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  #1  
Old 01-07-2019, 08:45 AM
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Indoorvoice Indoorvoice is online now
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Default Do You Think This is OK to Say?

I have a dcb 1.5 who comes in every morning screaming and the parents don't do anything to stop it until I physically take him from dcp and tell him to be quiet. He immediately stops when I do this. I do it nicely, but I hate this exchange and for him to start his day this way every day. I really think all it would take is his parents telling him to be quiet. Bye bye outside unfortunately will not work for my set up as I know this would probably stop it pretty quickly.

I get a text from mom almost every morning something like "I hope he was not too much of a mess for you. He just loves us so much" I always text back " he was fine" because it seems to me dcm only texts this to get some validation from me as she's doing nothing to stop it and not asking for advice. It's almost like the tantrum helps them feel loved or missed by dcb. I don't know.

I was thinking of texting back this morning, "he was fine as usual and stopped crying before dcd left. Just curious, have you guys tried asking him to stop before coming in? I think this might help him have a better start to his day".

These dcps have also become my friends so I'm struggling with what to say or even if I should say anything since I am able to stop it. I just hate doing it and that they feel totally fine bringing a screaming child into my home where other children are sleeping. Wondering if what I intend to say is ok or if I should be more or less blunt or just keep doing what we've been doing. This has been going on for months now.
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Old 01-07-2019, 08:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Indoorvoice View Post
"I hope he was not too much of a mess for you. He just loves us so much"
From past experience, nothing you say will stop this. Some parents need the child to cry to feel loved. Some need you to see the child cry to "show you" the child prefers them. Some will keep on with the goodbye and "mom loves baby" show to make them cry. I am not sure what they get out of it but it is constant as rain with some parents.
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Old 01-07-2019, 09:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
From past experience, nothing you say will stop this. Some parents need them to cry. Some will keep on with the goodbye and "mom loves baby" show to make them cry. I am not sure what they get out of it but it is constant as rain with some parents.
I think you're right. Its probably a waste of my breath and will cause more unneeded drama. Maybe just not giving attention to the bye bye show is best.
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Old 01-07-2019, 09:05 AM
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I would suggest to the parent that they literally walk in, hand the child to you and walk out. Less than 30 seconds.

Have them say their goodbyes and give kisses in the car prior to coming in.

Once DCB sees the transition is swift and quick, he may be better about the whole thing. If not, at least you are able to get him to stop quickly so the super fast drop off might help everyone's sanity.
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Old 01-07-2019, 09:12 AM
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I think you're right. Its probably a waste of my breath and will cause more unneeded drama. Maybe just not giving attention to the bye bye show is best.
True. But sometimes a skills checklist can get these parents on board.

A simple daily sticker chart "Morning Routine" with each child's name with things like 1) Greeted my teacher 2) Quickly kissed my parent goodbye 3) Put my own things away 4) Washed my own hands 5) Joined my friends on circle rug

Attention seekers like both positive and negative attention. Most will figure out that they can do their goodbye rituals outside before entering the classroom, like the rest of the parents. Some will choose not to for the show.
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Old 01-07-2019, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I would suggest to the parent that they literally walk in, hand the child to you and walk out. Less than 30 seconds.

Have them say their goodbyes and give kisses in the car prior to coming in.

Once DCB sees the transition is swift and quick, he may be better about the whole thing. If not, at least you are able to get him to stop quickly so the super fast drop off might help everyone's sanity.
This is close to bye bye outside so if you cant do that then this is the next best thing. The next time it happens and she texts asking how hes doing/if hes ok afterwards simply answer hes fine, however from now on I need us to do drop offs a little differently. I need you to give dcb his goodbye kiss in the car and hand dcb straight to me as soon as you walk in. I will then walk with him into the kitchen (or wherever) while you sign in quickly and leave. If she wants an explanation just give her a simple, generic answer like I feel drop offs have become too difficult for dcb and this will make things more simple and less stressful for him and me.
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Old 01-07-2019, 11:21 AM
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I would stop responding to her texts. Unless a child has some issues you are working on together, she knows he is now fine. I would also tell her a short and sweet transition will be easier for him and the group.
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Old 01-07-2019, 12:50 PM
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I tend to find a way to correct the parents when they tell me stuff that isn't accurate. I can see myself telling them that it's normal 18 mth separation anxiety.

ITA Probably keeping it short and sweet would be the best thing.
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Old 01-08-2019, 02:55 PM
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Ugh. I had a child like thst. I finally quit and let the patents watch her fit for a moment. See what she does daily. He just said she doesn't want to be in hete. It's annoying. But those parents waited a long time to even discuss her behavior. Eyeroll
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Old 01-08-2019, 03:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I would suggest to the parent that they literally walk in, hand the child to you and walk out. Less than 30 seconds.

Have them say their goodbyes and give kisses in the car prior to coming in.

Once DCB sees the transition is swift and quick, he may be better about the whole thing. If not, at least you are able to get him to stop quickly so the super fast drop off might help everyone's sanity.
I do that yoo. It's hard when they don't want you . I had a mom keep her and show her every toy in the room yo get her settled. She left always 15 mins,after signing her in. She eventually stopped
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Old 01-09-2019, 09:04 AM
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Oh boy.

We definitely subscribe to short and sweet. We have one family whose child apparently pitches a fit and home, but is absolutely fine once she gets here. They say it is "just so hard to get her here".

Who's the parent, here?

They are considering withdrawing from our program!
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attention seeking behavior, parental life choices, separation anxiety

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