid, blah blah blah. turned her away because he is not enrolled anymore. This would follow telling that we need a play date that weekend while she goes shopping - I just stopped responding and leaving things in her court. It wasn't up to her to tell me anything.

Got a call this summer from her during daycare hours. "Hey sorry to bother you, I know you're busy working (chuckle like she just made a joke) but kiddo is having a birthday party and wanted to invite you and your daughter (not inviting my son or my husband, who were invited to the last birthday party...) because she's such good friends with kiddo, kiddo likes XXX, their the cheaper toys that he likes. We miss seeing you guys so hope you can make it!"

She sent an email invite the following week. Only made out to my daughter and I, so I replied back nicely declining. She replied back with a sob story that my kids (referring to both of them now) were kiddo's only friends and she thought he deserved to have friends at his party and that we were friends and I had to go. So I finally told her why we were not going and not to contact me again. She tried to email and call me after that, but I deleted and ignored the phone calls.

It felt so so good to finally cut her out of my life. It was only a power play for her. After the party invite it hit me that people only treat you like how you let them. It's ok to go "nope"
I'm done and not feel bad.
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Old 02-01-2017, 03:49 PM
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Alright I did it!

"No need to worry about it. I am terminating care immediately. I will have the termination document and her things mailed to you tomorrow. Thank you."

Done done done! I don't have to be nice. My parents like me and the care I provide so I don't worry about them. I worry about future people but if they are going to be skeptical about me then I don't want them here anyways!
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Old 02-01-2017, 04:14 PM
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Alright I did it!

"No need to worry about it. I am terminating care immediately. I will have the termination document and her things mailed to you tomorrow. Thank you."

Done done done! I don't have to be nice. My parents like me and the care I provide so I don't worry about them. I worry about future people but if they are going to be skeptical about me then I don't want them here anyways!

Good for you. Stress kills and you just got rid of some of it.
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Old 02-01-2017, 05:04 PM
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Alright I did it!

"No need to worry about it. I am terminating care immediately. I will have the termination document and her things mailed to you tomorrow. Thank you."

Done done done! I don't have to be nice. My parents like me and the care I provide so I don't worry about them. I worry about future people but if they are going to be skeptical about me then I don't want them here anyways!
You did the right thing ....That woman....Just, smh. Good luck to kiddos next provider!
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  #83  
Old 02-01-2017, 05:42 PM
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You did the right thing ....That woman....Just, smh. Good luck to kiddos next provider!
I know! I warned a provider around my corner with openings in case she calls her! Lol!

Also realllllllly awkward DCM posted on the local garage sale sites looking for care. My aunt tagged me in it trying to be nice and get me more kiddos! I had to msg her explaining the situation and ask her to untag me as I didn't want to give her a chance to bad mouth me!

I banned her from my Facebook business page just as a precaution and now I am wondering if I should block her from my personal page as well so she can't see any of my adds on the local sites and say something and/or prevent me from being tagged in any of her stuff.
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Old 02-01-2017, 05:54 PM
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She just responded to my text about immediately terminating care with

"Thats fine I don't want her there anyways thank you"

I am not responding back but I had to literally LOL I felt like I was just being talked to by a 5 year old! And oddly funny that the text before me terminating care said you wanted her here tomorrow and would be here!
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Old 02-01-2017, 07:16 PM
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Alright I did it!

"No need to worry about it. I am terminating care immediately. I will have the termination document and her things mailed to you tomorrow. Thank you."

Done done done! I don't have to be nice. My parents like me and the care I provide so I don't worry about them. I worry about future people but if they are going to be skeptical about me then I don't want them here anyways!
Good for you!!! 😄 It's such a lifting feeling to be done with people like that!😊
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Old 02-01-2017, 08:10 PM
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She just responded to my text about immediately terminating care with

"Thats fine I don't want her there anyways thank you"

I am not responding back but I had to literally LOL I felt like I was just being talked to by a 5 year old! And oddly funny that the text before me terminating care said you wanted her here tomorrow and would be here!
yay
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Old 02-01-2017, 08:40 PM
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"Thats fine I don't want her there anyways thank you"
I think she needs a nanny
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Old 02-01-2017, 08:57 PM
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I think she needs a nanny
I think she needs to really do the before and after school club it's the same price only they don't do meals or snacks so she'd have to pack her with something! DCG would be with peers her own age and they do lots of stuff in the summer time! They also take unschedule/last minute kiddos (for a fee of course)

I hope she finds someone who suits her needs I really do but DCG turns 8 in a few days and realistically you can tell she gets sat in front of the TV when home and I also know mom naps a lot. She has said something a few times about nap taking in the past and showed up super late one day prior to me being licensed becauae she had gotten off work early and went home for a bit and had fallen asleep. DCG likes to nap a lot too! Just not for me! We are active and I love TV and movies but in moderation! There are some days my kiddos don't see a screen at all I try to save it as a treat or a tool for me to use to get something done!

I am overall really happy about this decision now. I'm not even angry anymore. So long as she just leaves me be I'm a happy camper! This was a good lesson and now I'll know some warning signs and things to try to stop before getting out of control!

I don't know how many times I can stress things and I am very thorough with my policies and did a complete over hall of them after a month of being opened but I don't think DCPs understand we aren't just mean people with stupid rules. They are here because 9/10 times the state requires them and when they aren't required they are there to provide the best daycare environment for a provider to take care of everyone! I don't think they understand how much planning, resources, food, etc goes into my day and that consistent unscheduled chaos is not welcomed at my daycare! I get emergenvies are going to happen and no one is perfect but not only do my kiddos need it but I need stability and a good flow to my days to keep me stress free and happy!
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Old 02-02-2017, 02:46 AM
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A 5 yo haha, stamping her foot and throwing a tantrum because she didn't get her way.
I'm so happy for you and proud of you for taking that step!! You just reclaimed your business for yourself and no longer letting her run it for you!

Don't ever let the fear of what a disgruntled dcf might say about you, cause you to hang onto them longer than needed. They'll always do what works best for them and this is your business, not theirs. Positive word about your program will spread better than a griping spoiled former dcm's word because they will come off sounding like that 5 yo voice.
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  #90  
Old 02-02-2017, 05:23 AM
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A 5 yo haha, stamping her foot and throwing a tantrum because she didn't get her way.
I'm so happy for you and proud of you for taking that step!! You just reclaimed your business for yourself and no longer letting her run it for you!

Don't ever let the fear of what a disgruntled dcf might say about you, cause you to hang onto them longer than needed. They'll always do what works best for them and this is your business, not theirs. Positive word about your program will spread better than a griping spoiled former dcm's word because they will come off sounding like that 5 yo voice.
I agree! And she is somewhat friends (went to high school) with one of my newer DCPs and mom came in last night happy as ever to see her baby and dad dropped off this morning pleasant as usual so I don't think she has or will say anything to them. The other 2 sets of parents are my acquaintances we were not close prior to me doing daycare but they knew of me from my DH family/friends so I know they wouldn't think twice about anything said about me. One DCM in particular raves about how happy she is with them being here and how much better her kids are acting at home now that they are here with structured fun and learning and she made the switch from staying at home with them to working. She is happy she gets a few hours at night and her weekends with quality happy time with them vs the million hours in a week she'd get with them challnaging her at home all the time!

I emailed my licensor again last night informing her that I termed immediately because she picked up again from bus stop and wouldn't come receive her notice.
Her exact response was "How disrespectfull of her"
I told my licensor that I was no longer going to communicate with her as when I sent her the text saying that care is terminated immediately I ended our parent-provider relationship. I told her that I went to bed last night hoping that today would be a good and new day and I don't feel a need to conversate with DCM about the situation and thay I hope DCM feels the same way too so there will have to be no further updates to this crazy saga that all started with an expectation of me to be ready to care for your child on a 3 minute notice on an unscheduled day! And let's be real she gave me no opportunity but to make me care for her even when I wasn't home because she chose to let her ride the bus to my property!

Speaking of which I need to call the bus company and tell them not to stop here anymore!
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Old 02-02-2017, 07:06 AM
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Congrats on building your backbone. It feels good, doesn't it?
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Old 02-03-2017, 06:15 AM
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Congrats on building your backbone. It feels good, doesn't it?
Yes it does!

I feel much better now! I feel like I'm on a good path to gaining the control/structure I NEED in order for me to stay sane and provide the best care possible for these other littles!

I didn't realize how much easier it would be not having DCG around either! I didn't realize (within reason) until this issue came up just how difficult DCG and DCM were really being for me and how much my program is not a fit for a sole SA, heck maybe even no SAs at all!

I have not heard anything from DCM since that night and I haven't heard anything from anyone else. I don't even think any other DCPs realize DCG is gone so that's nice I don't have to politely tip toe and explain that's shes just not here anymore without getting into any details.

Thank you again everyone for your kind words and support. It really isn't a fun situation to terminate especially when a DCP is already ticked off in general but it was reassuring to see that I wasn't crazy or overacting and that many people would of came to the same conclusion given the situation! Who knows if I hadn't sat here and asked for advice/vented a little I probably wouldn't of opened my eyes up to just how ridiculous DCM's requests were for me especially when she wasn't the best DCP and didn't respect me at all! I would of probably been going in circles feeling out of control with DCG and DCM's actions until the summer and had a not so fun few months (if I could of even made it that long!) Yikes! I think I've learned a huge lesson here... no 1 child or their income they bring in is worth the hassle of feeling the way I was feeling for those 48 hours! In the future I don't think I would second guess a situation like this again! I'd just be done and move on with the families that respect me and appreciate the care I provide
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Old 02-03-2017, 07:12 AM
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The way I see it, no matter what kind of problem a family is causing a provider, that problem will in time affect the care of the others. As the saying goes, one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch. Get rid of the bad apple.
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  #94  
Old 02-05-2017, 09:35 AM
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Newest update.

Mom is having tons of friends post all over local garage sale sites, my business page, and reaching out to current parents saying I abandoned her daughter and changed her bus route (never did that just called the bus company and said DCG is no longer in my care and thats it. I'm not her guadian I can't reroute anything or have them drop her off anywhere) DCM clearly mad because she was still using my stop after I terminated care!!!!!

Super frustrating I don't know what to do. I texted DCM now asking politely to understand none of this is personal and I'd appreciate her acting more appropriate and not slandering me over a situation where I was told by my licensor DCG cannot be dropped off to my property if she isn't in my care! I told her I am done with the situation but I above all I appreciate her understanding and respecting that my business just isn't a fit for her needs.
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Old 02-05-2017, 10:06 AM
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I am still in shock by DCM. Sorry she is slandering you
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Old 02-05-2017, 11:08 AM
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I am still in shock by DCM. Sorry she is slandering you
I thought since it had been a few days we were over it but she clearly isn't!

I am so over it I just want to be done and move on. I felt and am still feeling great about my decision to be done but I don't want to deal with this at all. And on a Sunday!

I may be thinking too much into this but DCM knows I don't work Sundays (I bartend open-close Saturdays) so it's literally my only day off and I think she waited/set out to ruin my only "me" time! Again may be thinking too much because I'm upset but I wouldn't hold it past her and can't see any other reason why she waited until today to do something.

I sent my current parents a very brief text with minimal details saying that it wasn't going to defend my business as I don't feel I need tone I did no harm/wrong but I do my best to be there for them and that I apologize for DCM reaching out to them but I'm just not the right fit for her and I did what I felt was best for myself and what my licensor said I should do in this case. I said the county is aware of the situation and understands she is attempting to make false allegations about me and my business.
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Old 02-05-2017, 01:21 PM
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I'm sorry she is being like this. I would take the high road and ignore it and not even respond. It will blow over before you know it.

If she keeps it up, I can't see any other provider wanting to deal with her.
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Old 02-05-2017, 01:22 PM
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It will blow over, give it time. She needs to have her tantrum and get on with her life. Your current dcps know you and you will come out on the better side of this. Intelligent people will ignore her and what she's trying to spread about you. Hold your head high and keep smiling.
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Old 02-05-2017, 03:06 PM
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Don't give this another thought! She will go away eventually and the people in your care will form their own conclusions. One thing I always say is that usually it is not the first time a person has shown their true colours so you are not her only "victim" trust me on that!

Let it go and move on as best you can
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Old 02-05-2017, 05:56 PM
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Thank you everyone! I am ready to move on that is forsure I don't want to fester about it. Easier said than done but I'm trying my best!
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