Too Nice...Yes, I Did It Again :(

[providerandmomof4]

I know that you guys are probably wondering wth is wrong with me and why do I keep letting people screw me over? I wonder the same thing But seriously...I was losing my two full time dcb's for summer when my neighbor lady, who is young, recently single, and from an abusive husband; asks me if I would please, please consider taking her boys for care. I have been friendly with her and her boys for two years and frankly have been at the point of calling social services at the family situation the boys were in when she FINALLY kicks out kids' father.

I gave her special because she was seriously struggling. Also because these boys need some stability and I really care about them. I think in the month they have been in care, dcm has taken advantage and broken every single policy I have. I told her when she started that I would help her with crazy hours and late pay(state subsidy still getting set up) because I cared for her boys and I didn't want her to worry about daycare, with all of her other worries.

Well....I worked 50 hrs this week and she still has a full day tomorrow. She drops off early and picks up later and later.

I don't know what to do. I would hate for the dcb's to have to go to strangers, with all the other stuff they are going through...but she is really disrespecting me, with her disregard for every policy I have. What do you all think I should do? I probably shouldn't have took her in the first place...but I really wanted to help her and her boys. The thing is, I don't really think she cares where they go...she acts like she has lost her mind.

[preschoolteacher]

Have you heard people say that anyone who starts dating someone with the intention of changing that person is setting themselves up for failure? I think the same goes for the provider-parent relationship. You can't change an adult who doesn't want to change. No matter what good example you set for her children, how flexible you are, how clearly you explain your policies, nothing you do will change this mother (or any parent) unless she wants to change.

It seems like you have two options, really. Continue providing care for the kids because you are concerned about their welfare and you choose to continue the provider-parent relationship, despite how the mother takes advantage of you. Or terminate their contract.

I would not be able to afford the first option. However, I can see how some people might choose that if they had the option. It really depends... some people want to run their daycare strictly as a business. Others don't mind doing a little "non-profit" work from time to time.

Good luck!

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by providerandmomof4

I know that you guys are probably wondering wth is wrong with me and why do I keep letting people screw me over? I wonder the same thing But seriously...I was losing my two full time dcb's for summer when my neighbor lady, who is young, recently single, and from an abusive husband; asks me if I would please, please consider taking her boys for care. I have been friendly with her and her boys for two years and frankly have been at the point of calling social services at the family situation the boys were in when she FINALLY kicks out kids' father.

I gave her special because she was seriously struggling. Also because these boys need some stability and I really care about them. I think in the month they have been in care, dcm has taken advantage and broken every single policy I have. I told her when she started that I would help her with crazy hours and late pay(state subsidy still getting set up) because I cared for her boys and I didn't want her to worry about daycare, with all of her other worries.

Well....I worked 50 hrs this week and she still has a full day tomorrow. She drops off early and picks up later and later.

I don't know what to do. I would hate for the dcb's to have to go to strangers, with all the other stuff they are going through...but she is really disrespecting me, with her disregard for every policy I have. What do you all think I should do? I probably shouldn't have took her in the first place...but I really wanted to help her and her boys. The thing is, I don't really think she cares where they go...she acts like she has lost her mind.

The bolded above is the problem.

As long as you continue to allow this parent to use the fact that she is young, single and fresh out of an abusive relationship, you will never have the upper hand. She will continue to use that against YOU to get special.

The second bolded part is admirable on your part, but if you truly care for those boys, you would do them a favor and hold the mother accountable for her actions so that she learns to be a better mother and not one who simply takes advantage of the kindness of others based on her situation.

We ALL have our issues. We all have things in our life that we feel prevents or hinders us from succeeding. HOW we handle those issues defines who we are.

This mom doesn't "handle" her issues. She allows others (YOU) to worry, stress and fret about them.

If I were you, I would set up some FIRM but reasonable guidelines for not only payment on a regular basis but consistent routines for drop off and pick up.

She is taking advantage of your kindness and you are allowing it because you feel bad.

[Evansmom]

I was the same way when I started this business 5 years ago.
I got walked all over too. It's ridiculous that people will take advantage of kind behavior to this degree rather than saying thank you and being grateful for what they get, but they do.
I found that after a while all the kindness I was giving out depleted ME and I became over worked and resentful and less of me was available for my own family. When I finally had enough I decided to turn some of that kindness my own way and I started to run my business and enforce my policies out of pure self preservation!
What you are doing is admirable, there isn't anything wrong with giving special to those in need. However if you are feeling taken advantage of, speak up and let the mom know. Create some boundaries that hopefully she won't over step this time.

[itlw8]

If you have had the child 50 hours then she should have worked almost 45 hours plus another full day tomorrow ??? hmmmm time and 1/2 somehow I doubt she will get state subsidy looks like she is raking in the money

[AmyKidsCo]

Originally Posted by Evansmom

I was the same way when I started this business 5 years ago.
I got walked all over too. It's ridiculous that people will take advantage of kind behavior to this degree rather than saying thank you and being grateful for what they get, but they do.
I found that after a while all the kindness I was giving out depleted ME and I became over worked and resentful and less of me was available for my own family. When I finally had enough I decided to turn some of that kindness my own way and I started to run my business and enforce my policies out of pure self preservation!
What you are doing is admirable, there isn't anything wrong with giving special to those in need. However if you are feeling taken advantage of, speak up and let the mom know. Create some boundaries that hopefully she won't over step this time.

It's great that you care about these boys and want to help them, but if you let yourself get burned out and quit you'll be harming your own family as well as any future families and children you could've helped.

[Cradle2crayons]

BTDT and I have the t shirt somewhere. And I still do it. I'm a sucker for those in need. My husband says I have a tattoo on my forehead lol.

But seriously, its time for some boundaries with mom. She knows she's getting special. She knows your heart is tugging, and she's using that to her advantage.

The best thing you can do for her is set some rules. Explain you care and you want to help, but in order to help her and the boys, some rules have to be followed. Sit her down, go over her contract violations and firmly explain that it must stop RIGHT NOW.

As long as you allow her extra special, she will continue to stomp on you like a door mat. Stop it now or you will lose your mind. If after that, she doesn't stop acting like a child, term her.

[Laurel]

Originally Posted by Cradle2crayons

BTDT and I have the t shirt somewhere. And I still do it. I'm a sucker for those in need. My husband says I have a tattoo on my forehead lol.

But seriously, its time for some boundaries with mom. She knows she's getting special. She knows your heart is tugging, and she's using that to her advantage.

The best thing you can do for her is set some rules. Explain you care and you want to help, but in order to help her and the boys, some rules have to be followed. Sit her down, go over her contract violations and firmly explain that it must stop RIGHT NOW.

As long as you allow her extra special, she will continue to stomp on you like a door mat. Stop it now or you will lose your mind. If after that, she doesn't stop acting like a child, term her.

Make sure you add "If you can't do these things then I won't be able to watch the children anymore." Make a clear statement of what you will do so it doesn't sound like those people that say "You better do it or else" and then everytime the rule is broken they say again "You better do it or else" but don't really do anything.

It is hard for many of us (me included) to sit down with somebody but you can do it and it feels soooo good afterwards.

Laurel