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  #1  
Old 03-07-2018, 07:06 AM
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Default How Do I Deal With This

I have a 4yo DCB who is always telling lies to the other kids parents when they come for pickup. Yesterday he told each parent "Guess what, we are having donuts for breakfast tomorrow because I am bringing donuts." Another time he told parents that their kids "fight him every day and hurt him". These are just a couple examples.
He used to constantly interrupt while I talked to the parents at pickup by saying "watch this, Johnny's mom" or "do you like my picture, Suzie's dad". Or he would just be extremely loud and would throw him self on the floor to try and attract attention to himself. He has stopped doing that and now is telling lies. Some things, like the donuts, he could just be misunderstanding. Maybe his parents told him he could have donuts this morning for breakfast? But, telling parents their kids are harming him every day, I obviously know is not true because I am with them all day and see their interactions. It puts me in an embarrassing position as well with those parents, because I then have to try and explain how those things are not happening and I don't know why this child is accusing their child of harming him.
What can I do to get him to stop this behavior?
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Old 03-07-2018, 07:10 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Stop allowing him to have access to the other kids' parents.

I don't allow parents or kids that aren't related to talk to or have access to each other.

I also refuse to keep kids that old that like to lie.
One lie can take a good provider down.
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Old 03-07-2018, 07:22 AM
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Leigh Leigh is online now
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Exactly what BC said. Don't let him have an audience. If you have to interrupt a conversation with a parent, do so. Take his hand, lead him away, and tell him that grown ups are talking and Michael's dad is not there to see or talk to him, and that he will stay away from Michael's dad and stop telling him stories that are not true. I had one kid who was so bad that when a parent pulled into the driveway, I would send him to the hallway to sit so that he couldn't have his audience. Not only did he tell untruths about the parents' children, but he also got out of control wild with his "watch me!" and other attention seeking behaviors. It took a few weeks, and then he finally stopped molesting the other parents.
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Old 03-07-2018, 09:39 AM
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Ariana Ariana is online now
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I usually head it off by making funny comments to the parents, so if Johnny says “we are having donuts tomorrow” I would say “you wish Johnny, not on your life kid” type of thing and laugh. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something like that then I would limit access to the parents. For me it is not possible because of my daycare layout. Kids have to come with me or they would be unsupervised.
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Old 03-07-2018, 10:16 AM
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Parents either come downstairs to get their child or stay in the entryway and I bring their child up to them. Both ways, the 4 yo has access to them by either being in the same space as them or standing at the gate and yelling up to them. I have had many conversations with him both while parents are here and after they have left. Talking to him about how the parents are not coming to be entertained by him or to talk to him. His job is to play and my job is to talk to the parents. Day after day though, he continues to interact with them.
The only way to not let him have access to them is to have him sit in the hallway, so he cannot see them. I have done this and this is the only thing that works. Many times we end our day outside, so that creates a problem because there is not a space to have him be where he has no access to the parents.
Curious what those of you who suggested to not allow access to the parents do with children in your care who may do this? Other than putting him in a hallway out of sight of them, I Can't think of any other ways where he wouldn't be around them. Also, considering I need to be able to supervise all children, having him somewhere where nobody can see him is not an option.
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Old 03-07-2018, 10:34 AM
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I would talk to his parents when they come and get him and explain what he does when the other children's parents are present and have them help you come up with some solutions to help deal with this
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Old 03-07-2018, 10:40 AM
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Is it possible for you to have an activity set up during pick up times or are the times too varied? Maybe a table activity & children must stay at the table while you address the child who is leaving?

You could have him lose a fun activity if he doesn't stay at the table for you.
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Old 03-07-2018, 11:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Parents either come downstairs to get their child or stay in the entryway and I bring their child up to them. Both ways, the 4 yo has access to them by either being in the same space as them or standing at the gate and yelling up to them. I have had many conversations with him both while parents are here and after they have left. Talking to him about how the parents are not coming to be entertained by him or to talk to him. His job is to play and my job is to talk to the parents. Day after day though, he continues to interact with them.
The only way to not let him have access to them is to have him sit in the hallway, so he cannot see them. I have done this and this is the only thing that works. Many times we end our day outside, so that creates a problem because there is not a space to have him be where he has no access to the parents.
Curious what those of you who suggested to not allow access to the parents do with children in your care who may do this? Other than putting him in a hallway out of sight of them, I Can't think of any other ways where he wouldn't be around them. Also, considering I need to be able to supervise all children, having him somewhere where nobody can see him is not an option.
We are often outside too but the kids just do their thing and pay no attention to parents. The parents don’t talk to the other children either.

What do his parents say about this situation?
Does he mind his parents?

Maybe you could ask the other parents to not listen, talk to or be an audience for child...

At 4 this child knows full well how to listen to your rules.
If necessary I’d have him stand next to me without speaking during pick up time and if he attempts to speak sush him and tell him to stop. Now.

If he still won’t listen I wouldn’t keep him.
He’s 4. I expect 4 yr olds to behave like 4 yr olds not 2 yr olds.

He is a liability to you at this age.
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Old 03-07-2018, 02:57 PM
BrynleeJean BrynleeJean is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Stop allowing him to have access to the other kids' parents.

I don't allow parents or kids that aren't related to talk to or have access to each other.

I also refuse to keep kids that old that like to lie.
One lie can take a good provider down.

Very true, if they say THAT stuff in front on you to other parents, which is really bad PR, what do they say to their own parents when they get home about you and your care?
That would be sad but a valid reason to let a child go. We have no way of defending ourselves.
And id also just say he's testing you, seeing if your still in teacher mode when parents come, seeing if the rules count, pushing boundaries by interrupting, i had one like this. He would lie but he would say things that weren't his business to be saying to the parents, like little johnny went to time out today, that was just his favorite, informing the parents, i think its cuz he was bored too because he was the oldest and felt like a helper in some ways? but also a little testy like Miss B won't do anything if i go act like a teacher too. and he was almost right id just warn him and ask him to walk away when really i should have set him straight in time out because he's run to the door BEFORE i could when anyone came just to test me or do this.
i hope this situation gets better!
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