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New Members - Welcome to the Forum!>New Provider: What Would You Do?
GypsyLynn 08:21 PM 10-15-2019
Hi All, I’m awaiting my licensing inspection, I believe Im ready to go. Currently playing phone tag with my licensor. My question is: I have been working with an infant since he was 1.5 months. He was a very fussy baby (the parents did not think so). He was losing weight, which was resolved (I asked the dr if I could have done anything differently and was told no, it was the calories in dcm breastmilk that were the cause).

Hurdle one, poor baby was starving and I was the one who called their attention to it and insisted on a dr visit. Now that he’s a sweet little pork chop, he continues to be a very tough napper and tough baby and wants to be held 24/7 if naps don’t go well, which is 2 to 3 of the four days he’s here. Bad naps or no naps 50% of time. Monday’s I am essentially starting from scratch with our routine. I have alerted dcm to his sleepy cues because she “thought he was just being cute” when he shows up looking and acting sleepy. Multiple conversations have been had with parents about getting on the same page and trying to help duplicate his daycare sleep environment. I Even met dcm on a Sunday to discuss the issue at length and offered multiple tools and options. We agreed on one. I asked her to try not to sleep feed him or rock him to sleep. Lay him down drowsy but awake, do not sleep in arms. i asked that they pay close attention to his cues, feed him, lay him down drowsy but awake. He and I were making headway here at my house in recent weeks since he turned 6 months. She told me she thinks he was just ready now and is nothing to do with their new efforts, i beg to differ. I was seeing results immediately after our sit down and then he regressed when I commented on the improvement.

I have seen breakthroughs, where I can now lay him down without a huge amount of soothing, (I have spent over an hour some days at EACH nap) when he was tiny. he now fusses at most 5 minutes before he sleeps. this is a massive improvement from the inconsolable crying previously. Sometimes he Still sleeps only 20-30 minutes (when he arrives to dc overtired) other time he does 1-2 hours every 2 hours or so. It hasn’t been very predictable other than what times he showas sleep cues. We had a rocky monday last week and then rounded a bend. it was about 2 of the past weeks (out of 5 months) that I was seeing the light. He was home Thursday- Monday for the holiday this weekend. I had him today. He did not nap a wink today, I had to wear him all day, because he was a wreck. I told dcd upon pickup that it was a really rough one, he said it must have been the busy weekend and “hopefully he naps on the way home.” I couldn’t even say anything, I just said bye and walked into the bathroom to breathe while he left. Mom told me she forgot to tell me he didn’t sleep well last night (I assume because he didn’t nap all weekend) when u texted her to see if any teeth were in or the like.

I had a new Dcb doing a trial this week to start up once I’m licensed and the atmosphere and my distraction seemed to inflame his and my daughter’s moods. He told his mom on pick up that he didn’t want to come back. He’s only 2 but I felt shattered. The first time he came he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t even say bye to mom and dad this am he was so engaged. The mom witnessed some of the non-napping fusser. The baby is my ONLY current income until im licensed and an hopefully drum up more kiddos. The new dcb is a must for my income, and the trial period has gone excellent. My gut knows what it wants and my nerves are shot, the dcp are clearly my issue but they’re nice, just seem oblivious to our suffering or don’t want to know, or chall it up as one bAd day. This is many bad days. I Have secretly cried a lot When he leaves.

My question is, as a new provider with no income WHAT WOULD YOU DO? This is my first kid and he’s completely scaring me out of this career. Please be kind, I’m feeling vulnerable here!
rosieteddy 05:27 AM 10-16-2019
Babies are tough.Often they do not sleep well and its hard in group care.If you could get another 2 yr old the new child would be happier.At this point I would go outdoors a lot .Train the two yr old to walk holding on to stroller.That way you can engage him and infant can rest.Its probally time to sleep train infant.Can he be in a different room than the toddler?Its hard for kids to hear the fussing all day too.Good luck its not you but the nature of the job.
Blackcat31 06:10 AM 10-16-2019
First, welcome to the forum! Stick around, join the conversation and read older threads (tags on the bottom help with searching topics) We area friendly and helpful bunch!

Second, the first rule of sanity for me was to never put more effort into training a child to do anything if the parents are not working with you.

In your case, the parents are nice and while that is great it bears no weight in the fact that they are happy and content and oblivious to the work you are doing with their child.

This is abundantly clear when you have to re do everything after a weekend etc. They are more than likely not seeing things the way you do and probably not being honest with you at all. The baby's behavior tells you that.

I understand this infant being your only income but have you thought about finding another infant to take instead.

I was exhausted reading your thread and all the work you put into this baby...NOT that it's a bad thing...I am sure you were a godsend for this little guy but it's a smart business move and a sanity saver to recognize right up front that you are not responsible for fixing anyone's child.

It should be parent first, extended family and friends and then provider...there to support and assist but not parent FOR them.

Not all babies are like the one you have but sadly most parents are. Most will happily let you do all the hard work and not consider how stressful or hard it is for you.

You will be caring for a GROUP of kids. That means each deserves attention and when one child takes more than their fair share, you'll have trouble. As well as tons of stress.

Figuring out how to balance your role and the parent's role is key to maintaining your sanity in this profession.
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