When You Term, do You Tell the Truth?

[Ac114]

I know this questions sounds weird but the last 2 times I have termed someone (either not complying with the policies, non payment or having an aggressive child) the parents have lashed out on me and attack me and my business and even my husband. The first time I termed was for non payment. I kept it simple and to point and even apologized although there was no reason for me to apologize. Then I termed a 2 year old a week ago for behavior. He was constantly hitting, stealing toys, non stop tantrums all day. His mom was well aware of the problems and I had him since November. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I gave her a proper notice and at first she was short and said I understand but then over the following week I kept getting messages that were attacking me and my business. I know it’s not my problem but I have such a hard time not getting extremely angry and being petty right back. My husband always says to just let it go and move on and try to be a cordial as possible. And when I say being petty I’m saying I want to reply back with items need to be picked up outside of daycare hours and around my schedule just to make it difficult for them. I Just can’t deal with parents anymore and if I need to term again in the future I’d rather make up some fib that’s its me, not them just avoid conflict like this. Is this a normal thing across the board with everyone when you term clients.?

[MomBoss]

For the things you listed, no i dont tell the truth. I termed a child due to agressive behavior and told the parents I was changing my hours, knowing they couldnt accomodate. My other families picked up 45 min ealier than this child so i knew it wouldnt be a problem. If its an older child i would say Im restructuring and no longer accepting children over 3. Or that you are down sizing and just did a random drawing for who could stay/leave .
It may not be right, but it goes so much smoother when the parents dont have to take it personally.

[Ac114]

Originally Posted by MomBoss

For the things you listed, no i dont tell the truth. I termed a child due to agressive behavior and told the parents I was changing my hours, knowing they couldnt accomodate. My other families picked up 45 min ealier than this child so i knew it wouldnt be a problem. If its an older child i would say Im restructuring and no longer accepting children over 3. Or that you are down sizing and just did a random drawing for who could stay/leave .
It may not be right, but it goes so much smoother when the parents dont have to take it personally.

This is kind of what I’m thinking. I’ve only termed these 2 times and boy things did not go smoothly. I was courteous and to the point. I know it sucks but I think this is another lesson learned!

[amberrose3dg]

Originally Posted by Ac114

This is kind of what I’m thinking. I’ve only termed these 2 times and boy things did not go smoothly. I was courteous and to the point. I know it sucks but I think this is another lesson learned!

I have but it never ends well.
I may not go into specific detail but will state the child's behavior or non-payment, picking up late.
I think you can tell the truth but not get into details. Or send home a note in writing or an email ,text if you are worried about being confrontational.
I know which ones will be difficult and I will send home a note or send an email to the parents.

[Cat Herder]

It is rejection. Some people can't take it no matter how sweetly it is packaged. How they react to it is about them, not you.

I keep it simple, as few words as possible. They would already know it was coming if it was behavioral as they are given a deadline, first, in the behavior plan. I generally would have already asked them to be looking for other care as many times behavioral issues can be resolved in a different environment. Some kids thrive in small groups, some kids do better in larger groups. Sometimes it is a simple personality clash, no one's fault.

If the term is adult related I tend to make those immediate. No further payment/no refunds, occasionally I offer care until that Friday. Face to face, straightforward.

Be prepared for them to act badly afterward. Expect a surprise inspection, which is already a possibility on a daily basis so no big deal. Most people can read through bad reviews and know which clients were the issue pretty quickly.

When you simply dread their arrival every day and it is mostly grey issues "I can no longer meet your families needs." becomes the standard, IMHO. It is soft but true.

[Ariana]

I try not to bruise their ego by making it about me and my shortcomings rather than them or their kids. I will also make it about wanting to provide the best care possible for the child and finding it hard with the current situation. I have never had to term due to not following policies but I think it would be something similar.

“It is with a heavy heart that I write to let you know that I have decided to end care for timmy effective X date. For some of the reasons we have previously discussed, timmy does not seem happy here. I believe he deserves to have the best care possible and be in an environment more suitable for his needs.....yadda yadda yadda”

[Snowmom]

It depends on the situation.

I have termed for non-payment. In that case, yes, she was told that if she wasn't current by X date, then her two week enrollment fee would go into effect and her contract would terminate. In those instances (where attendance is still allowed through the two week notice), I write up a term agreement that states what the reason is (so that it is formally acknowledged) and that the child will still receive the same quality care throughout the two week period.

I have termed for parent behavior. In that case, it was immediate. They were told why, that it was non-negotiable and that they were not allowed on my property at any time going forward- a refund and personal items will be sent certified/signature requested mail. I sent my licensor a heads up too.

I have termed because a child just wasn't working with my group (whether behavioral or adjustment). I don't get into any specifics in this case. I just tell them that the child would be better suited in a different environment. The notice period would depend on what the circumstance is, but if I term immediately, I tend to refund.

[Gemma]

Originally Posted by Ac114

I know this questions sounds weird but the last 2 times I have termed someone (either not complying with the policies, non payment or having an aggressive child) the parents have lashed out on me and attack me and my business and even my husband. The first time I termed was for non payment. I kept it simple and to point and even apologized although there was no reason for me to apologize. Then I termed a 2 year old a week ago for behavior. He was constantly hitting, stealing toys, non stop tantrums all day. His mom was well aware of the problems and I had him since November. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I gave her a proper notice and at first she was short and said I understand but then over the following week I kept getting messages that were attacking me and my business. I know it’s not my problem but I have such a hard time not getting extremely angry and being petty right back. My husband always says to just let it go and move on and try to be a cordial as possible. And when I say being petty I’m saying I want to reply back with items need to be picked up outside of daycare hours and around my schedule just to make it difficult for them. I Just can’t deal with parents anymore and if I need to term again in the future I’d rather make up some fib that’s its me, not them just avoid conflict like this. Is this a normal thing across the board with everyone when you term clients.?

So far I've only terminated families that would not follow my policies, and kids that had obviously outgrown my program, but their parents refuse to move on.

No matter what the reason for terminating a family, I try to always be polite and professional...it's never sudden so there isn't much they can argue with me about.

[Leigh]

When it is for non-payment, I absolutely let them know the reason. EVERY time that I had ever let a parent start without a deposit, they screwed me over on payment. That was how I learned that if they couldn't pay the final 2 weeks' (I give them up to 8 weeks to pay that) and the first week upfront, they can't afford daycare.

My last term was about a year ago, a 4 year old girl who swore at me, threw toys at my head, hit me, destroyed everything in sight and terrorized the other kids. I told her mom at pickup the first day how awful things went, and she sent someone else to pick up for the next 4 days. on day 5, I sent Mom a text telling her that her demon couldn't return and cited her behaviors. I included resources for finding help for the child, and she flipped out about it. The child was in desperate need of help-she could not manage her emotions at all, and she came from a pretty bad background. I found out during that week that the child had been kicked out of several other programs, including 2 publicly funded programs that nearly never dismiss a child. I don't regret telling her why, and I sincerely hope that the child has finally received professional help.

I termed a 9 month old who had screamed non-stop for months after discovering from the dad that the child was allergic to milk, and the parents insisted on giving her Enfamil Premium formula, even after their pediatrician had told them to switch to soy. I couldn't see keeping a child whose parents were causing such pain (and eczema) for her. Dad also told me that she literally went to bed as soon as she got home from daycare (after being fed) and wasn't
"allowed" out of bed until they picked her up to take her to daycare. She, I do know, went through every daycare in town before her parents had to start driving her 22 miles each way to a daycare in a neighboring town (even at age 5, she was still hitting and biting). Probably had serious attachment issues in addition to the allergy.

When I term just because I don't like a child or parent, I do it gently, either by suggesting another daycare that I think the child could flourish at or by telling them that the space is no longer available.