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Old 01-06-2020, 01:56 PM
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Default Very Odd Behavior

I have a DCB who is 2.5 and he spends the entire day doing basically nothing. Wanders around aimlessly not playing with anything. He also stares at me all.the.time (which is the most annoying part of this whole thing). I have no idea what is going on with this kid. Any advice? I have mostly been ignoring him. Once or twice I asked him to stop staring and go play. When I bring it up to mom he is “perfect at home” and she doesn’t seem to care!
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Old 01-06-2020, 03:01 PM
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Wonder if the child could have autism or attention deficit disorder
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Old 01-06-2020, 05:28 PM
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Wonder if the child could have autism or attention deficit disorder
The mom has bad anxiety so it is possible it is related to that. I just don’t know what to do about it. Talking to him makes it worse.
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Old 01-06-2020, 05:43 PM
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Definitely sounds like ASD. Does he talk at all?
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Old 01-06-2020, 07:47 PM
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Definitely sounds like ASD. Does he talk at all?
I’m not sure. He is meeting almost all of his milestones, except for language. He can talk and does talk but it is never in a conversational type of way. He has a hard time understanding anything I say to him and he gets upset when I am trying to get him to do things for himself because he does not understand. There is another kid who is 3 that comes Wednesday and Thursday and when that kid is here he is more social with that kid but mostly follows him around. The other child engages with him like they are friends but when I observe it, it is just not like that at all. It is mostly the 3 year old telling him what to do and the 2.5 year old not understanding but trying to go along with it. The difference between them is crazy. They are 5 months apart but the 3 year old is so much more advanced.

It is SOOO hard to explain it! During times like these I wish I had coworkers who could observe the same behaviours. Whenever I chat with mom she sees nothing wrong with him, argues with me and dismisses me. I have just stopped discussing it.

Today at pickup I was trying to show him the difference between his backpack and another kids backpack and he burst into tears. He just seems so lost when I am speaking to him and I am so frustrated that no one else sees it! They must nit be talking to him at all or the tv is on all the time. No idea. Wish someone had some ideas on how to deal with it. I guess ignoring is all I can do.
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Old 01-06-2020, 08:49 PM
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There are several Autism "survey's" online that may help determine if he has any warning signs. The problem with ASD is that it is SO different kid to kid. I have worked with 3 in particular, and there's really nothing similar about any of them :P One was very vocal, but did not actually communicate, he also had poor motor skills and did not interact with other kids at all. Another was 100% silent all the time, but other than that acted just like all the other kids (though was more likely to play next to another child instead of with them) Very much a "go with the flow" kind of kid. While the 3rd child can have a conversation with you, speaks pretty clearly, but will repeat the same sentence/question 5-6 times whether you answer or not. He is highly sensitive to changes, physical contact, or reprimand. (these were all three boys, and were K4, kindergarten, and 1st graders)
I also had a little girl with Auditory Processing Disorder. Her parents did think at one point that she was autistic, but I did not agree, as she didn't show many of the signs. However, I do believe she had APD, and once I started signing to her, she did AMAZING! She would get so frustrated when you would tell her something because she just wasn't understanding. You signed it to her and you could see her give a sigh of relief!
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Old 01-07-2020, 06:24 AM
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All good answers .One thing I have noticed ,especially now that I am not in it,is we expect so much of children.Don.t get upset with me.I was the same 2.5 is older in our DC world are often the "big" kids.We are surrounded with infants and toddlers.We expect them to know and listen.Is this child new to your program?Maybe he did watch a lot of tv or his parents phones.If I had him I would just redirect.Use as little words -"go play,eat lunch,diaper change ex"Just hand him his back pack ,things like that group care is hard for children to come into I always thought.I always preffered infants starting at 3 months and growing up in my program.The times anyone over 10 months starting always took awhile to get used to us.Its hard to be a toddler,harder to be the caretaker of 6 or more.Good luck I always found it harder in winter.
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Old 01-07-2020, 07:09 AM
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He may not know how to "play" play is taught as an infant and young toddler. If he is an only child he may be just taken home and left to his own devices. If you give him multiple steps to complete a task can he do it? Like pick up the big ball and put it into the bin then close the lid. Can he follow all three steps or maybe just picks up the big ball and that is it?
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Old 01-07-2020, 07:44 AM
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We have a 2yo boy who started with us last September exhibiting some of what you've mentioned. He meandered (and still does but not as much) all day not landing on anything of interest. He did not participate in activities and did not interact with the other children. He whined for everything and did absolutely nothing for himself. Example, if we were painting with paintbrushes he would just sit holding brush, looking at paint and paper. We would have to hold his hand, help him put brush to paint then paint on paper all the while holding his hand. Same with eating etc.,
The issue was that his doting parents and grandparents did absolutely EVERYTHING for him.

We told family to show and then allow him to do things himself to the extent of his ability, encourage him to use his words, and do activities with him ie reading, doing a puzzle etc. to help him focus - all of which we were doing at daycare. About 3 weeks ago he started speaking, participating in some activities, attempting to put on his shoe etc. He interacts with us and not so much the children so we create small group games with the other kids and him to show him how to play and make friends. Some kids need more support than others.

However, I agree with others on here that he should be evaluated. It won't hurt. So try to convince mom to do so and give her information and resources on how to proceed.
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Old 01-07-2020, 12:59 PM
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I have seen a few similar posts in the past months and have commented that I also had a kid just like this when I was doing daycare. I honestly think a lot of kids "present" with a ASD or another disability because of certain popular parenting styles lately. In my case, I knew the parents very well. I had watched their older child who became great friends with one my kids so we saw each other outside of daycare quite a bit and somewhat became friends. Their parenting style for the little boy that presents with a disability was DRASTICALLY different than how they parented the little girl that is friends with my daughter. I really think it was disservice to him. He is very catered to and babied. He is never allowed to cry or feel discomfort. Therefore, he had a really tough time in daycare where he was expected to find things to do on his own throughout the day. It wasn't a matter of "not knowing how to play" (which I think is not so much a 'thing') but it was more that he couldn't trust himself to make the right decision in any situation when his parents weren't present. He had zero confidence and learned that adults should set up play and direct it.
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Old 01-07-2020, 01:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Indoorvoice View Post
I have seen a few similar posts in the past months and have commented that I also had a kid just like this when I was doing daycare. I honestly think a lot of kids "present" with a ASD or another disability because of certain popular parenting styles lately. In my case, I knew the parents very well. I had watched their older child who became great friends with one my kids so we saw each other outside of daycare quite a bit and somewhat became friends. Their parenting style for the little boy that presents with a disability was DRASTICALLY different than how they parented the little girl that is friends with my daughter. I really think it was disservice to him. He is very catered to and babied. He is never allowed to cry or feel discomfort. Therefore, he had a really tough time in daycare where he was expected to find things to do on his own throughout the day. It wasn't a matter of "not knowing how to play" (which I think is not so much a 'thing') but it was more that he couldn't trust himself to make the right decision in any situation when his parents weren't present. He had zero confidence and learned that adults should set up play and direct it.
I guess my advice would be to add direction to his day and gradually reduce it. You could address it with the parents,but they will not change if it is working for them. Make a picture schedule and teach him to manipulate it. "Ok,we finished breakfast. What is next? Play toys. Go pick a toy." If he stares,check the schedule. " We're still playing toys. Go play."
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Old 01-07-2020, 09:07 PM
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Too much TV and screen time at home? I've had two like that - both stared most of the time, very very rarely came up with something to do on their own (they'd copy, but not really creative on their part) and both watched a crapload of tv at home. Their artwork was lovely, but usually exactly what their neighbor was doing ... they'd eat for lunch what the other kids ate that day even if it meant leaving stuff they really liked on their plates ... both had excellent memorization. One of them, if I told her to "play toys" she'd pick up a toy and stand there until she forgot she was holding it, the other would direct herself to go play for a little bit. They were super sweet, loving children but I knew they were staring all the time and it grated on me.
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Old 01-08-2020, 10:23 AM
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Originally Posted by rosieteddy View Post
All good answers .One thing I have noticed ,especially now that I am not in it,is we expect so much of children.Don.t get upset with me.I was the same 2.5 is older in our DC world are often the "big" kids.We are surrounded with infants and toddlers.We expect them to know and listen.Is this child new to your program?Maybe he did watch a lot of tv or his parents phones.If I had him I would just redirect.Use as little words -"go play,eat lunch,diaper change ex"Just hand him his back pack ,things like that group care is hard for children to come into I always thought.I always preffered infants starting at 3 months and growing up in my program.The times anyone over 10 months starting always took awhile to get used to us.Its hard to be a toddler,harder to be the caretaker of 6 or more.Good luck I always found it harder in winter.
He has been with me for over a year and I am not expecting too much from him. I do use as little words as possible but he simply does not understand. Even if I give him a direction, show him, he cannot comply.

Today, for example, I asked him to pull out a drawer. He kept saying “ok” every time I said it but didn’t do anything. I showed him “pull out drawer” then said “you do it” and he just said “ok” and did nothing. I have countless examples of this. Every time I ask him to put something in the garbage he puts it in the toilet. For a full year, no matter how many times I show him the garbage and demonstrate, he does not understand. Is this too much expectation? I have a 14 month old that can do it!
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  #14  
Old 01-08-2020, 10:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Jdy2222 View Post
Too much TV and screen time at home? I've had two like that - both stared most of the time, very very rarely came up with something to do on their own (they'd copy, but not really creative on their part) and both watched a crapload of tv at home. Their artwork was lovely, but usually exactly what their neighbor was doing ... they'd eat for lunch what the other kids ate that day even if it meant leaving stuff they really liked on their plates ... both had excellent memorization. One of them, if I told her to "play toys" she'd pick up a toy and stand there until she forgot she was holding it, the other would direct herself to go play for a little bit. They were super sweet, loving children but I knew they were staring all the time and it grated on me.
This sounds SOOO similar. It is as if there is no thought process going on in his head. Today he spent the morning just kind of coming to me naming objects or saying random things. I think he said “doggy, soft” 10 times. Then when the 3 yr old showed up he followed him around saying “Hi”. Spent the whole day just copying whatever the 3 yr old was doing with very little comprehension of what was going on. The kid who is only 5 months older can speak in full sentences, answers questions, can fully dress himself. It is crazy to think they are almost the same age!
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Old 01-08-2020, 10:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Indoorvoice View Post
I have seen a few similar posts in the past months and have commented that I also had a kid just like this when I was doing daycare. I honestly think a lot of kids "present" with a ASD or another disability because of certain popular parenting styles lately. In my case, I knew the parents very well. I had watched their older child who became great friends with one my kids so we saw each other outside of daycare quite a bit and somewhat became friends. Their parenting style for the little boy that presents with a disability was DRASTICALLY different than how they parented the little girl that is friends with my daughter. I really think it was disservice to him. He is very catered to and babied. He is never allowed to cry or feel discomfort. Therefore, he had a really tough time in daycare where he was expected to find things to do on his own throughout the day. It wasn't a matter of "not knowing how to play" (which I think is not so much a 'thing') but it was more that he couldn't trust himself to make the right decision in any situation when his parents weren't present. He had zero confidence and learned that adults should set up play and direct it.
This definitely makes a lot of sense. He looks to mom to do everything for him and she does. So he comes here with a different set of expectations and can’t understand anything I am saying to him. Nothing is required of him at home.

Whenever I have brought any of this up with mom it is always “he doesn’t do this at home, he is very independent and plays fine”. Then in the next breath she is asking me to fill out an ASQ for him because she is concerned. She flip flops. I think it is because she doesn’t actually interact with him and then when I bring something up she takes the time to observe him. Last year we had issues with his sensory problems. Refused to touch anything outside. Cried continuously. Mom said “oh he touches everything at my house”....then a few days later she says she is noticing it too
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Old 01-08-2020, 10:41 AM
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We have a 2yo boy who started with us last September exhibiting some of what you've mentioned. He meandered (and still does but not as much) all day not landing on anything of interest. He did not participate in activities and did not interact with the other children. He whined for everything and did absolutely nothing for himself. Example, if we were painting with paintbrushes he would just sit holding brush, looking at paint and paper. We would have to hold his hand, help him put brush to paint then paint on paper all the while holding his hand. Same with eating etc.,
The issue was that his doting parents and grandparents did absolutely EVERYTHING for him.

We told family to show and then allow him to do things himself to the extent of his ability, encourage him to use his words, and do activities with him ie reading, doing a puzzle etc. to help him focus - all of which we were doing at daycare. About 3 weeks ago he started speaking, participating in some activities, attempting to put on his shoe etc. He interacts with us and not so much the children so we create small group games with the other kids and him to show him how to play and make friends. Some kids need more support than others.

However, I agree with others on here that he should be evaluated. It won't hurt. So try to convince mom to do so and give her information and resources on how to proceed.
Yes I beginning to think that the doting at home is causing all of this. Mom actually works with autistic kids but she didn’t know what an MCHAT was or what SPD was so it is confusing how she even got a job! Mom is NOT going to be receptive to any of this and the trouble I am having is that he is meeting most of his milestones, except for receptive and expressive language in my opinion. I really don’t suspect ASD with him. Sometimes I think he is just spoiled rotten and has no idea how to cope when that environment changes and he is required to use his brain.
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Old 01-08-2020, 10:43 AM
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Thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions!

It really helps to bounce things off other people. It is hard to describe behaviour over the internet but it’s all I got!
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Old 01-08-2020, 02:33 PM
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I have a DCB who is 2.5 and he spends the entire day doing basically nothing. Wanders around aimlessly not playing with anything. He also stares at me all.the.time (which is the most annoying part of this whole thing). I have no idea what is going on with this kid. Any advice? I have mostly been ignoring him. Once or twice I asked him to stop staring and go play. When I bring it up to mom he is “perfect at home” and she doesn’t seem to care!
Yep I got one here to. Almost 2.5, I asked him to sit down so I can help him with his snow pants. He sat on them with his back to me. (The pants were laying with the feet next to me) I asked him to turn around and he got up and walked away. After I got his pants on, he got his boots, came back and started to take off his snow pants. The same pants he refused to help take off when we came in.
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Old 01-08-2020, 03:37 PM
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Yep I got one here to. Almost 2.5, I asked him to sit down so I can help him with his snow pants. He sat on them with his back to me. (The pants were laying with the feet next to me) I asked him to turn around and he got up and walked away. After I got his pants on, he got his boots, came back and started to take off his snow pants. The same pants he refused to help take off when we came in.
It took me 3 whole months to teach him to put on his pants after diaper changes. He would routinely put two legs in one leg hole. When I would direct him to take his leg out...pointing in the direction I wanted his leg to go and saying “out” he had no idea what I was saying.
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Old 01-08-2020, 04:01 PM
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I suggest playing with him instead of talking to him. Try to become his ally. Like the three yr old. And what milestone assessment are you using? Or is it just the peds checklist that mom reports to you?
I LoVE ages and stages. It’s great for finding gaps and has ideas to fill them to enrich a child’s curriculum.
(I rarely pop in to the board anymore because my program is super busy right now but I’ll try to pop back in more often. I miss you all. )
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Old 01-08-2020, 05:49 PM
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It took me 3 whole months to teach him to put on his pants after diaper changes. He would routinely put two legs in one leg hole. When I would direct him to take his leg out...pointing in the direction I wanted his leg to go and saying “out” he had no idea what I was saying.
Yes that is DCB. DCM wanted to potty train him before his sister came. She brought me pull ups one day, I sent home the potty training checklist for her to answer and bring back. She never mentioned potty training again and sister arrived last week. He still has no clue how to even try to put on his pants.
Yes his first day back he wandered around saying "baby came" repeatedly.


I play kids music on Alexa, if it is still on when DCM picks up she points out the cartoon/TV show theme song and he will smile.
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Old 01-09-2020, 10:21 AM
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It is so sad!! I wish I could talk to mom about it. Maybe it is an IQ thing? Maybe mom has a low IQ too so can’t process what I am telling her? I don’t know.

Conversation today at lunch. We will call the bright 3 year old Jake and the 2.5 yr old I am concerned about Henry. They are 5 months apart.

I am winking at Jake. Jake tries to wink back. I explain the difference between winking and blinking, two eyes vs one eye. Jake says “maybe when I am older I can wink, right now it is too hard for me I can only blink with two eyes”.
Henry says “nose, nose” and laughs.

I realize that Jake is a bit advanced but my kids were talking like that at this age too so to me it is normal and right on track for development. Henry on the other hand seems sooooo far behind, it is alarming.
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Old 01-09-2020, 11:22 AM
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It is so sad!! I wish I could talk to mom about it. Maybe it is an IQ thing? Maybe mom has a low IQ too so can’t process what I am telling her? I don’t know.

Conversation today at lunch. We will call the bright 3 year old Jake and the 2.5 yr old I am concerned about Henry. They are 5 months apart.

I am winking at Jake. Jake tries to wink back. I explain the difference between winking and blinking, two eyes vs one eye. Jake says “maybe when I am older I can wink, right now it is too hard for me I can only blink with two eyes”.
Henry says “nose, nose” and laughs.

I realize that Jake is a bit advanced but my kids were talking like that at this age too so to me it is normal and right on track for development. Henry on the other hand seems sooooo far behind, it is alarming.
My almost 2.5 does less than the almost 2 year old. The snow pants story. I had all three boys standing there told them each one at a time to sit down on their snow pants. DS 20 months, DCB 23 months did it correctly (as expected for that age) but DCB 28 months had no clue what to do.
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Old 01-09-2020, 12:26 PM
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My almost 2.5 does less than the almost 2 year old. The snow pants story. I had all three boys standing there told them each one at a time to sit down on their snow pants. DS 20 months, DCB 23 months did it correctly (as expected for that age) but DCB 28 months had no clue what to do.
I can so relate to this!! Sometimes when I am telling the 2.5 yr old what to do the 16 month old will come over and do it I feel bad laughing but it is crazy!
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